Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Worst. Getaway. Ever.

Got time for another Walmart story? This one's in Pennsylvania! That's not really that far from where the last one of these stories took place. Maybe just look at it as our sort of working our way across the Walmart denizens of the eastern states?

CBS3 gives us our report on this story. It would seem that a one 32-year old and old enough to know better Craig David Jr., of Smithfield, PA needed to have a prescription filled. Naturally, the place you'd go to have that done is your local Walmart pharmacy. The report isn't clear as to what Mr. David's prescription was, but it did say that he had "...just been released from a hospital." It would seem that he had some injuries stemming from a domestic incident (Translation: A wife and/or girlfriend beat the holy living S out of him). These injuries occurred when Mr. Davis was "...hit with a frying pan and a table leg." Judging from this incident, I'd have to say that Mr. David is apparently some sort of cartoon character. Who else gets hit with frying pans?

Anyway, he had contacted an ex-girlfriend of sorts who had agreed to pay for his medication. When she met him at the Walmart, he was still wearing his hospital gown. Judging from this behavior, I'd have to say that Mr. David is apparently some sort of cartoon character. Who else shows up at the Walmart wearing their hospital gown? Aren't you supposed to be in the hospital if you're wearing one of those?

Now, I'd think that the medication would be pretty important. I'm guessing it's some sort of pain reduction medication to help relieve any aches and pains sustained during the cast iron attack which occurred on January 1 (Happy New Year, you idiot!). But it didn't seem to be as important to Mr. David as that fifty bucks that his ex-girlfriend was going to give him to cover the cost. No, that's why he took the fifty dollars and fled. On a motorized shopping scooter. Wait. What now?


That's correct. He took the fifty bucks from her, hopped on one of those in-store Rascal-like contraptions and attempted to make his getaway. Judging from that sort of behavior, I'd have to say that Mr. David is apparently some sort of cartoon character.

How fast do those things go? ONE mile an hour? TWO? They're for hauling your ass around the store while you shop, it's not like they need to meet NASCAR qualification standards or anything. Was this Walmart at the top of some sort of hill? Some sort of very tall hill with very flat paved roads leading away from it? How could he not think that he'd get caught when he was making a getaway on an object that most people can walk faster than?

Here's the part that I really don't get: He seemed to see fit to walk into the place! He didn't need any sort of assistance doing that! Perhaps that long jaunt from the parking lot or wherever just plain ol' tuckered him out and he had planned on taking a little rest, but then realized that he had all of that fleeing to do and hopped on the scooter. I really don't know. But I can't imagine that he thought he was going to get anywhere anytime soon on one of those things! Have you ever been behind one of those in the stores? It's a nightmare. You're better off just turning around and walking clear around the entire store to get in front of them than you are waiting for them to get out of your way!

It will come as no surprise to you (I hope) that Mr. David was apprehended and charged with robbery and disorderly conduct. I don't understand why they didn't slap him with joyriding or grand theft scooter cart or something as well. I'd really like to know how far he got on that thing and how, exactly, he was "apprehended". Did the officer just jog along side of him and read him his rights? Seriously, what is wrong with people?

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