Breaking Bad Sitcom

The TV show Breaking Bad returns tonight on whatever channel it's on.  It's a fairly intense show.  That's why I find it even more amazing that someone was able to piece together parts from the show and have it appear as if it were a sitcom.  A bad sitcom.  Likely from the late 80s or early 90s.  Complete with laugh track.  Yes, it's that bad.  Behold! 

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He's Kind Of Old, Isn't He?

Both Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez have quit American Idol.  Naturally, they're going to have to be replaced.  We can't have just Randy sitting there all by himself saying, "Yo, dawg" without anyone to back him up or disagree with him.  And we're going to need someone who really has their finger on the pulse of what America wants in terms of their next pop singing star.  We're going to want someone who can relate to the American Idol audience and be someone that we look forward to seeing every week.  We're going to want...Jerry Lewis? 

That's right.  For some reason, according to USA Today, "...Jerry Lewis, who was mentioned on Nigel Lythgoe's wish list with Charlie Sheen, is definitely in the mix." In the mix?! In the mix of what?! Poligrip and Metamucil?!  Don't even get me started on what I think about that crazed loser Charlie Sheen.  Why on earth anyone would think that we want his weekly opinion on anything other than blow and hookers (which I will readily admit that he is more than qualified to judge and should probably be listened to) is beyond me.  But Jerry Lewis?  When was the last time he sang with Dean Martin (who died 17 years ago at the age of 78)?  More importantly, who cares?!  Actually, I take that back.  Who remembers?!  I'll tell you who remembers.  Everyone who is NOT watching American Idol, that's who. 


Jerry Lewis?  You have got to be kidding me.  In a way though, this is kind of typical of how American Idol does things.  Ever pay close attention to the guests that they have on the very last show?  Almost no one is currently relevant.  Actually, almost no one is even recently relevant.  Sure, they have feel good people on there like Neil Diamond, but is he really going to hit the mark with the majority of American Idol's target audience?  Hardly.  Then they always trot out some ridiculously old rocker who doesn't know he's ridiculously old (eg, Iggy Pop and Rod Stewart, both of whom performed sans shirts for reasons that are still being questioned by everyone who had to witness that atrocity of nature, not to mention the optometrists who had to treat said viewers).  There's the defunct pop-star (Chaka Khan is still alive?), the one-hit wonders (Herman's Hermits, anyone?) the recent American Idol contestants who may or may not have won (we can't remember) that come back to try and plug their album that will end up selling 25,000 copies (mostly to churches holding raffles).  All of those "acts" the American Idol people feel are a good idea and add something to the show.  They don't.  They never had.  And now, with the possible inclusion of Jerry Lewis, we're going to have that same sort of irrelevance and confusion all season long.  Grand! 

I had a hard enough time following this last season of American Idol without my interest waning about two episodes into the real deal.  I cannot take five months of Jerry Lewis and/or Charlie Sheen.  And what if Jerry dies halfway through the season?!  That's kind of going to put a damper on things, isn't it?  Will the contestants have to sing funeral songs the following week?  It's just a bad idea all the way around.  If they don't want to do American Idol anymore, just say so.  No need to run it into the ground before you go. 

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Breaking News Or Something

BREAKING NEWS!  Well, according to the Huffington Post it's breaking news.  For me, it might be my breaking point. Brace yourselves.  Jimmie Walker is not a fan of President Barry.

That's right.  Jimmie Walker.  Now, if you're sitting there and thinking to yourself, "Who the eff is Jimmie Walker?" I have the feeling that you are not alone.  See, Jimmie Walker was the star of a relatively successful television program that went off the air in 1979.  I'll save you the trouble and do the math.  It was thirty-three years ago.  Of course, just because his show went off the air six presidents ago, that doesn't necessarily mean that he isn't relevant.  I mean, he's not, but it's not really a given.  He hasn't done hardly anything since then (unless you're going to count his Syfy movie Super Shark, and why wouldn't you?) and even if he had, I don't know why we would care what he thinks about President Barry.

I don't know exactly how it was that Jimmie Walker was asked about his views on President Barry and I'm not so sure that I care to  know.  Actually, I'd like to know who asked him about them because I have a few questions for that person.  Questions like "Was Todd Bridges not available?" and "Do you know what Sherman Hemsley thinks about gay marriage?"  Oh, and of course "HOW IS THIS ACTUAL REPORTING?!?!"

We really need a moratorium on all sorts of political "reporting" until about two weeks before the election (which cannot come soon enough, thank you very much).  And we need a complete end to asking once-celebrities what they think about anything political.  And dear God, if you're someone who is going to base your vote depending upon the political leanings of Jimmie Walker, please, please don't vote.  Ever. 

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I Have A Question

I have a question.  Several, actually, but I'm going to try to whittle it down a bit.  I've been logging a little bit of time with some of the various hoarding shows on cable TV.  I don't remember if it was regular Hoarders or Extreme Hoarders or All-American Hoarders or what, but it was one of those.  For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, well, I envy you.  But it's basically what it sounds like.  It's a show about people who hoard things.  Not obsessively collecting things.  No, hoarding.  Hoarding is like collecting, only it's with  completely useless crap.  And sometimes, the word 'crap' is used literally.  I'll wait while you ponder that.  Got it?  Let's move on. 

So the person is usually essentially trapped in their house because of all of their hoarding.  It starts with the show spending the first bit of time kind of getting to know the person and examining their situation.  Then comes the part that I really don't understand.  The voice over says something about how they're going to bring in a consultant to help the hoarder with their problem.   

A consultant?!  What the hell is there to consult about?!  "Your place is a mess.  What say you clean it up?"  There!  I just consulted with every single person that has been featured on every single show.  A consultant?!  "Hey, Jim.  I've noticed that you're kind of up to your neck in feces and newspapers over here.  Um, what say we tidy up a little bit and throw this crap out?"  Was that so  hard?!  A consultant?!  Are you kidding me?! 

I guess that they have to call it something.  Everyone needs a title or something like that?  I just find the idea of an actual consultant to be highly amusing.  OK, I think I'm done here.

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There's Not That Much Talent

America's Got Talent was on tonight.  I've seen a better selection of characters, but at least there was some variety.  Now, variety is something that you're not going to find on Buraydah's Got Talent.  Yeah, they're a little bit more rigid with their rules over there in Saudi Arabia, as I'm sure you can imagine.  It starts with no women or children being allowed to participate and it just goes from there.  I don't know how they're going to find the next Susan Boyle without allowing women in, but then again, that might not be exactly what they're looking for.

 As long as you're not a woman or a child and you don't sing or dance, you can participate in this odd, odd talent contest according to the Daily Mail.  I know that doesn't seem like it would leave a lot of options, but I'm sure they improvise.  Camel riding, maybe?  Or wait!  Camel racing.  There we go!  Or maybe the guy just stands up there and says, "Here's my talent:  I shall kill a Sunni."  (Wait.  Are they Sunni or Shiite in Saudi Arabia?  I always get them mixed up.  I think they're Sunni.  Actually, that makes the joke a little bit funnier.  I'll leave it.) Maybe they drill for oil?  I don't know exactly.  I am merely speculating because it's amusing to do so. 

So what is allowed?  Well, there is religious chanting, of course!  You can't have a talent show without a religious chanting category!  Sticking with that theme, you may also showcase your talents in the religious poetry category.  Now, I'm kind of thinking that religious chanting is just religious poetry with a beat.  I'm really not seeing a lot of difference between the two.  And the final category is sporting feats.  I don't know if that means things like juggling or if it means playing soccer.  Soccer seems like it would be odd.  I realize that it's a popular sport over there, but it's hardly a "talent". 

What sort of acts could they have?  Is chopping off people's hands for shoplifting considered a talent?  What if the guy can lop it off right exactly on the wrist, first try, while blindfolded?  Now that would be a talent!  It'd be gross, but talented.  I'm really at a loss as to how these meager categories would be sufficient enough to find "talent".  What's the slogan going to be?  "Come for the religious chanting.  Stay for the religious poetry."  It's catchy, but I don't think it's enough.  This is amazing.  And by 'amazing', I mean incredibly boring. 

I wonder if they follow the same format as America's Got Talent.  Do they have people try out and then the judges mock them mercilessly when they fail to impress?  ("You call that a Quran reading?!  Get outta here!"  Then the contestant goes offstage into the arms of Mom, who's wearing her full beekeeper uniform, and is told "You really are talented!  You don't listen to those judges! They don't know a good religious chanting when they hear one!  You can really read the Quran.  You'll be famous one day for...reading the Quran.  You'll show 'em!")  What if the religious poet has a lisp?  Are they going to pick on him and point that out before denying him his trip to...to...I guess I don't know where they go.  In America, the contestants that make it past the first round go to Vegas.  There's not a lot of religious chanting and religious poetry readings going on in Vegas, so I'm guessing it won't be there.  Mecca maybe? 

I know different cultures are into different things, but this seems like it would be incredibly boring on any standard.  No women.  No children.  That should tell you something right there.  Nothing but religious themed vocals and undefined acts of sports.  Are they that starved for good entertainment over in Saudi Arabia?  Never mind the good part.  Just entertainment in general!  Well, good luck to them.  I hope that they find their next Saudi Arabian sensation...whatever that would mean.

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Survey Says

Richard Dawson died yesterday.  If you were living under a rock in the 1970s (also, not having been born yet is an acceptable answer), Richard Dawson was the original host of the awesome game show Family Feud.  Staying home sick from school in the 70s was always awesome for me because there were a slew of game shows on.  I remember the giddy anticipation of being able to lie on the couch for hours on end and watch these fabulous game shows.  Daytime Wheel of Fortune.  Concentration.  Card Sharks.  The Price Is Right.  And of course, Family Feud.  Richard Dawson always came across as one smooth dude.  He kissed every woman on there (upwards of over 20,000 by most estimates) and was always a gentleman even when things weren't going all that smoothly.  Below is one of my favorite Richard Dawson/Family Feud moments.  It cracks me up every time.  Survey says...we're gonna miss you, Richard. 

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The Ancient American Idol Finale

I am a fan of American Idol.  I've watched every season except for the first one.  And I've noticed that things have gone downhill since the days of Carrie Underwood.  (Then again, how could things not go downhill after her?  Have you seen her?  Have you heard her sing?  She's amazing.  That's when the show peaked.)  And while I can remember some of the past contestants, I'm not so great at remembering the acts that they've had during the past seasons.  But I have noticed something about the finales. 

The finale the other night had on such guest stars as Neil Diamond, Chaka Khan, John Fogerty and Reba McEntire.  Aerosmith even showed up an played a set.  (Jennifer Lopez did a song as well.  I don't really remember what she sang because I was too busy trying to figure out why she was wearing sparkly MC Hammer pants.)  There was also a tribute song to Robin Gibb.  (If you're going to have tribute songs during a celebratory finale of something, can't you at least make it an upbeat song?  Why must every remembrance tune be some slow and schmaltzy that just takes all the wind out of your sails?  Though I am willing to concede that for the recently departed Robin Gibb, playing Stayin' Alive, while upbeat and likely his most famous song, would have probably been slightly inappropriate.  At the very least, ironically uncomfortable.)  And as I'm watching these dogs and ponies get trotted out onto the stage, I began to wonder if they were going to have anyone out there who was under sixty. 

What is the fascination with ancient music stars being brought out for the American Idol finale?  They always do it and I always don't get it.  And they wonder why their ratings are dropping?  How about not catering to the 50 and over crowd during the shows?  Considering that the main audience is the 18-49 demographic and the main voting demographic is teenage girls and family members of contestants, I'm not so sure that they're doing themselves any favors by bringing Neil Diamond on stage.  Don't get me wrong.  I love me some Neil Diamond.  But I just don't think that he's exactly a fit for American Idol. 

There were more age appropriate to American Idol acts that were at the finale.  Rihanna did her thing, whatever that's called.  (I'm not a Rihanna fan.  The only reason that I would consider going to see the Battleship movie is if I knew that she got killed in it.  That would make it worthwhile for me.)  And I think that Jordin Sparks sang.  Jordin Sparks, if you aren't familiar, was the last American Idol winner that wasn't a WGWG.  That's White Guy With Guitar to you.  But other than those two, and the already rejected American Idol wannabes from this season (one of whom I did not recognize at all and had no recollection of him ever being on the show, let alone singing), it was a senior citizen fest.  All they needed was a shuffleboard court painted on the stage and it would have been like an old folks home up there. 

And I keep reading about how the ratings are down from previous seasons.  Well, of course they are!  American Idol had massive, massive ratings there for a while.  Phenomenal would be one way of putting it.  Of course they're going to go down eventually.  And even though they're down, they're still higher than (from what I can tell) all of the scripted shows that are out there.  So while I don't think that they should be that worried right now, if they keep inviting the elderly to sing on their show, then maybe there will be cause for worry.  Actually, I think that I'd be more worried that they have this successful show and they don't seem to know how to cater to their target demographic.  Then again, I guess with the ratings that they get, maybe they don't need to cater to anyone.  Other than the elderly, from what I can tell.

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Congratulations

The Masters golf tournament wrapped up yesterday. I'm not so much into golf, but I do enjoy a nice Tiger Woods meltdown every now and then. But even his kicking his club when he hit a spectacularly bad shot wasn't as amusing as what happened at the very end. (And he wasn't even involved.) Yeah, for me, the best part was at the end where the winner was supposed to shake hands with some other guy. Somehow, things got a little confused. I don't know how that's possible considering that a handshake isn't exactly the most complicated exchange in the world, but it happened. And it amused me. Behold!

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Stop Something 2012

By now, I'm sure that you've had someone try and make you watch the Kony 2012 video. I guess that I'm all for awareness, but I don't like things like this because I worry that it gives people the feeling of false accomplishment. Oh, I watched a video! My knowledge of this subject is going to change the world because I'll tell everyone how bad it is and when everybody knows then things will be different. Yeah, no. You know what happens when you watch a video? Any video? You get to see whatever that video was about. That's it. Maybe you learn something. Maybe not. The point is that the world is going to be exactly the same after you've watched as it was before you'd watched.

But I digress. My point here is that while I think the whole Kony campaign awareness thing (I really don't know what to call it) is commendable in a way (that people just can't think of anything else to do other than post that link or that picture on their Facebook page), can't we all come together and try to rid the planet of another abomination that is taking over? It might not be as bad as the Joseph Kony guy kidnapping children to use as sex slaves and soldiers, but it's right up there. Behold!

See? The horror! This must end before any more children are subjected to this evil torture! Act now! Put it on your Facebook wall! Do whatever you must to spread the word! Because really, do you think your simply spreading the word about the Kony thing is going to help? In words that would be similar to those of the great Jay-Z, "If you posting 'bout Kony, I feel bad for you son. He took 99 kids and your status saved none."

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There's Always Room For JLo

The Oscars were last night. And apparently, there was an unexpected appearance by Jennifer Lopez's left nipple. The Internet is all abuzz about it. There's even a new Twitter account for "JLosNipple". (And you 1,407 people who are now following this short-lived novelty account really need to find a different hobby.) I swear, if this turns out like the Great Janet Jackson Nip Slip of 2004 and I have to hear about it for the next eight years (at least), I'm going to have to recommend that all women at all award ceremonies wear a burqa. (I realize that sounds a little restrictive, but not really compared to the wrath of the FCC and their inane rules and regulations.) And I'm not totally sure that there's anything there that we even saw. You tell me. Behold!

THAT?! THAT is what people are flipping out over?! THAT is what a Twitter account was created over?! THAT?! Are you kidding me?! Are we even sure that is anything at all? I don't think that we can be. There might be some nipple there, but maybe not. And besides, this IS Jennifer Lopez, right? It's not a nun or anything like that, correct? Have people lost their collective minds?! Am I the only one who remembers what sort of outfits Jennifer Lopez tends to wear? Let's have a quick refresher course. Here's what she wore on New Year's Eve. Behold!

Holy cow. I gotta say that I feel like I'm seeing a lot more with her in that outfit than I was seeing in the picture with the alleged areola sighting. Let's look at what she wore to the 42nd Grammy awards. She's all but naked. (No! Not all butt naked. All but naked. You know what I mean!) Behold!

You have GOT to be kidding me! She's not even wearing shoes! This is like the bare minimum of clothing that one would have to wear in order to not get arrested. Can we get a closer picture of this? CLOSE UP!

Her breasts are nearly falling out of that. Is that a Christmas bow on the front trying to hold it all together? Holy canoli. And people are freaking out that maybe an eight of an inch of her nipple poked its way out of her dress on TV last night? That's a joke, right? It has to be. There's no logical way to explain any sort of uproar. Quite frankly, I'm a little surprised every time she shows up anywhere fully clothed. Look at the ad that she came out with this year for her new perfume. Look at it!

See, she's not kinda naked there. No, she is naked there! Full on naked! (And lookin' good might I add. I wonder what the fragrance smells like? Ha-ha, no I don't.) But people are all up in arms about her nipple that may or may not have made an appearance? This is the sort of thing that honestly makes me crazy. It makes me want to fight people. Look at the picture that was taken at the Academy Awards last night and then look at this picture for her fragrance. If you're going to be up in arms about something, shouldn't it be the fragrance ad?! (And don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you should be up in arms about the fragrance ad. I'm just saying that if you have to have your arms up, shouldn't it be for something arm-up-worthy?) What is wrong with people?! If I hear that the FCC is looking into this, I will be able to state once again and with all certainty that we as a people are completely doomed.

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A Year Of Being Unnecessarily Censored

Jimmy Kimmel has put together "This YEAR In Unnecessary Censorship". Unnecessary censorship being where they bleep things out even though they're not "dirty" or inappropriate. It's fantastic. And when you listen to it, you really do think that they bleeped out something that was unsuitable for the dainty ears of the viewer. Which then brings up the question as to whether or not it has actually been made inappropriate when it wasn't and isn't. I'm still not sure. You can decide for yourself. The video is below. Behold!

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Every Time I'm Asked To Help Someone Move

I've been catching up on episodes of The Big Bang Theory. It's an entertaining show. I can oddly relate to the four, smart, misfit science nerds trying to negotiate their way through various social situations. That Sheldon guy comes up with some stellar observations, only one of which is below. He's a wise man, that freak of nature. A wise man indeed.

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They Can't BE Gay

People are running out of ways to spend the (apparently) inordinate amount of free time that they seem to have. They're turning to alternative methods of idiocy by targeting puppets to get gay married. You know. Because everyone already knows that the puppets are gay. Wait. What?

Yep. Over there at change.org there's a petition that was started by someone named Lair Scott. (I think it's a dude.) The goal? To "let" Ernie and Bert of Sesame Street fame (and likely fortune) get married. Never mind that they're puppets. Never mind that they're not gay (because they're puppets, that is correct). This guy thinks that they should be able to be married and that if enough people sign his little petition that it will happen. Or something like that. Here's the text of his petition, behold!

Let Bert & Ernie Get Married On Sesame Street In this horrific age of LGBT kids taking their own lives, they need to know that they ARE BEAUTIFUL and their lives are worth living. Aside from those that are committing suicide, the bullies that facilitate these tragedies need to learn that homophobia is NOT okay. They need to know that acceptance of their fellow human beings would indeed plant a seed of peace that will reverberate throughout the world. We are not asking that Sesame Street do anything crude or disrespectful by allowing Bert & Ernie to marry. It can be done in a tasteful way. Let us teach tolerance of those that are different. Let Sesame Street and PBS Kids be a big part in saving many worthy lives.

Has this guy even watched Sesame Street at all?! I don't think that he has. If absolutely nothing else, Sesame Street already teaches that everybody is different and that it's OK. And they all seem to co-exist quite well. You've got a big bird (literally) that has an imaginary friend (Mr. Snuffleupagus) and we're cool with that. You've got a monster that is blue and eats cookies all the time. You have another monster that is green and lives in a smelly trash can. You have Bert and Ernie who are orange and yellow. You have that simpleton red monster, Elmo. There's birds and frogs and chickens and pigs. And they all seem to live in perfect harmony, all the while teaching us about the alphabet AND numbers up to twelve. They don't need to be gay! (But I will say that Grover does have a rather effeminate aura about him. He's a little flamboyant. I'm just sayin'.)

Seriously, what is it with people? Are they just so happy with their own act that they don't even see that they're making things worse with all of their "enlightenment"? People don't need to be categorized and labeled! It's OK if there isn't a gay puppet on TV. Really. It IS! If they would just calm down and not let things go to their heads (and then come up with the ridiculous project of trying to get a couple of puppets to be "able" to get married), I'm pretty sure that things would work themselves out. I swear! Even without gay puppets, I think that things will turn out just fine.

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Same Name As A Rapist

There's this new show called "Same Name". I don't think that it would be classified as a game show, but I don't know exactly what genre I'd put this disaster in. The premise is simple. Someone with the same name as a "celebrity" switches places with that celebrity. I don't know if we're supposed to expect shenanigans or what. I also don't know if we're supposed to be surprised that two people, even those with the same name, have incredibly different lives. Pretty much, the lower that you keep your expectations for this show, the better.

Now, I missed the first episode. It apparently involved a couple of David Hasselhoffs. I wonder if the non-celebrity David Hasselhoff had to go to celebrity David Hasselhoff's house, get rip-roarin' drunk, strip to the waist and attempt to eat a cheeseburger whilst lying prone on the floor while a fifteen year old films him and reminds him that his job doesn't want him to drink. It really seems like the most logical path to take. But here's where I realized that this whole idea can kind of take a rather weird turn.

The second episode involved a couple of Mike Tysons. The one poor Mike Tyson was some sort of a nurse who had to go and box. The other poor Mike Tyson was Mike Tyson. He had to go and be with other Mike Tyson's wife and kids. And that's when I started thinking.... Wait a minute. Mike Tyson is a convicted rapist. (Full disclosure: I think that Mike Tyson got a raw deal when he was convicted of rape and sent to prison for three years. But that doesn't change the fact that he is a convicted rapist, right? Right. Let's continue.)

So let me get this straight. This woman is supposed to be OK with a convicted rapist (and well-known ear biter) sleeping in her house with her and her two children? While her husband is...somewhere else? What the hell kind of a show is that?! (Don't touch that dial! Coming up next...Live With A Rapist!) Who else are they going to swap lives with? Charles Manson? Casey Anthony? Michael Vick?! Where does it end?!

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It's NOT Offensive!

With so much asininity going on all over the place today, I decided to flip a coin. Then I flipped it again. Then I flipped it again. Then I flipped it yet again. Finally, I got bored flipping the coin and decided I needed to pick a topic. I went with one of my favorite occurrences, one I love to despise. I went with a company pulling an ad because A group complained about something that doesn't even exist to complain about.

The gutless, spineless, wussy-ass company in the spotlight this time is General Mills and the commercial for the product that shouldn't even be in question is for Yoplait yogurt. According to the Huffington Post, a group called NEDA (the National Eating Disorders Association) believes that the commercial "...could trigger dangerous behavior in those suffering from eating disorders." Wow. That's a pretty powerful commercial. Or not. Let's see what the commercial entails.

According to the article (well, and the commercial), what we have is a young woman who appears

to be of regular weight standing in front of an open refrigerator. In front of her is a massive raspberry cheese cake with a huge slice taken out of it. The woman does what a lot of people (not just women) do when they're looking at a delicious freaking dessert like raspberry cheesecake. She starts to figure out how she could eat some. She thinks first about how it would be all right because she had been "good" that day. (I'm assuming that is referring to her eating habits and not some sort of willfull disobedience of the law.) Then she ponders whether eating celery sticks along with the slice of cheesecake would balance it out. (I'm pretty sure that works.) Then she comes up with the idea of jogging in place while she eats a large slice. (I'm pretty sure that would work too.) Then she wants to jog in place AND eat the cheesecake AND eat the celery sticks. She's just full of ideas, that lady is.

That's when a co-worker or some other mystery woman comes up behind her and exclaims, "Oh! Raspberry cheesecake!" And she reaches into the refrigerator and grabs a container of Raspberry Cheesecake Yoplait yogurt (which is delicious, by the way). The would-be-jogging woman notices that the yogurt woman looks like she has lost weight. Cut to a picture of the product and then back to the woman who has decided upon the Yoplait yogurt for herself instead of the cheesecake and is sitting happily at a table eating her yogurt. The end. Do you feel like developing an eating disorder now? No? Huh. I guess that's because NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS!!

HOW on earth is that supposed to trigger something in people with eating disorders?! Well, if you ask the president of the very annoying NEDA, a one Lynn Grefe, she will tell you "[For those with eating disorders], opening a refrigerator is like walking off a bridge. And to see this behavior in a commercial tells people with eating disorders, see, it's even on TV. It's ok and normal for my head to go through all these mental exercises." Oh, for Christ's sake.

Soooo....God, I don't even know where to begin. I guess the obvious. Does that apply to any depiction of an opening refrigerator on TV? Because if it does, half of the TV shows out there and half of the commercials out there are going to need to be cancelled. And don't forget about the movies! My GOD, the movies! And if this applies to food, of course it must apply to other things. For example, people who are violent. If they see violence being depicted somewhere, they must automatically think that it's OK. Same with drug users. Same with people who are knocked up. All just fine because, by using the NEDA logic (which I can't not recommend enough) if it's "even on TV" then "it's normal for my head to go through all of these mental exercises." Oh, there's something mental going on here, that's for sure. But I'm not so sure that it's exercises.

Why does this have to be about eating disorders? Why can't this be about eating healthy and being a reasonable weight? Isn't that what

Michelle Obama has been trying to drill into the soft, soft heads of the American public? We need to make better food choices? How is that commercial anything other than a woman trying to make a good food choice? She isn't saying that she wants to eat the entire cheesecake and then vomit it up in the company bathroom five minutes later! She isn't saying that she has starved herself for the past two months, eating nothing but dust and Chiclets because she feels fat. No, she's trying to figure out how she can justify eating something that probably isn't the best choice all the time. How is this commercial about anything other than selling yogurt and trying to make responsible eating decisions? I don't get it.

According to various sources on the Innerwebs, it is estimated that approximately 8,000,000 people have some sort of eating disorder in the United States. With a population of approximately 307,000,000, that amounts to about two and a half percent. But if those two and a half percent complain, by God, you had better do something about it, right? Wrong! There isn't any INTENT in this instance! There isn't even any SUBSTANCE in this instance! The VP of Corporate Communications for General Mills, a one Tom Forsythe, responded "We had no idea...The thought had never occurred to anyone, and no one raised the point. We aren't sure that everyone saw the ad that way, but if anyone did, that was not our intent and is cause for concern. We thought it best to take it down."


You thought best to take it down WHY? Because you're spineless? Of course that thought never occurred to anyone. Why would it?! It's a non-issue. No one raised the point because there wasn't a point to be raised! And while he's right that everyone did NOT see the ad that way, he's totally wrong when he says that "We thought best to take it down." NO! That's not best. That's not best AT ALL! ALL a company needs to do in this situation is simply say, "We're sorry you're 'offended'. That wasn't our intent. We don't see the commercial as 'offensive'. We're not taking it off the air because there is nothing wrong with it." That's it. For a long time I have said that the first company to actually take this sort of a stance on an issue like this will see a windfall of profits. I guarantee you that if that article was about how Yoplait was NOT pulling their ad because a bunch of tight asses thought it would do...something....(I'm still not clear on their actual complaint)...I guarantee you that people would take notice and would buy that product. I don't even eat yogurt that often, but if Yoplait had kept the ad on the air, I would have made sure than whenever I did eat yogurt that it was Yoplait. The non-offensive video is below. But be warned! You could develop some sort of eating disorder by watching a woman open a refrigerator and try to decide what to eat. Lord only knows what other conditions you could come down with after watching it and I won't be held responsible. It's your doing, really.

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Action Cat Theme Song

Does your cat need a theme song? What about some opening credits? You know, for the cat's non-existent TV show? Well, some guy has gone ahead and done just that. It doesn't hurt that his cat's name is Steve McQueen. It also doesn't hurt that the music is from the opening credits of MacGyver. It's amusing. And amusement never hurts.

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It's Not A Threat, Nancy!

You might want to have an ice pick handy with which to use to stab out your ears when you listen to the clip below. What we have is the insufferable Nancy Grace, who still has a cable TV show for some reason. If you're unfamiliar with this woman, her show goes something like this: She doesn't listen to anything that anyone has to say. She will argue with her 'experts'. She has no intention of presenting both sides of any story. And she also seems very pleased with her own act. She seems to be a horrible woman, which is why I don't watch her show.

But I did run across the clip below where she is arguing with a one Bernie Rayno who is the senior meteorologist (take that for what it's worth) at something called Accuweather.com. (As I perused their FAQs, I learned that they have ads on their website to keep their content free. That's normal. I also learned that they feel that there is nothing wrong with 2 pop-up ads every five minutes. That's not so normal.) He is trying to assure Nancy Grace that there is no reason for people on the California coast to be panicking about any radiation from the damaged nuclear reactors in Japan making its way over here in harmful amounts. She does not want to be reassured. She wants to instill fear into the hearts and souls of those softheaded individuals who are actually watching her show and listening to what she says. The interaction between the two is below.

I do enjoy how the weather guy seems to know that she isn't going to want to hear anything that he has to say if it would involve calming the fears of people who are so out of touch with reality that they are actually afraid of something like this. And as for her declaring that the governor of California has declared a state of emergency, Mr. Meteorologist hit the nail on the head (though I wish he could have hit her on the head) when he exclaimed, "For radiation?!" And alas, his disbelief is warranted, as the state of emergency was issued because of excessive rainfall in some areas. I'm not quite sure what she gains from setting off a minor panic amongst the dullards of this world, but she seems to really enjoy herself.

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Not Working Means You Don't Work

If you ask anyone other than Charlie Sheen, they will tell you that Charlie Sheen seems a little crazy these days. In fact, most folks will tell you that it sounds as if Charlie Sheen has gone completely off the rails. But they would only say that because he sounds exactly like that is what has happened. He sounds like a crazy man. And he keeps calling into various radio talk shows to try to profess that he's not a crazy man, but I really think that's doing him more harm than good at this point. Really, I think that what would help him the most is just to keep quiet for a little while and stop irritating people who pay his salary. The other thing that would help him to not look so crazy is for him to stop saying that he's going to show up for work on Monday when there is no work to show up for. Wait. What?

Correct. See, for some reason, the guys that are in charge of the gold mine that is the television show Two And A Half Men have decided to cancel the remainder of the production season. The show has already been on hiatus for a few weeks while Mr. Sheen is supposed to be trying to kick his unhealthy ways. Apparently, things like trashing hotel rooms because you think a $20,000 hooker stole your watch and going on weekend cocaine binges coupled with unlimited sex with various mattress actresses really gets the attention of your "superiors" and causes them to think that you might have "a problem". Go figure.

But the other thing that catches the attention of your "superiors" are saying things in interviews that aren't exactly complimentary to those who are in charge. Most people, in charge of anything or not, would not take kindly to being called, among other things, "...a stupid . . little man and a p***y punk." And "This contaminated little maggot can't handle my power . . . Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words." (By the way, in that first quote, the redacted part does not say 'puppy'. I thought I should throw that in there just in case you were confused as to why he would be calling someone a puppy. He wasn't. It was more of a feline insult, if you will.)

So after all of this attention getting and even after all of the times that Charlie Sheen has been saying that he doesn't have a problem with anything, the New York Post reports: "Claiming he is completely sober, actor Charlie Sheen said today he plans to show up for work despite CBS's decision yesterday to pull the plug on the top-rated comedy "Two and a Half Men" this season." OK, see, those are not the actions of a person who is completely sober. Or maybe they are, but the person is just sober AND crazy. You see, Charlie, there's no work to show up for! That's part of what they mean by they have cancelled the remainder of the season! There's no more work there. It's done. And your showing up is only going to serve to make you look crazier than you already do. Please don't show up for your non-existent job/work on Monday, Charlie. Please. I realize that the show's character was sort of written just for someone like you, but even the character wouldn't show up for work when there was no work there for him. He'd stay home. You should do the same. Stay home with one of your female porn enthusiasts and stop giving interviews that make you sound like your brain is riddled with a late stage syphillitic condition.

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Leave Charlie Sheen Alone

There's an awful lot of scary stuff going on in the world right now and I need a break. Thank God for Charlie Sheen. (There's a sentence I never thought I'd type.)

As you may or may not be aware, Charlie Sheen is in rehab. And from what I can tell, he is none too happy about it. I base that solely on a text message that Charlie apparently sent to a one Dylan Howard, the senior editor at RadarOnline which read: "People don't seem to get it.... Guy can't have a great time and do his job also? Bunch of turds." Is it sad that it doesn't surprise me at all that Charlie Sheen has the number of the senior editor at RadarOnline? It's certainly not shocking, that's for sure.

Charlie Sheen is a party animal. He seems to like to work during the week and then turn his weekends into one long, drug fueled, stripper fest with a bunch of mattress actresses. But then on Monday or whenever it is that he is supposed to be back on the set of "Two and a Half Men", he's there! He puts in his time, he does his job and everything is fine. Yeah, not so fast.

"Two and a Half Men" is gold to CBS. That show nets them millions and millions. And they don't want anything to happen to their cash cow. Unfortunately, the cow likes to really party it up in the barn with all of his hooker heifers. This apparently has people worried for his "well-being". And really, in this situation, I don't know if they should get all up in arms about it.

See, some people can really party and still manage to live. Have you seen Keith Richards lately? He looks awful, but you can't tell me that thirty years ago, folks would have bet money that he'd be alive and kickin' it today. No way. But some folks are just like that. The human body is amazing. So many people think that the body is some precious little snowflake, but in reality, the human body kicks ass. It can take an awful lot of abuse. And Charlie Sheen seems pretty bent on seeing what his limits actually are.

On the one hand, I understand why people are concerned about Charlie Sheen. It would appear that he is on the path of self-destruction. On the other hand, as long as he can do his job and function, does it matter? I mean, no one wants to see anyone self destruct. I get that. But is he hurting anyone besides himself? Does he have children? Yes? OK, then. That's not good. If he was child free, I'd be free of criticism (other than the fact that someone with that much money should really find a better use for it other than hookers and blow). But he's not, so let's not overlook that.

Considering that the show is about a drunken womanizer (which is basically what Charlie Sheen is in real life), I don't know that CBS should really be messing with a good thing. After all, the show does seem funnier when you're aware of the back story that goes on in real life. Let him do what he does and leave him alone.

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What Is Internet?

Technically, the Internet hasn't been around that long. Granted, I have a hard time remembering what I did in my spare time before the Internet. (I'd like to think that I was productive, but who knows?) Then again, I was an early adopter of the Internet. Are you kidding? Something that allowed me to do stuff without actually having to talk to other people? I'd been waiting for something like that my entire life!

And when I was first introduced to the concept of the Internet, while I didn't quite understand all of it or the immense capabilities, I was able to grasp the concept of the "@" symbol. It's pronounced 'at'. You know that. I know that. You know who didn't know that? Katie Couric. (Are you really that surprised? Of course you're not.)

I'm including a link to some video from 1994 that has surfaced. (I would have just embedded the video, but for some reason, YouTube wasn't giving it up.) It was when Katie Couric was on Today with the insufferable Bryant Gumbel. Not only did they have a discussion over what "@" stood for, they were both completely flummoxed by the entire concept of the Internet in general. That kind of explains why they were calling it "Internet". No the. Just Internet. As in, "Can you explain what Internet is?" Even after they get their explanation, they're still not completely sure what it means. Bryant Gumbel is completely perplexed by email addresses and has no earthly idea what they mean, let alone what they're supposed to do. Click here to be taken back to the glory days of 1994, when Internet was just beginning.

And while I find it amusing, I'm a little perplexed on why those folks don't do any research for their job. Seriously, if they knew that they were going to be talking about "Internet" that day at work, don't you think that they maybe should have brushed up on what the heck it was first? I mean, they're already completely morons. Do they really want to appear to be complete morons? Hmm. I guess if I look at how things turned out for them today, I guess it really doesn't matter. Nope. Doesn't matter if you're stupid, you can still get ahead in media. We're scroomed.

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