Who Talks Like This?

It's not like Mitt Romney has never run for President before.  Hell, it's not even like he's never run for office before.  He managed to get himself elected Governor of a small state, but I have no idea how.  Then again, the state was Massachusetts.  There's a lot of uppity folks there.  Maybe they are used to people who talk like Mitt does.  Check out the clip below.  Tell me if you have ever heard anyone use the terminology that Mitt uses when discussing the activities that a 7-foot tall man might be expected to participate in.  Ready, go!  

  

See what I mean?  Who talks like that?  Figured that he had to be "in sport"?  Singular?  Not plural, as in "sports"?  He seemed pretty astonished at the fact that he had met someone who was seven feet tall.  Maybe that's something that has never happened to him before and he was just overwhelmed by all of the tallness so that made him sound like some sort of robotic, British vaudeville performer. All I know is that I have never heard anyone refer to someone's athletic abilities as being "in sport".  What part of connecting with real people does he not quite understand, I wonder?

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Is He Supposed To Look Like That?

I watched President Barry's jobs speech yesterday. The whole thing would have been over in about ten minutes if Congress had just kept their collective asses in their seats instead of jumping up like a bunch of Jack-in-the-boxes after every other sentence. (And the jumping up is always accompanied with the oddly-obligatory applause as if President Barry had just won a washer/dryer on The Price Is Right.) And his whole speech sounded a lot like he was trying to say that he wants to enact another stimulus program. (The first rule of the stimulus program is apparently to not call it a stimulus program. I think because we just tried one of those rather recently and it didn't seem to do very much good. I can't imagine why another one would help.) But I was having a hard time paying attention because I kept getting distracted by something. Behold!

Is the Speaker of the House blacker than President Barry? I'm pretty sure that he is.

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Change Is Hard

Well. It seems like lately I've been seeing just little snippets of things in the news that get me so riled up that I immediately want to build the wall around my walled off compound even higher. Either that or finally look into some permits for those alligators swimming around in the moat. All I know is that I keep hearing things that just seem to be completely asinine. And I really do try to avoid using the word "stupid" around here, but it's starting to get stupid. Really stupid.

And it doesn't take much for the stupidity to be completely obvious. I was just reading over at AOL News about President Barry's speech that he gave to a bunch of supporters in San Francisco. There were about 200 people there and they each paid somewhere in the neighborhood of $35,800 to be there. Thus, the stupidity begins. Over thirty-five grand? Really? The only way that I'd pay that much to hear someone speak is if they had brought that person back from the dead. And even then, I'd still have a pretty short list. But I digress. According to the article, President Barry "...told supporters...that "change turned out to be a lot tougher than expected." Oh, for God sakes.

Really? Are you effing kidding me? He didn't realize how tough this was going to be? Apparently not! No! I guess that he just went into all of this thinking that it would be a complete piece of cake to get everything all whipped around and back into shape, eh? Riiiiight. Because there didn't seem to be any sort of obvious discourse between the two parties up until now. Is he on glue?! Change turned out to be tougher than expected. I'm dying to know what, exactly, he expected! That suddenly, the first half black and half white (why does everyone forget that he's half white?!) guy elected President by the adoring masses (half of which couldn't tell their arse from a hole in the ground) realized that this might be a bit of a monumental task to accomplish is amazing to me. I've been wondering how disillusioned this guy really is and I guess now I know. Very. He is very disillusioned.

I could just end this right here with just that quote and I think that my point would have been handily made and done so hands down. Or something like that. But I'm going to throw in one more quote that President Messiah uttered at his ridiculously overpriced chicken-or-fish fundraiser. He also said, "There are times when I've felt the same way you do. It's a big, complicated, messy democracy." Wait. So he only feels the same way that "we" do sometimes? SOMETIMES?! I just paid $4.13 for a gallon of freaking unleaded at a blasted AM/PM! That's supposed to be the cheap stuff! But you know what? $4.13 for a gallon of freaking unleaded IS cheap! He only feels the way that I do SOMETIMES?! Screw that.

I had no idea that he was living in such a bubble. I thought that he would have had at least a little bit of insight into how all of us little people live our daily lives. I thought he would have had a least a little bit of empathy for how bad it sucks for some people right now and how it has continued to suck ever since he got his half-black and half-white arse elected. But he's evidently completely clueless. Was he that sucked in by his own "Yes, we can" mantra and thought that it would be just as easy as that ridiculous chant was? Sadly, that appears to be the case. Now if you'll excuse me, with gas prices being so ridiculously out of control, I'm going to look into buying a horse for transportation. That should give you some sort of an idea as to how much faith I have left in this guy that things are ever going to get better.

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ZZZZZzzzzzzz

President Barry gave a speech on the budget yesterday. He started yammering on at 1:05pm EST. Isn't that a weird time to give a speech that people might want to hear? Maybe not if you don't really have anything to say and you don't want a lot of people to hear you say nothing firsthand. Can I take this moment to mention that I'm tired of everything being done on East Coast time? One in the afternoon there was ten in the morning for me. I'm in no mood to listen to any President at ten in the morning. I'm barely awake. And I'm not the only one.

Below we have video of Vice President Joe Biden at President Barry's speech. (If for some reason you can't view the video here, you can check it out over at Real Clear Politics.) Poor ol' Joe can barely keep his eyes open for at least a good thirty seconds there. Look, I know it's boring. It's boring as hell. I get that. But come on, man! You're the Vice President of the freaking United States! Can't you at least pretend to pay attention? He didn't talk for very long. He couldn't have held it together until he was done? Did he have a big lunch or something? It's not like that would excuse it or anything, but I'm just saying. If he tends to fall asleep after a large meal, perhaps only stick to a salad on speech day. I'm trying to be sensible and offer ideas here. For once.

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Country....

I apologize for this being late (Mark), but I had nothing. Nothing. Completely blank. Blanker than usual. I think it might have been the State of the Union address that numbed me out. That was one thing about George W. Bush that you could always count on. Whenever he spoke, there was no guarantee that it would make any sense. That alone was reason to watch/listen. It's going to be hard to top "human-animal hybrids". So I think that it must be the mundane-ness that numbed me out. And here's why:

I did a little research (ie, I looked at something else besides porn online) on the whole State of the Union address. I went as far back as Reagan and in every single President's State of the Union address, a phrase similar to "Our union is strong" was uttered. Every time. And that's when I realized, what else do I expect them to say? Can I really picture President Barry standing up there all stoic and saying, "Country...We. Are. Effed." No, I can't. I could kind of picture Bill Clinton doing something like that, but we kind of did all right under him (which is probably how he likes it!).

But that's five Presidents in a row who claimed that and it probably goes back as long as we have recorded speech. The point here is maybe we're strong, maybe we're not. (Personally, I think we're a little soft. But again, who's going to tell you that?) But not claiming that we're strong would be like all of the commentators not claiming that a State of the Union address is a "historic event". Is it? Historic? Every year? I find that hard to believe. I find it hard to believe in general. I believe that some of the events that occurred throughout the year are historic. But the recap of them? THAT is historic? Come on. (Not to mention that at least half of the commentators say "an historic event". It's not 'an'. It's 'a'. You don't say "an hotel", do you? No. Stop saying "an historic". Morons.)

And who is to blame for making it into a speech? It's so long. Wait a minute. I take that back. The speech wouldn't be so dang long if everyone would hold their applause and keep their butt in their seat. It's like watching a room full of Jack-in-the-boxes. (No, not the fast food chain with the oh-so delicious Breakfast Jack. The childhood toy of yore is what I was referring to.) Every single sentence that comes out of the President's mouth gets a round of applause from the peanut gallery and they all jump to their collective feet. Why? All he said was "Good evening"! He gets a standing O for that? Sit down and let him finish so that we can be done with this already! I'll bet you that if you didn't have to wait for all of the clapping and all of the standing and all of the sitting that he'd be done with that thing in twenty minutes. But no. No, now we're all locked in for at least an hour. I pass the time by trying to figure out how John Boehner got to be so orange. (And in case you're still wondering, it was Woodrow Wilson who is responsible for bringing the State of the Union back in the orated form. Jackass.)

See, it doesn't have to be a speech. It's apparently mandated in the Constitution by Article 2, Section 3 that the President, "...shall from time to time give to the Congress Information of the State of the Union". From time to time. I find that hilarious. What say every now and then you let us know how things are goin'? I mean, I know it doesn't sound as good the way that I said it (and without the fancy script it really loses a lot), but that's essentially what's going on there. It says nothing about a speech. Future presidents, current president, please make a note.

So how great would it be if the President just dropped off a letter to Congress? Oh, it would be fabulous! (Besides, the text of the speech always leaks out ahead of time, so it's not like we don't know what he's going to say.) You know what would be even greater? If it said something like "We're doing good over here. Hope y'all are doing good, too. TTYL. Barry." Wouldn't that be fabulous? I think it would be great. If nothing else, it might possibly get all of the media folks to stop saying that it's "an historic event".

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State of the Union Bingo is HERE!

Today is the State of the Union address by President Barry. Can you believe that the last State of the Union address, the one where Joe Wilson shouted out, "You lie!", was a year ago? Holy cats, it seems like ten years ago when that happened. Actually, it seems like more like a hundred. Wow. Just thinking of that whole ordeal makes my ass tired. Thus, in order to avoid an overly exhausted anterior region, let's not think about last year. Instead, let's think about this year's State of the Union. And what better way to think of it and to get geared up for it than with a little State of the Union bingo?! Here's your card. Mark off a space every time President Barry utters one of the following words or phrases. Regular Bingo rules apply. If you get a bingo, pat yourself on the back or do a shot or whatever it is that you would do in that sort of celebratory situation. Playing this is probably the only way that I'm going to be able to stay awake through the whole thing.

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Slightly Psychotic Stump Speech

I realize that when you want to be nominated to run for a public office that you sort of have to make yourself stand out in certain ways. Try and make it a way that's not crazy. Take this Phil Davison fellow for a moment, won't you? He wanted to be nominated to be the Republican candidate for the Stark County Treasurer in Stark County (surprise), Ohio. Below is his stump speech that he gave. And, um...well...it's hard to know where to go from here. Actually, I might not have to go anywhere. He might just take it home for us by himself. Let's see.

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Hmm. Yeah. Are we sure that this was Stark County and not Stark Raving Mad County? Seriously, there's not much more I can do with that. He pretty much did my work for me. I do believe that he confused "passion" with "psychosis" and "needing medication". I like it when he says "We're tired of business as usual!" He's far from usual, I'll give him that! Who was his adviser? Mel Gibson? Good Lord, sir. How does he keep that up for a full six minutes without having a stroke? He's pacing around like a lion in a cage with this crazed look in his glazed over eyes. Wow, wow, wow.

You know who he sounds just like? Chris Farley in the SNL skit where he is a motivational speaker and loudly states, "First off...I am 34-years old....I am divorced....And I live in a van...down by the river!" If you're unfamiliar, good luck at finding the video anywhere online other than at NBC because they are rather protective about having any of their stuff out there where they don't have control over it. If you're just interested in just the audio of the late, great Chris Farley doing his motivational speaker gig (you know, for comparative purposes), it can be found here. So, tell your friends, tell your neighbors and tell Randy Gonzalez.

By the way, I'm sure you will be shocked, simply shocked, to learn that he did not receive the nomination that he was looking for. Go figure.

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You Lie! No, YOU Lie! No, you DO!

Oh, man. So close! SO CLOSE!! I've been waiting for the US Congress to just completely succumb to the Jerry-Springer-Show-like antics of the recent town hall meetings. You know, people shouting out crazy things, fingers getting bitten off, folks stripping down to the waist and engaging in brazen fisticuffs with their opponents, stuff like that. That would be the best. To have some sort of a brawl akin to those of the Taiwanese Legislature where it's just a full mob riot, where almost all of the lawmakers are just flat out swinging at each other and there are just a few pages or bellhops or whatever they are trying to hold them back by their ties, that would be awesome. And we came really close to that last night during President Barry's speech to Congress about health care.

It would seem that the summer heat over there in Washington has gone to the heads of some of our Representatives and caused at least one of them to welcome the Silly Season with open arms. And an open mouth. Meet the Representative from South Carolina who forgot that he was a member of Congress who was listening to the President of the United States give a speech and who instead behaved like one of the town hall hecklers shouting down anyone who said something that he didn't like...Rep. Joe Wilson! Give him a hand! Behold!

I'll start by saying that there seemed to be a lot more in-audience mumbling and a lot more vocal (yet mostly muted) reactions to various points that President Barry covered. Maybe that's how it is every time the President addresses Congress, but I guess I don't remember it that way. To me, it has always seemed like the President talked, Congress listened and clapped at every pause or at the end of every sentence, and then everyone went home. Not so with the health care speech. Not so. It definitely had that "town halls of summer" feel to it. Just as Rep. Louie Gohmert, R-TX. Behold!

What the hell? Is that his way of relating to the people that he is supposed to represent and serve? By going to this speech with a handmade sign that reads, "What Bill?" I get the feeling that a lot of money could have been made by selling expired produce (suitable for hurling along with the insults) in the Congressional parking lot. He's from where? Texas? Yo, Texas! Don't vote for that guy again. He may be a member of Congress, but showing up to listen to the President address a joint session of Congress whilst holding a homemade heckling sign justifies ranking him just a small step above (just barely above) this guy. Behold!:

Heh-heh. Still funny. Anyway, back to the sophomoric antics of our elected officials. So about halfway through President Barry's speech about health care reform and why we need it, he starts in on debunking some of the ridiculous rumors that are flying around out there. (Thanks a lot mainstream media, for doing your job so incredibly poorly and so incredibly ineptly so that many, many people just believe these ridiculous lies out there because they're not being spelled out why they're not true.) And then he gets to the illegal immigrant topic and things start to get a little heated.

After throwing a bucket of tepid water on the "death panel" assertion, dared mention the words "illegal immigrants" in public. See, with an estimated 12 million illegal occupants of this country (all of whom are eligible for services that this fine nation willingly provides for them), that makes up a large portion of people who are uninsured. And the problem is what to do about it. A lot of people are quite angry at the thought that, if there is a government option, that it would be extended to those who have strayed off the path and wandered aimlessly into this fine land and never left. So to try and diffuse the notion that those who are not even supposed to be in this country would be covered by a government insurance plan, President Barry had this to say: "There are also those who claim that our reform effort will insure illegal immigrants. This, too, is false - the reforms I'm proposing would not apply to those who are here illegally."

And that's when Joe Wilson had this to say : "You lie!" And he had it to say loudly. Video is below. Behold!

You lie. Yep. That's what he shouted. (Since when are joint sessions of Congress so shout-y?) Immediately a collective gasp could be heard through the room as uttered by folks who hadn't been that surprised since they watched The Crying Game and found out that chick was a man. Nancy Pelosi would have looked absolutely shocked if she could actually move the muscles in her face. Joe Biden looked like he wanted to kick someone's ass, but only because the gasp woke him up from his nap I think he was enjoying. This would have been the perfect time for a brawl to break out. Come on, Biden! Rip off your shirt and go kick that guy's arse! (Preferably with fake karate chop moves even though you don't know karate!)

Now, look...here's the thing: I understand that the guy is frustrated. I think that everyone is frustrated. Congress. The people. Even Bo. But regardless as to how frustrated you are, that is the President of the United States speaking and he deserves your respect. Period. You don't shout out "You lie!" You don't shout out anything! You don't show up carrying signs. (Seriously, what's next? Pithy sayings on sandwich boards worn by Representatives ringing large bells?) You know what you do? You listen. You moron.

If he had been the only one behaving like a member of the Taiwanese Legislature, I'd be a little more appalled, but he wasn't. No, pretty much a large number of Reps. were completely clueless as to what it means to be respectful when someone is speaking. Clearly the behaviors seen at some of the town hall meetings seemed like a good idea to some of those elected officials! After all, it's that sort of behavior that got sooooooo much accomplished. Whatever. Who else? Well.....

According to a one Ryan Grim over there at The Huffington Post, after the "You lie!" outburst, someone shouted, "Shame on you!" I don't know when the "shame on you" became the hot catch phrase of political disagreements, but I think we're all over it at this point and do respectfully request that you find a different way in which to voice your fake outrage. "Throw him out!" was also shouted by someone else. "First Lady Michelle Obama, seated behind and above Wilson, seemed to mouth a drawn-out "damn" at the scene unfolding before her." Michelle Obama. Look to her for great arms and look to her for an honest an appropriate reaction. Nice job, Michelle.

More summertime town hall influenced behaviors included "...a Republican member (saying) loudly enough to be heard in the press gallery, "Read the bill!" " Also, when President Barry said he had "no interest in putting insurance companies out of business," a Republican member responded with a loud, "Ha!" " What are you? Five?

Now, I'm not sure when it was that Joe Wilson realized that he had not behaved in the most appropriate manner, but I'm pretty sure it was before the end of the speech. He sure did high tail it out of there. (It was probably because Rahm Emanuel was headed his way. Hey, I'd high tail it if Rahm Emanuel was on the other side of the street from me. That dude can get a little bit intense at times.) And it didn't take too long before he had crafted a short apology and kind of apologized. Sort of. He said, “This evening I let my emotions get the best of me when listening to the President’s remarks regarding the coverage of illegal immigrants in the health care bill. While I disagree with the President’s statement, my comments were inappropriate and regrettable. I extend sincere apologies to the President for this lack of civility.”

So if he still disagrees, who is right? While I don't think President Barry was lying, I think I can guess where Joe Wilson was coming from. And if I'm wrong, then it's where I'm coming from. I understand what is meant when President Barry says "...the reforms I'm proposing would not apply to those who are here illegally." I totally get that and it makes partial sense. The part that doesn't make sense is that those who are here illegally don't have health insurance as it is. Does that stop them from being treated? No. Does it stop them from using the emergency room as their personal physician? No. Does it make them want to get health insurance? No. Do they have any incentive at all to get health insurance? No. So to say that the reforms would not apply to illegal immigrants, that's true. Unfortunately it's true. If you assume that the reforms don't apply to them, then can you also assume that they will continue doing things the way that they've been doing them and that won't change? I think you can assume that.

I think Joe Wilson's point was that just because you're going to reform health care, it doesn't mean that you're going to address the issue of what to do with almost 12 million people who are here illegally and who will likely need medical services at some point during their uninvited stay. Whatever programs, if any, end up in place, if you don't specifically address that issue, then you are automatically consenting to allow them to be treated regardless as to whether or not they're insured or if they can pay. THAT allowance does apply if the issue isn't taken care of. And I'd imagine it would be difficult to explain to millions of US citizens why they will have to pay for health insurance to get certain services, but those who are NOT US citizens will NOT have to pay for health insurance and WILL get those services. Yep, sounds tricky.

Really, I'm a little concerned that this health care thing is one of those issues like abortion or gay marriage. You either fundamentally believe that health care is a right or you don't and you're not likely to change your mind any time soon. And I don't know if we can get past Joe Wilson acting like a total arse and instead look at what it was that made him so angry. I'm guessing we can't. Sorry, Joe. Bad approach.

How is all of this going to turn out for ol' Joe Wilson? Well, as I type this, it's not even 12 hours after President Barry finished with his speech. In that time, Rob Miller, who is Joe Wilson's opponent in the upcoming election, has raised over $41,000 on a website called Act Blue, a fundraising website for Democrat party candidates. It would seem that donations just came pouring into the site just after "You lie!" came pouring out of Joe Wilson's mouth. Anyone got a fork? He's done.

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The Irony of Education

So today (Tuesday, right?) at noon EST, President Barry is all set to give a little speech that will be broadcast over C-SPAN and beamed directly to schools to show to their students as President Barry's speech is directed at the them, the students, on what the White House seems to think is the typical first day of school for most kids around the country. He clearly has not heard of the lengthened school year that is quite popular these days. Most of the kids that I know have been back to school for at least a week. Fortunately, his goal of speaking to the nation's students isn't to convey how in touch he is with the inner workings of every day life amongst the minions.

He is going to be talking to them for reasons that aren't totally clear, but they seem reasonable. There was something about being responsible for themselves and what they learn in school. Something about how important education is. Something about setting goals. Oh, and how succeeding is hard sometimes, but you just have to stick with it. Stuff like that. So you can see why parents are all in an uproar. Wait. What now?

Correct. An uproar. It would seem that there is a certain segment of the general population of the United States that is crazier than Paula Abdul. A bunch of parents, but fortunately not the majority, are flipping out because they think that President Barry is out to indoctrinate our schoolchildren. And before I go any further, can I ask once again that all of the references to Hitler cease and desist? President Barry isn't Hitler! He's not! He's not a secret Muslim! He wasn't born in Kenya! And he's not Hitler! What is wrong with you people!?

To find out what is wrong with people, let's go to Nixa, Missouri. The Christian Science Monitor describes Nixa as being "a socially conservative “Evangelical Epicenter.” " Hoo-boy! This oughta be good! One of the "concerns" that was expressed was that "...Obama would be portrayed as someone of great character who might say something that contradicts the words of a parent. Now you have a very conflicted child who’s trying to find out who’s right." Um, he's speaking to them about the benefits of getting an education. He's speaking to them to give them encouragement and support on what he believes is the first day of school. He's trying to convey to them that if you want to get a good job, you're going to need to have a good education. What in the hell would that "contradict"?! All of the parents out there who are telling their children every morning, "I know. I know. School is stupid. But it's the law, children. Just go and show up and get it over with. In a few years, you may graduate. Or you may not. Either way, you won't be required by law to show up every day any more and you can get about your life of either hard physical labor or welfare to get by. Now hurry up and don't forget to sag those pants!" I don't think that's happening!

Next, we're off to see what the softheads in Montgomery, Alabama are worried about. From WSFA News we hear things like "There's a lot of issues that he's in favor of that I'm not, and I don't want that shoved down my kid's throat." Ma'am, what exactly do you think he's going to be talking to the kids about? Health care reform? The stimulus package? TARP funds? Why Nancy Pelosi's face is stretched so tight? I don't think he's going to be talking about any of those things and I am utterly perplexed as to why you would think that he would! What is wrong with you?!

And it was the conclusions that President Barry was out to brainwash every student in America (on the first day of school no less!) that led the White House to release the entire text of his speech on Monday so that it could be viewed by people who were concerned that there would be swastika armbands handed out afterwards alongside some juice and cookies. After folks had a chance to read it, here's what a one Priscilla Vinson of Montgomery had to say about it: "I can see exactly what he's saying. That's a little strong, but it's necessary." WHAT?!?!

A little strong?! It's a "little strong" to be straight up talking to kids and telling them that your life was no picnic and that you screwed up more than once, but the knowledge that an education was important helped get you back on track?! Do you have anything else to add to that? "I don't see it as a political ploy. I see it as a great investment with our children, because the children are the future." I should have been more specific. Do you have anything else to add that is not a Whitney Houston song lyric?

If this sort of fake outrage was coming just from softheaded people in the private sector, that would be one thing. But when you have state Senators blowing this sort of hot air out of their blowhole that's when you realize that they're everywhere. (It's also when you call the contractor and instruct him to build the walls around your walled-off compound just a little higher. No telling when complete insanity will break loose.) Senators like Steve Russell from Oklahoma only further the fakerage (fake + outrage = fakerage) by spewing things like "As far as I am concerned, this is not civics education - it gives the appearance of creating a cult of personality. This is something you'd expect to see in North Korea or Saddam Hussein's Iraq." Um, people of Oklahoma? You elected this guy...why? Seeing the President give a speech to school kids is probably about the last thing I'd expect to see in North Korea. Is that one of the telltale signs that the President is up to something sinister? If he gives an encouraging speech to students on the first day of school? You're right, Senator! How could I have missed that?!

Here's what I just do not understand: If you hear that the President of the United States wants to give a little talk to the students in the country, why do you automatically assume that it is going to be political? Why does it have to be sinister and evil? That was absolutely the LAST thing that popped into my head when I heard about this. According to the San Jose Mercury News, blogger Michelle Malkin "...anticipates the speech will create a K-12 army of "political guinea pigs" being used by "out-of-control activists" in "pro-illegal immigration protests, gay marriage ceremonies." ::: blink ::: ::: blink ::: For reals??

You can read the text of his speech here. Or, instead you can go make some posters claiming that President Barry is a secret Muslim Hitler and go picket in traffic. Given those two choices, it would seem a fair number of people wouldn't have any problem make a decision between the two rather quickly (and they won't be choosing all of the reading, either).

And in the ultimate irony, a lot of parents are going to keep their kids at home on Tuesday so that they won't have to hear President Barry tell them about how important it is to go to school. Sure, that seems perfectly reasonable.

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We're One of the Largest WHAT Kind of Countries?!

You know, I don't really know who I'm standing up for here or who I'm defending here. I think that it must just be the truth. Because in the case here, what you're going to hear from other sources is likely going to be wrong, but even the correct version isn't exactly accurate. See why I'm confused? Let's begin.

President Barry felt the need to go over to Egypt and make a speech. Something about bringing the regular world closer to the Muslim world. I'm assuming he means the non-violent Muslim world, because the violent Muslim world, well, there's just no reasoning with those folks. They think that they need to be all bomb-y and kill-y in the name of something for someone. (Or the other way around. I always get confused with my extremist groups, how they like things phrased.) But see, the non-violent Muslim world, I don't think much of the rest of the world has a problem with those folks. I don't. Again, it's the bomb-y and the kill-y ones that I have a problem with.

So he's speech making in Egypt. Yay, President Barry. Or something like that. And during his speech he made an interesting assertion. That assertion being, "One of the points I want to make is, is that if you actually took the number of Muslim Americans, we'd be one of the largest Muslim countries in the world." Um, what?

Yeah. That's what he said. Now, you're going to hear it misquoted from a variety of sources. You're going to hear that he said that the US IS one of the largest Muslim countries in the world. You're going to hear that the US is THE largest Muslim country in the world. And you're going to hear that President Barry wants us to BE the largest Muslim country in the world. All false. All of them.

But back to what he actually said. It's an odd statement in and of itself. "IF you ACTUALLY took the number of Muslim Americans." IF? ACTUALLY? If I actually did that? Well, first of all, why wouldn't I and second of all, why I haven't I been? What in the world is that supposed to mean?

Regardless, it's misleading at best. See, technically, there are 195 countries in the world. I say technically because you can get differing answers on why there isn't only 194 or 19. Answers and reasons which I just can't see getting into right now unless my goal is to bore you half to death. And rest assured, that is NOT my goal. (Hard to tell with some posts, I realize, but I swear, not my goal.) So in order to technically qualify as "one of the largest Muslim countries in the world" all you really need to do is break into the top 97 1/2 countries and you can say that you're "one of the largest" in the world.

Well, if you come in at 97 1/2 (quite the feat considering we're talking about countries, I realize), sure, you're "one of the largest", but you're not larger than the other 96 1/2 ahead of you. (And 96 or 97 of something, when you only have 195 of that thing, that's a lot of that thing!) And that's sort of how the United States stacks up in terms of where it stands as a "Muslim country".

See, I think of a "Muslim country" as one that is just chock full o'Muslims and runs on Muslim. I don't think of the United States as a "Muslim country", regardless as to how many Muslims are living here, mainly because we don't run on Muslim. But even if I wanted to think of the US as a "Muslim country" I'd have to think again because the United States comes in 52nd in terms of the sheer number of Muslims in a particular country and it doesn't even rank in the top 60 in terms of the percentage of Muslim population to the entire population. That all according to Wikipedia. Again, remember that anyone can edit Wikipedia, so you've kinda gotta take it for what it's worth there, but it seems rather inclusive.

The United States, in terms of number of Muslims in the general population, comes in as one of "the largest Muslim countries in the world" at number FIFTY TWO and ranks ahead of only Albania, Malawi (Madonna's foreign nation of choice for adopting children from), Kenya, Eritrea, Serbia and Montenegro (for some reason, those two are grouped together. Not sure why, but feel free to delve on your own!), Lebanon, Kuwait, and the United Arab Emirates in the top 60.

But ranking ahead of the United States in terms of number of Muslims within a country? Well, that would be, starting at the top, Indonesia, Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, Turkey, Egypt, Nigeria, Iran, Algeria, Morocco, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Sudan, Iraq, Uzbekistan, Ethiopia, Russia, Yemen, China, Syria, Malaysia, Tanzania, Mali, Niger, Senegal, Tunisia, Somalia, Guinea, Azerbaijan, Burkina Faso, Kazakhstan, Tajikistan, Côte d'Ivoire (which is the Ivory Coast. Since when did the Ivory Coast get all fancy on us and start going by Côte d'Ivoire?!), Congo (Kinshasa), Libya, Jordan, Chad, Turkmenistan, Philippines, France, Kyrgyzstan, Uganda, Mozambique, Sierra Leone, Ghana, Cameroon, Thailand, Mauritania, Germany, and Oman. Holy. Crap.

First of all, I'm not totally sure that all of those are real places. I haven't even heard of some of them and I'm fairly well versed on which nations are on this planet. But not well versed enough, apparently. I know at least one of those places is where Borat is from. Other than that, after about the first twenty I don't know a whole lot about most of them with the exception of France and Germany. Wow. France and Germany, really? Check yourselves. That's all I can say. I'm also thinking about the overall well being of those countries and again after the first twenty and with the two exceptions, I can't really say that it's all that great. Coincidence? I don't think that one really has anything to do with the other, I'm just throwing that out there, hoping to incite some sort of online hooplah or something. But seriously, why not more prosperity in countries with largely Muslim populations? It's a legitimate question.

The United States does not even rank at ALL in the top 60 nations when counting the percentage of Muslim citizens. The top 60, in order are: Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, Somalia, Maldives, Turkey, Western Sahara, Iran, Algeria, Mauritania, Yemen, Tunisia, Oman, Comoros, Djibouti, Morocco, Pakistan, Libya, Iraq, Tajikistan, Jordan, Qatar, Senegal, Azerbaijan, Bahrain, Egypt, Mali, Niger, Gambia, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Indonesia, Bangladesh, Syria, Guinea, Kuwait, West Bank and Gaza, Kyrgyzstan, United Arab Emirates, Albania, Brunei, Sudan, Malaysia, Sierra Leone, Lebanon, Burkina Faso, Chad, Nigeria, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Bosnia, Côte d'Ivoire, Guinea-Bissau, Tanzania, Macedonia, Suriname, Serbia and Montenegro, Mozambique, Cameroon, and Malawi. The United States, with 2,350,000 Muslims (again, according to Wikipedia), would fall somewhere between 61st and 70th by my estimations.

So what's the actual percentage of Muslims in the United States. With a population of 304,059,724 and a Muslim population of 2,350,000 the percentage works out to be 0.00772874476. That's about 0.7 of 1 percent. And yet President Barry is proclaiming the United States to be one of the "largest Muslim countries in the world." What is up with that?

I don't know. I really don't. I'm really not one for a bunch of ass kissing or playing numbers games. One of my favorite parts of President Barry's inauguration speech is when he said "We will no longer apologize for our way of life." Finally! So now we're not apologizing, we're manipulating the numbers to make it look like we don't have anything to apologize for? (And we don't, but I'm just saying.) Look, we can be a perfectly good country with perfectly good people inhabiting it and still NOT be a Muslim country! And we ARE! We can respect other countries and other religions without being a Muslim country! And we DO! So President Barry, with all respect sir, please just let us stand on our own merits for what we are and please stop trying to make us sound as if we're something we're not so that radical extremists will like us. Because those folks will never like us, no matter what. So why bother trying to make a mold for us to fit into that you think they'd be more willing to accept?

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We Wanted Things Changed, Not Deranged!

Oh, I don't say it often, but when I do, I mean it. God bless Jon Leibowitz. Well, you know him as Jon Stewart, the quick witted host of The Daily Show. That guy really needs to be airing in a time slot which could ensure that more people would catch his act because let me just tell you, folks would learn a heck of a lot about how things really are and how things work. It's what this country has been missing for oh-so many years! A prime time cynic! (No, Archie Bunker did not count!)

Jon Stewart's brilliance is highlighted this time in the political sector which is but one of many of the wide variety of sectors that this country has to offer in order to keep the citizens thoroughly confused at all times. Confusing? Good, it's working.

We begin with our President, Change-y McOptimism Barack Obama, speaking to soldiers and the media and anyone else who could just wander in at Camp Lejeune in North Carolina. And with all of the rhetoric of previous administrations, he announced that our war in Iraq would soon come to an end. These were his words: "Let me say this as plainly as I can, by August 31, 2010, our mission in Iraq will end."

Well, that is good news! So they're all coming home?! Ehhhh....not so fast. President Barry, please continue.

"We will retain a transitional force to carry out three distinct functions. This force will likely be made up of 35 thousand to 50 thousand US troops."

Well, that sounds kind of like they're staying there. See, this is what I hate about politicians and politics in general. They talk to the American public as if we're stupid or as if we are four years old and retarded. Look, you can say what you're saying one of two ways. You can say "One mission will end while another one begins" or you can say "We're wrapping it up, but we're not quite done yet." Either of those or a variation thereof is fine. What is not fine is saying that the mission in Iraq "will end". See, "end" means "done", "over", "finished", "kaput", "completed", "no more to do"! Those words mean "end". "Retain" does not mean "end". No, "retain" is just a fancy "not end" is what "retain" is.

But if you're asking the most fervent supporters of the Obama administration or even the less fervent, but still supportive supporters, they will tell you that what the President said, well, that was change and change, as you may distinctly recall, is what we were promised. After all, this is what President Barry had to say about our troops in Iraq:

"Our mission will change from combat to supporting the Iraqi government...training, equipping and advising Iraqi security forces, conducting targeted counter terrorism."

See? Change! Right?.....What?.....Really?.....Wrong?? It can't be wrong! It's change! Let's just compare what President Barry just said to one of Bush's speeches about our troops in Iraq and then the change will be apparent:



George W. Bush on September 14, 2007: "As this transition in our mission takes place our troops will focus on a more limited set of tasks, including counter terrorism operations and training, equipping and supporting Iraqi forces."

President Obama on March 3, 2009: "Our mission will change from combat to supporting the Iraqi government...training, equipping and advising Iraqi security forces, conducting targeted counter terrorism."



OK, that's not change. That's the SAME!! We were promised change!! He said the word "change", but he didn't "change" anything! It's the same!!

I'm catching onto this administration. What they do is re-hash the same old jargon. (I'm tired of the word "rhetoric." Good Lord, give the mainstream media a new word, especially one with a catchy spelling like "rhetoric" and damn it all if they don't beat that word into the ground within a week. Do those folks not own a thesaurus? Even a pocket version would be fine.) They just mix up the words and they seem really fond of keeping something the same and just calling it something else. But I already know that if something has "changed" it will be "different"! But that wasn't "different!" That was the SAME!!

Let's look at a statement by the Secretary of Defense Robert Gates from March 1, 2009 when he was on Meet the Press and said, "The units that will be left there will be characterized differently. They won't be called 'combat brigades'. They'll be called 'advisory and assistance brigades.' " That's like the political-speak version of tom-AY-to / tom-AH-to. Either way you slice it, it's still the same thing.

Below is the video clip of the brilliant and witty Jon Leibowitz on one The Daily Show. It's exactly the same as I described above, so don't go expecting any "change" other than pictures and people who talk so that you can hear them. Aside from that, it's the same.

Rock on, President Barry! I'm still waiting for the change that is being distinctly remembered as having been promised to us. It'd be OK if you started with your speeches. Everyone's gotta start somewhere.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mess O'Potamia - The Iraq War Is Over

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