Wednesday, December 5, 2012

That's One Way To Do It

You know how it gets when you just have a bunch of little things all around your house that need fixing?  And you mean to get around to them, but maybe you just don't have the time or maybe you just don't have the skills.  You gotta do something, right?  Right.  But just let me recommend that you don't do what a couple of morons (who actually live in my general vicinity, prompting me to build the wall around my walled off compound just a little bit higher) decided to do.  They decided to kidnap a handyman and force him at gunpoint to do work on their home.  Wait.  What? 

I swear.  According to ABC News, the handyman went to the home of the morons in question about work that he had done for said morons relatives. They told him, essentially "Hey, we're going to kill you if you don't do what we tell you. We want you to fix these things around the house."  Now, in their defense, a good handyman is hard to find.  But still.  Not the best course of action.  I mean, I'm sure that there have been points in my life where I would have killed to have the shower fixed or something, but I didn't really mean literally.  I just wanted the shower fixed!  I swear!

And what do you think foiled this ingenious plan?  That's right.  Snacks.  I swear.  Snacks.  I guess after they had forced him to do repairs on their house, they made him get in the van and were driving him to a relative's house (Maybe it was the same relative he was looking for initially?  Two birds, one stone sorta deal?) and they had some sort of Cheetos craving or something.  So they pulled into a Chevron station (which is frighteningly close to where I like to get sushi) and, like the morons that they are, they left him in the van while they went inside.  The handyman, not being fond of his newly found slavery, decided to make a break for it and took off. 

He ran to a neighbor's house and called 911 and somehow, the police managed to get there while the two dingbats were still in the convenience store.  Seriously, how long does it take to pick out some Funyuns?  (Then again, there are a surprisingly high number of Doritos varieties these days.  I guess I can overlook that.  It's definitely plausible that they got hung up trying to decide between the Nacho Cheese and the Sweet Chile.  Both are really good.)  They were subsequently arrested and charged with a host of offenses, hopefully including dumbassery.   A video of this story is below.  If it doesn't play, you can click the link above.  By the way, the people who were arrested look just about like you'd like that they'd look.  Like idiots. 

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