Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Doll on the Pole Goes Round and Round

Look, it's late. I'm tired. But rather than not posting and breaking my consecutive posting streak that is nearing two years, I'm just going to make this quick. We're doomed. We're all doomed.

If we continue to accept that toys like this are going to be produced (God forbid mass produced) then there really isn't much of a reason to continue with our day to day lives. We should all just hang it up now, say goodbye, and jump off the nearest bridge. Toys like what, you ask? Toys like this. Behold!

Oh, what the hell is that?! THAT is Pole Dancer doll. She, apparently, does just that. She dances on the pole. She's a pole dancer. See, this is the sort of toy that is counter intuitive to everything that we have learned and/or been taught up to this point. The goal is to always, always try to keep girls/women off of the pole. (I think it was Chris Rock who first spoke that sentiment in such a clear and succinct fashion. Keep 'em off the pole!) This toy seems to encourage utilizing the pole as a career move.

Now, it's hard to read all of the writing on the box, but what I can read is this: It says....

...OK, the first one is one of the ones that I can't quite noodle through. It might say "Style". It might also say "Steak". I really can't tell. But I'm thinking that, since everything else about this is inappropriate, it wouldn't surprise me if the inappropriateness continued and it really did say "Style".

The next word down says "Interesting". "Interesting" is one of those dangerous words because you can say it in just about any situation and it can almost always be interpreted as a neutral statement. But usually when someone is saying "Interesting" their sentiment is far from neutral. It usually means "How boring", "You're an idiot", or "You scare the beejeezus out of me."

The word after "Interesting" is hard to read, but it might say "Music". It definitely starts with an "M". "M" as in "May be inappropriate for everyone".

The next word is "Flash". I don't think that I need to go into a lot of detail about what "Flash" could mean in reference to a doll on a pole doing some sort of shimmy-ing dance.

And finally, we have "Go Up and Down" and "Go Round and Round". Yes, they have beautifully captured the essence of the pole dancer (aka, the whore).

Apparently, this item is manufactured in Asia. No word on whether or not it is actually being sold in the US at this point. I'm sure that glorious day will come none too soon, however. Look for it on sale at a Dollar Store near you. (After all, the dollars will be needed in order to tip the pole dancing bimbo toy doll.)

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