Friday, September 4, 2009

Still Not The Last Michael Jackson Chapter

The day finally arrived! And it's now thankfully over! Almost 70 days after he died, Michael Jackson was finally buried. Or interred. Or something. Either way, he won't be moving again any time soon.

Jacko was laid to rest at Forest Lawn Cemetery. Everything I've read about this so far always includes something of the following effect: "Jackson was interred in the cemetery’s Great Mausoleum, a voluminous building that also houses the remains of Clark Gable, W.C. Fields and Carole Lombard." Um, Carole Lombard? W.C. Fields? OK, I am optimistic that a fair number of people know who those folks are, but do we care? I don't think we do! I know I don't. It's not like Jacko moved into the same retirement community with these folks and we can look forward to paparazzi shots of all of them playing shuffleboard in Arizona somewhere. So who cares? The press, that's who.

The service was scheduled to start at 7:00pm, but it was delayed until around 8:30pm because Jacko's parents were late. Now, just to be clear, they live 20 minutes away from the cemetery. To keep around 200 guests waiting for at least an hour and a half at your own son's funeral is a little bit more than just being late, don't you think? That's not just late, that's "I don't give a crap" late, especially when you live only 20 minutes away. And it's not like the guests can get up and start milling around, maybe grab some cocktail weenies (can I say "grab some cocktail weenies" at Michael Jackson's funeral?), a glass of wine and mingle amongst themselves. No, they're stuck sitting there until someone gets this show on the road. Poor Elizabeth Taylor, sitting out there in the smoky heat, all old and large and without even Bubbles the chimp to keep her company. (Probably a good thing that Bubbles wasn't there. Chimps can get testy and after waiting for 90 minutes, he might have started throwing feces. Then things might have gotten awkward.)

But when they do show up, they show up in this thing. Behold!

Oh, what the hell is that? It appears to be a very large, fairly lavish RV (either that or the travelling Liberace museum) which is being driven by an equally large, yet less lavish man and accompanied by a well dressed co-pilot of some sort. What is with the giant RV? It's rather dark outside which makes it hard to tell exactly what we have on our hands here, but it would appear to be gold in color. A gold RV? Um, yeah. OK.

I also kept reading that it was a "star studded affair". And that's kind of true. There were some stars. It was an affair. I don't know about studded. Maybe hit by the Bedazzler, but studded? Not so much. It wasn't a red carpet event, let me just put it that way.

Here we have Corey Feldman and his wife leaving the service. Feldman apparently opting to NOT dress LIKE Michael Jackson they way that he did at the memorial service. I think I've mentioned before that I've been to plenty of funerals and not once, not ONE time did any of the guests dress like the deceased individual. NEVER. Thus, I find it odd. But what I found odder was this next picture of Feldman and his wife that I saw. Behold!

Who the hell is that?! What's with the suddenly materialized little blonde head there? Did they steal a child from the funeral? I don't think you're supposed to do that!

Speaking of strange goings on with the guests, there was this next photo of some family members leaving the service. How nice that they hired an Emmanuel Lewis look alike to attend with them.
There was Macaulay Culkin and his current girlfriend Mila Kunis. Somewhere in there was Lisa Marie Presley. Al Sharpton was there, guarding against any sort of perceived racism, I would imagine. Either that or looking for lawsuit material. Barry Bonds was there for some reason. And Chris Tucker from the Rush Hour movies. See what I mean about the lack of stars and studs? Over 200 guests and only 6 "stars" offhand that are named. (And that 6 becomes three if you don't count Barry Bonds, Chris Tucker and Al Sharpton. "Stars" is stretching it just a bit, don't you think?)

And of course, there were the fans. I don't know how I feel about fans at a funeral, but that's not going to stop them from showing up, obviously. Behold!

A report from the BBC quoted a one Kevin Harris who said he thought "...people should have skipped work to come and pay their respects and was disappointed more did not." Really? Why...why would that be? It's unfortunate that the reporter didn't ask this guy if he skipped work or even actually had a job. After all, the thing wasn't supposed to start until 6pm, so I'm not sure why you'd need to "skip work" to attend something that started an hour after the traditional work day has ended at 5pm. Then again, I'm not sure why you'd attend , especially just to loiter by the gates and speak to British reporters.

Here's License Plate Guy outside of the interment service.

And here's License Plate Guy inside of the memorial service. License Plate Guy is a one Demarco DeLeon and seems to be a very consistent fan of Jacko's. Well, I guess everyone's gotta have a hobby. Attending the funerals and memorials of pop stars is his apparently.

Outside of the family home in Encino was a one Svenja Maniak from Berlin, Germany. Why she was waiting outside of their home I do not know. Why she is sporting a big ol' MJ tattoo on her back I do not know. However, both of those things together are not all that normal, that I do know.

Finally! I was afraid there weren't going to be any Homemade Poster People there! Fortunately, there's a shot of this in all of its glory. Behold!

Well, and it's the thought, not the punctuation, that counts.

If you're interested (for whatever reason and I don't think I really want to know) in visiting Jacko's grave, good freaking luck. It's apparently not for tourists. The News Tribune says that "...the closest the public will be able to get to Jackson's vault is a portion of the mausoleum that displays "The Last Supper Window," a life-size stained-glass re-creation of Leonardo da Vinci's masterpiece." Um, what? I guess I understand that's the closest you can get, but is there some sort of a significance to that particular attraction? What if I told you that "Several 10-minute presentations about the window are held regularly 365 days a year, but most of the building is restricted."? Huh?! Now what do you think? Still weird? Yeah, it is! It's a window, for cryin' out loud. They're giving 10-minute presentations on a window? Yep! And the Forest Lawn website isn't much help, either. I wonder if after the 10-minute presentations on the window if they give a 10-minute presentation on the curtains that cover it in between presentations?

Now with Jacko's death only recently being ruled a homicide, this thing isn't over yet. There will be more to come from beyond the grave with Jacko and this story. But I imagine that it will be more exciting than the 10-minute window presentation. I mean, if my predictions hold up, we're going to see either another low-speed chase down a freeway somewhere with Dr. Conrad Murray in a white Bronco OR we're going to see the frantic search for Dr. Murray who has probably skipped town as of a week ago. But stay tuned nonetheless!

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Metra said...

skimmed through and thought you were nothing but a giant douche bag.

Mare said...

Just skimmed through, eh? Well, I read your entire comment (I didn't just skim!) and I must say that I think the same about you.

Thanks for reading!

~ Mare