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People could learn a lot from the little girl in the video that I'm about to link to because Blogger is being just totally awesome and not letting me post videos right now. She appears to be around 4 or 5 years old and has some definite ideas about the decisions that she is going to be making in her life later on. Her main point is that she will not and is not going to get married until she has a job. And she is adamant about it, too! She doesn't even care if her needing to have a job first makes the man go away. She says, "Fine. I'll just find a different man! This is my life." I'm telling you, I know people that need to listen and learn from this kid. She could give seminars to a select segment of society. Granted, they are that select segment of society mainly because they don't appear to listen to anyone, nor do they learn from their own mistakes. But that doesn't take away from the fact that she could give them all a very good talking to. Click here to check the girl out. Encourage people you know who could benefit from such wisdom to take a gander at it. It can't hurt.
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If I knew who to credit for the content below, I absolutely would. It's an example of why men don't write advice columns. Personally, I'm not sure why anyone writes an advice column that does not consist solely of the reply: "What is wrong with you? Why can't you figure this out on your own?" I always secretly hope that the majority of the letters that are published are just made up by the "advice columnist" because otherwise it would mean that there are a lot of people out there that really lack the ability to noodle through the blatantly obvious. Duh. 
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Can I call a priest a moron? What if he really actually is a moron? Then can I? Since there aren't really any rules for this sort of thing, I'm going to take it upon myself to assume that I can call him an moron and thus, I'm going to do so. You might even agree with me and want to call him a moron yourself. You can wait to make that decision until after you've read the gist of this ordeal if you'd like. I, however, am fully in the gist and will not wait any longer. You, sir, are a moron.
England and to the Church of St. Lawrence. (If you're on some sort of sightseeing expedition and would like to add this to your stops, that's in the northern English city of York.) According to a one Theunis Bates over there at Sphere, the Rev. Tim Jones presented his parishoners with an interesting direction for them to go forth and do with. According to the extremely misguided Rev. Jones, he explained to his parishoners that "...poor people struggling to survive should steal food and other essentials from shops, rather than raise money through prostitution, burglary or mugging." Um, wait. What now?
but from large national businesses, knowing that the costs are ultimately passed on to the rest of us in the form of higher prices." Um, wait ! That's all they have to do to make this OK with you?! To know that the rest of us are going to get screwed by higher prices as a result of Stealy McTakes-A-Lot over there?! That's it!? Tell me something. What, exactly, is all of this "knowing" supposed to accomplish? See, because usually, when you "know" something, it's so that you won't do it. "Just so you know, you cannot fly. Thus, if you jump out of that window, you will meet your splattery doom." That makes sense to know. But I don't know what good it is to "know" something if you're going to go ahead and do it anyway! "Just so you know, you're screwing over everyone else whose tax dollars are likely already enabling you to survive. Now shove this smoked ham underneath your coat and make a run for it!" 
Rev? Ever been poor? I don't think that you have. You'd be amazed at how much you "need" when you have "nothing". You'd also be amazed at how much you "need" when you're being enabled to "justify" stealing. While it may be true that some may "need" food, does that automatically mean that they "need" prime rib? What about lobster? What about super buttery crackers, not just Saltines? You'd be amazed at what folks think that they "need" when they're being told "Go forth, my son, and rip off thine vendors." 
which was "I would ask them not to take any more than they need....for any longer than they need." What does that even mean? For any longer than they need? Does that mean only keep something that you've stolen for as long as you need it? (Tell me how that's going to work with this purseful of pork loin that I just pilfered.) Or does that mean to only steal as long as you need to steal (as outlined by the Reverend's guidelines, I suppose)? Do you know what the difference is between the time that it takes to steal something and the time that it takes to go to work every day, earn a paycheck, cash that paycheck and then go buy that thing? It's a lopsided comparison at best!
retailers, including something called the British Retail Consortium. (Now, I don't know what that is, but it's a really cool name. Consortium. Is that anything like a well-organized militia?) The Consortium's speaker, a one Krishan Rama, said "You'd expect a vicar to appreciate the difference between right and wrong...There are no excuses for stealing." A novel concept indeed.
Reverend Jones's boss. No, not that boss (though I'd have to imagine that he was none too thrilled himself), but rather the flesh and bones boss, a one Archdeacon of York, the Venerable Richard Seed. (I wonder, if you are an Archdeacon, does that automatically make you venerable? I have no idea. I don't even know how one becomes an Archdeacon. It sounds kind of cool, though. It has a sort of superhero ring to it. The Archdeacon of York is here to save the daaaaayy!) He tried to distance himself from the remarks of Reverend Jones by saying "The Church of England does not advise anyone to shoplift, or break the law in any way." Finally! Someone with some sense over there in York!
worshippers to give more to charity, not incite them to snatch cookies from the corner store." Wait. How was it meant to do that? I'm not following you here. According to the Yorkshire Evening Post, you said, "My advice, as a Christian priest, is to shoplift." Huh. See, that doesn't really sound like encouraging worshippers to do anything other than steal things. Where does the encouragement for giving to charity come in? Oh, that's right. It doesn't! 
we've covered that one. But next is that now we have a priest who is lying to us! I don't think priests are supposed to lie! (I also don't think that they're supposed to be spending all of that time with those altar boys either, but that's an entirely different subject!) You really can't infer a whole lot from "My advice, as a Christian priest, is to shoplift" other than what it says! He might as well have just said "That was taken out of context." What context?! You said steal! 
But here's the part that just kills me. People who are poor, just like every other kind of people, come in two kinds. There are poor people who are smart and there are poor people who are just dumb as a post. Of those who are more likely to heed such a ridiculous suggestion, I'm going to guess it would most likely be the paste eaters. Tell me something, Reverend. Just exactly how good do you think these sorts of folks are going to be at all of the stealing? Seriously. He makes the assumption that if he tells folks to steal, that God is just going to guide them into doing it correctly and getting away with it. Just because you steal something, that doesn't mean that it's going to turn out the way you want it (that way being that you don't get caught and you get your stolen item for free instead of having to work for it like the rest of us, you thieving thief). You clearly didn't think this one through, Clem. Er, Reverend Clem. 
shoplifters doesn't make it through the front door with that lobster tail hanging out of their pocket and that package of frozen peas in their boots (I'm envisioning big boots, so stay with me here). Then what? I don't know about how things work in the UK, but over here in America, we arrest people for things like that. A lot of the time, they go to jail until they are bailed out. How much money do you think Thief-y von Petty Theft over there is going to have to put towards his bail? I'm guessing if he couldn't pay for that smoked salmon in his shorts, he isn't going to have a whole heck of a lot for bail, either. Then what? 
I know! Call Reverend Jones! He'll come bail you out! He's the one that suggested that you steal from businesses in the first place! I'm sure that his congregation won't mind their collection plate dues going to bail out an obedient member of their flock! Sure! No problem! Then again, how much of a flock is he going to have left after this debacle? Right. Probably the same size of a flock as he had before he became the poster child for holiday looting, not to mention holiday scrambling and lying. Whatever. As long as he and his pilfering flock stay on that side of the pond, I won't have to worry about it on this side of the pond. Dear God! Unless he's put his message on YouTube!
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News is good. We like news. We don't like news that is not news. Is Lindsay Lohan always news? Always? No. Is Lindsay Lohan without a shirt on making out with a chick who is much hotter than Samantha Ronson always news? Yeah, pretty much. (Hey! In order to make this particular analogy work, I needed someone hotter than Sam! What's wrong with that? It's two chicks hypothetically making out! I don't think it's time for complaining!) But where I get stuck is when the obvious (aka the 'not news') makes its way into the news stream or is presented as news.
the New York Times bearing the title "In Some Swimming Pools, a Nasty Intestinal Parasite". And they're not referring to that one neighbor kid down the street, either. It goes on to talk about how 
human rectum usually have names like that. There's always an -ium or an -ius at the end.) The reason it can live in chlorinated water is because it's a smart little thing that has a little egglike shell on the outside of it which allows it to hang out for as long as 10 days in the water. It's as if Superman were not vulnerable to kryptonite (and if he lived in poo). In 2007 there were 31 recreational water outbreaks (ie, public swimming pools) which involved 3,726 unfortunate individuals. In 2004 there were 7 outbreaks with 567 people involved. They don't know if there's more of the poo-bug in the pools or if the increase is just because we've turned into a panic ridden society and there is more reporting of the incidents. (Oh, I'm paraphrasing there just a little bit.)
they have diarrhea."
Oh, but as if that isn't bad enough, as I continued reading I realized how much they had hyped up this 'story' to make it appear worse than it is. We read about the increase in outbreaks and in people affected to be a difference of 3,159 more people in 2007 than in 2004. One has to wonder if there is anyone out there who is NOT swimming in poo! But later on they quote a one Utah epidemiologist Robert T. Rolfs who says that "One of the largest recent crypto outbreaks occurred in Utah in 2007. There were 2,000 confirmed cases". Wait. What? ONE of those outbreaks has 2,000 people affected? So, excluding that there were only 1,726 people affected by 30 instances? Well, that averages out to 57 people per incident, while in 2005 the average was 81 people per incident. So really, the average number of people affected by each instance of this has decreased. There are several reasons that could be speculated about as to why this is and some of them might even be relevant. Then again, some may not, as Dr. Rolfs noted that the aforementioned large outbreak was eventually slowed by "...temporarily barring all children 5 and younger from pools" and that the outbreak subsided "...after the swimming season." 
Once again my beloved statistics were brutally misused and assaulted by some gung-ho reporter (probably should be dung-ho for this story) who seemed intent on terrorizing the public by insinuating that feces in public swimming pools is on the rise (literally in most instances) and we should all be concerned about it! Oh, pipe down. (Believe me when I say that yes, feces in swimming pools IS a concern and SHOULD be a concern of all. Is it a NEW concern? Good Lord, I hope not.)
point in this non-news story? The part about ingesting water that's contaminated with the crypto butt bug is what makes you sick, so don't do that? Really? So, just so I understand, because it's a difficult concept to grasp, DON'T drink water that has feces in it? Because if I'm really thirsty, I'll just head right on over to the local swimming pool and just dunk my head right in the water and start gulping away. So, don't do that? I better write that down. Where's my pen?
articles such at the one in the NY Times, for starters.) "Water in pools should not be cloudy, tiles should not be slick and filtration machines should hum in the background." Got that? So if you can't see the bottom of the pool and you're slipping on tiles covered in fecal matter, don't swim there. I know! I know! It sounds crazy! But after all, this was in the New York Times. They must know what they're talking about.
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ervative Working Group is a bunch of staffers up there on Capital Hill, who regularly get together to figure out the strategies and then map out the roads of the Republican Party. They're the ones that tell Congress and the Senate what they think. And they want to know what Joe the Plumber thinks. WHY do they want to know this? I'm confused! Actually, maybe I'm not. I haven't seen much out of any politician or politically involved entity in the past year or so that makes me think that any of them have a brain bigger than a walnut (all newly elected members are exempted from that cranial comparison to the walnut). Thus, if they really are as clueless and as inept and out of touch as they seem to be, they would naturally ask JTP to tell them what he thinks should be done. Right. Of course. Now shoot. 
consider that as having gone "really well". (I like free food.) But what did he tell them that went "really well"? Again, according to him, his "...advice, essentially, was to take no prisoners in standing up for their beliefs." Aw, crap. And they're listening to this drivel? "Take no prisoners" is not exactly the approach that I want any politician to use. "Take no prisoners" implies that one has a goal in mind and they will achieve that goal no matter what and no one will get in their way and those who do will just be shot down. Not literally, of course, more of a figurative approach in this instance. 
fight for what needs to be done.” And that would be...? Oh, he didn't say, that's right. JTP, if the Republicans are not looked upon in the most favorable of light, you might want to take a look at why that is and see if the reasons are valid. If they're not, then absolutely defend yourself. But if they are? Don't blame others for not liking them for it. (Here's a tip: The Democrats were in control of the House and Senate when W was still President, but since W has that "R" next to his name, all of the other "R"s take on the same stigma as the extremely detested President. You might want to point out that it's been the Democrats that have had control over the passing of bills and the guiding of the country, so if things aren't quite up to par around here these days, they would be the ones to turn to for an explanation as to how we got here. Start with that. See how it goes! You'll be surprised at how many people did not know that the Republicans were not the majority in the House and the Senate since the 2006 elections.) 
, as long as folks inform themselves." Um, don't you think that they would have already done that by now? Don't you think a bunch of them are informed? Nice assumption that the general displeasure with politicians (and I'm not buying the "everyone thinks Reps. are evil" stuff. I think both parties are chocked full of more than enough crap weasels to go around.) But here's where we know for sure that if any sort of political staffer is actually listening to JTP and passing his ideas along to the elected officials that we are doomed. Doomed! Ready? He said, " I don’t believe there’s two sides to every story. It’s black and white. There’s right and wrong.” And there's also dumb and dumber. 
ems to be saying is that his way is right and everyone else's way is wrong. Interesting. But Joe, in one breath you say that there are not two sides to every story, yet in the next breath you say that "It's black and white." Black and white. That's TWO SIDES!!! "There's right and wrong." TWO SIDES again!! See?! There ARE two sides to every story! You can't even get that straight, but you feel that you're qualified and informed enough to advise moronic congressional staffers who seem to want to hear what you have to say?! Good God, man, what planet are you from? One with only two sides? Or one that's black and white?
s just another example of “American government....kicking our butts left and right....It's welfare." You are clearly unfamiliar with the welfare system in this country, JTP, as welfare does not have to be paid back! This stimulus package? Oh, it has to be paid back! By me! And you! And everyone else! And their children! And their dog! And their dog's dog! I wish it was welfare! At least that way I wouldn't be paying it back for the rest of my life! Any suggestions? No? Then pipe down. 
ut his own political aspirations (Oh, Lordy!), he says that "America will just have to wait six years until his son grows up." (Hey, I'll wait longer than that!) “I don’t know if the American public deserve me, but my son definitely deserves my time now.” What?! If we don't deserve you, King JTP, then sit down, pipe down, and get the hell out! Hey, wait a minute! Weren't you in DC this morning chowing down on pancakes and sausage (which is made out of pork. I'm just sayin'.) with a bunch of staffers? I believe you were. What happened to your SON you just spoke of?!! Aren't you supposed to be spending time with HIM?!?! I don't recall him being at that breakfast! Didn't you just get back from the Gaza Strip where you spent a week pretending that you were a reporter? Was your son with you then?! I don't think he was! Was this a sudden revelation that you had recently? This "caring for my son" act? Spare me. Spare all of us. 
both sides with my fingers they would end up touching. That's how softheaded someone would have to be to not only listen to this guy, but to actually make an effort to get his opinion! What qualifies his opinion as one that would supersede all other regular people opinions? I suppose if you're looking for an under qualified, fake plumber who most of the country has grown tired of and is starting to loathe then he's your guy! 
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Dear Abby, Your column seems to be a big, fat, waste of my time. But not just mine. I'd imagine anyone who takes the time to read it is wasting theirs as well. Do people really write those letters to you? Because some of them sound pretty lame. If you're going to make up letters, and I'm not suggesting that you do or that you are (though, come on. You're not even the "real" "Dear Abby". You're just the heir or the offspring or both, in your case.), could you at least take a few lessons from Ask Bossy down under in Australia? Her column rules. And I don't know if she's making that stuff up or not either, but it's a heck of a lot more interesting that reading about someone's mother-in-law who calls her son every Friday at noon. Signed, Bloggy Mare.
Seriously, I have just discovered the type of people who write to advice columnists in Australia and I have to tell you, they have issues. And I love them for it because they're good! And that Bossy lady? She's good too! Bossy, by the way, is Kate de Brito and according to her profile, "Ask Bossy is no-holds-barred advice from modern-day agony aunt, psychotherapist and journalist, Kate de Brito. It's the sort of advice friends and relatives are too polite to give." Excellent! Here's how it goes...
Those are just a small sampling! She also has something that she calls "Fruitcake Friday" and I don't think that it involves those unwanted holiday mystery dessert loaves either.
o say: "To illustrate, if in the lead-up to and during horizontal folk dancing a bloke was to use the “love” word as in “I love you” with the seemingly appropriate measure of sincerity, is he believed? ... As a bloke it’s in my DNA to lie to women. It’s not as if women never lie to men..how many thousand lovers have you had??? - Less cars go through the Harbour tunnel each month (not you personally Kate).
n dump her, or you can just be a big boy full stop and tell her you think it’s not working out....So what if she tells your mutual friends and they laugh at you? Do you really care? And don’t you think that after five minutes they’ll have better things to talk about than your early emissions?.... People who don’t bitch or gossip usually don’t fear it like people who do....End it with this girl gently and kindly and show yourself to be a man of good standing by not talking about the affair once it’s over, or at least not the private and personal details. Treat people as you would want to be treated. You’d be surprised how well it works." Wow. OK.
. "Dear Abby, We recently moved into our dream house. We bought it from an elderly man who had lived there alone after his wife died seven years ago. While exploring the property, we found a small gravestone with the name "Sparkle" engraved on it. We assume this was a former pet of the owner, but he never mentioned it to us. Some of us want to dig it up and see what is really buried there. Others think we should just remove the stone. Or should we let it stay where it is?" Oh, for cryin' out loud, are you kidding me?!
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