We have a problem. Actually, we have two problems. They are, in no particular order, Mississippi and Alabama. Let the jokes about people in the South begin! Oh, what? You don't like that? Too "stereotypical" for you? Let me take this opportunity to point out (once again) that all stereotypes come from somewhere and the South isn't doing much to make sure that doesn't happen. And really, it's embarrassing. The rest of the country weeps for you, Mississippi and Alabama. Jesus...
According to the Huffington Post, there is a group called Public Policy Polling (PPP for short. Catchy, no?). They have released information based upon a poll that they did of "likely GOP primary voters". They surveyed 600 such folks in Alabama and 656 such folks in Mississippi. (Now, in all fairness, I don't know if that is an adequate enough survey sample to make these results statistically valid. I do know that it's a fair number of people polled. If it had been only one hundred or two hundred, I wouldn't even bother with the results. But at least six hundred seems to be a fair number.) Among the questions these rubes folks were asked was "Do you think Barack Obama is a Christian or a Muslim, or are you not sure?" The results are not encouraging.
In Alabama, 45% of the people who could figure out how to press the buttons on their phone said that President Barry was a Muslim. 45%! And another 41% were "not sure". So, over there in Alabama, 86% of the folks surveyed either think he's a Muslim or just don't know! And eighty-six percent is getting really close to the number where you can say things like "Dang near everyone thinks this." Eighty-six percent. Now, I will also point out that when asked "Do you believe in evolution?", sixty percent answered that they did not believe in evolution. (And after reading some of these poll results, I'm actually questioning how far along the evolutionary process has actually gotten in Alabama.) 13% were "not sure" of evolution. So more people either believe President Barry is or could be a Muslim than they do believe in evolution. I think I'm going to cry.
Things aren't much better over yonder in Mississippi, either. When they were asked if President Barry was a Muslim, 52% of those mouth breathers said that they believed he was. And 36% said that they were "not sure". That's eighty-eight percent for those of you keeping track. Eighty-eight percent either think he's a secret Muslim or don't know if he is or not. Eighty-eight. As you can imagine, evolution isn't faring too well in that part of the country either. Sixty-six percent of Mississippians (Mississippites?) don't believe in evolution. Two-thirds. Didn't happen. Eleven percent were "not sure". Seventy-seven percent don't believe in or are not sure of evolution, but eighty-eight percent are leaning toward a secret Muslim in the White House. Oh, how I wish that I could prove a direct correlation between the two schools of thought. (Don't get me wrong. I think we both know the correlation is there. I was just saying that I wished we could prove it.)
This is not good. This is not good at all. And I'm not actually sure which one appalls me more, the secret Muslim part or the evolution part. It doesn't seem to be something that correlates with race, as 54% of the softheads in Mississippi and 67% of the ones in Alabama think that interracial marriage is OK. (Barely over half, Mississippi? You should be ashamed of yourself. What are you afraid of? It's 2012!) I guess the only correlation is the deep south. Well, that and that most of the people that answered these questions said that they were somewhat to very conservative. That's really giving conservative folk a bad name! I'm going to say this again and I know it won't be the last time that I need to say it. President Barry is not a secret Muslim. He's a socialist. I repeat, a socialist. Now if only the southern states can pull their heads out of their collective arses long enough to hear and understand that message, then things can start getting back to normal around here. (And by the way, evolution happened. It did. If you need proof, it's called science. Now knock it off and start answering poll questions that are based in fact correctly.)
It's hard for me to know where to go with this one. Some things just speak for themselves. I have just spent a fair amount of time transcribing it, so I'm a bit worn out by it all and I'm not sure how much I have in me to discuss this. But I will give you this to chew on: It would appear that Whoopi Goldberg is so worried about being politically correct that all common sense that she might have had (and I stress the word "might" as I'm not so sure that she's ever played with a full deck) has gone right out the ol' proverbial window. In a nutshell (and this is all pretty darned nutty), in this exchange with Bill O'Reilly (video below) she admits she doesn't know what a madrassa is. But wait! There's more! She asserted that is wasn't the Japanese who attacked America at Pearl Harbor AND claims that Muslims that are in America are being more persecuted than Jews. Do you need any more? Good Lord. Seriously? The video is below. Do with it what you will. The transcription is below the video. I just can't take any more of these Whoopi Goldberg-esque morons. I can't.
BILL O'REILLY: Do you believe in the world, we have a Muslim problem?
WHOOPI GOLDBERG: No.
O'REILLY: OK.
GOLDBERG: I think we have a terrorist problem.
O'REILLY: OK. So, you don't believe we have a Muslim problem. Would you agree with me that if all the good Muslims, and I think they overwhelm the bad Muslims, OK? Would cooperate with the West, with the United States and NATO and other countries, that we wouldn't have a terrorist problem? For example, if Pakistan would cooperate with the United States, we wouldn't have the Taliban problem in Afghanistan. We would defeat them.
GOLDBERG: That would all be great if that's how it worked.
O'REILLY: But that's how it works.
GOLDBERG: But it isn't how it works, because, if you recall -- think of it this way, that crazy gentleman, I take that back because that's rude -- the gentleman that said he was going to burn the Koran, that got played all around the world.
O'REILLY: You mean the nut down in Florida?
GOLDBERG: I'm not going to say that.
O'REILLY: OK, I will. But that, you're diverting the attention.
GOLDBERG: No, no, I'm not. Listen to my point.
O'REILLY: All right. Go ahead.
GOLDBERG: So, all the people who are watching around the world saying, boy, America feels like that, so Americans....
O'REILLY: See, but I disagree. I don't think Muslims think that everybody is like that crazy guy. I don't believe that.But let's get back to Pakistan. Pakistan, if they would help us...
GOLDBERG: No, no. Bill, Bill.
O'REILLY: ...we could win that.
GOLDBERG: Bill, do you think that the people in Pakistan, the people who live in Pakistan, the poor people, the people who don't have any say, you think they don't want help to help the West?
O'REILLY: A lot of them don't. The madrassa -- do you know what a madrassa is?
GOLDBERG: No, I don't. (I have to say, I'm surprised that she admitted that.)
O'REILLY: OK. Madrassa is a school that teaches Islamic jihad and there are madrassas all over the Muslim world. They teach 4 and 5-year-old kids to hate people.
GOLDBERG: Bill, that may be true...
O'REILLY: It is true.
GOLDBERG: It may be true. I can't prove it. You've clearly been... (But you COULD prove it if you were interested in learning about something that you know nothing about. But since you're clearly not interested in the truth, let's just continue as if you have something meaningful to say.)
O'REILLY: I can.
GOLDBERG: You've clearly been to them and I will take your word for it. But that does not change the fact that when you paint all Muslims with one brush, it's bad.
O'REILLY: I'm not painting all Muslims with one brush.
GOLDBERG: But when you say Muslims killed us, when you don't specify. It's like saying whenever I see black men coming down the street, I'm scared. That's the same...
O'REILLY: Do you have a problem in history when you were taught about World War II that Japanese attacked us? Do you have a problem with that?
GOLDBERG: I have a problem with that.
O'REILLY: Do you?
GOLDBERG: Yes.
O'REILLY: But they attacked us?
GOLDBERG: The Japanese...
O'REILLY: Attacked us.
GOLDBERG: ...army attacked us. (THAT is her quibble with the statement that the United States was attacked by the Japanese?! That because ALL of the Japanese folks who lived in Japan weren't in the planes that day, that somehow changes the fact that it was the Japanese that attacked us?! Is she on glue?!)
O'REILLY: The air force did.
GOLDBERG: Sorry, the air force did. You understand my point? (If your point is that you are completely idiotic in the nits that you want to pick, then yes. We've come to an agreement.)
O'REILLY: No, I don't, because I think you are cutting the hair so thin. We have a Muslim problem in the world in the sense that 90 percent of the terrorism....
GOLDBERG: Bill, we're going to disagree.
O'REILLY: Comes from that area.
GOLDBERG: You know what? What do you mean 90 percent of the terrorists...
O'REILLY: Yes?
GOLDBERG: ...are from everywhere. They are white.
O'REILLY: No, predominantly they are Muslims.
GOLDBERG: Right now. (Yes, right now! What in the hell else would he be referring to? Wait. Don't answer that. What in the hell are you referring to? For cryin' out loud...)
O'REILLY: Right. That's what we are talking about.
GOLDBERG: Right now, everybody can say the Muslims are the terrorists. Two years ago, it was the white people that were the terrorists.
O'REILLY: What white people?
GOLDBERG: Oh, wasn't it white people that blew up Oklahoma City? (Does she know that Muslim isn't a race? It's not like you can be black or white or Asian or Muslim. Does she get that? I'm getting the sense that she does not.)
O'REILLY: Yes, two of them. Two of them.
(I have to interject. The Oklahoma City bombing was not TWO years ago. And that was DIFFERENT. If you don't understand the difference between the Oklahoma City bombing and terrorism by Muslim extremists, then I can't help you. I doubt that anyone can.)
GOLDBERG: What about all the folks...
O'REILLY: It's like saying crime is white is black.
GOLDBERG: Bill, we disagree. (It's not just Bill that disagrees with you, you nut job.)
O'REILLY: All right. We disagree.
GOLDBERG: We disagree on this.
O'REILLY: But I just want to be clear.
GOLDBERG: And it's OK.
O'REILLY: We have to have these discussions.
GOLDBERG: We must have these discussions. (And if we must have these discussions, it would really help if you don't storm off the set of your show when one of these discussions is being had. That's the only way that they're going to get had. Then again, I'm not so sure if this particular discussion is necessary. I'm finding it rather frustrating.)
O'REILLY: Right. But I just want to be clear and I'll give you the last word on this and then we'll get to your book. (Ohhhhh. She has a book. No wonder she appeared on his show. Gotcha.)
GOLDBERG: OK.
O'REILLY: I believe there is a Muslim problem in the world. (I really wish that he would specify "radical Muslim" or "Muslim extremist". That's the only part of his argument that I have a problem with. Don't get me wrong. I can't stand Bill O'Reilly most of the time. But I haven't found much to quibble with, other than this, during this exchange.)
GOLDBERG: OK.
O'REILLY: And that's what I was trying to get across to you guys on "The View."
GOLDBERG: Right.
O'REILLY: That 70 percent of Americans believe the way I do. They thought it was inappropriate to make a Muslim community center that close to Ground Zero. That was my point.
GOLDBERG: I understood your point. What did I not understand and I will just reiterate it again because...
O'REILLY: I just left out the word terrorist.
GOLDBERG: Yes. Because in this day and age when kids are getting their butts kicked because they are Muslim, OK?
O'REILLY: Not so much.
GOLDBERG: Bill, are you kidding me?
O'REILLY: New study today, Jews in America are far more likely to be persecuted than Muslims, just came out today.
GOLDBERG: You know what? I'm sure that someone believes that, but I believe that in neighborhoods where they don't want Muslims, they beat up kids. (That's exactly the problem. You can give someone like Whoopi some sort of data to back up your point and they just choose to ignore it because it doesn't fit their self-defined narrative that they're so freaking proud of. Thank God she's just a talk show participant. If she had much more influence, I'd be more concerned.)
Well, we've lost. I thought maybe there was a chance this wouldn't happen, but it did and we lost. So close, too. So very close. What's that? Oh, yeah. The South Park guys were going to have Muhammad in their episode this week, but the network censored it, presumably because they were afraid that the Muslim extremists would come unglued (like they always do) and end up killing someone over it (like they always want to do).
Here's the scoop: According to an article over at the LA Times, "...after an ominous threat from a radical Muslim website, the network that airs the program (South Park) bleeped out all references to the prophet Muhammad in the second of two episodes set to feature the holy figure dressed in a bear costume." Wait. In a bear costume? You can't have Muhammad in a bear costume? Are you kidding me?
Whether you can or you can't probably isn't the issue. But what became the issue is that over at something called revolutionmuslim.com (a site which seems to have since been taken down), the following had been posted: "We have to warn Matt and Trey that what they are doing is stupid and they will probably wind up like Theo Van Gogh for airing this show." A photo of Van Gogh's body lying in the street was included with the original posting. "This is not a threat, but a warning of the reality of what will likely happen to them." Uh-huh. I see. So they censored the...bear? The bear. OK. What the hell?
In the same article, it explains that Matt and Trey did not agree with the decision to censor the episode (a position which I can't help but to admire the heck out of). It says that they "...clearly disagreed with their bosses' handling of the situation. A statement posted on their website said that executives "made a determination to alter the episode" without their approval and that the usual wrap-up speech from one character didn't mention Muhammad "but it got bleeped too." Great. What a bunch of wusses.
Now, look, am I saying that I would want to be the first one in American media to just come right out and mock Mohammad? Uh, no. I don't think I would. But depending on my position, I just might. Here's the thing: We can't bow down to extremist Muslims. We can't. We can't compromise our own freedom of speech because extremist Muslims issue vague death threats which they could probably find some nutjob to carry out for them. We can't be afraid of them. But that doesn't change the fact that the executives at Comedy Central are clearly very afraid of them.
When you censor something like that in this country (or anywhere, for that matter, but I'm just saying) all it does it make it so that it's easier for it to happen again. So, now, the next time that something is made fun of that a particular group doesn't like, are we going to hear death threats over it? OK, that's probably a bad example to use because the answer is most likely NO. But the answer will increasingly be "YES" when it comes to making fun of the Muslim religion. It's not like this is the first time that this has happened. And, unfortunately, it's unlikely to be the last.
You know what would have been great? What would have been great is if this threat (and it was a threat) had been made and then all that is American media (or media in general, I'm not going to be particular about it) had just saturated all of their shows and papers and magazines with references and depictions of Muhammad. Just have it everywhere. One big show of solidarity. That's what would have been great. But instead what we got was a cartoon of a bear that allegedly had Muhammad inside of it censored. Sure. That makes a lot of sense. We're doomed.
And today's international fakeroversy (fake controversy) hails from a swimming pool in Paris in the land of France. What we have there is a woman who goes by the name of Carole who wished to use the local swimming pool. She ended up being banned in the pool because she was not wearing swimming attire which had been deemed appropriate for such an activity (ie, all the swimming). According to the AP, France has "...unusually strict hygiene standards in pools". I don't know what "unusually strict" is supposed to mean when it comes to "hygiene standards in pools", but I wrongly assumed that it had something to do with bodily functions when, in fact, it has to do with the attire that you wear in the pool. (Actually, I think I'm in favor of unusually strict hygiene standards in most instances which involve members of the public. Have you been out in public? Heathens, I tell you. Unhygienic heathens roaming about!) I then again wrongly assumed that this woman must have been banned for being unclad or less than clad (going by the French standards of clad, of course). In fact, she was banned because she wanted to wear the Muslim equivalent of a swimsuit, the burquini, in the pool. Behold!
Oh, what the hell is that? THAT is a woman clad in a burquini (or burkini). Yes. She was going to go swimming in that! Now, if you're like me and you were thinking that a burquini is a cross between Delta Burke and a martini, well, you'd be wrong. The word "burquini" is a cross between a "burqua (or burka)" and a "bikini (or bikini)". I, for one, think that sounds asindiculous (a cross between "asinine" and "ridiculous") and for one glaring reason. That get-up that she's wearing has absolutely NOTHING to do with a bikini! It's not in the bikini family! It's not even a neighbor of the bikini! I doubt that it would even be the bikini's pen pal! But I digress. Where was I? OH, right...asinidiculous.
The public pool policy of the French says that "...swimmers are prevented from wearing any street-compatible or baggy clothing, such as Bermuda shorts, in favor of figure-hugging suits." Apparently, the guidelines include "...swimsuits for women and tight, swim-specific briefs for men — and caps to cover their hair. Bathers also must shower before entering the water." Sounds fun and relaxing, doesn't it? Yeah, not so much. So clearly, the woman's burquini did not conform to those standards. Thus, she was banned. That would be the end of the story if she wasn't Muslim. Then again, if she wasn't Muslim this wouldn't have happened in the first place...because she wouldn't have been wearing the burquini at all! She would have been wearing more appropriate pool attire. Perhaps like that of Carla Bruni, wife of France's President Sarkozy. Behold!
You guessed it. Because she's Muslim, her not being able to swim in the pool whilst fully clothed is due to her being Muslim...if you ask her. If you ask anyone else, they'll tell you it has nothing to do with Muslim and that it had to to with the fact that what she wanted to wear in the pool isn't allowed. Nope. Not according to her. According to her? Muslim!
When she purchased the burquini, she did so because "it would allow me the pleasure of bathing without showing too much of myself, as Islam recommends. For me this is nothing but segregation." See, and that's where it becomes apparent that she and I are difference because for me, this is nothing but her needing a dictionary so she can become familiar with the term "segregation" and what the actual definition is because this is a lot of things, but it is not segregation.
I would have (yes, again, incorrectly) assumed that not being able to wear something that looks like a cross between a housecoat and a wet suit in the pool would be a safety issue. When something like that gets wet, it's going to add a ton of weight for you to carry around. Drowning sounds like an option in that scenario. No public pool wants the drowning stigma attached to it. But it turns out, the reasoning isn't necessarily safety. If you believe a one Daniel Guillaume (with the choice job of being "a regional official in charge of swimming pools), he said "....swimmers throughout France must wear special clothes to the pool, whereas a burquini could be worn all day long, collecting everything from food spills to sweat along the way." Spills? Maybe, maybe not. But sweat? OH, heck yes they're sweating in those things! It'd be like spending every day in your own personal traveling sauna.
Mr. Guillaume said, "These clothes are used in public, so they can contain molecules, viruses, et cetera, which will go in the water and could be transmitted to other bathers. We reminded this woman that one should not bathe all dressed, just as we would tell someone who is a nudist not to bathe all naked." VERY glad to hear about the "don't bathe naked" guideline there. That was some good thinkin'. (You think there's problems with the burquini? Double those problems if you've got a naked guy.) I disagree with Mr. Guillaume's rationale, as the "molecules and viruses" that he cites would likely be killed by the chlorine in the pool. That's just an aside to the fact that "molecules and viruses" are transmitted in a gazillion ways, and being fully clad in a swimming pool is probably just one of them. (Since when did "molecules" become part of the conversation?What happened to good old fashioned bacteria?)
As far as the purchase of the burquini (God, I'm hating that word SO much right now), "I thought that it could enable me to enjoy the pleasure of bathing without uncovering myself, as Islam recommends.” Yeah, see, that's the thing. Islam recommends a lot of stuff and not all of it is acceptable. Perhaps she is unaware that for women, Islam is a bit repressive. She also said, "I understand that it might shock people, but I am annoyed because I have been told that it is a political matter. I didn’t set out to cause a stir." Well then, whoever is telling you that it is a "political matter" is wrong. It's not. (She's not listening.)
I guess she might have viewed this next statement she made as some sort of a threat or something, but it's really a grand solution to the whole thing. Actually, it's the most reasonable solution to the whole thing. She said, " “I will fight to try to change things. And if I see that the battle is lost, I cannot rule out leaving France.” You're going to leave? France? You're going to leave France if you can't swim wearing a complete track suit? That sounds like the best solution I've heard yet!
See, that's how a lot of things work. If you don't like it how it is where you are, you are able to go somewhere else where you might find the surroundings and the rules within a bit more to your liking. Are folks supposed to be appalled by that? You want to take your ball and go home? Have at it. Can I pack your burquini for you?
You know, I don't really know who I'm standing up for here or who I'm defending here. I think that it must just be the truth. Because in the case here, what you're going to hear from other sources is likely going to be wrong, but even the correct version isn't exactly accurate. See why I'm confused? Let's begin.
President Barry felt the need to go over to Egypt and make a speech. Something about bringing the regular world closer to the Muslim world. I'm assuming he means the non-violent Muslim world, because the violent Muslim world, well, there's just no reasoning with those folks. They think that they need to be all bomb-y and kill-y in the name of something for someone. (Or the other way around. I always get confused with my extremist groups, how they like things phrased.) But see, the non-violent Muslim world, I don't think much of the rest of the world has a problem with those folks. I don't. Again, it's the bomb-y and the kill-y ones that I have a problem with.
So he's speech making in Egypt. Yay, President Barry. Or something like that. And during his speech he made an interesting assertion. That assertion being, "One of the points I want to make is, is that if you actually took the number of Muslim Americans, we'd be one of the largest Muslim countries in the world." Um, what?
Yeah. That's what he said. Now, you're going to hear it misquoted from a variety of sources. You're going to hear that he said that the US IS one of the largest Muslim countries in the world. You're going to hear that the US is THE largest Muslim country in the world. And you're going to hear that President Barry wants us to BE the largest Muslim country in the world. All false. All of them.
But back to what he actually said. It's an odd statement in and of itself. "IF you ACTUALLY took the number of Muslim Americans." IF? ACTUALLY? If I actually did that? Well, first of all, why wouldn't I and second of all, why I haven't I been? What in the world is that supposed to mean? Regardless, it's misleading at best. See, technically, there are 195 countries in the world. I say technically because you can get differing answers on why there isn't only 194 or 19. Answers and reasons which I just can't see getting into right now unless my goal is to bore you half to death. And rest assured, that is NOT my goal. (Hard to tell with some posts, I realize, but I swear, not my goal.) So in order to technically qualify as "one of the largest Muslim countries in the world" all you really need to do is break into the top 97 1/2 countries and you can say that you're "one of the largest" in the world.
Well, if you come in at 97 1/2 (quite the feat considering we're talking about countries, I realize), sure, you're "one of the largest", but you're not larger than the other 96 1/2 ahead of you. (And 96 or 97 of something, when you only have 195 of that thing, that's a lot of that thing!) And that's sort of how the United States stacks up in terms of where it stands as a "Muslim country".
See, I think of a "Muslim country" as one that is just chock full o'Muslims and runs on Muslim. I don't think of the United States as a "Muslim country", regardless as to how many Muslims are living here, mainly because we don't run on Muslim. But even if I wanted to think of the US as a "Muslim country" I'd have to think again because the United States comes in 52nd in terms of the sheer number of Muslims in a particular country and it doesn't even rank in the top 60 in terms of the percentage of Muslim population to the entire population. That all according to Wikipedia. Again, remember that anyone can edit Wikipedia, so you've kinda gotta take it for what it's worth there, but it seems rather inclusive.
The United States, in terms of number of Muslims in the general population, comes in as one of "the largest Muslim countries in the world" at number FIFTY TWO and ranks ahead of only Albania, Malawi (Madonna's foreign nation of choice for adopting children from), Kenya, Eritrea, Serbia and Montenegro (for some reason, those two are grouped together. Not sure why, but feel free to delve on your own!), Lebanon, Kuwait, and the United Arab Emirates in the top 60.
But ranking ahead of the United States in terms of number of Muslims within a country? Well, that would be, starting at the top, Indonesia, Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, Turkey, Egypt, Nigeria, Iran, Algeria, Morocco, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Sudan, Iraq, Uzbekistan, Ethiopia, Russia, Yemen, China, Syria, Malaysia, Tanzania, Mali, Niger, Senegal, Tunisia, Somalia, Guinea, Azerbaijan, Burkina Faso, Kazakhstan, Tajikistan, Côte d'Ivoire (which is the Ivory Coast. Since when did the Ivory Coast get all fancy on us and start going by Côte d'Ivoire?!), Congo (Kinshasa), Libya, Jordan, Chad, Turkmenistan, Philippines, France, Kyrgyzstan, Uganda, Mozambique, Sierra Leone, Ghana, Cameroon, Thailand, Mauritania, Germany, and Oman. Holy. Crap.
First of all, I'm not totally sure that all of those are real places. I haven't even heard of some of them and I'm fairly well versed on which nations are on this planet. But not well versed enough, apparently. I know at least one of those places is where Borat is from. Other than that, after about the first twenty I don't know a whole lot about most of them with the exception of France and Germany. Wow. France and Germany, really? Check yourselves. That's all I can say. I'm also thinking about the overall well being of those countries and again after the first twenty and with the two exceptions, I can't really say that it's all that great. Coincidence? I don't think that one really has anything to do with the other, I'm just throwing that out there, hoping to incite some sort of online hooplah or something. But seriously, why not more prosperity in countries with largely Muslim populations? It's a legitimate question.
The United States does not even rank at ALL in the top 60 nations when counting the percentage of Muslim citizens. The top 60, in order are: Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, Somalia, Maldives, Turkey, Western Sahara, Iran, Algeria, Mauritania, Yemen, Tunisia, Oman, Comoros, Djibouti, Morocco, Pakistan, Libya, Iraq, Tajikistan, Jordan, Qatar, Senegal, Azerbaijan, Bahrain, Egypt, Mali, Niger, Gambia, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Indonesia, Bangladesh, Syria, Guinea, Kuwait, West Bank and Gaza, Kyrgyzstan, United Arab Emirates, Albania, Brunei, Sudan, Malaysia, Sierra Leone, Lebanon, Burkina Faso, Chad, Nigeria, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Bosnia, Côte d'Ivoire, Guinea-Bissau, Tanzania, Macedonia, Suriname, Serbia and Montenegro, Mozambique, Cameroon, and Malawi. The United States, with 2,350,000 Muslims (again, according to Wikipedia), would fall somewhere between 61st and 70th by my estimations.
So what's the actual percentage of Muslims in the United States. With a population of 304,059,724 and a Muslim population of 2,350,000 the percentage works out to be 0.00772874476. That's about 0.7 of 1 percent. And yet President Barry is proclaiming the United States to be one of the "largest Muslim countries in the world." What is up with that?
I don't know. I really don't. I'm really not one for a bunch of ass kissing or playing numbers games. One of my favorite parts of President Barry's inauguration speech is when he said "We will no longer apologize for our way of life." Finally! So now we're not apologizing, we're manipulating the numbers to make it look like we don't have anything to apologize for? (And we don't, but I'm just saying.) Look, we can be a perfectly good country with perfectly good people inhabiting it and still NOT be a Muslim country! And we ARE! We can respect other countries and other religions without being a Muslim country! And we DO! So President Barry, with all respect sir, please just let us stand on our own merits for what we are and please stop trying to make us sound as if we're something we're not so that radical extremists will like us. Because those folks will never like us, no matter what. So why bother trying to make a mold for us to fit into that you think they'd be more willing to accept?
I had asked what was wrong with the denizens of Florida that they were all so dim-witted, soft-headed and borderline mentally retarded. I never came up with an answer as to why, but I did present material that illustrated how I could make the assumption that Florida has become a refuge for the idiotic and the inane. Turns out, I probably should have asked what the problem is with the folks in Texas. Or at least what's wrong with the 23% of Texans polled that think that Barry is a Muslim. Good Lord, people.....
Fresh from the online site of the Houston Chronicle, we learn that a poll conducted by the University of Texas of registered voters statewide found that "...23 percent of Texans are convinced that Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama is a Muslim." See, I would have added the word "secret" to make it read "secret Muslim". Doesn't sound ridiculous when you say it? "I think he's a secret Muslim." Yes, it sounds hilariously asinine. (It looks even more asinine. See below.) But 23 percent of y'all down in Texas think it's a fact. Then again, 45 percent of y'all incorrectly thought that he was a Protestant. So, basically, 68 percent of y'all that were polled really should not vote. For anything. Not even dogcatcher.
The article says that the Texas numbers are surprising because nationwide, only 5 to 10 percent of people are moronic enough to think that Barry is a Muslim. Actually, a lot of the numbers in this poll are surprising to me. And they don't paint a very pretty picture of Texans. Or a very smart one. Actually, just the smart one, I don't care what y'all look like. (I'm fairly confident I can pick out the idiots on sight and just avoid them altogether, so I'm good there.) I do care about what it is exactly that you're so afraid of that you have to convince yourself that Barry is a Muslim. Are you afraid that after he gets elected he's going to turn the White House into a pyramid? (Although I'd really like to see that, I highly doubt it would happen even if Barry is elected. Why? Well, one, because it's silly. And two, because he's NOT a Muslim!)
34 percent of Texans in this poll said that they approve of the job that George W. Bush is doing. 34 percent?! Are you kidding me? Who are you people and what is your rationale for your "approval"? Oh, but 8 percent of you approve of the job Congress is doing? Again, I'd like to know what those 8 percent are basing their "approval" on because right now, Congress sucks. Congress clearly ranks lower than things like gonorrhea, paper cuts and leprosy. What have they done? I can't think of one single positive thing, which really makes me wonder what those 8 percent came up with that would cause them to give Congress the ol' thumbs up.
And for some reason, the article seems to find it almost surprising that George W. Bush's approval rating is so low. After all, the article points out that "Just 34 percent of Texans approve of Bush's job performance — a big change for a former governor who won re-election 10 years ago with 70 percent of the vote." Yeah, that's a shocker, isn't it? TEN years later and people's opinions have changed! Amazing. Who'd a thunk it? That's not even a valid comparison to even try to make.
So, one more time. Barry is not, repeat, is NOT a Muslim. And actually, I'm seriously beginning to question why it is that a ridiculous amount of people still want to believe or say that they believe that Barry is a Muslim. It's pretty easy to figure out or find out that he is not a Muslim. (Have I mentioned that he's not a Muslim? He's not, you know.) Yet, a surprising number of people claim to think he is a Muslim.
It makes me wonder if (sadly enough) it's the race thing. I am well aware that there is a portion of society out there who will not vote for Barry simply because he is "technically black." (His Mom was white, but his Dad was black and people just tend to think of him as "a black guy".) And if you said that you weren't voting for someone because they were black, well, that would be frowned upon in most circles. And in most squares, as well. But to not vote for someone because you think they might be a secret Muslim? For some reason, that is more acceptable than saying that you wouldn't vote for someone because they were black. I don't get either one, (they're both stupid reasons not to vote for someone, by the way) but I have to wonder if that's part of the deal with this stuff. The video below is a fine example of the moronicism (Why, yes, I do believe that is a word.) that some people possess and express.
I didn't think that the concept of "satire" in humor (or as humor) was all that difficult of a concept. But apparently it is. And it's not just difficult for regular people to get, it's difficult for people who publish magazines to get. Well, people who publish magazines like Vanity Fair. They definitely have a hard time with the "satire" concept. The people who publish magazines like The New Yorker? Oh, they get it.
I need to back up here. A lot of people seem to be confused about who Barack Obama is as a person, how he grew up, what his heritage is and what he believes in. According to a Pew Research Center poll whose results were published on July 15, 2008, 12% of people polled believe that Barack Obama is a Muslim (that 12% also includes people who thought he was Islamic, so they're the same for this purpose. They're kind of the same for a lot of other purposes, though. I'm just saying.). That 12% is actually up 2% from a poll done by USA Today who published their poll results on April 1, 2008 which said that 1 in 10 (or 10% for those of you not willing to do the math) believed that Barack Obama was a Muslim. For God sakes, people. Where DO you get that kind of info? (He's not a Muslim, by the way.)
Well, there are several places they get that kind of information. (He's NOT a Muslim, by the way.) Part of it stems from his name. It is extremely unfortunate to have the name Barack Hussein Obama these days. I mean, come on, if you hear "Hussein" you think "Saddam", do you not? Well, sure you do. But that doesn't mean you have to think that he IS Saddam Hussein or that he has anything to do with Saddam Hussein. And then there's the Obama part. I listened to one ignorant redneck being interviewed on some nightly newscast in the south who, when asked what religion Barack Obama was, replied, 'His name sounds like Osama, so I think he might be Islamic. If you just change one letter in each one, you have the same name. Take the "B" and make it an "S" and you have Osama." And even when a guy standing nearby asked him, "Well, my name is Andy. So are you saying that I hold the same beliefs as someone named Randy? Because they're just one letter off." The redneck replied with, "I don't think you get what I'm saying at all." (Well, that's probably the only thing Cleetus got right all day because I don't get what the hell kind of logic that is at all.) And when the reporter asking the question said to him, "You know, however, that he's actually NOT a Muslim, right?" the guy replied, "No." Nice. Someone should point out the the moron that not only is his last name just one letter away from "Osama", his first name RHYMES with IRAQ! Eh?! What does that tell you?! Huh?? Not much, unless you're Dr. Seuss.("I do not like that man, Barack. Because I think he's from Iraq.") (He's not a Muslim, by the way.)
So having a name that reminds people of Saddam Hussein AND Osama bin Laden does NOT help matters for Barack. I mean, the Osama/Obama pronunciation similarity has caused even the most seasoned newscasters to misspeak and say "Osama" when they meant to say "Obama". The only way it could be worse is if the guy's name was Adolf Hickler.
Those are just some basics. Sorry that I had to spell them out like that, but it's relevant to explaining the lack of understanding the concept of satire that seems to be way more prevalent than I would have thought. (But I don't know why I wouldn't have thought that. After all, it is MY tagline at the top of this blog that reads "Never underestimate America's capacity to ignore the blatantly obvious.")
The thing about satire that makes it funny is that it's so ridiculous. Thus, you take something that is "ridiculous" and you "ridicule" it. (Hence the term. Clever, eh?) So The New Yorker, in an attempt to show just how ridiculous the "Barack's a Muslim & Michelle isn't proud of her country" rumors are, had the cover of the July 21, 2008 issue illustrate all of these rumors. And if you see the cover and you think about it, it's really funny. But if you see the cover and you don't think about it, you won't think it's very funny at all. If you're an idiot, you'll be more convinced now than ever before that Barack IS a Muslim. (He's not a Muslim by the way.) Here's the cover:
OK, come on, THAT is funny! Do you REALLY think that's who Barack and Michelle really are? (Are we to believe that if WAS a Muslim and he had spent his entire life/career covering it up and then he suddenly slipped and let it get out just as he was trying to be elected President of the United States? I don't think so. I think if you've been that good at keeping something covered up your entire life, you're going to do a pretty good job of continuing to cover it up as you're running for freaking President. In fact, I'm sure of it.) Yes, that's exactly how the White House will be if he were to be elected. Michelle would suddenly start sporting the Angela Davis 'fro and carrying her AK-47 around the Oval Office wearing camouflage pants and combat boots! And she will greet her husband Barack, (who will be swaddled in an Islamic robe and will be wearing a Taliban style turban) with a terrorist fist jab as they warm their cold, cold souls in front of a fire which is fueled by the US flag burning bright beneath a full framed image of Osama bin Laden. These are all of the things that people are afraid of and when you put the all together and illustrate them in full color, you get a sense of how ridiculous all of it really is. Or do you? (It's a rhetorical question. Because while WE get it, THEY do not.)
Maybe if they had added a unicorn or had that Lucky Charms leprechaun be Secretary of State it would have helped people understand that it's NOT true and that it's satire! The cover is making fun of the RUMORS! It's NOT making fun of Barack and his "Muslim beliefs"! (He's not a Muslim, by the way.) But even Vanity Fair didn't get it.
The Vanity Fair cover shows John McCain looking very old and in need of using a walker. There is a large bandage on his head (I'm not sure if that is in reference to old people falling and bonking their heads a lot or to the two or three bouts of skin cancer that he's had). He is giving a terrorist fist jab to his clearly, much younger wife, Cindy, who is cradling an armful of what appear to be prescription pill bottles. The fire in the fireplace is fueled by the Constitution. And hanging over the fireplace is a framed portrait of who I think is supposed to be George W. Bush (portrayed as if he were part Vulcan). And it's unclear to me if the light blue blotches on the rug that McCain is standing on are supposed to be part of the rug or if they are supposed to indicate a problem with incontinence. You know, because he's old.
Do you see the difference? The majority of the McCain cover is TRUE! It's not satire! I mean, I hate to break it to the folks over there at Vanity Fair, but McCain really is old! He's 72. THAT'S OLD when you're running for President. (That's kind of old even when you're NOT running for President) His wife IS a lot younger than him. And she DID have an addiction to prescription pain medications! He did have skin cancer! (He may have bumped his head! I've bumped mine! Usually on purpose after seeing things like the Vanity Fair cover.) Those things are TRUE! I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that Michelle Obama has never had an addiction to AK-47s.
The walker thing would only be comparable to the "Obama is a Muslim" thing (He's not a Muslim, by the way) if it was rumored that he actually used a walker in private and tried to hide it from the public. But it isn't, so it's not the same! The pill bottle thing would only be comparable to the "Michelle has an AK-47" thing if it was rumored that Cindy McCain had an addiction to pills. But she really did, so it's not the same! Do you see where I'm going with this? Vanity Fair doesn't get it. That is correct.
Look, while I see what the New Yorker's point was, it certainly didn't help anything, except for quite possibly, their sales. If their goal was to freak people out, they should have waited until after he won the election. That would have caused that 12% of the population who think he's a Muslim (He's not a Muslim, by the way.) to all have a heart attack. I can picture it now...."Oh, my God! Look who we've elected President! Aaahhh!! My chest!" But that wasn't their goal. Their goal was to show how ridiculous all of the rumors are. Unfortunately, the number of people who understood that were the people who already understood that the rumors were ridiculous to begin with.
Listen, if you don't want to vote for Barack Obama for whatever reason you have, that's fine. You're not obligated to tell anyone who you voted for or why you don't want to vote for someone. But since so many people feel like they DO need to justify WHY they're not voting for Obama, I'm going to offer a suggestion. (He's not a Muslim, by the way.) If you don't want to vote for Barack, don't vote for him because he has ideologies that really seem to be of a socialist nature. And he also seems to be in favor of many socialist-like programs. So if you need a reason not to vote for him, don't vote for him and say it's because he might be Muslim. (He's not a Muslim, by the way.) Don't vote for him and say it's because of his socialist-like platforms. At least then you won't sound like a moron.
And if you don't want to vote for John McCain because he's old, well, I don't know what to tell you. He is old. Is he old and incapable? I don't know. Is he old and capable? I don't know that either. But don't not vote for John McCain because you think he's a Muslim. (He's not a Muslim, by the way.) I just figured I'd throw that in. With all of the confusion that seems to be running rampant these days, it seemed necessary.
We have a problem. Actually, we have two problems. They are, in no particular order, Mississippi and Alabama. Let the jokes about people in the South begin! Oh, what? You don't like that? Too "stereotypical" for you? Let me take this opportunity to point out (once again) that all stereotypes come from somewhere and the South isn't doing much to make sure that doesn't happen. And really, it's embarrassing. The rest of the country weeps for you, Mississippi and Alabama. Jesus...
Catchy, no?). They have released information based upon a poll that they did of "likely GOP primary voters". They surveyed 600 such folks in Alabama and 656 such folks in Mississippi. (Now, in all fairness, I don't know if that is an adequate enough survey sample to make these results statistically valid. I do know that it's a fair number of people polled. If it had been only one hundred or two hundred, I wouldn't even bother with the results. But at least six hundred seems to be a fair number.) Among the questions these 
In Alabama, 45% of the people who could figure out how to press the buttons on their phone said that President Barry was a Muslim. 45%! And another 41% were "not sure". So, over there in Alabama, 86% of the folks surveyed either think he's a Muslim or just don't know! And eighty-six percent is getting really close to the number where you can say things like "Dang near everyone thinks this." Eighty-six percent. Now, I will also point out that when asked "Do you believe in evolution?", sixty percent answered that they did not believe in evolution. (And after reading some of these poll results, I'm actually questioning how far along the evolutionary process has actually gotten in Alabama.) 13% were "not sure" of evolution. So more people either believe President Barry is or could be a Muslim than they do believe in evolution. I think I'm going to cry.
Things aren't much better over yonder in Mississippi, either. When they were asked if President Barry was a Muslim, 52% of those mouth breathers said that they believed he was. And 36% said that they were "not sure". That's eighty-eight percent for those of you keeping track. Eighty-eight percent either think he's a secret Muslim or don't know if he is or not. Eighty-eight. As you can imagine, evolution isn't faring too well in that part of the country either. Sixty-six percent of Mississippians (Mississippites?) don't believe in evolution. Two-thirds. Didn't happen. Eleven percent were "not sure". Seventy-seven percent don't believe in or are not sure of evolution, but eighty-eight percent are leaning toward a secret Muslim in the White House. Oh, how I wish that I could prove a direct correlation between the two schools of thought. (Don't get me wrong. I think we both know the correlation is there. I was just saying that I wished we could prove it.)
This is not good. This is not good at all. And I'm not actually sure which one appalls me more, the secret Muslim part or the evolution part. It doesn't seem to be something that correlates with race, as 54% of the softheads in Mississippi and 67% of the ones in Alabama think that interracial marriage is OK. (Barely over half, Mississippi? You should be ashamed of yourself. What are you afraid of? It's 2012!) I guess the only correlation is the deep south. Well, that and that most of the people that answered these questions said that they were somewhat to very conservative. That's really giving conservative folk a bad name! I'm going to say this again and I know it won't be the last time that I need to say it. President Barry is not a secret Muslim. He's a socialist. I repeat, a socialist. Now if only the southern states can pull their heads out of their collective arses long enough to hear and understand that message, then things can start getting back to normal around here. (And by the way, evolution happened. It did. If you need proof, it's called science. Now knock it off and start answering poll questions that are based in fact correctly.)
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