Wednesday, December 26, 2012

But She Can't Do It!

Have you seen the new Weight Watchers commercials with Jessica Simpson?  I find it perplexing in more ways than one.  First of all, she's off in some sort of barren mountain area with a pickup truck as she's wearing jeans and a plaid top.  It's your basic simulated cowgirl look.  Anyway, as she's standing there with the wind a-blowin' she starts her spiel about Weight Watchers and makes a "stunning" announcement!  Here's the text of what she was blathering about:

I'm Jessica Simpson and this year is all about new beginnings for me.  I lost over 50 pounds on Weight Watchers and I did not have to be perfect to do it.  Being healthy has become a part of who I am, which is great timing because I'm having another baby.  I feel like I'm on top of the world.  Introducing the new Weight Watchers 360 Weight Loss Program.  Because when a weight program is built for human nature, you can expect amazing.  Join for free and expect amazing.  Because it works. 

She's having another kid?  She just popped the one that she has now out in May.  Rumor has it that she's been pregnant since at least November, so she certainly didn't waste any time doing that again.  (She also hasn't wasted any time getting married to the man who continues to impregnate her, but are we really surprised at that?  No one needs to be married anymore, right?  Nah.  Of course not.  Society functions just fine when people don't marry and fornicate like rabbits and reproduce without any ties to each other.  Yeah.   That's working out really well for a lot of people.) 

Now, nothing in her little diatribe made much sense to me.  Built for human nature?  Is it really?  I don't even know what that means.  And "Join for free and expect amazing.  Because it works."  Those are just words.  They don't really seem to be all that connected to each other.  Why is it amazing?  Because it's free?  No, wait.  It's amazing because it works?  Why is it amazing?  What was all that about human nature again?  Is that the free part or the amazing part?  I'm so confused.  Why is she even talking?  No, really. 

See, I ask why she's even talking because at the bottom of the screen, as her hair is being blown back by the wind, we see this disclaimer:

"Pregnant women are not eligible to join Weight Watchers.
Jessica has stopped following the plan and intends to return after she gives birth."

Wait.  What now?  She's not even on the program any more and yet she's still their spokesperson?  How does that even work?  Yeah, she did it once and went from the girth of a freight car to a regular sized person.  But she's not doing it now and yet, she's talking about all of the human nature and how it works and what not.  She's not doing it!  Isn't that the point of a Weight Watchers spokesperson?  Someone who has done the program (usually a now B-list celebrity that we all have fond memories of from their stints as some sort of a sitcom character that we all grew to know and love, a la Valerie Bertinelli and Kirstie Alley) and now looks amazing is the type of person who typically hypes the Weight Watchers brand.  But now they have someone who did it once and isn't doing it any more (not to mention someone who is about to gain a ton of weight all over again thanks to another human being that has spawned within her uterus) up there telling everyone how great it is. 

Isn't that like having a fat person up there telling you that you really should try this program because they know it works.  They're not actually doing it, but that's not the point here.  The point is the effectiveness of the program and someone who has nothing to do with the program at the moment is the person to convey that message?  That's like a guy without legs selling shoes.  ("I used to have feet and when I did, these sneakers were amazing!  I'm sure that those of you who still have your feet will find them just as comfortable as I used to when I could walk unassisted and without prosthetics.") 

The video is below so that you can see this lunacy for yourself.  (Or, if it isn't below, please click here and see the exact same lunacy, just over at YouTube.)  I'd like to say that I'm interested in how all of this is going to turn out after she has her next kid and has to lose weight all over again, but I just can't.  I don't care.  Have your baby.  Lose the weight.  Or don't.  It's not my problem.  But please don't tell people what to do when you're not even doing it.  That just seems silly.  Next thing you know she'll be preaching about the sanctity of marriage.  

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