A Little Bit, But Not Much

Sorry for the lack of more lengthy posts this week. It's been kind of busy around here. That doesn't mean that it's going to be any different today. I'm just apologizing.

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I Heart Protest Signs

I am loving, repeat, love-ing the protests that have been occurring recently. And while watching people exercise their right to peaceably assemble is great and all, there is the factor that far exceeds the necessary confines of the US Constitution which makes me nearly giddy with joy. That would be the amusement factor and it comes to us in these protests via the protest sign.

I've said before that, with regard to the health care protests, the majority of the signs display correct punctuation and spelling. Let's just say that at protests which are protesting something other than health care reform, the need for some sort of a magical poster board with built-in spell check is painfully obvious.

But the signs are now starting to go down a couple of different paths. The first path is the "Path of the Irrelevant and/or Hilarious". Folks have realized that all of those tubes and pipes and wires and stuff that make up the Internets can offer a clear and easy path toward their fifteen minutes of fame (which, given the state of society lately, will almost inevitably lead to a book deal for the sign bearer). The only way that it could be any easier is if they were a cute little kitten with poor grammar skills. So while there are still plenty of the serious and grammatically correct protest signs, there are also signs like these popping up:

Crystal Pepsi? No, that doesn't sound gay at all.

But the other path that folks are taking these days is the "Path of Anger and/or Hitler References". Generally, these signs are proudly displayed by morons. If they're not a complete moron, then they're simply not quite as informed as they think that they are. (I'm just trying to be fair here. It's likely they're all morons.) And while I'm not defending Hitler (I'm NOT!), I'm really over all of the Hitler references.

Look, by comparing Obama to Hitler, you're doing a couple of things. One is that you're making yourself look like a nutjob. But the other thing that you're doing is you are minimizing the atrocities that Hitler committed. Think about it. You are likening health care reform to the human extermination of millions of Jews during W.W. II? Really? I don't see how the two are similar at all. Not even the slightest bit. Health care reform. Holocaust. They both start with the letter "h", but that's alI can give you. They're not the same.

My contribution toward getting folks to shy away from the Hitler references is going to be to start referring to that little moustache (people draw on pictures of President Barry) as "The Chaplin". Why does Hitler get all of the credit for that little 'stache? Charlie Chaplin had one. Lou Costello had one. Let's not group two of the finest entertainers to walk the planet with the likes of Adolf Hitler, shall we?

And I've been seeing quite a few signs that are Hitler-esque in nature and I wondered how come people who protested against things that George W. Bush did chose not to go with the Hitler comparison? That's when I learned that they did.

They did?! Really?! How come I never heard about them? The cable newsholes are all up in arms about the President Barry is Adolf Hitler signs, why weren't the newsholes up in arms about the G.W. is A.H. signs? Or any of the other ones like the ones below? Behold!

The easiest answer, the one that I really don't want to be true, is that there is an unhealthy amount of media bias which is in favor of President Barry. For instance, when these posters of President Barry as The Joker started popping up in Los Angeles, I didn't see what the big deal was. I still don't. (It's not as if there aren't hundreds of Photoshopped images of President Barry online. I don't hear the uproar about those, however.) But man, were media newsholes up in arms about them! People threatening to do...uh, something (probably loudly). I don't know. All I know is that I had to hear about it. Then I became aware of this which appeared in Vanity Fair on July 29, 2008. Just remember, it was 2008. Plenty of people hated him at the time. Behold!

Hey! How come I never heard any uproar about that?! Oh, that's right. For the reason I just mentioned. Plenty of people already hated him. No sense in getting in an uproar when something fits your narrative now, is there? So the point here is that the media will report things that it has decided will be inflammatory in the eyes of the viewer. They're not interested in doing their job, they're interested in ratings. You'll hear about it if they think you'll be outraged, otherwise, not so much.

I'm not quite sure how I ended up here with all of this. Oh, right! The signs. I love 'em. They're great. And kudos to the guys who are just having fun with the whole thing.

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We Wanted Things Changed, Not Deranged!

Oh, I don't say it often, but when I do, I mean it. God bless Jon Leibowitz. Well, you know him as Jon Stewart, the quick witted host of The Daily Show. That guy really needs to be airing in a time slot which could ensure that more people would catch his act because let me just tell you, folks would learn a heck of a lot about how things really are and how things work. It's what this country has been missing for oh-so many years! A prime time cynic! (No, Archie Bunker did not count!)

Jon Stewart's brilliance is highlighted this time in the political sector which is but one of many of the wide variety of sectors that this country has to offer in order to keep the citizens thoroughly confused at all times. Confusing? Good, it's working.

We begin with our President, Change-y McOptimism Barack Obama, speaking to soldiers and the media and anyone else who could just wander in at Camp Lejeune in North Carolina. And with all of the rhetoric of previous administrations, he announced that our war in Iraq would soon come to an end. These were his words: "Let me say this as plainly as I can, by August 31, 2010, our mission in Iraq will end."

Well, that is good news! So they're all coming home?! Ehhhh....not so fast. President Barry, please continue.

"We will retain a transitional force to carry out three distinct functions. This force will likely be made up of 35 thousand to 50 thousand US troops."

Well, that sounds kind of like they're staying there. See, this is what I hate about politicians and politics in general. They talk to the American public as if we're stupid or as if we are four years old and retarded. Look, you can say what you're saying one of two ways. You can say "One mission will end while another one begins" or you can say "We're wrapping it up, but we're not quite done yet." Either of those or a variation thereof is fine. What is not fine is saying that the mission in Iraq "will end". See, "end" means "done", "over", "finished", "kaput", "completed", "no more to do"! Those words mean "end". "Retain" does not mean "end". No, "retain" is just a fancy "not end" is what "retain" is.

But if you're asking the most fervent supporters of the Obama administration or even the less fervent, but still supportive supporters, they will tell you that what the President said, well, that was change and change, as you may distinctly recall, is what we were promised. After all, this is what President Barry had to say about our troops in Iraq:

"Our mission will change from combat to supporting the Iraqi government...training, equipping and advising Iraqi security forces, conducting targeted counter terrorism."

See? Change! Right?.....What?.....Really?.....Wrong?? It can't be wrong! It's change! Let's just compare what President Barry just said to one of Bush's speeches about our troops in Iraq and then the change will be apparent:



George W. Bush on September 14, 2007: "As this transition in our mission takes place our troops will focus on a more limited set of tasks, including counter terrorism operations and training, equipping and supporting Iraqi forces."

President Obama on March 3, 2009: "Our mission will change from combat to supporting the Iraqi government...training, equipping and advising Iraqi security forces, conducting targeted counter terrorism."



OK, that's not change. That's the SAME!! We were promised change!! He said the word "change", but he didn't "change" anything! It's the same!!

I'm catching onto this administration. What they do is re-hash the same old jargon. (I'm tired of the word "rhetoric." Good Lord, give the mainstream media a new word, especially one with a catchy spelling like "rhetoric" and damn it all if they don't beat that word into the ground within a week. Do those folks not own a thesaurus? Even a pocket version would be fine.) They just mix up the words and they seem really fond of keeping something the same and just calling it something else. But I already know that if something has "changed" it will be "different"! But that wasn't "different!" That was the SAME!!

Let's look at a statement by the Secretary of Defense Robert Gates from March 1, 2009 when he was on Meet the Press and said, "The units that will be left there will be characterized differently. They won't be called 'combat brigades'. They'll be called 'advisory and assistance brigades.' " That's like the political-speak version of tom-AY-to / tom-AH-to. Either way you slice it, it's still the same thing.

Below is the video clip of the brilliant and witty Jon Leibowitz on one The Daily Show. It's exactly the same as I described above, so don't go expecting any "change" other than pictures and people who talk so that you can hear them. Aside from that, it's the same.

Rock on, President Barry! I'm still waiting for the change that is being distinctly remembered as having been promised to us. It'd be OK if you started with your speeches. Everyone's gotta start somewhere.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mess O'Potamia - The Iraq War Is Over

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

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He Is The Decider

After compiling quotes from George W. Bush's nearly eight years in office, I've learned a lot of things and come to a few conclusions. I've concluded that the country as a whole might not be the best group of folks to collectively decide who should lead us. I mean, I know I always say that this is a country that elected a man named 'Tricky Dick'. Twice. That right there does not exactly imply that the voters have stellar insight. But electing Bush twice? Good Lord, people. What were you thinking? (Yeah, yeah. I know. Him or Kerry.) Honestly, I'd like to poll everyone who voted for Bush the second time around and just ask them, "So, what was it about Part One that made you think, 'Sure, I'd go for that again.'?"

I'm just glad it's almost over. I'm also glad that he said a lot of things that just amused the hell out of me. (It's easier to laugh than cry about things like these.) It's just too bad he was President at the time that he said them.

Bush-speak! 2005-2008! Behold again! (But not for much longer!)

"We need to apply 21st-century information technology to the health care field. We need to have our medical records put on the I.T." Collinsville, IL, Jan. 5, 2005

"Who could have possibly envisioned an erection -- an election in Iraq at this point in history?" The White House. Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2005

"Because he's hiding." Response after being asked by a reporter why Osama bin Laden had not been caught. Air Force One, Jan. 14, 2005

"I like the idea of people running for office. There's a positive effect when you run for office. Maybe some will run for office and say, vote for me, I look forward to blowing up America. I don't know, I don't know if that will be their platform or not. But it's -- I don't think so. I think people who generally run for office say, vote for me, I'm looking forward to fixing your potholes, or making sure you got bread on the table." re: Elections in the Middle East, Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005

"In terms of timetables, as quickly as possible -- whatever that means." Explaining his time frame for shoring up Social Security. Washington D.C., March 16, 2005

"I understand there's a suspicion that we--we're too security-conscience." Washington D.C., April 14, 2005

"Part of the facts is understanding we have a problem, and part of the facts is what you're going to do about it." Kirtland, OH, April 15, 2005

"We discussed the way forward in Iraq, discussed the importance of a democracy in the greater Middle East in order to leave behind a peaceful tomorrow." Tbilisi, Georgia, May 10, 2005

"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." Greece, NY, May 24, 2005

"You see, not only did the attacks help accelerate a recession, the attacks reminded us that we are at war." re: The Sept. 11 attacks, Washington, D.C., June 8, 2005

"The relations with, uh....Europe are important relations, and they've, uh....because, we do share values. And, they're universal values, they're not American values or, you know ....European values, they're universal values. And those values....uh....being universal, ought to be applied everywhere." Press conference with European Union dignitaries, Washington, D.C., June 20, 2005

"The best place for the facts to be done is by somebody who's spending time investigating it." Comment on probe of how CIA agent Valerie Plame's identity was leaked, Washington D.C., July 18, 2005

"My thoughts are, we're going to get somebody who knows what they're talking about when it comes to rebuilding cities." re: Rebuilding New Orleans. Biloxi, MS, Sept. 2, 2005

"Wow! Brazil is big." Reaction after being shown a map of Brazil by Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, the President of Brazil. Brasilia, Brazil, Nov. 6, 2005

"Finally, the desk, where we'll have our picture taken in front of -- is nine other Presidents used it. This was given to us by Queen Victoria in the 1870s, I think it was. President Roosevelt put the door in so people would not know he was in a wheelchair. John Kennedy put his head out the door." Remarks to German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann, to whom he was shwoing the Oval Office. Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006

"That's called, A Charge To Keep, based upon a religious hymn. The hymn talks about serving God. The president's job is never to promote a religion." Remarks to German newspaper reporter Kai Diekmann, to whom he was showing the Oval Office. Washington, D.C., May 5, 2006

"I think -- tide turning -- see, as I remember -- I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of -- it's easy to see a tide turn -- did I say those words?" Response to being asked if the tide was turning in Iraq. Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

"Occasionally. One of the things I've used on the Google is to pull up maps. It's very interesting to see -- I've forgot the name of the program -- but you get the satellite, and you can -- like, I kinda like to look at the ranch. It remind me of where I wanna be sometimes." response to being asked if he uses Google, during an interview with CNBC's Maria Bartiromo. Oct. 24, 2006

"You know, when I campaigned here in 2000, I said, I want to be a war President. No President wants to be a war President, but I am one." Des Moines, IA, Oct. 26, 2006

"Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die." Washington, D.C., Dec. 7, 2006 (video clip below)

"I'm a strong proponent of the restoration of the wetlands, for a lot of reasons. There's a practical reason, though, when it comes to hurricanes: The stronger the wetlands, the more likely the damage of the hurricane." New Orleans, March 1, 2007

"Suiciders are willing to kill innocent life in order to send the projection that this is an impossible mission." Washington, D.C., April 3, 2007

"I said to her, make sure the rug says 'optimistic person comes to work.' " Instructions he gave to Laura Bush when she was choosing a rug for the Oval Office. Tipp City, OH, April 19, 2007

"There are jobs Americans aren't doing. ... If you've got a chicken factory, a chicken-plucking factory, or whatever you call them, you know what I'm talking about." Tipp City, OH, April 19, 2007

"Information is moving -- you know, nightly news is one way, of course, but it's also moving through the blogosphere and through the Internets." Washington, D.C., May 2, 2007

"More than two decades later, it is hard to imagine the Revolutionary War coming out any other way." Martinsburg, WV, July 4, 2007

"I'm going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I'm smart on the subject." Response after being asked about a possible flu pandemic. Cleveland, July 10, 2007

"I heard somebody say, 'Where's Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas." Inexplicably referring to Nelson Mandela, former South African president, who is still alive! Washington, D.C., Sept. 20, 2007

"As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured." Regarding No Child Left Behind Act, Washington, D.C., Sept. 26, 2007

"I got a lot of Ph.D.-types and smart people around me who come into the Oval Office and say, 'Mr. President, here's what's on my mind.' And I listen carefully to their advice. But having gathered the device, I decide, you know, I say, 'This is what we're going to do.'" Lancaster, PA, Oct. 3, 2007

"I fully understand those who say you can't win this thing militarily. That's exactly what the United States military says, that you can't win this military." Explaining the need for there to be political progress in Iraq, Washington, D.C., Oct. 17, 2007

"I don't particularly like it when people put words in my mouth, either, by the way, unless I say it." Crawford, TS, Nov. 10, 2007

"The decisions we make in Washington have a direct impact on the people in our country, obviously." New Albany, IN, Nov. 13, 2007

"I can press when there needs to be pressed; I can hold hands when there needs to be -- hold hands." Explaining how he is able to contribute to bringing peace to the Middle East . Washington, D.C., Jan. 4, 2008

"Let me start off by saying that in 2000 I said, 'Vote for me. I'm an agent of change.' In 2004, I said, 'I'm not interested in change --I want to continue as president.' Every candidate has got to say 'change.' That's what the American people expect." Washington, D.C., March 5, 2008

"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008

"And so the fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place." --Mesa, AZ, May 27, 2008

"We've got a lot of relations with countries in our neighborhood." Kranj, Slovenia, June 10, 2008

"The German asparagus are fabulous." Meseberg, Germany, June 11, 2008

"I remember meeting a mother of a child who was abducted by the North Koreans right here in the Oval Office." Washington, D.C., June 26, 2008

"I think it was in the Rose Garden where I issued this brilliant statement: If I had a magic wand -- but the president doesn't have a magic wand. You just can't say, 'low gas.' " Washington D.C., July 15, 2008

"This thaw -- took a while to thaw, it's going to take a while to unthaw." - on liquidity in the markets, Alexandria, LA, Oct. 20, 2008

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"Childrens do learn..."

Just over sixty days before Messiah Barry is sworn in as the 44th President of the United States. Now that may seem like a long time, especially to those of you who can't wait for all of that 'change' to get busy 'changing' things. But it might not seem like so long if you consider that, as of today, George W. Bush has been in office for 2,857 days. And those sixty plus days are just going to fly right on by compared to the last 2,857, I would imagine.

But the one thing that concerns me quite a bit about Changey McOptimism over there taking office is the humor factor. Barry isn't an overly mockable guy. Oh, sure he has his quirks. I think. Well, I know he has big ears, but I really don't see how that's going to help me out over here. I need flubs! I need mispronunciations! I need idiocy! Because for all of the things that W has given us that we didn't want, the debt, the despair, the division (of the country, not long), he's also provided us with amusement. You know, 'cause he doesn't seem real bright. Nope. Not the sharpest tool in the shed. ::::sigh::::: Again, another poor example of the validity of the statement "Anyone can become President." Yep. Anyone. Apparently.

So I'm using this moment to take a fond look back at the eight years that were. The eight years of yore. (As W would ask, "My what?") The eight years that were chock full of words of wisdom, thoughts to ponder, statements to mull over, and much, much more. But mostly, eight years of scratching our heads, faceplanting our palms in the middle of our foreheads and asking, "What the hell was that?"

And now to embark on the first four of those perplexingly orated eight years under George W. Bush. Behold!

• "I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating." U.S. News & World Report, April 3, 2000
  


• "I think we agree, the past is over." Dallas Morning News, May 10, 2000


• "We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans." Scranton, Pa., Sept. 6, 2000
  


• "One of the common denominators I have found is that expectations rise above that which is expected." Los Angeles, Sept. 27, 2000
  
  
• "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
  


• "I mean, there needs to be a wholesale effort against racial profiling, which is illiterate children." Second presidential debate, Oct. 11, 2000
  


• "They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program." Nov. 2, 2000
  


• "Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods." Washington, D.C., Dec. 20, 2000


• "The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants." Jan. 14, 2001


• "I want everybody to hear loud and clear that I'm going to be the president of everybody." -Washington, D.C., Jan. 18, 2001
  


• "There's no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly overhead." May 11, 2001
  
  
• "A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it." July 27, 2001
  
  
• "It is white." Response to a child in Britain asking what the White House was like, July 19, 2001
  
  
• "We need to counter the shockwave of the evildoer by having individual rate cuts accelerated and by thinking about tax rebates." Washington, D.C., Oct. 4, 2001
  
  
• "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." During a Menorah lighting ceremony at the White House, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001
  

• "I've been to war. I've raised twins. If I had a choice, I'd rather go to war." Charleston, West Virginia, Jan. 27, 2002
  

• "And so, in my State of the - my State of the Union - or state - my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation - I asked Americans to give 4,000 years - 4,000 hours over the next - the rest of your life - of service to America. That's what I asked - 4,000 hours." Bridgeport, Connecticut, April 9, 2002
  

• "The problem with the French is that they don't have a word for entrepreneur." Said during a conversation with Prime Minister Tony Blair regarding the decline of the economy in France. Aug. 2002
  

• "There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again." Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
  


• "I'm the commander - see, I don't need to explain - I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." Quoted by Bob Woodward from his book "Bush at War."
  

• "I think the American people - I hope the American - I don't think, let me - I hope the American people trust me." Washington, D.C., Dec. 18, 2002
  

• "Now, we talked to Joan Hanover. She and her husband, George, were visiting with us. They are near retirement - retiring - in the process of retiring, meaning they're very smart, active, capable people who are retirement age and are retiring." Alexandria, Va., Feb. 12, 2003
  

• "I recently met with the finance minister of the Palestinian Authority, was very impressed by his grasp of finances." Washington, D.C., May 29, 2003
  

• "I'm also not very analytical. You know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things." Said while aboard Air Force One on June 4, 2003
  


• "I'm the master of low expectations." Again, aboard Air Force One, June 4, 2003
  


• "Now, there are some who would like to rewrite history-revisionist historians is what I like to call them." Elizabeth, N.J., June 16, 2003


• "We had a chance to visit with Teresa Nelson who's a parent, and a mom or a dad." Jacksonville, Florida, Sept. 9, 2003
  


• "I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves." Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003
  


• "The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the - the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice." Washington, D.C., Oct. 27, 2003
  


• "I want to thank the astronauts who are with us, the courageous spacial entrepreneurs who set such a wonderful example for the young of our country." Washington, D.C. Jan. 14, 2004
  


• "See, one of the interesting things in the Oval Office -- I love to bring people into the Oval Office -- right around the corner from here -- and say, this is where I office, but I want you to know the office is always bigger than the person." Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2004
  


• "The recession started upon my arrival. It could have been -- some say February, some say March, some speculate maybe earlier it started -- but nevertheless, it happened as we showed up here. The attacks on our country affected our economy. Corporate scandals affected the confidence of people and therefore affected the economy. My decision on Iraq, this kind of march to war, affected the economy." Meet the Press, Feb. 8, 2004
  
  
• "In my judgment, when the United States says there will be serious consequences, and if there isn't serious consequences, it creates adverse consequences." Meet the Press, Feb. 8, 2004
  
  
• "I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein." Washington, D.C., May 25, 2004
  
  
• "I don't know why you're talking about Sweden. They're the neutral one. They don't have an army.'' Reported by the New York Times as being said during a meeting with Rep. Tom Lantos in the Oval Office.
  
  
• "We stand for things." Davenport, Iowa, Aug. 5, 2004
  
  
• "We actually misnamed the war on terror. It ought to be the Struggle Against Ideological Extremists Who Do Not Believe in Free Societies Who Happen to Use Terror as a Weapon to Try to Shake the Conscience of the Free World." Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004
  
  
• "I think it's very important for the American President to mean what he says. That's why I understand that the enemy could misread what I say. That's why I try to be as clearly I can." Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004
  
  
• "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." During the second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004
  
  
  

• "I always jest to people, the Oval Office is the kind of place where people stand outside, they're getting ready to come in and tell me what for, and they walk in and get overwhelmed in the atmosphere, and they say, man, you're looking pretty." Washington, D.C., Nov. 4, 2004

• "Justice ought to be fair." Words of wisdom from the White House Economic Conference in Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2004
  

• "I hope you leave here and walk out and say, 'What did he say?'" Beaverton, Oregon, Aug. 13, 2004
  
  

Oh, don't worry. We will. We are. Just don't worry.

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