Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Cartoons That Really Take Things Down a Notch

From what I can tell, the Internet is good for a couple of things. I don't know what all of them are, but I know that one of them is porn. Porn. Porn. Oh, did I mention the porn? Yeah, there's porn on the Internet. All sorts of porn. There's porn that I didn't know existed. That's right. Little known porn. Obscure porn. Hidden porn. Need I go on? Good. Because I'm here to talk about a particular type of porn and a particular person that became ensnared in it's yellow, toon-ish, porn-y ways.

Let's go down to Australia and see what Brisbane Times has to report. They're telling us that a one 28-year old and old enough to know better Kurt James Milner was "....handed a 12-month suspended prison sentence and is now a registered sex offender after pleading guilty in Ipswich District Court to having the bizarre images on his computer." Clearly porn, yes? Yes. Porn. And plenty of it. The only thing is that this porn is one of those "different" sorts of porn that I alluded to earlier. That's right. This would be cartoon porn. The Simpsons to be exact. Wait. What now?

Hold on, hold on. (That really wasn't intended to be a pun, but take it how you may.) Before we delve into the issue of cartoons being able to be porn-ed (if that's the correct term, I have no idea and I'm really just makin' stuff up right about now), let's take a gander at Mr. Milner first, shall we? Behold!


OK. That seems about right. Carry on! Where were we? Oh, right! The Simpsons. Yes, there is porn that involves those colorful yellow caricatures of a crudely drawn family from the geographically undefined town of Springfield, USA. Yes, I thought that it was a little weird myself. But apparently it's pretty prevalent on the Internet. (I have no idea if it's prevalent in other venues, those being not the Internet, and I'm not about to do any sort of research.) Oh, and it wasn't just The Simpsons, because that would be weird. No, it was The Simpsons, The Powerpuff Girls and The Incredibles. Um, yeah. OK. So, what now?

You got it. Simpsons, Powerpuffs and The Incredibles. (Really? Powerpuff Girls? But they're so small! What in the world would you want to see them...look, never mind. Sorry I went there. Please continue.) All in some sort of tangled, sexual positions. It's unclear as to whether they're engaging in inter-cartoon sexual shenanigans (because that might be strange). But what became a bit more clear to me is that this sort of thing is rather popular on the Internets. Don't believe me. Do a Google Images search for "Marge Simpson". Even better, do a Google Images search for "Marge".

Here's the thing: While I find this weird and all of that, I can't really say that I'm totally against it. I'm certainly not for it, but I don't think I'm against it. I mean, wouldn't it be better to have these guys (or girls, I suppose) that enjoy this sort of oddity to just enjoy it? I can't see really where it's hurting anything (other than the pure and wholesome imagery that cartoons are supposed to conjure up) and I also can't really see where it's hurting anyone.
Look, I'd prefer that all of these pervos out there who enjoy their porn so much just not enjoy it so much. But would I rather have this guy looking at images of The Simpsons characters doing it than I would have him look at pictures of little kids? Absolutely! The Simpsons screwing would win hands down, every day. (There's a sentence I never thought I'd write.) I have to say though that having this guy register as a sex offender for the rest of his life is a bit much, don't you think? They were cartoons, after all. How does that effect his day to day life? As a registered aficionado of cartoon porn? Is he allowed in to see Pixar movies? I'm thinking that would not be a wise thing to allow this sort of individual to participate in. Video games should be out as well. Lord knows we wouldn't want him fantasizing over Mario and Luigi in San Francisco or something. (They look kind of gay as it is.) Keep him out of the Disney store while we're at it. There's stuffed animals galore in those places! I doubt he'd be able to contain himself. Ooh! And the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade! All of those big ol' balloon characters, bouncing around? Not to mention the fact that they're tethered, so it could invoke some sort of bondage fantasy. All I'm saying is that you can't be too careful and it sounds like a trigger if you're asking me! (And keep him away from Trigger, too. You know. Just to be safe.)
Huh. I appear to have strayed a bit from my original point...whatever it was. Oh, that's right. It is asinine for one to have to register as a sex offender simply because they enjoy watching cartoons do it. That was my point.

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