Saturday, November 17, 2012

Don't Panic Just Yet

Maybe I'm the one making a mistake here, but I kind of don't think so.  Let me explain.  As I'm sure that you've heard reported breathlessly by reporters or other people, Hostess is going out of business.  They're going to ask a judge permission to liquidate their assets and to cease operations.  That news has the entire country (it seems) going absolutely ape dung over the fact that their suddenly beloved Twinkies will no longer be available. 

See, the thing that everyone seems to be missing is the part about liquidating the assets and such.  The Hostess brand is a profitable brand.  Hostess as a company failed (from what I can tell) because of a combination of mismanagement and union demands that were simply unreasonable in the current economic climate.  (I know.  Shocking that unions aren't the good guys that they're always portrayed out to be.  I'd like to know how those 18,500 workers who were on strike are feeling about their decision now.  Whereas they thought that they were going to make the company give in to their demands, instead they're completely out of a job just a month before Christmas.  Good choice, folks.  Way to run a national treasure into the ground.)  Hostess did not fail because people stopped buying and eating their products.  (Because why would they?  Have you ever had a Ho-Ho for cryin' out loud?  They're delicious.) 

Thus, I'm fairly certain that some company out there is going to snatch up the products.  I understand that Twinkies are on the market for $200,000.  That seems like a bargain to me.  I don't know if all of the products will survive (Dear God, please don't let the Donettes be gone forever), but I'm fairly certain that the big ones will make it.  But yet everyone is running around like crazed madmen and buying every single Hostess product on every single shelf in America.  I'm not so sure that's necessary.  And really, where were all of you people that are buying these things now when Hostess really needed your business?  If you think that these things are so freaking great (and a lot of them really are), then why haven't you been buying them all along and making Hostess a little more profitable? 

People confuse me.  Then again, most people are confused, so I guess that's a contributing factor to all of this for me.  Mark my words, not all of these products are completely dead.  I forsee Little Debbie gobbling up (maybe even literally) some of the Hostess snack cakes.  There has to be a bread company out there that realizes how popular Wonder Bread is.  Just calm down people.  And for God's sake, stop putting these things on eBay.  It's ridiculous.  Not as ridiculous as the people that are buying them, however.  So, maybe you have a point there.  But I still don't think that there's much of a need to panic.


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