Monday, February 13, 2012

Grammy Fashion Spectacles

I got all distracted yesterday with the inevitable demise of Whitney Houston that I totally overlooked the fashion at the Grammys. Now, I'm not so much of a fashion monger as much as I probably am a fashion monger. Don't get me wrong. I know what pants are. I just don't care. See the difference? Whichever way it is wouldn't really matter because I'd be telling you what I thought about what a bunch of really rich people were wearing whether you liked it or not. And I'd start with Fergie. Behold!

Aside from her looking like an orange traffic cone, I gotta say that I'm a little disappointed that the one time that Fergie wears a see through outfit in a well-lit environment that she's wearing Granny panties. Throw us a bone, Fergie! I guess it could have been worse. She could have shown up wearing whatever someone named Robyn had on. Behold!

OK, I'm going to go right ahead and just confess that I have no idea who Robyn is. I also have no idea what she's wearing. Is that a cape? Or a veil? Why is her t-shirt tucked into her Granny panties? And exactly where does she plan on hiking with boots such as those? They seem highly impractical for any sort of wooded trail. Whoever this woman is (if she is, in fact, a woman for sure), her skirt is a little short. Can't she cover up a little bit? Maybe like....


OK, maybe not that much. What's with the house coat, Valerie Simpson? Did she stop off at a southwestern gift shop and pick up that ensemble on her way to the Grammys? Was there also a hurricane? She looks a little toussled. Wind blown, even. Like she got caught up in a storm on the way to pick up some Haagen Dazs. Speaking of windblown, did you see Rihanna?

Sure, that looks like a perfectly healthy weight. Absolutely. And if the camera adds ten pounds, then that means she must weigh all of eighty. Have a sandwich once in a while, sweetie. And don't leave your hair in the curling iron for so long. That's how you end up with those fried ends there. No one wants to see that. Then again, she does have "THUG LIFE" tattooed on her fingers. Maybe that's the thug way. Frying your hair until it's just a mop of frizz. Isn't there a fresh, young singer on the scene today that can show us something...else?

NO! Rebecca Black does NOT count! Why is she even at the Grammys? She had that awful and ironic hit 'Friday' that makes me want to kill myself whenever I hear it. She does not count. What else is there?

Umm...no. But...thanks? Yeah, no. Who? Skylar Grey? Never heard of her. Wish I'd never seen her. Anything else? Anything?


She looks like a fruity drink that you'd get at a tropical bar. You know. The kind of drink that you think looks good, but then you realize that it is staring right at you and will never blink. The kind of drink that looks a little crazy and no matter how hard you try, you can't remember what it's called. No, I just want someone who attended the Grammys who looked good. Who looked classy. There's gotta be someone.


Oh, finally! Carrie Underfed to save the day! Man, she's good looking. And she seems like a genuinely good person. She seems humble and grateful and just like a regular person who has her act together in spite of all of her fame and success. I highly doubt that we're ever going to find her underwater in a hotel bathtub. Too soon? Nah. More like too late. Gramm

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