Monday, September 28, 2009

Only 89 Days Left


Since it's near the end of September, that can only mean one thing (apparently). That's right! It's time for Christmas shopping!
Oh, sweet mother of God. What?!

Hey, I'm just the messenger! Don't kill the messenger! You want to be mad at someone? Try the toy companies! And not just for starting in on the whole Christmas shopping dealio in September, for cryin' out loud! You can get mad at them for other things as well. Things like having a white version of a toy/doll and also having a Hispanic version of the same toy/doll. Wait. What now?

Don't flip out! Look it up in Wikipedia.Now, I'm not saying that all toys/dolls should be white, OK? And I can't really say that when I was a kid that I didn't notice what color the toys/dolls that I played with were, but that's just because I'm white and the toys/dolls were white also most of the time. (Wait. What was Barbie's friend, Skipper? Was she black? No, that doesn't seem right. Who's the black Barbie? Christie? Then who in the hell is Malibu Stacie?) I mean, I really didn't notice if the dolls were white or black, nor did I care. But was that because I'm white or because I didn't care? I don't know. All I know is that this paragraph is my disclaimer to the whole "I don't like it" thing not being because I'm white and therefore a racist, OK? I'm not a racist. And Barack Obama is not a Muslim. (I always feel the need to throw that in whenever I can, but now I'm all confused. Where was I? Oh, right. The Hispanic dolls.)

So Fisher Price has a Little Mommy Sweet As Me doll. They market the one below as being "With Pink Jumpsuit and Brown Hair". That's fine. Behold!
OK, she looks like a miniaturized soccer mom. Does she come with a mini van? An SUV perhaps? Where is her Starbucks cup? Let me guess. Accessories sold separately? But Fisher Price also markets the Little Mommy Sweet as Me Hispanic Doll with Hot Pink Top with Jeans and Brown Shoes. Behold!

Does she have to be the "Hispanic" Doll? Why can't she just be the Little Mommy Sweet As Me Doll with Hot Pink Top with Jeans and Brown Shoes? How come the other doll isn't Little Mommy Sweet as Me White Honky Doll with Pink Jumpsuit and Brown Hair? (As long as I'm asking questions here, why does the Hispanic doll have that flowered fanny pack on her head?) Is it assumed that those who would purchase the Hispanic doll are really interested in all of the apparel that she comes with, while those who would purchase the white doll just need to know what color hair she has? We like shoes! We loooovvve shoes! But we don't get to know about the white doll's shoes. Sad.

Another question I have about this is how come Hispanic Doll looks like she just rolled out of bed while Honky Doll is fresh as a daisy?!
But wait! It gets even more ridiculous! Another Fisher Price product is the Little Mommy Baby Ah-Choo! Doll. According to the description: "Girls will love to squeeze the doll's tummy and watch her "sneeze", then help her get better with the interactive thermometer that checks her temperature, plus "medicine", measuring spoon and a box of tissues! Baby Ah-Choo Hispanic is bilingual too!" Great. So the kid snots all over you? Dandy. I'm renaming this doll. It's now the Little Mommy Ah-Choo Swine Flu Baby Doll. Behold!


Oh, but wait. What was that? "Baby Ah-Choo Hispanic is bilingual too!" It's a baby! They don't talk! What? They can sneeze in different languages now? I don't think that they can. But they can, seemingly, be transformed from one nationality to another. Behold, Baby Swine Flu, the Hispanic Version!


Great Scott! Baby Swine Flu is none other than the Sweet as Me Honky doll! It's like she's a superhero with a secret identity! All she needs now is a cape! (Heeeyyy! Maybe that's what was on the head of the Hispanic Sweet As Me doll!)


But do you see my point (kind of) here? Admit it! That's the same damn doll only one of them has a hair clip and the other one of them has a snazzy headband with a fashionable floral accessory. My point is that they're the damn same! You don't need to go off calling one of them Hispanic and one of them, well, you don't call the other one anything now, do you?! Tell me something about the doll that isn't bilingual. I don't know what phrases they say. I mean, they're supposed to be babies after all, I don't know why they're talking in the first place and if they are talking, shouldn't they also come with a little Oprah set? (You know, because they'd totally be on her show if they were babies and could talk.) Does the doll that is not bilingual say, "I don't speak Spanish."? It should, shouldn't it? Think about it.

I don't like this whole deal of having the Hispanic doll and the "other" doll for the reason pointed out when comparing the two dolls above. They're the same! People are the same! That's right! We're all people. I don't give a fat rat's ass if you're white or black or brown or purple or green. I do give a fat rat's ass as to whether or not you're a moron or not. But as for what color moron you are or are not? I could not care any less about that and I really don't think that I'm in the minority in that way of thinking.

If you're going to get all race-specific with toys or whatever else, all I'm asking is that you get race-specific with the white ones as well. If you're doing it with the Hispanic dolls and no one is complaining, then it must be fine, so why can't you do it with the white dolls as well? Does that thought make you uncomfortable? Listen, I'm the one theoretically advocating it here and it makes me uncomfortable! What say we don't label any of them of any race and see who gravitates toward what? We're smart. We'll figure out what we want to buy for ourselves without a label defining race playing into it. To answer the question, I'm pretty sure that we can all get along.

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