Who Is This For?

Yesterday was the first day of summer.  Yes, I know that it used to be that today was the first day of summer.  I don't know when and why it changed, but I'm not a fan.  I like consistency.  Most consistency.  Certain sorts of consistent things I do not like.  Some of those things would include the sorts of stories that a lot of news outlets feel the need to be carrying when the temperature outside begins to increase.  That's right.  Stories about the heat AND what you need to do when it gets warmer.  Good Lord, who are those stories for? 

The thing I hate the most about the heat is when it reaches at least 100 degrees.  That's when the media damn near wets its collective self because it gets to report that the temperature is now in "triple digits".  You can't go an hour without hearing "triple digits" in one form or another.  It's just ridiculous.  Is 100 degrees much different from 99 degrees?  No.  It's not.  But just because you have to add an extra number, its reported as if you might burst into a ball of flames should you come in contact with heat that is in "triple digits".  Call me when we hit quadruple digits.  Now THAT would get my attention. 

Seriously though, who on earth are these broadcasts about tips to "deal with" elevated temperatures actually for?  Stay inside.  Drink lots of water.  Use a fan.  Who in the hell is that for?  Is there anyone out there who actually stays tuned to such banality and when it's over, thinks to themselves, "Well, that was really helpful.  I certainly am glad that they did that because otherwise, I would have had no clue as to what to do when it gets warm outside.  After all, it is four degrees warmer than it was last week.  I have no idea what I should do."  Who's perking up in their chair when they tease this feature?  Who is turning up the volume?  Who is making sure that everyone in the room stops talking so that they can fully absorb this valuable information about to be beset upon them by the sage-like newscasters?  Anyone?  Anyone? 

I have somehow managed for my entire life to make it to where I am now without anyone telling me, "Hey, you know, it's really hot outside, so here are a few things that you should do."  I'm serious!  And it's on almost every newscast.  It's astounding.  There can't be anyone that that is for, is there?  Who are you programmers at these media outlets who think that this is good idea?  I notice that you don't do something similar when it rains.  ("It's raining today.  That means water is falling from the sky.  If you just walk outside, you're going to get wet.  Here's Bob with some helpful tips on how to not get wet when it rains.  Bob...")  Why do they do it when it gets slightly warmer?  I don't know and I don't get it, but I wish they'd stop.  Now.

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It's Just Rain!

The weather is changing. And that can only mean one thing. Stupid ass suggestions from local media outlets on what to do in the case of weather.



Look, I live in an area where the climate is pretty mild. It rains periodically from about October through at least April. So for six months out of the year, it rains. And for the other six months, it doesn't rain. I know that sounds asinine of me to say it like that (you know, because it's such a simple concept that even my cat could understand it and I don't even have a cat), but it's all in the spirit of how local news media seem to think that everyone is completely retard with little to no capacity for short term memory.




This is seriously what I had to hear today: "With the rains that are forecast for the next couple of days, it would be a good idea to stay inside. When venturing out, consider using an umbrella if it is raining."

::: blink ::: ::: blink :::

No joke. I swear. It's as if it has never rained before, none of us have ever heard of rain and the consequences are dire. And by the way, this isn't even considered a "storm". It's just going to rain. And all hell is apparently going to break loose when it does.

I guess I just don't want to accept that those sorts of forecasts are tailored for a specific group of people that, despite my depression and disbelief, actually do exist. I can tell because for some reason, whenever it rains, they all feel the need to get in their cars and drive as if they are in the Great Blizzard of some year in which there was a great blizzard. They act as if they are driving on sheets of glass. They have their nose about two inches away from the windshield and their hands are in a death grip lock on the steering wheel at the 10 and 2 positions. And if you think that they're doing all of this in a speedily fashion, you would be wrong. 45mph on the freeway TOPS when it starts raining again. It really does wonders for the ol' blood pressure, let me tell you.

I wish that I understood this fascination that folks have with the water that falls from the sky. The power that it has to dumb people down to where they're mouth breathing morons who are terrified of a little precipitation is beyond me.

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It's Not A Threat, Nancy!

You might want to have an ice pick handy with which to use to stab out your ears when you listen to the clip below. What we have is the insufferable Nancy Grace, who still has a cable TV show for some reason. If you're unfamiliar with this woman, her show goes something like this: She doesn't listen to anything that anyone has to say. She will argue with her 'experts'. She has no intention of presenting both sides of any story. And she also seems very pleased with her own act. She seems to be a horrible woman, which is why I don't watch her show.

But I did run across the clip below where she is arguing with a one Bernie Rayno who is the senior meteorologist (take that for what it's worth) at something called Accuweather.com. (As I perused their FAQs, I learned that they have ads on their website to keep their content free. That's normal. I also learned that they feel that there is nothing wrong with 2 pop-up ads every five minutes. That's not so normal.) He is trying to assure Nancy Grace that there is no reason for people on the California coast to be panicking about any radiation from the damaged nuclear reactors in Japan making its way over here in harmful amounts. She does not want to be reassured. She wants to instill fear into the hearts and souls of those softheaded individuals who are actually watching her show and listening to what she says. The interaction between the two is below.

I do enjoy how the weather guy seems to know that she isn't going to want to hear anything that he has to say if it would involve calming the fears of people who are so out of touch with reality that they are actually afraid of something like this. And as for her declaring that the governor of California has declared a state of emergency, Mr. Meteorologist hit the nail on the head (though I wish he could have hit her on the head) when he exclaimed, "For radiation?!" And alas, his disbelief is warranted, as the state of emergency was issued because of excessive rainfall in some areas. I'm not quite sure what she gains from setting off a minor panic amongst the dullards of this world, but she seems to really enjoy herself.

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Almost As Big As What?

To all of the guys out there, look, we all know that you're very fond of your own penis. I mean, you guys really love that thing. Don't get me wrong, as women, we're fond of our body parts as well, but we don't have nearly the same relationships with, say, our breasts. We definitely don't have the same relationship with our hoo-ha as y'all have with your penis. That is a fact. But some of you guys really have to understand that even though you are immensely fascinated with your penis and even though you really love your penis, the rest of the world doesn't want to hear about your penis, much less your exaggerated penis. Oh, and by the way...we most certainly don't want to hear about it during the nightly weather forecast. Especially if you're the one doing the weather. Wait. What now?

It's just like what it sounds like. Our story takes place over yonder in Boston. According to the Boston Herald online, Channel 7's chief meteorologist Pete Bouchard was doing the weather on Monday evening and was giving the amounts of snow in the area. Then, for no apparent reason other than, as I have theoretically summarized above, his love for his own penis, he make a comparison between the snow levels and, um, well...himself.

He said, "In Princeton, we picked up 9 inches of snow, Billerica had 7. The biggest amount that I could find … almost as big as me...about nine 9 inches.” Egads, sir. Egads indeed.

Granted, this is just my interpretation of what occurred. Well, not just my interpretation. The majority of the Internet weighed in on the quip as well and they came to a similar conclusion. And when I say "similar" I mean "exactly". But oddly enough, that wasn't the conclusion that everyone in the station came to, including the weatherman himself. Allegedly.

The article over there at the Boston Herald states that "Channel 7 General Manager Chris Wayland explained today there was a technical difficulty with his monitor. "When he was looking at his monitor, he was cut in half and he thought that’s what was happening over the air. To imply that’s what his comment was, what people are suggesting, is ridiculous. He would never do that." Huh?

How is saying that the snowfall is almost as big as he is supposed to indicate that he saw himself on the monitor and was cut in half? I'm not thinking that it implies that at all, really. Oh, wait. Let me guess. It was an eighteen inch monitor, was it? And because he was "cut in half" (if that's what we're calling it these days) that would make him nine inches and would make the snowfall "almost as big as him", would it? I don't know if I'm buying that. Any other explanations?

Sort of, but it's kind of the opposite of what that guy said. According to The Boston Globe's website, another one of Channel 7's meteorologists, a one Dylan Dreyer, was on 101.7 WZLX’s morning show, something called “Karlson & McKenzie’’ and she (Ms. Dreyer) said that the studio had been set up for another weather guy who is much shorter than Bouchard. So "When Bouchard stepped up to the weather map, he thought he looked too big on the screen" and that the " “almost as big as me’’ joke was a hint to producers to change the specs."

Well, now wait a minute. Was he too big on the screen or was he cut in half on the screen? Which one was it? Hard to say. I was almost giving her a little bit of credibility and considered changing my stance on believing that he was totally comparing himself to the snowfall (an odd comparison at best, but if it happened, it happened), but then she threw in “He’s so clueless that he didn’t even realize the way it came across until he got in trouble for it.” Oh, come on!

He didn't realize it? He did this little shifty eye movement thing and while that's probably not the universal symbol for "guess how big my penis is" (at least, it's not as far as I've heard, but then again, I don't go to the meetings), it's also a little weird if you're just going for a little "fix the monitor there, bro", you know what I mean? Sure you do. Unless you're as clueless as a meteorologist, apparently. (By the way, I'd really like to believe Ms. Dreyer on this one because she's fairly hot, but I just can't. Hot she is, but believable? Not so much.)

If you're asking a one Chris Wayland (who, according to the Boston Globe, is a spokesman for WHDH, whereas the Boston Herald has him down as general manager) who happened, he'll tell you that "Bouchard was simply concerned about what he saw in his own monitor. “He thought everyone could see that he looked 9 inches tall." Everyone...who? Is he aware that there are more than just the folks in the studio who are watching him point to those little dots on the board and talk about the amount of snowfall that there was? Is he aware that other people that are watching on their TVs at home do not think that he is actually inside of that little box? That doesn't really make any sense. Besides, it's funnier the other way.

Mr. Wayland added "We think the way it's being portrayed in the public is totally ridiculous." You think how it's being portrayed in public is totally ridiculous? Dude, the guy said it in public! AND it was totally ridiculous. And as part of the public, I'm just going to call a spade and spade and say that it was ridiculous and context be damned!

The video is below. It's hard to say how long it's going to be available, as it has been removed from the Internet at various junctures due to copyright claims by WHDH, so watch it while you can. If it's not there, check over at Breitbart.tv; that's where I found it.

Boston.com

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