Friday, December 28, 2012

Police Blotter Year In Review

Shamelessly borrowed from the San Jose Mercury News with neither permission nor malice, I present to you to the Best of the Police Blotter for around the San Jose area.  This is some good stuff when it comes to "crime".  


Vandalism, miscellaneous property crimes

Belmont: A day after selling a table on Craigslist, a woman found 200 plastic forks and knives stuck in her front lawn. (Nov. 24)  (Naturally.)
Redwood City: A resident called at 1 a.m. to report that his patio furniture was on top of his car. (April 27)  (I guess it didn't usually go there?)
Burlingame: A man complained that someone was leaving bags of marijuana in his dumpster. (Sept. 22)  (Who's complaining about free marijuana?!)
San Mateo: A resident suspected a neighbor of breaking a kitchen window with a watermelon. (April 24)  (Yeah, that'll do it.)
Burlingame: A rental vehicle that spent time in Oakland was returned with a bullet hole. (March 30)  (It's Oakland.  Be pleasantly surprised if you don't have a bullet hole.)
Los Altos: Paint, or possibly sherbet, was thrown at a car. (Sept. 26)  (Paint OR sherbet??  There's kind of a big difference between the two.  No one could narrow that down?)


Theft
Redwood City: Bunny ears were stolen. (April 13)  (Hopefully, not from a real bunny.)
Belmont: Two large boulders were stolen. (Aug. 8)
Burlingame: A person reported the loss of items within the past 12 years. (June 11)  (Why file individual reports when you can just do one every twelve years?)

Assaults
Redwood City: A person reported being kicked by a man wearing a cowboy hat and calling himself "sheriff." (March 23)  (I'd like to know how the kicker managed to mention that he was the "sheriff" in this scenario.)
Campbell: A person was hit in the face with a bag of hot dogs on Thanksgiving. (Nov. 27)  (Hot dogs don't come in bags!)


Noises
Burlingame: After residents reported strange noises in their home, police found an intoxicated former service worker in the closet. (Sept. 28) 
Palo Alto: After a resident reported noises, a stranger in a suit and tie was found on the roof of her home. (Feb. 23)  (I like that he dressed up.  Classy.)
San Mateo: A woman reported an intruder in her closet. Police found no one there, and she was arrested on drug charges. (Feb. 29)  (Seems reasonable.)
Burlingame: Apartment dwellers whose 'playful romance' sounded like cursing and yelling were advised to keep it down. (May 9)
Burlingame: Police responding to a report of a fight in an apartment found a family playing Wii Bowling. (May 17)  (That'll do it.)


Animals
Belmont: A young deer prevented a resident from leaving his garage. (May 22)  (And the police were called be-cause...why?)
Burlingame: A family and their pets were 'held hostage' by a raccoon that entered the house through the doggie door. (July 10)  (Well, he was wearing a mask!)
Burlingame: A woman reported having raccoons in her tree. Or maybe it was a bear, she suggested later. (Oct. 19)  (Again, big difference between raccoons and bears. No one could figure that out?)
Burlingame: A wolf was reported walking in the street outside Peninsula Temple Sholom. (Nov. 21)  (Are wolves Jewish?)
Redwood City: A woman feeding seagulls on Middlefield Road attracted so many birds that they caused a traffic jam. (Dec. 5)
Foster City: White powder was reported on the floor of the restroom at the dog park.
Firefighters responded and determined it was flea powder. (Nov. 13)  (There are restrooms at dog parks?  Fancy.) 
Foster City: An elderly man with a small dog was reported to be causing a disturbance by yelling animal noises. (Oct. 16)
Redwood City: A dog tied to a pole was reported to be 'showing its teeth' to passersby. (April 14)  (Maybe he had just been to the dentist.  "Look Ma, no cavities!")


States of undress
Fremont: A man removed his clothes in Thrift Town and refused to leave. (Nov. 10)
Foster City: An 'offensive' older man was reported to be sunbathing in spandex underwear in Leo J. Ryan Park. (Oct. 5)  (That does sound pretty offensive.  Spandex should be illegal anyway.  That's not helping anyone.)
San Mateo: A person told police about a driver who makes a habit of stopping at a bus stop, dropping his pants and then driving away. (Feb. 7)  (That's a serious habit.)
Burlingame: A woman not wearing pants was reported. Police responded and determined that a dress shirt covered her sufficiently. (Feb. 9)  (I like how she must have stuck around wherever she was pantsless long enough for police to show up and assess her current state of dress.)
Burlingame: A man who was having trouble keeping his pants up told police he was trying out suspenders for the first time. (Nov. 28)  (They can be tricky for first timers.)

Marital issues
Burlingame: A woman upset with her husband for failing to replace broken window panes broke a few more. (Jan. 3)
Foster City: A man who returned home to find new sod in his yard called police before learning his wife was responsible. (March 20)  (Again, doesn't seem like something to be all that upset about.)
Belmont: Man, 97, asked police to tell wife, 94, that she needs to get inside the house. (June 2)  (Seems reasonable.) 


Other interpersonal situations
Burlingame: A woman sought police advice on excessive text messages from her nephew -- 74 in the previous two hours. (Aug. 11)  (How about block his number?  Are we really making police officers respond to this sort of crap?)
Belmont: A concerned person called to report a situation involving her mother: A cable company employee made a sales call at the mother's house, then returned the next day and has been living with her since. (April 3).  (That would be cause for concern.  Then again, maybe she's getting free cable.)
San Mateo: An intoxicated person who entered a stranger's house by mistake ended up in the closet. (May 2)
Burlingame: A man unhappy with a free shoe shine was advised to request that the shine be removed. The shiner complied. (March 7)
Foster City: A woman who was picking up a friend complained that the friend's mother refused to get off the hood of the car. (June 21)  (I'm going to need to know why she was on the hood of the car in the first place before thoroughly assessing this one.)


Welfare checks
Burlingame: An employer asked police to check on a man who had missed several days of work. The employee told police he was fine and just didn't feel like going to work. (April 28)  (Might want to give 'em a call at your next job, sir.)
Burlingame: A woman whose absence had worried her employer told police she quit her job without telling anyone. (Sept. 13)  (She needs to hook up with the guy above.)
Foster City: A heavy sleeper who missed a doctor's appointment was awakened by emergency responders who entered from the balcony. (April 13)  (Well, that escalated quickly.)

Suspicions
Belmont: A passerby reported a 'suspicious' car: It was dirty, had towels over the window and set the man's dog to barking. (Aug. 18)
Belmont: A 'suspicious' vehicle cruising up and down the block on a Sunday afternoon turned out to be piloted by a teenager getting a driving lesson. (June 27)
Belmont: A driver parked a gray van, got out and walked up the hill. The reporting party found this suspicious. (May 11)  (I wonder what they found suspicious?  Should all drivers of gray vans never take on a pedestrian role?)
Redwood City: A 'suspicious' man at a park was inviting people to meet his dog, a yellow Labrador retriever. (Dec. 7)
Burlingame: A 'suspicious' man reported to be loitering near Franklin Elementary turned out to be the crossing guard. (June 5)  (You'd think that big STOP sign in his hand might have been a clue to this.)
Redwood City: A woman reported three coffee cans with lids at a bus stop. They hadn't been there the previous day. (May 8)  (They hadn't?!)
Woodside: A woman hanging laundry on a clothesline found a pink bra in her backyard and called police. (April 19)  (I wonder how this one turned out.)
Belmont: A man received an envelope he was not expecting. (Jan. 20)  (Surprise!)
Belmont: A woman said her apartment building smelled funny and she wanted an officer to investigate. (April 25)
Foster City: A resident reported feeling the presence of something outside the window. (Sept. 11)

Miscellaneous odd behavior
Redwood City: A man carrying a butcher knife was walking toward the library at 8 on a Saturday morning. (Aug. 2)  (This seems slightly worthy of at least a little investigation.)
Burlingame: A person who reported seeing a man gyrating while holding a book was reluctant to say anything further. (April 7) (Anything further?  What in the hell was the person saying in the first place?!)


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