She said something about it being art, that she was artsy, that you didn't need money to live the way that she lived. I'd have to disagree with that. If you were going to live like she does and wear that Kermit outfit everywhere, you're going to need money to pay for the therapy which you clearly need. I'll bet that was a bit unnerving for Kermit to see a suit made out of...well...himself. But it couldn't have been any more unnerving for him to see that than it was for us to all see her accept her award for Best New Artist, presented to her by Eminem. Behold!
Oh, what the hell is that? I'm pretty sure that's what Eminem is thinking as well. (What the hell have I gotten myself into?) There's something wrong with that woman. I don't know if it's even possible for her to make the amount of money that the therapy that she so desperately needs is going to cost. Art. Yeah, sure. Call it what you want, but that ain't normal.
Madonna was on hand to give a little tribute speech to none other than the King of Tributes, Michael Jackson. I'm going to assume that she had prepared the whole thing ahead of time, but she got a little ramble-y there for a bit. Something about how she realized that after Michael died that she (and the majority of other folks who knew him) had abandoned him during his crisis years (also known as "his forties"). She said her kids are huge Jacko fans and, in a moment of overdisclosure (from Madonna? Shocking, I know!) said that there is a lot of "crotch grabbing" going on at her house these days. Granted, I surmise that there has always been a lot of "crotch grabbing" in Madonna's life, but it was an amusing anecdote none the less.
Speaking of Michael Jackson, here's Katy Perry seemingly doing an impersonation of a combo between Jacko and Gene Simmons.
And still speaking of Michael Jackson, here is his father, Joe Jackson, who is accompanied by a pair of breasts being escorted in by attaching themselves to a young woman. Behold!
Good Lord, ma'am. Most people have business cards.
Jack Black, looking ridiculously pumped up as if he was getting ready to shoot a remake of Pumping Iron, was there for some reason. Oh, wait. He was in the movie School of Rock. If you do a movie that has anything at all to do with music, that's your "in" for the rest of your life. Well that explains why he was there. Now if someone could just explain what's with the large medieval weaponry and the biceps the size of Cuba.
Jennifer Lopez's breasts made an appearance as seemingly the only two things holding up her spacesuit-esque dress. She looks confused, as if she can't figure out why she's wearing that either.
Jimmy Fallon and Andy Samberg were on hand for the festivities. Andy Samberg was clearly determined to prove, once and for all, that he had the world's biggest mouth. And it was nice to see that Andy got so dressed up for the event. At least Jimmy Fallon tucked his shirt in and combed his hair.
When Beyonce took the stage to accept the award for Video of the Year, she talked about how excited she was when she won her first VMA when she was 17 and with Destiny's Child and how great that was for her and then she said she wanted Taylor Swift to come out and finish her damn acceptance speech (which was cut off by prick-dick-douchebag Kanye). Now that is actually classy.
I will apologize to Taylor 2mrw . Welcome to the real world!!! Everybody wanna boo me but I'm a fan of real pop culture! No disrespect but we watchin' the show at the crib right now cause...well you know!!! I'm still happy for Taylor!!! Booyaa. You are very very talented. I gave my award to Outkast when they deserved it over me. That's what it is! I'm not crazy yall, I'm just real. Sorry for that! I really feel bad for Taylor and I'm sincerely sorry!!! Much respect!!!"
What is that? Hennessy? Cognac? Really? Can you do that?? I was unaware that you could be swigging alcohol right out of the bottle whilst on the red carpet at the VMAs. I don't recall anyone else ever bringing the entire bottle with them! But at least it explains things. It explains that only a self-centered jerk would show up to an awards show clinging to a bottle of cognac and swigging from it before he goes up on stage in an assumed drunken stupor and ruins (or at least dampens) someone winning their first VMA by taking away their mike and minimizing her win by saying that someone else should have won instead. Yep, that about does it.
So if you're wondering if anything other than Kanye being a jackass can be attributed to his extremely rude behavior last night, let's just say that we have reason to believe that alcohol may have been involved. You think?