Stupid Sparkles

A lot of people who follow sports have certain superstitions. And they're pretty serious about them. They believe that doing just one thing wrong could jinx your team and they'd lose. That's the case with the lovely young lady in the video below. She appears to be distraught that her beloved Green Bay Packers lost their game last week. And she blames Megan. And the sparkles. That's right. The sparkles. Enjoy.

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Facebook Fan Page Frivolity

We all know that we're doomed. And what better way to exemplify said doomage than with a silly observation on Facebook. Oh, but it's not just an observation that I made. No, it was one that was made by the fair and balanced folks over there at Fox News made. And that alone is definitely another sign that we're doomed.

Here's the deal: The other day, it was the first time that a living person hit the 10-million fan mark on Facebook. Now, I would have expected that person to have been either Oprah or President Barry. Turns out, Oprah is no where near the ten million mark on Facebook. Not even close. She only has around 1.5 million fans. That's nothing. And actually, President Barry is in second place with around 9,557,061 fans as of this writing. And while that's nothing to be ashamed of, it kind of is when you're trailing to none other than (wait for it) Lady Gaga. Wait. What now?

Correct. More people are Facebook fans of the freakish (and freakishly talented) Lady Gaga than they are of President Barry. Seriously? Not that I'm thinking that it would be a good idea if President Barry had ten million fans. I'm just thinking that it would be better than Lady Gaga having ten million fans. I mean, sixty million or so people voted for the guy. Why can't he get more people to fan him on Facebook? Oh, right. Because Facebook is stupid. I forgot. Sorry.

But what might be worse than Lady Gaga having the most fans and President Barry having the second most fans is who has the third most fans. Now, you already know that it's not Oprah, so that's a hint. (Not really. You're never going to guess.) And remember, this is for the fans of a living person. Wacko Jacko has over 13 million, but he doesn't count because the last time he uttered "This is it", he really meant it! I'm just going to give it to you. Ready? You're not. Trust me. It's Vin Diesel. (See? Told you!)

Vin Diesel? Are you kidding me? Has the guy ever even had a decent movie? Oh, The Fast and The Furious wasn't that great. Get over it. He's not even an overly attractive dude. He's not a mutant or anything, but come on! What is the appeal of Vin Diesel?! Please, someone tell me! I have no idea!

Oh. Wait a minute. Apparently, President Barry has dropped to third place. That's right. Vin Diesel now has more Facebook fans than Savior Obama does. Good Lord, who is in fourth place? Megan Fox? Oh, well, President Barry better start getting used to fourth place, because if he can be surpassed by Vin Diesel, he sure as heck doesn't stand a chance with a woman with as nice of a rack as Ms. Fox has.

And speaking of Fox, let me just thank Fox News one more time for bringing us this utterly unimportant story and pretending like it's news. Yeah, thanks for nothing.

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Still Dead!

The one year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death was Friday and it was, in keeping with the theme of his life, a little weird. Let me just say that there are a lot of people out there who really need hobbies. Or jobs. It's kind of hard to tell, but I'm guessing that the latter would mostly be the case.

I'm going to start over there at Forest Lawn Cemetery where Jacko is entombed. They have him in some drawer in one of the crypt walls over there. I don't know exactly how it all works, but I do know that it seems like the reason for that sort of interment was to avoid having his location become a constant freak show. This way, it's inside a building and you need some sort of permission or sparkly glove or small child in order to get in.

Now, the media was treating this like it was going to be some sort of big event. And considering there was a substantial article over there at the still going strong LA Times (nice job, guys!), I was under the impression that there would be some hooplah. Yeah, not so much. According to the article, "About 30 fans lined up early Friday morning outside Forest Lawn cemetery in Glendale to visit Michael Jackson's grave site on the one-year anniversary of his death." Thirty? And what purpose were they serving by lining up early? It's not like he's going anywhere. How early? Why, 3am, of course! If you are lining up at three in the morning so that you can wait until eight in the morning before you can get into a cemetery and not see someone that you never met (and now never will), you need to check yourself. Seriously. You people know that there aren't iPhones in there, right?

After reading the article in the LA Times I was really wanting to know one thing: What were those people expecting to happen? They seemed to be surprised and not all that impressed with the nothing that was made available to them. "After the gates opened, fans were granted limited access at the mausoleum where Jackson is buried...As they passed, they were permitted to hand flowers and cards to cemetery personnel. Once they passed that point, they were asked to move along. Some said they were disappointed at the level of access." Did anyone tell them that he was still dead?

I don't think that they did. One crazy person fan, had asked an attendant, "This is it?" (Probably no pun intended there.) "This is terrible." I'm failing to understand what it is that's so terrible for this woman. The woman said "...she has traveled to the cemetery six times from her home in Atlanta." SIX times?! The man has only been dead a year! And I think that he's only been in the mausoleum for 11 months! She's traveled the equivalent of once every other month from clear across the country? For what exactly? I have no clue. "As she walked through the line, she said Jackson was actually on the opposite side of the mausoleum." Well, I guess that the lady who has been there six times in less than a year would probably know. But she expressed her expectations when she said "I was hoping we would get to go in and see Michael." ::: blink ::: ::: blink ::: I don't think he's seeing visitors today. Perhaps come back another time...not that he'll be any less dead.

Another unbalanced individual, a one Irene Childs from the Bay Area, "...said she was unhappy with the security personnel at the cemetery. "They were too pushy. There should have been more viewing time." What exactly was she viewing? It's not like they wheeled his corpse out there for everyone to gawk at. What was she hoping for, exactly? A meet and greet?

But the winner for the individual who could probably benefit the most from a little time on a shrink's couch would be a one 31-year old (and in need of growing up) Tallora Digirolami, who came all the way from freaking Australia because "I couldn't be here last year, so I had to be here this year." Couldn't be there when he died, so you had to be there a year later? You know, if you couldn't have made it this year, you would have had many opportunities to show up on the anniversary of his death, as I anticipate him being dead for quite some time now!

And of course, there were people dressed AS Michael Jackson. Why do people do that? They did it at the memorial service as well. People showed up dressed like Jacko. I've been to a lot of funerals in my time. I've visited a lot of cemeteries on the anniversary of someone's death before as well. I have never attended either function dressed as the deceased. It's never even crossed my mind to do so! It's a little weird if you're asking me. When I go down to check on my Dad's gravesite, I don't don a bolo tie, coke bottle glasses and a wide brimmed hat! Why are people dressed like Jacko?

In Tokyo, a fan appears to have brought a picnic basket to some big wall painting of Jacko and is taking her (I think it's a her) picture in front of it. She's kind of striking that same Jacko pose, but the lime green cover on the picnic basket really detracts from that. There's also the fact that she looks nothing like him, but don't ever expect logic or reality to deter Michael Jackson fanatics.

And in India, a bunch of young fans apparently lit birthday candles around what appears to be some sort of decorative sheet or banner emblazoned with images of Jacko while they all knelt and prayed. Upon closer examination of the photo, I hope that they are praying for some sort of solid flooring, as those candles are just stuck upright directly into the ground.

I still feel just as cheated today as I felt a year ago. Those concerts of his were going to be the gift that kept on giving. I could feel it! I was practically guaranteed to have awesome blog material for months on end. And what did I get? Nothing. Oh, don't get me wrong. The folks showing up at Forest Lawn hoping for a chance to see Jacko are amusing. But they're nothing even close to what those concerts would have been. Not even close.

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Still Not The Last Michael Jackson Chapter

The day finally arrived! And it's now thankfully over! Almost 70 days after he died, Michael Jackson was finally buried. Or interred. Or something. Either way, he won't be moving again any time soon.

Jacko was laid to rest at Forest Lawn Cemetery. Everything I've read about this so far always includes something of the following effect: "Jackson was interred in the cemetery’s Great Mausoleum, a voluminous building that also houses the remains of Clark Gable, W.C. Fields and Carole Lombard." Um, Carole Lombard? W.C. Fields? OK, I am optimistic that a fair number of people know who those folks are, but do we care? I don't think we do! I know I don't. It's not like Jacko moved into the same retirement community with these folks and we can look forward to paparazzi shots of all of them playing shuffleboard in Arizona somewhere. So who cares? The press, that's who.

The service was scheduled to start at 7:00pm, but it was delayed until around 8:30pm because Jacko's parents were late. Now, just to be clear, they live 20 minutes away from the cemetery. To keep around 200 guests waiting for at least an hour and a half at your own son's funeral is a little bit more than just being late, don't you think? That's not just late, that's "I don't give a crap" late, especially when you live only 20 minutes away. And it's not like the guests can get up and start milling around, maybe grab some cocktail weenies (can I say "grab some cocktail weenies" at Michael Jackson's funeral?), a glass of wine and mingle amongst themselves. No, they're stuck sitting there until someone gets this show on the road. Poor Elizabeth Taylor, sitting out there in the smoky heat, all old and large and without even Bubbles the chimp to keep her company. (Probably a good thing that Bubbles wasn't there. Chimps can get testy and after waiting for 90 minutes, he might have started throwing feces. Then things might have gotten awkward.)


But when they do show up, they show up in this thing. Behold!

Oh, what the hell is that? It appears to be a very large, fairly lavish RV (either that or the travelling Liberace museum) which is being driven by an equally large, yet less lavish man and accompanied by a well dressed co-pilot of some sort. What is with the giant RV? It's rather dark outside which makes it hard to tell exactly what we have on our hands here, but it would appear to be gold in color. A gold RV? Um, yeah. OK.


I also kept reading that it was a "star studded affair". And that's kind of true. There were some stars. It was an affair. I don't know about studded. Maybe hit by the Bedazzler, but studded? Not so much. It wasn't a red carpet event, let me just put it that way.

Here we have Corey Feldman and his wife leaving the service. Feldman apparently opting to NOT dress LIKE Michael Jackson they way that he did at the memorial service. I think I've mentioned before that I've been to plenty of funerals and not once, not ONE time did any of the guests dress like the deceased individual. NEVER. Thus, I find it odd. But what I found odder was this next picture of Feldman and his wife that I saw. Behold!

Who the hell is that?! What's with the suddenly materialized little blonde head there? Did they steal a child from the funeral? I don't think you're supposed to do that!

Speaking of strange goings on with the guests, there was this next photo of some family members leaving the service. How nice that they hired an Emmanuel Lewis look alike to attend with them.
There was Macaulay Culkin and his current girlfriend Mila Kunis. Somewhere in there was Lisa Marie Presley. Al Sharpton was there, guarding against any sort of perceived racism, I would imagine. Either that or looking for lawsuit material. Barry Bonds was there for some reason. And Chris Tucker from the Rush Hour movies. See what I mean about the lack of stars and studs? Over 200 guests and only 6 "stars" offhand that are named. (And that 6 becomes three if you don't count Barry Bonds, Chris Tucker and Al Sharpton. "Stars" is stretching it just a bit, don't you think?)

And of course, there were the fans. I don't know how I feel about fans at a funeral, but that's not going to stop them from showing up, obviously. Behold!

A report from the BBC quoted a one Kevin Harris who said he thought "...people should have skipped work to come and pay their respects and was disappointed more did not." Really? Why...why would that be? It's unfortunate that the reporter didn't ask this guy if he skipped work or even actually had a job. After all, the thing wasn't supposed to start until 6pm, so I'm not sure why you'd need to "skip work" to attend something that started an hour after the traditional work day has ended at 5pm. Then again, I'm not sure why you'd attend , especially just to loiter by the gates and speak to British reporters.

Here's License Plate Guy outside of the interment service.

And here's License Plate Guy inside of the memorial service. License Plate Guy is a one Demarco DeLeon and seems to be a very consistent fan of Jacko's. Well, I guess everyone's gotta have a hobby. Attending the funerals and memorials of pop stars is his apparently.


Outside of the family home in Encino was a one Svenja Maniak from Berlin, Germany. Why she was waiting outside of their home I do not know. Why she is sporting a big ol' MJ tattoo on her back I do not know. However, both of those things together are not all that normal, that I do know.

Finally! I was afraid there weren't going to be any Homemade Poster People there! Fortunately, there's a shot of this in all of its glory. Behold!


Well, and it's the thought, not the punctuation, that counts.

If you're interested (for whatever reason and I don't think I really want to know) in visiting Jacko's grave, good freaking luck. It's apparently not for tourists. The News Tribune says that "...the closest the public will be able to get to Jackson's vault is a portion of the mausoleum that displays "The Last Supper Window," a life-size stained-glass re-creation of Leonardo da Vinci's masterpiece." Um, what? I guess I understand that's the closest you can get, but is there some sort of a significance to that particular attraction? What if I told you that "Several 10-minute presentations about the window are held regularly 365 days a year, but most of the building is restricted."? Huh?! Now what do you think? Still weird? Yeah, it is! It's a window, for cryin' out loud. They're giving 10-minute presentations on a window? Yep! And the Forest Lawn website isn't much help, either. I wonder if after the 10-minute presentations on the window if they give a 10-minute presentation on the curtains that cover it in between presentations?

Now with Jacko's death only recently being ruled a homicide, this thing isn't over yet. There will be more to come from beyond the grave with Jacko and this story. But I imagine that it will be more exciting than the 10-minute window presentation. I mean, if my predictions hold up, we're going to see either another low-speed chase down a freeway somewhere with Dr. Conrad Murray in a white Bronco OR we're going to see the frantic search for Dr. Murray who has probably skipped town as of a week ago. But stay tuned nonetheless!

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