Sunday, January 24, 2010

Almost As Big As What?

To all of the guys out there, look, we all know that you're very fond of your own penis. I mean, you guys really love that thing. Don't get me wrong, as women, we're fond of our body parts as well, but we don't have nearly the same relationships with, say, our breasts. We definitely don't have the same relationship with our hoo-ha as y'all have with your penis. That is a fact. But some of you guys really have to understand that even though you are immensely fascinated with your penis and even though you really love your penis, the rest of the world doesn't want to hear about your penis, much less your exaggerated penis. Oh, and by the way...we most certainly don't want to hear about it during the nightly weather forecast. Especially if you're the one doing the weather. Wait. What now?

It's just like what it sounds like. Our story takes place over yonder in Boston. According to the Boston Herald online, Channel 7's chief meteorologist Pete Bouchard was doing the weather on Monday evening and was giving the amounts of snow in the area. Then, for no apparent reason other than, as I have theoretically summarized above, his love for his own penis, he make a comparison between the snow levels and, um, well...himself.

He said, "In Princeton, we picked up 9 inches of snow, Billerica had 7. The biggest amount that I could find … almost as big as me...about nine 9 inches.” Egads, sir. Egads indeed.

Granted, this is just my interpretation of what occurred. Well, not just my interpretation. The majority of the Internet weighed in on the quip as well and they came to a similar conclusion. And when I say "similar" I mean "exactly". But oddly enough, that wasn't the conclusion that everyone in the station came to, including the weatherman himself. Allegedly.

The article over there at the Boston Herald states that "Channel 7 General Manager Chris Wayland explained today there was a technical difficulty with his monitor. "When he was looking at his monitor, he was cut in half and he thought that’s what was happening over the air. To imply that’s what his comment was, what people are suggesting, is ridiculous. He would never do that." Huh?

How is saying that the snowfall is almost as big as he is supposed to indicate that he saw himself on the monitor and was cut in half? I'm not thinking that it implies that at all, really. Oh, wait. Let me guess. It was an eighteen inch monitor, was it? And because he was "cut in half" (if that's what we're calling it these days) that would make him nine inches and would make the snowfall "almost as big as him", would it? I don't know if I'm buying that. Any other explanations?

Sort of, but it's kind of the opposite of what that guy said. According to The Boston Globe's website, another one of Channel 7's meteorologists, a one Dylan Dreyer, was on 101.7 WZLX’s morning show, something called “Karlson & McKenzie’’ and she (Ms. Dreyer) said that the studio had been set up for another weather guy who is much shorter than Bouchard. So "When Bouchard stepped up to the weather map, he thought he looked too big on the screen" and that the " “almost as big as me’’ joke was a hint to producers to change the specs."

Well, now wait a minute. Was he too big on the screen or was he cut in half on the screen? Which one was it? Hard to say. I was almost giving her a little bit of credibility and considered changing my stance on believing that he was totally comparing himself to the snowfall (an odd comparison at best, but if it happened, it happened), but then she threw in “He’s so clueless that he didn’t even realize the way it came across until he got in trouble for it.” Oh, come on!

He didn't realize it? He did this little shifty eye movement thing and while that's probably not the universal symbol for "guess how big my penis is" (at least, it's not as far as I've heard, but then again, I don't go to the meetings), it's also a little weird if you're just going for a little "fix the monitor there, bro", you know what I mean? Sure you do. Unless you're as clueless as a meteorologist, apparently. (By the way, I'd really like to believe Ms. Dreyer on this one because she's fairly hot, but I just can't. Hot she is, but believable? Not so much.)

If you're asking a one Chris Wayland (who, according to the Boston Globe, is a spokesman for WHDH, whereas the Boston Herald has him down as general manager) who happened, he'll tell you that "Bouchard was simply concerned about what he saw in his own monitor. “He thought everyone could see that he looked 9 inches tall." Everyone...who? Is he aware that there are more than just the folks in the studio who are watching him point to those little dots on the board and talk about the amount of snowfall that there was? Is he aware that other people that are watching on their TVs at home do not think that he is actually inside of that little box? That doesn't really make any sense. Besides, it's funnier the other way.

Mr. Wayland added "We think the way it's being portrayed in the public is totally ridiculous." You think how it's being portrayed in public is totally ridiculous? Dude, the guy said it in public! AND it was totally ridiculous. And as part of the public, I'm just going to call a spade and spade and say that it was ridiculous and context be damned!

The video is below. It's hard to say how long it's going to be available, as it has been removed from the Internet at various junctures due to copyright claims by WHDH, so watch it while you can. If it's not there, check over at; that's where I found it.

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Anonymous said...

U never mentioned the little squat he does to fit on the screen right before . That seems to make the "too big for the set" thing more credible, he even does a little laugh after it.

Anonymous said...

Its you and all the people accusing this man of making dick jokes on public television need to get thier minds out of the gutter.

Anonymous said...

U couldn't figure out until trading this why made that little squat in the beginning. Their explanation sounds credible. I think there is one thing you love as much as i love my member: the sound of your own voice.