Meat Lady Gaga

Usually after some awards show, I spend an entire blog post going through what various celebritards wore on the barely eventful evening. And especially after an awards show like MTV's Video Music Awards, I usually have plenty of material. But this time, strangely, and sadly, not so much. People were actually dressed fairly nicely and fairly normally. What's up with that?! Fortunately, however, there was one outfit that gives me plenty of material to cover the entire post in and of it's entirety. I present to you Lady Gaga and her meat dress. Behold!

Oh, what the hell is that? That, as I implied so cleverly above, is a meat dress. It's a dress. And it is made out of meat. Need I say more? I think I do need to say more. But before I do, let's try and get to the bottom of this, shall we? Why would anyone, even someone as eclectic as Lady Gaga, wear a dress made out of meat? Even after she has answered this question, it's still a bit unclear.

According to the fine folks over there at the NY Daily News, Lady Gaga said "...she wasn't making a statement about vegetarians with her slaughterhouse chic. Instead, she explained it was about gay rights in the military...". Wait. What now? Gay rights? In the military? That has to do with wearing a meat suit? How...how is that?

She didn't go on to make it much more clear, adding, "If we don't stand up for what we believe in and if we don't fight for our rights, pretty soon we're going to have as much rights as the meat on our own bones...And I am not a piece of meat." Wow. I'm going to have to take that apart one crazy item at a time. I'd like to think that the meat on my bones does have rights. After all, I have rights. So, therefore, doesn't that mean that my meat, which comprises me, has the same rights? Even if it doesn't mean that, I don't see how wearing the flesh of a dead cow is going to help that. I might help get me a prescription for some Xanax, but I'm not so sure about more rights.

As for her not being a piece of meat, I don't ever like to think of people as "pieces of meat". But does she really expect people to not think of her in that manner when she tends to perform dressed like this:

And this:

Or even like this:

All of those outfits are kind of pieces of meat-ish. Is that how it should be? I don't know if it can be any different if you're looking like that. I'm not saying that it's good or bad (I am saying that it's a little freaking weird, though), I'm just saying what does she expect?


The NY Daily News asked a butcher for his opinion on this freak show and he made the assessment that, all in all, she probably had about a hundred dollars of meat there in which to make her dress, her purse and her hat. (Yes, there was a purse and a hat. No word on what was in the purse. A friend of mine guessed that there were bacon bits and an egg timer, for whatever that is worth.) The butcher said, "There are no expensive cuts here, no real steaks...The best you've got is the flank steak on top of her head." There's a sentence I never thought I'd type. On top of her head? Yes. On top of her head. Behold!

Good Lord...OK, look, this is what she does. She's sooooo outrageous. Or something like that. And I don't care what she does. It is entertaining and at least she has the musical pipes to back up stuff like this. But I wills say that I'm a little disappointed at her lack of creativity with the meat get-up. Come on...only one kind of meat? What sort of meat outfit is that?! Jazz it up a little bit! Have a necklace made out of sausage links! Make shoes out of pigs feet! Wear a bra made out of chicken breasts! What about a hot dog belt? She's really limiting herself to only the cow. I expect more out of my freakish pop-stars these days. I really do.

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Facebook Fan Page Frivolity

We all know that we're doomed. And what better way to exemplify said doomage than with a silly observation on Facebook. Oh, but it's not just an observation that I made. No, it was one that was made by the fair and balanced folks over there at Fox News made. And that alone is definitely another sign that we're doomed.

Here's the deal: The other day, it was the first time that a living person hit the 10-million fan mark on Facebook. Now, I would have expected that person to have been either Oprah or President Barry. Turns out, Oprah is no where near the ten million mark on Facebook. Not even close. She only has around 1.5 million fans. That's nothing. And actually, President Barry is in second place with around 9,557,061 fans as of this writing. And while that's nothing to be ashamed of, it kind of is when you're trailing to none other than (wait for it) Lady Gaga. Wait. What now?

Correct. More people are Facebook fans of the freakish (and freakishly talented) Lady Gaga than they are of President Barry. Seriously? Not that I'm thinking that it would be a good idea if President Barry had ten million fans. I'm just thinking that it would be better than Lady Gaga having ten million fans. I mean, sixty million or so people voted for the guy. Why can't he get more people to fan him on Facebook? Oh, right. Because Facebook is stupid. I forgot. Sorry.

But what might be worse than Lady Gaga having the most fans and President Barry having the second most fans is who has the third most fans. Now, you already know that it's not Oprah, so that's a hint. (Not really. You're never going to guess.) And remember, this is for the fans of a living person. Wacko Jacko has over 13 million, but he doesn't count because the last time he uttered "This is it", he really meant it! I'm just going to give it to you. Ready? You're not. Trust me. It's Vin Diesel. (See? Told you!)

Vin Diesel? Are you kidding me? Has the guy ever even had a decent movie? Oh, The Fast and The Furious wasn't that great. Get over it. He's not even an overly attractive dude. He's not a mutant or anything, but come on! What is the appeal of Vin Diesel?! Please, someone tell me! I have no idea!

Oh. Wait a minute. Apparently, President Barry has dropped to third place. That's right. Vin Diesel now has more Facebook fans than Savior Obama does. Good Lord, who is in fourth place? Megan Fox? Oh, well, President Barry better start getting used to fourth place, because if he can be surpassed by Vin Diesel, he sure as heck doesn't stand a chance with a woman with as nice of a rack as Ms. Fox has.

And speaking of Fox, let me just thank Fox News one more time for bringing us this utterly unimportant story and pretending like it's news. Yeah, thanks for nothing.

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