Put Down Your Race Card, LeBron

You know what I dislike more than people not taking responsibility for their actions? Because while I can't stand that, what I can't stand even more is when some sort of celebrity or sports star doesn't want to take responsibility for their actions. And what I dislike even more than that is when anyone goes blaming something on race that is so clearly not about race. LeBron James, I'm talking to you.

As you may or may not care to recall, back in July, LeBron James turned making a simple choice into a one hour spectacle on ESPN titled "The Decision" when he announced what team he had chosen to play for next year, as his contract in Cleveland was up. The thing was, he had already decided where he was going to play. He was going to go to Miami and play for the heat along with his buddies Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh and, hopefully, win a title. He had orchestrated this whole thing to put himself on what he considers the best possible team which could win a championship. And he did so in a fashion that made him look like a self-important d-bag.

That sort of egocentric behavior didn't go over well with a lot of people. Couldn't he have just announced his choice via a press conference like a regular athlete. Oh, don't give me that crap about him not being "regular". He's a person who plays basketball really, really well. And we all know it. We don't need him to stage some one hour long "special" where he called all of the shots and all of the questions that were asked of him were giant softballs. We didn't need it, but he, apparently did.

Lately, LeBron has been feeling a little bit of the backlash from his decision to not stay in Cleveland. People were not happy that he left and took the only realistic chances that Cleveland has to win a title with him. People are also not happy that he, basically, got together with Wade and Bosh and decided that they should all play on the same team together, instead of against each other. And look, I can see why he did it. What NBA player doesn't want to win a championship? They all do. I get that. But what ever happened to competing against each other in order to prove your greatness in your quest to get that title?

But if LeBron thinks that he felt backlash for "The Decision", he's really going to be surprised when people react to his take on WHY there was a bit of a backlash. Of course, he doesn't think it was because he made a d-bag move with that one hour ESPN special. No, he thinks that the problem that people have with him (wait for it) is because of his race. You may now scream at the top of your lungs.

Race?! RACE?! You think that people don't like what you did because of your RACE?! You, sir, are a complete moron! Do you really think that? Apparently he does. According to The Huffington Post, James was speaking with CNN's Soledad O'Brien and she mentioned to him that his "...brand and name were "tarnished" because of his decision to leave the Cleveland Cavaliers in such a public fashion". I would have thought that the words "in such a public fashion" would have been reason enough for people to not be happy with him, but I guess that Soledad needed to kick it up a notch (because that would have simply been too boring) and continued her inquiry by asking "...if race played a role in the backlash." Good Lord. Well, I guess I hate her, too.

WHY on earth would you jump to that conclusion? Why?! Is it JUST because he's black? It has to be because there's no indication AT ALL that ANYTHING that has come out of his way of handling things has been because of his race. But he heard that and saw the chance to jump on it and he did when he responded, "I think so at times...It's always, you know, a race factor." Go eff yourself. Sir. And don't go eff yourself because you're black. Go eff yourself because you're a freaking moron to make such an idiotic assertion. Screw you.

And that's my reaction. Now let's look at how some of the NBA's legends reacted to "The Decision". Let's start with Michael Jordan who said, "There's no way, with hindsight, I would've ever called up Larry [Bird], called up Magic [Johnson] and said, 'Hey, look, let's get together and play on one team...But that's ... things are different. I can't say that's a bad thing. It's an opportunity these kids have today. In all honesty, I was trying to beat those guys."

Hmmm. OK. We've heard from MJ. How about if we hear from another MJ? That being the great Magic Johnson who said that he would not have done what James did because you don't join your rivals. "We didn’t think about it because that’s not what we were about...From college, I was trying to figure out how to beat Larry Bird.”

Maybe LeBron took up the old adage, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." Because that's exactly what he did. And you know who else wasn't real happy about it and thought that it was kind of a wussy move? Charles Barkley. And whenever Sir Charles opens his mouth, you know you're going to get an earful of honesty. He said, "I thought that his little one-hour special was a punk move. I thought them dancing around on the stage was a punk move, and I thought he should’ve stayed in Cleveland. Him joining Dwyane Wade’s team was very disappointing to me … That one-hour special, them jumping around on stage like punks, that wasn’t cool to me. From a basketball standpoint, I wish he had stayed in Cleveland."

OK. So we have Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson and Charles Barkley chiming in saying that that's not how they would have handled things and that the competition between rivals is very important to them. Hmm. What do Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson and Charles Barkley all have in common other than having been in the NBA? Oh, that's right! They're BLACK. Do you want to explain that, LeBron? No, he doesn't. Oh, but it's because of race. Of course. Just for that comment alone, LeBron, I hope you never win a championship. And if you don't, go ahead and blame that on race, too. That will draw people back to your side again. Sure.

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Only 89 Days Left

Since it's near the end of September, that can only mean one thing (apparently). That's right! It's time for Christmas shopping!

Oh, sweet mother of God. What?!

Hey, I'm just the messenger! Don't kill the messenger! You want to be mad at someone? Try the toy companies! And not just for starting in on the whole Christmas shopping dealio in September, for cryin' out loud! You can get mad at them for other things as well. Things like having a white version of a toy/doll and also having a Hispanic version of the same toy/doll. Wait. What now?

Now, I'm not saying that all toys/dolls should be white, OK? And I can't really say that when I was a kid that I didn't notice what color the toys/dolls that I played with were, but that's just because I'm white and the toys/dolls were white also most of the time. (Wait. What was Barbie's friend, Skipper? Was she black? No, that doesn't seem right. Who's the black Barbie? Christie? Then who in the hell is Malibu Stacie?) I mean, I really didn't notice if the dolls were white or black, nor did I care. But was that because I'm white or because I didn't care? I don't know. All I know is that this paragraph is my disclaimer to the whole "I don't like it" thing not being because I'm white and therefore a racist, OK? I'm not a racist. And Barack Obama is not a Muslim. (I always feel the need to throw that in whenever I can, but now I'm all confused. Where was I? Oh, right. The Hispanic dolls.)

So Fisher Price has a Little Mommy Sweet As Me doll. They market the one below as being "With Pink Jumpsuit and Brown Hair". That's fine. Behold!

OK, she looks like a miniaturized soccer mom. Does she come with a mini van? An SUV perhaps? Where is her Starbucks cup? Let me guess. Accessories sold separately? But Fisher Price also markets the Little Mommy Sweet as Me Hispanic Doll with Hot Pink Top with Jeans and Brown Shoes. Behold!

Does she have to be the "Hispanic" Doll? Why can't she just be the Little Mommy Sweet As Me Doll with Hot Pink Top with Jeans and Brown Shoes? How come the other doll isn't Little Mommy Sweet as Me White Honky Doll with Pink Jumpsuit and Brown Hair? (As long as I'm asking questions here, why does the Hispanic doll have that flowered fanny pack on her head?) Is it assumed that those who would purchase the Hispanic doll are really interested in all of the apparel that she comes with, while those who would purchase the white doll just need to know what color hair she has? We like shoes! We loooovvve shoes! But we don't get to know about the white doll's shoes. Sad.

Another question I have about this is how come Hispanic Doll looks like she just rolled out of bed while Honky Doll is fresh as a daisy?!

But wait! It gets even more ridiculous! Another Fisher Price product is the Little Mommy Baby Ah-Choo! Doll. According to the description: "Girls will love to squeeze the doll's tummy and watch her "sneeze", then help her get better with the interactive thermometer that checks her temperature, plus "medicine", measuring spoon and a box of tissues! Baby Ah-Choo Hispanic is bilingual too!" Great. So the kid snots all over you? Dandy. I'm renaming this doll. It's now the Little Mommy Ah-Choo Swine Flu Baby Doll. Behold!

Oh, but wait. What was that? "Baby Ah-Choo Hispanic is bilingual too!" It's a baby! They don't talk! What? They can sneeze in different languages now? I don't think that they can. But they can, seemingly, be transformed from one nationality to another. Behold, Baby Swine Flu, the Hispanic Version!

Great Scott! Baby Swine Flu is none other than the Sweet as Me Honky doll! It's like she's a superhero with a secret identity! All she needs now is a cape! (Heeeyyy! Maybe that's what was on the head of the Hispanic Sweet As Me doll!)

But do you see my point (kind of) here? Admit it! That's the same damn doll only one of them has a hair clip and the other one of them has a snazzy headband with a fashionable floral accessory. My point is that they're the damn same! You don't need to go off calling one of them Hispanic and one of them, well, you don't call the other one anything now, do you?! Tell me something about the doll that isn't bilingual. I don't know what phrases they say. I mean, they're supposed to be babies after all, I don't know why they're talking in the first place and if they are talking, shouldn't they also come with a little Oprah set? (You know, because they'd totally be on her show if they were babies and could talk.) Does the doll that is not bilingual say, "I don't speak Spanish."? It should, shouldn't it? Think about it.

I don't like this whole deal of having the Hispanic doll and the "other" doll for the reason pointed out when comparing the two dolls above. They're the same! People are the same! That's right! We're all people. I don't give a fat rat's ass if you're white or black or brown or purple or green. I do give a fat rat's ass as to whether or not you're a moron or not. But as for what color moron you are or are not? I could not care any less about that and I really don't think that I'm in the minority in that way of thinking.

If you're going to get all race-specific with toys or whatever else, all I'm asking is that you get race-specific with the white ones as well. If you're doing it with the Hispanic dolls and no one is complaining, then it must be fine, so why can't you do it with the white dolls as well? Does that thought make you uncomfortable? Listen, I'm the one theoretically advocating it here and it makes me uncomfortable! What say we don't label any of them of any race and see who gravitates toward what? We're smart. We'll figure out what we want to buy for ourselves without a label defining race playing into it. To answer the question, I'm pretty sure that we can all get along.

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