Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Don't Rock The Vote

It's here!  It's here!  Election Day is finally here!  The madness will end soon!  (OK, one kind of madness will end soon.  There's always perpetual madness when it comes to politics.)  But unlike a lot of other folks out there, I have a different message for some of you. 

I keep hearing various people talk about how important it is for you to just get out and vote.  And while voting is important, what is more important is knowing what in the hell you're actually voting for.  There was an article in USA Today a little while ago and it broke down the reasons why people didn't vote.  (And by the way, there are 90 million eligible voters who will not be voting in the election.  90 million.  I wish it was 100 million.  People are idiots.  Back to you.)  17% of the people that were surveyed said they weren't going to vote because (wait for it) they didn't know when the election was!  Good Lord...

Didn't know when the election was?!  How in the hell is that even possible?  I think I'm jealous of those people.  To be that oblivious to something that has been saturating all forms of media for so long, that's a talent if there ever was one.  I mean, there has been some sort of Presidential election/campaign coverage on cable news every single day for years.  I realize not everyone has cable, but I find it astounding that 17% of the people polled (and that figure, extrapolated to cover the 90 million that won't vote, comes out to 15.3 million people) don't know when the election is.  Do you really want those people out there voting?  I don't think that you do! 

Imagine if those 90 million dullards actually got out and rocked the vote (to quote the MTV campaign slogan of...1992?).  Can you imagine how different our country would look?  Do you think that they have any idea what the issues are?  Do you think that they have any idea which politician stands for what?  Do you really want them in a voting booth just checking boxes because they sound good enough to vote for?  I don't think that you do!  I know I certainly don't. 

In conclusion, please don't rock the vote.  Please don't encourage others to rock the vote.  In fact, if you know someone who is a dullard who is planning on voting, perhaps try and distract them until it's over.  In the meantime, you just hang tight.  It's almost over.  (And I don't mean that in a literal sense like the world will come to an end if one guy is re-elected over the other guy.)  And things will most likely be OK regardless as to who wins the Presidency.  Think about it.  We've been having a relatively seamless change of government in this country without major havoc for over two hundred years.  That's just amazing to me.  There are some countries out there that can't make it through a Tuesday without a major uprising.  We're going to be just fine, though.  And we'll be even more fine if morons don't vote.  Pass it on.


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