Friday, February 10, 2012

Well, It's Not A Mammoth

I got all excited today when I read that there might be a woolly mammoth living in the wild in Siberia. My excitement was one percent "Wow, that would really be cool" and ninety nine percent "I can't wait to see what sort of a farce some dimwit is attempting to perpetrate on the rest of the world which is clearly not as smart as the aforementioned perpetrator". One percent of me was sorely disappointed. Ninety nine percent of me was rewarded appropriately.

What we have here is a video which claims to be of a woolly mammoth in some sort of a stream/river in Siberia. The description of the video on YouTube claims that "The jaw-dropping footage was caught by a government-employed engineer last summer in the Chukotka Autonomous Okrug region of Siberia". Now, I wouldn't go as far as to call it "jaw-dropping". "Head scratching" probably. But "jaw-dropping"? No. Not even close. Here. See for yourself. Behold!




See what I mean? Sure, there might be something there. But whatever it is, it certainly isn't jaw-dropping. And what I'll never understand about these videos that purport to show something so amazing is why the person filming decided that the best way to capture this event would be to film it with a potato. How else can you explain the horrible focus? Filming with a potato would also explain why there is only about twenty seconds of footage. (Then again, if you weren't filming with a potato then it would make it harder to claim that it's a woolly mammoth and not a bear with a really large salmon in its mouth.) Wouldn't you think that if you actually were filming a woolly mammoth that you'd just go ahead and film it for at least half a minute? Are we all really expected to believe that twenty seconds of potato footage is so good that we'll completely forget about all of the technology that is available to us to make fuzzy pictures and videos a thing of the past? Seriously, I think that someone would have to work pretty hard to make a video that out of focus in the year 2012.

In conclusion, there is no mammoth. Repeat, the mammoths are still dead. No need for panic. Now move along. Nothing to see here.

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