Monday, February 27, 2012

There's Always Room For JLo

The Oscars were last night. And apparently, there was an unexpected appearance by Jennifer Lopez's left nipple. The Internet is all abuzz about it. There's even a new Twitter account for "JLosNipple". (And you 1,407 people who are now following this short-lived novelty account really need to find a different hobby.) I swear, if this turns out like the Great Janet Jackson Nip Slip of 2004 and I have to hear about it for the next eight years (at least), I'm going to have to recommend that all women at all award ceremonies wear a burqa. (I realize that sounds a little restrictive, but not really compared to the wrath of the FCC and their inane rules and regulations.) And I'm not totally sure that there's anything there that we even saw. You tell me. Behold!

THAT?! THAT is what people are flipping out over?! THAT is what a Twitter account was created over?! THAT?! Are you kidding me?! Are we even sure that is anything at all? I don't think that we can be. There might be some nipple there, but maybe not. And besides, this IS Jennifer Lopez, right? It's not a nun or anything like that, correct? Have people lost their collective minds?! Am I the only one who remembers what sort of outfits Jennifer Lopez tends to wear? Let's have a quick refresher course. Here's what she wore on New Year's Eve. Behold!

Holy cow. I gotta say that I feel like I'm seeing a lot more with her in that outfit than I was seeing in the picture with the alleged areola sighting. Let's look at what she wore to the 42nd Grammy awards. She's all but naked. (No! Not all butt naked. All but naked. You know what I mean!) Behold!

You have GOT to be kidding me! She's not even wearing shoes! This is like the bare minimum of clothing that one would have to wear in order to not get arrested. Can we get a closer picture of this? CLOSE UP!

Her breasts are nearly falling out of that. Is that a Christmas bow on the front trying to hold it all together? Holy canoli. And people are freaking out that maybe an eight of an inch of her nipple poked its way out of her dress on TV last night? That's a joke, right? It has to be. There's no logical way to explain any sort of uproar. Quite frankly, I'm a little surprised every time she shows up anywhere fully clothed. Look at the ad that she came out with this year for her new perfume. Look at it!

See, she's not kinda naked there. No, she is naked there! Full on naked! (And lookin' good might I add. I wonder what the fragrance smells like? Ha-ha, no I don't.) But people are all up in arms about her nipple that may or may not have made an appearance? This is the sort of thing that honestly makes me crazy. It makes me want to fight people. Look at the picture that was taken at the Academy Awards last night and then look at this picture for her fragrance. If you're going to be up in arms about something, shouldn't it be the fragrance ad?! (And don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you should be up in arms about the fragrance ad. I'm just saying that if you have to have your arms up, shouldn't it be for something arm-up-worthy?) What is wrong with people?! If I hear that the FCC is looking into this, I will be able to state once again and with all certainty that we as a people are completely doomed.

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