Sunday, January 10, 2010

Oddities at CES

As a huge fan of gadgets and electronics (not to mention electricity itself), I always look forward to the Consumer Electronic Show in Las Vegas every year. Granted, it's not as big as it used to be, but we don't have as much money as we used to, nor are we as frivolous as we used to be. (That was due to our spending our seemingly endless supply of money in a fashion equivalent to that of drunken sailors on leave. No offense to any drunken sailors out there. Thanks for your service!) But it doesn't change the fact that there are a lot of cool things that get unveiled at the CES every year. And everyone one of them practically touts that they're going to be the next big thing. And some of them might very well be. Others might be big, but just might not be huge. (You know, kind of like that one guy you dated in college that everyone in your sorority was talking about.) And others...well...others are going to be quite surprised when they find out that they are going to be neither big nor huge, but are going to find themselves being mocked here.

(By the way, most of these photos are compliments of our friends across the pond over there at The Telegraph and from our friends on this side of the pond over there at Switched. And by "compliments" I mean that I took them, but I didn't ask, but I also wasn't trying to do any harm, either, so just back off!)

First up is something called the Hanvon Touchpad. It says that it "...has a 10.1" screen, e-Book content and includes handwriting recognition software in different languages..." Sounds great. What's it look like? Behold!

Swell. I just wish that they could have shown a better picture of the capabilities of the "handwriting recognition software" other than this one. Behold!

And that thing is going to be $700?! My Etch-A-Sketch technically has that same kind of "handwriting recognition" and it's no $700. Poor choice in photos, that's all I'm saying. It could be a perfectly find product (but I think I'll stick with the Etch-A-Sketch).

Are you familiar with a brand of AV cables called Monster Cables? They cost a gazillion times more than a regular cable, but there really isn't any proof that they do anything at all that is better than your regular ol' cheap ass cables. (If you're one of the folks that actually bought the line of crap that the guys in the blue shirts were selling you, I've only one word for you: Sucker!) Now, I don't know if so many people caught on to the Monster Cable scam or what, but I do know that the folks over there at Monster are at it again. This time, their enlisting the help of a music legend in order to scam folks out of not just $100 for an inferior product, but to scam folks out of $500 for a pair of earphones that I'm going to have to guess do not deliver $500 worth of audio goodness. Behold! The Miles Davis Tribute high-performance in-ear headphones and their poster boy, the son of Miles Davis, Erin Davis.

That's a real cute little royal blue lined miniature trumpet case you guys have going there, but those are not $500 worth of earphones that are inside of it. Shame on you, money grubbing son of Miles Davis. Shame on you.

Ed Hardy, the designer who has been outfitting douchebag Jon Gosselin over the past year or so, made an appearance at the CES with his line of cell phone covers. The photo below shows how they are displaying their wares at the convention. And while the covers may be cool, as a friend of mine told me today "...their advertising dept. really should have more than 70 collective IQ Points." Well said, my friend. Well said.

Here are the GoPro wearable camera rigs. Apparently, a large rubber band and/or bungee cord wrapped around your imaging device and then strapped to your head just wasn't cutting it.

Here we have "...the Steadicam 'Smoothie', a video stabiliser for the iPhone" as demonstrated by an Elvis impersonator. Let's hope that the image that the product helps produce does a better job than the Elvis impersonator.

The photo below was captioned: "Intel President and CEO Paul Otellini (L) talks with actors dressed as time travellers." Time travellers? Really? I don't know about that, but the one on the right looks more like he might have been a buffet traveler.

For some reason, a company called Hannspree thinks that we, as consumers, want to watch a TV that is set inside some sort of whimsical object. I don't know that we do. In fact, I know that I don't. I'm easily distracted (shiny!), but besides that, these TVs are ridiculous. I know that we all think that Apple products are like heaven on earth, but that doesn't mean that we want to buy products that look like a regular ol' apple. Behold!

I don't want to watch TV on a large piece of fruit. I'd feel like I'm trapped outside of some sort of impressionist painting. But I suppose it's better than watching TV and feeling like I'm trapped on some sort of an ice floe somewhere. Behold!

Yep. That's a polar bear. Because when I think "the future of TV", I naturally think "cold environment predators", don't you?

There was also this clock for $129 from Oregon Scientific. The point of it is that the clock will gradually start illuminating your room a half an hour before you get up. It's supposed to ease you into the whole "being awake" sort of thing. I'm thinking I can be eased awake for less then $129. Maybe I'll sleep with the curtains open and be eased awake by Mother Nature for free. $129? Really?

And finally we have Lady Gaga who will be "...working with Polaroid where she will act as the brand's creative director for a speciality line of imaging products." It's a perfect fit, really, because with both Lady Gaga and a Polaroid picture, you have to stare at them for a few minutes before you can actually figure out what you're looking at.

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