Breaking Bad Sitcom

The TV show Breaking Bad returns tonight on whatever channel it's on.  It's a fairly intense show.  That's why I find it even more amazing that someone was able to piece together parts from the show and have it appear as if it were a sitcom.  A bad sitcom.  Likely from the late 80s or early 90s.  Complete with laugh track.  Yes, it's that bad.  Behold! 

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C Is For Crazy

Listen, if Cookie Monster tells me to do something, I'm pretty well going to do it.  So when the title of his latest video (Who knew that Cookie Monster would even have a latest video?) is called "Share It Maybe", I'm going to do just that.  Behold! 

  

What'd you think? Cute, right?  Yeah, but if you're like me, some of the politically correct lyrics were not lost on you.  Seriously, have people become so freaking full of themselves that they are now monitoring what puppets say?!  How else can you explain the line "Let's get skim milk flowing"?  Skim milk?  Really?  Because puppets need to worry about the fat content of the milk that they intake??  Look, I know that it doesn't seem like it, but I swear that I try to be optimistic about some things.  (Why are you laughing?)  But when a Cookie Monster video feels the need to be politically correct with the inclusion of skim milk in the lyrics, that's when I know that we really, truly are doomed.  C is for Cookie?  More like C is for Crazy.

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Hello, Older Self

I should have done this.  I should have made a video when I was younger so that I could watch it when I was older and then have a virtual conversation with myself.  Then again, maybe not.  Do I really want to be remembered (in first person, none the less) of some of the atrocious things that I thought and/or did?  Probably not.  But this guy ended up having a very amusing and fairly entertaining conversation with his younger self. Behold!

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A Fall Is Still A Fall

Here's today's ""Holy s***" moment for you.  Here is a guy who goes by the name of Aisikaier.  He's a tightrope walker in China. For some reason, he felt the need to walk a tightrope that was 650-feet high.  Not only that, he felt the need to do it backwards AND blindfolded.  Yeah, OK, so that didn't really go very well.  Yep.  He fell.  Now, if you read the account of it over at Colorado's Channel 9 News, you might not get the idea that this was a big deal because they said that since he was kind of close to the end of the 2,300-foot walk that "...the drop wasn't as large as it could have been."  I don't know about you, but any sort of a fall is going to feel pretty large when you're a blindfolded tightrope walker.  Here's a video of his not-very-large-by-some-standards fall. 

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This Is Why People Don't Come Forward

The Sandusky case has gone to the jury. I was looking for a different video when I stumbled upon this one. Holy crap. This woman is a danger to society. I appreciate wispy little Anderson Cooper sticking with his line of questioning and keeping just enough of an incredulous tone in his voice to get across that he thought she was nuts, while at the same time downplaying his disgust with her enough so that she would continue answering questions with her more than bizarre justified answers. This woman is exactly the sort of person who makes it terrifying for those who are sexually abused or assaulted to come forward and face their perpetrators. This woman is exactly the sort of person who allows these sort of horrible crimes to continue on and repeat themselves over and over because she is in too much denial to see the facts and to accept the truth. If you know this woman and you're ever sexually abused, don't expect her to help you. She will simply explain away all of the reasons why you're wrong and go about her business. Try not to throw anything at your monitor when you watch the video. If it doesn't play, try clicking here and watching it over at CNN.

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Revisiting Rodney

So Rodney King died yesterday.  I have to say that he made it longer than I thought that he would have.  The guy has a mess load of problems even before he had the holy snot beat out of him by a bunch of a-hole cops.  If you look at statistics for guys like Rodney (who apparently went by Glen most of the time), they don't usually make it to 47.  And really, he's lucky that he made it past that one night.  But now he's dead and as is the custom, people have spent a lot of time reflecting on the riots that took place and on the beating that he received.  I guess I won't try to be any different.  Here's the video of Rodney King getting the crap beat out of him. You know, he was pretty forgiving after all of this happened. Probably a hell of a lot more forgiving that I could ever be. Maybe we can all learn just a little bit from that. I can certainly think of at least one person who could use a pretty good lesson in forgiveness these days.

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Who Talks Like This?

It's not like Mitt Romney has never run for President before.  Hell, it's not even like he's never run for office before.  He managed to get himself elected Governor of a small state, but I have no idea how.  Then again, the state was Massachusetts.  There's a lot of uppity folks there.  Maybe they are used to people who talk like Mitt does.  Check out the clip below.  Tell me if you have ever heard anyone use the terminology that Mitt uses when discussing the activities that a 7-foot tall man might be expected to participate in.  Ready, go!  

  

See what I mean?  Who talks like that?  Figured that he had to be "in sport"?  Singular?  Not plural, as in "sports"?  He seemed pretty astonished at the fact that he had met someone who was seven feet tall.  Maybe that's something that has never happened to him before and he was just overwhelmed by all of the tallness so that made him sound like some sort of robotic, British vaudeville performer. All I know is that I have never heard anyone refer to someone's athletic abilities as being "in sport".  What part of connecting with real people does he not quite understand, I wonder?

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What A Page Turner

I guess that if I'm going to continue reading the paper in the morning, I should maybe consider trying to liven it up a little bit.  After all, a good portion of what the newspaper has to offer me I've already read the night before online.  It's a little depressing.  I enjoy a newspaper.  This might be just what I need to put just a little bit of the enjoyment back into it. 

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Survey Says

Richard Dawson died yesterday.  If you were living under a rock in the 1970s (also, not having been born yet is an acceptable answer), Richard Dawson was the original host of the awesome game show Family Feud.  Staying home sick from school in the 70s was always awesome for me because there were a slew of game shows on.  I remember the giddy anticipation of being able to lie on the couch for hours on end and watch these fabulous game shows.  Daytime Wheel of Fortune.  Concentration.  Card Sharks.  The Price Is Right.  And of course, Family Feud.  Richard Dawson always came across as one smooth dude.  He kissed every woman on there (upwards of over 20,000 by most estimates) and was always a gentleman even when things weren't going all that smoothly.  Below is one of my favorite Richard Dawson/Family Feud moments.  It cracks me up every time.  Survey says...we're gonna miss you, Richard. 

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One Per Customer, Ma'am

This video is old (2007), but I still find it highly amusing.  There are some things money can't buy.  A little sense appears to be one of them. 

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In A Galaxy 35 Years Later

This weekend, this Memorial Day weekend, it is the 35th anniversary of the release of Star Wars.  I saw it with my family in the theater when I was eight.  I don't know what's worse.  That it was that long ago that I saw that movie or that I totally remember the trailer that I have provided you with below.  (Or here if it doesn't work.)  I guess neither one of them are very settling.  And after watching the trailer, quite frankly, I'm amazed that this thing ever got off the ground.  It doesn't look that impressive.  Really?  Those were the best scenes that they could think of to tempt us with?  I mean, I guess it must have worked and all, but in that case, what does it say about us, the viewers?  We sure were awfully accepting of mediocre entertainment before the Internet came along to constantly amuse us 24 hours a day.  But really, I don't perceive the movie itself being as mediocre as this preview seems to be.  I don't quite get that.  Maybe you can explain it to me.  Behold! 

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At Least It's Something

I got nothin' today.  I think all of the gay marriage crapola has wiped me out or something.  So here's Marcel the Shell to entertain you. 

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Watch out, Bo!

Why this song hasn't received more attention in the few weeks since it has been out is beyond me.  It's hilarious.  Continuing to play on the not-so-recent revelation that President Barry ate dog when he was a child in Indonesia, some genius came up with a parody of the delightfully 80s tune by Hall & Oates "Man Eater".  The lyrics are awesome, but the real highlight is the chorus that goes:

Ohhhhh, here he comes.

Watch out Bo, he’ll chew you up.

Ohhhhh, here he comes.

He’s a dog eater.

Seriously brilliant, don't you think?  OK, at least it's funny.  And all of you people out there who find the time to do these things?  I salute you.  You are the treasures of the Internets.  All of them.  Full lyrics are below the video.  Behold! 

He only comes out at night To find a tasty bite 
Nothing is new, I’ve seen his gaze before 
Watching and waiting 
He’s sitting with you but eyeing some Basset Hounds


So many to taste and see 
Chihuahua friccasse 
Dear Leader is wild, but he’s tamed by the taste of a puppy’s tail 
Served up on a platter 
The school lunches are sure gonna get bizarre


Ohhhhh here he comes 
Watch out Bo he’ll chew you up 
Ohhhhh here he comes 
He’s a dogeater 
Ohhhhh here he comes 
Watch out Bo he’ll chew you up 
Ohhhhh here he comes 
He’s a dogeater
 
I wonder if Michelle approves 
Fried puppy just won’t do 
Poached poodle flan, the One will really rip their fur apart 
Mind over matter 
Tele-promp-ter glaze but a beast is in his heart


Ohhhhh here he comes 
Watch out Bo he’ll chew you up 
Ohhhhh here he comes 
He’s a dogeater 
Ohhhhh here he comes 
Watch out Bo he’ll chew you up 
Ohhhhh here he comes 
He’s a dogeater

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3 Awesome Grandmas

Turns out that while everyone seems to have heard that Kim Kardashian made a sex tape (that launched her into an inexplicable career that no one can define, but that continues to net her millions of dollars each year through her numerous television shows that no one can define either), not everyone has seen it.  I mean, of course I haven't seen it.  I would never do such a thing!  Nope.  Not me.  Uh-uh.  Wait.  Where was I?  Oh, right.  People other than me who haven't seen the sex tape.  It turns out that there are three older women out there and two of them hadn't seen it either.  But the third one had! As she filled the other two in on a little bit of what she had witnessed, they became a little more than intrigued.  Once they found out that it could be found on the Internet, the laptop came out and the viewing began!  And so did the commentary.  That's where the hilarity comes from.  These women are awesome.  I have the feeling that they've seen their share of stuff in their life.  Who hasn't?  This video only shows the three awesome ladies.  It does not show Kim or Ray J or anything that they do and any sort of foul language is bleeped out.  I'll let you decide from that description if this is a safe for work thing.  I guess it could be NSFW, but everything is just implied, so I don't know if that counts at where you work.  But if it does and you can't watch it there, please watch it when you get home.  You won't be sorry. 

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Caine's Arcade

This is one of the best things I have ever seen. I love the imagination of little kids. I also love it when I come across a little kid with ingenuity and determination and a real passion for whatever it is that the kid might be into at the moment. Caine Monroy is one of those kids. Over the summer, Caine went to work with his dad every day at his dad's used auto parts store in east LA. As a fan of those arcade games where you can win prizes, Caine set out to build his own arcade using his awesome imagination, a bunch of cardboard and a whole lot of packing tape. The only problem was that there wasn't a lot of foot traffic to his dad's store because most of the store's business had gone online. Enter a guy named Nirvan Mullick. Nirvan saw the awesomeness of Caine's arcade and asked permission from Caine's dad to make a short movie about Caine. Below is that movie. It's amazing. Simply amazing. If it doesn't play, click here.

I've watched this several times. And now I can almost watch it and not want to cry! When I was little, I loved the video games in arcades. I always dreamed of having my own arcade at home. Now that I'm a "grown up", I'm slowly building that arcade in my garage. (I'm up to three games! And I'm getting ready to put in planetary carpet that glows in the dark!) I know that sort of love for something that Caine has. He says at the end of the movie that he was proud of what he had made. He should be. It's awesome.

By the way, there's also a website and there's a fund set up for donations to a college fund for Caine. So far, it's over $100,000! Obviously, I'm not the only one who finds this whole thing incredibly touching and who finds Caine to be an exceptional individual. Check it out. You won't be sorry. Way to go, Caine!

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I Got Nothin'

I got nothin' today. I mean nothin'. I'm all Trayvon-ed out right now. I'm not a gazillionaire, as I did not win Mega Millions. (But to those who did, congratulations! You're looking stunning today! Have I mentioned I'm your biggest fan?) There's just nothing. So here's an amusing video featuring Mitt Romney. Who are you people who take the time to do these sorts of things? Do you just sit around for hours and days on end and sift through the minutiae of the Internets until you find just the split second clip that you need? You must. And more power to you. These are very amusing. I just can't believe the amount of time that you put into it. Your dedication to your craft is commendable. And with that being said, behold!

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Obama Money!

So yesterday I showed you a video made by Alexandra Pelosi (and despite her mother, Nancy Pelosi, probably being related to the devil, Alexandra seems like a charming woman) where she went to the heart of Mississippi and gathered some opinions about Obama. As you might be able to imagine, the responses were not exactly favorable (or tooth filled, in at least one instance). And as promised yesterday, here is the flip side of that. Here is Alexandra Pelosi interviewing welfare recipients in New York and getting their opinions about Obama. As you might be able to imagine, the responses were certainly more favorable than those from the south. That doesn't mean that it's going to give you a warm and fuzzy feeling all over inside. No, it will probably do quite the opposite. Regardless, here's the video. (As always, if it doesn't show up or play, click here. Enjoy!

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Welcome To Mississippi

A little while ago, I think I had mentioned that Nancy Pelosi's daughter had made a video where she interviewed folks from Mississippi about their thoughts on the current President. I don't know exactly what the goal was, but if she was attempting to reinforce stereotypes (or at least help show how stereotypes are usually rooted in at least a little bit of fact) then she did a bang up job. And don't worry! She interviewed folks who have a better opinion of President Barry in a separate video. We'll see that one tomorrow. Today we have the toothless dissenters from the south. If it doesn't show up, click here. Behold!

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I'm From The Government And I'm Here To Help You

OK, I find the very, very end of this video super-duper cheesy. But the message that the rest of it conveys is worth that little bit of cheese. If you know people who just don't get what kind of debt this country is taking on, have them watch this video. It's less than a minute. And it's fairly simplistic, so even your friends that tend to have the permanent gaze of livestock should be able to understand it. If it doesn't play, click here. Meanwhile, behold!

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Doomed Due To Leap Day

I was really having a tough time trying to figure out something to post for today. Maybe that was because I was so confused about Leap Day the other day. Oh, no, wait. That wasn't me. That was the chick in the video below. Um, I should probably warn you that you may want to kill yourself after viewing this video. You will definitely want to kill the girl. Oh, and there's a boatload of profanity in it. It really adds to the charm of it all. Is it rather loud, as she is shrieking, so you might want to turn down your speakers or something. Unless you like that sort of thing, in which case, I can't help you very much. I certainly hope this chick is the exception and not the norm these days. I mean, I know we're doomed. But I don't want to be doomed at the hands of this chick. That would just add insult to injury. And who needs that? We're already doomed, why make it worse?

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