I Do(nate)

Let's say that you have a birthday or a wedding or even an anniversary coming up in the near future.  And let's say that you want to make sure to really irritate all of your potential guests and possibly sever relationships with them for quite some time.  Well have I got the solution for YOU!  Now, for what I'm going to presume is a limited time, you can sign up for the Obama Event Registry and instruct your would-be guests to donate to his campaign in lieu of getting you a gift!  Doesn't that sound great?!  And by 'great', I mean 'really freaking weird'. 

I seriously thought that this was just some sort of an Internet rumor when I first read about it.  But no, it's right over yonder at Barackobama.com  It simply (while ignoring the weirdness of it all) says: "Got a birthday, anniversary, or wedding coming up? Let your friends know how important this election is to you—register with Obama 2012, and ask for a donation in lieu of a gift. It’s a great way to support the President on your big day. Plus, it’s a gift that we can all appreciate—and goes a lot further than a gravy bowl. Setting up and sharing your registry page is easy—so get started today"  I'm not so sure that donating to his campaign is going to get you more than you'd get out of a gravy...bowl?  Isn't it a gravy boat?  What the what is a gravy bowl?  Never mind.  I digress.  (But I'm pretty sure it's boat, not bowl.) 

I'm going to go right ahead and say that this is pretty tacky.  How the Obama campaign can even think to ask to be a gift recipient for someone's special occasion is beyond me.  I realize that people sometimes choose a charity or an organization that they'd prefer that people donate to instead of giving a gift.  These people I collectively think of as saps (provided it isn't for a funeral).  But to just come right out and ask that people consider collecting money, cleverly disguised as a gift, for your campaign is just flat out weird.  It kind of has the slight stench of desperation as well. 

Here's the main reason why I think it's just a bizarre thought:  It seems to presume that every single one of your friends that  you would even consider inviting to such an important life event has the same political affiliation that you do.  What a great way to create a huge divide between yourself and your friends with different political views than yourself!  Is the Obama campaign so narrow minded that they think that everyone only has a group of friends and acquaintances that think the exact same way that they do?  Good Lord, could you imagine bringing up something like this at Thanksgiving dinner?  I'm sure that your older and more conservative relatives will just relish in joy of your requesting to make a donation to the opposite of their beliefs.  Because who doesn't like good old fashioned political talk at a wedding?! 

Why stop at just birthdays and weddings and anniversaries?  Why not include graduations in that mix as well?  Oh, and in lieu of having flowers sent to a funeral, how about you just instruct them to donate to his campaign instead?  And for God's sake, don't just stop at your own birthday.  Make sure that's what your children's friends do as well.  Besides, having all of those gifts around just clutters up the party space, right?  Riiiiight. Don't forget the Tooth Fairy!  Might as well include Santa and the Easter Bunny in all of that too, wouldn't you think? 

I would love to have statistics on how many soft heads out there actually participate in this particular campaign of giving or whatever you want to call it.  (I want to call it one of the weirdest and tackiest things ever, but that's just me.)  I've said it several times before, he's not a Muslim; he's a socialist.  Keep your eye on the ball, people.  He's coming after your gifts!  Run!  RUN!

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African Americans Only

I don't know if I'm just paying attention (as I rarely do) or if there really is a recent influx in the news lately, but I keep reading about things that seem to have a double standard attached to them. And I keep trying to figure out why some things are OK and other similar things are just so NOT OK. I've come up with no answers. Only examples. And today's example comes straight from our very own President Barry's re-election campaign. Or something like that

Over yonder at barackobama.com, there is a short blurb by a one organizing fellow Adrenis Hook. (I wonder what an organizing fellow does. Would it be the same as an organizing chap? Would it be the same as an organizing gentleman? Hmmm. Adrenis appears to be a chick, so I guess that last one is out. But I still have no idea what that means.) The purpose of the blurb seems to be to tell us how President Barry has kept some of his promises and that we should continue to support him. Oh, wait. Unless you're white. Or anything besides black. I can only make that assumption since since she's asking for people to sign up to be volunteers over there at African Americans for Obama.

Oh, for cryin' out loud. Are you kidding me? How are we all supposed to be united and get along when people keep separating themselves off into groups? Seriously. Why does it have to be African Americans for Obama? Why can't it just be Americans for Obama? What's wrong with whitey? Never mind all of that. Let's look at it from a different perspective. What if I started "Only Whites For Obama"? Oh, I can practically hear the uproar and the cries of "Racism!" But it's just fine the other way around? What gives, President Barry? What gives, Adrenis?

Look, if folks want to rally 'round and take up President Barry as their cause, I'm all for that. What I am not all for is dividing people out by race. Because quite frankly, I don't give a fat rat's ass what race you are. It isn't a factor in how I determine which decisions I am going to make in every situation where I have a choice. NEVER. It's never factor. But for some people (I'm guessing like African Americans for Obama) it seems to always be an issue!

I don't understand this and I'm not going to pretend that I do. But I'd like it to stop. Or at the very least, I'd like some sort of explanation as to why African Americans for Obama is even "necessary" when you could just as easily go with Americans for Obama and not be all inclusionary and what not. If I was actually a little bit more for Obama, I might actually make "Whites For Obama". Just to see what would happen (even though I'm not sure I want to know).

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She Doesn't Know Anything

Is it the silly season already? I thought that wasn't until September. I must be wrong because Nancy Pelosi has been spouting out the ramblings of a crazy person. And when someone can do that when they're talking about Newt Gingrich (who isn't exactly someone I would put in the 'completely sane' category), well, that's certainly something.

According to the NY Daily News, Nancy Pelosi was asked by CNN about what she thought about the change that there might be a "President Gingrich". She responded with: "Let me just say this. That will never happen...He's not going to be President of the United States ... Let me just make my prediction and stand by it, it isn't going to happen." Now, while I agree with her feelings, I don't know that I think that it's a very good idea to go around saying it quite like that. There are too many dumbasses out there who go to vote. I'd hate to have any of them get wind of this and think, "Oh, yeah?! C'mon, Cletus. Let's go show her wrong!" (And by the way, there would be no particular reason for the dumbasses to think this. They're dumbasses. They don't need a reason.) But she didn't really stop there. No, she went on to jabber: "There is something I know. The Republicans, if they choose to nominate him, that's their prerogative. I don't even think that's going to happen." Wait. There is something that she knows?

What could she possibly know? (Other than it would appear, based on the photo below, that Dwight Schrute is quite possibly Newt's love child.) Does she know something that the rest of us don't? Really, those sentences didn't string together very well, so it's entirely possible that she didn't know what she was talking about either. (I wonder if that happens when you've had your face lifted just one too many times. Hmm...) But you can't just come out and says "There is something I know" and not back it up with...anything, lest you sound like a crazy(er) person. At the very least, make your subsequent sentences flow!

I can't imagine that she has some sort of 'secret weapon' that she's going to break out if Newt should get the nomination. And even if she did, why wouldn't she keep that sort of thing to herself? You don't want to be letting everyone in on your 'strategy', do you? Granted, if it is a 'strategy', it's probably the worst one I've ever heard of. (It's a good thing she isn't in charge of our SEAL operations. She'd tip everyone off before anything could get done. Can you picture it? "There is something I know. Osama bin Laden is about to hear a knock at his door." Yeah, that wouldn't be very effective.)

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That's A Lot Of Mitt

If Newt Gingrich was just a little more sarcastic and a little more childish with some of his statements and retorts, he could put his campaign headquarters in a playground somewhere. The man is one step away from going down to a "I know you are but what am I?" level. And in case you haven't noticed, Newt is not a big fan of Mitt Romney. Newt would seem to see Mitt in the same light that I do, that of a phony tool. But since Newt is the one trying to run for President, he put a little more effort into pointing out Mitt's toolishness by making a video of some of his more memorable statements. And don't get me wrong. I don't think that either one of these numbskulls should be President. But that doesn't mean that the video isn't amusing. Behold! (And if it doesn't load, please click here.)

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Maybe That's Not Exactly What He Meant

Rick Perry has a new campaign video out. Without jumping directly into hate mode (as it seems so many people seem to be inclined to do about said video), I'm going to say that I hope I know what he was trying to say. I'm going to hope that he was just trying to say that it's OK to celebrate Christmas in school and that people shouldn't worry about any sort of backlash from doing so. I'm going to hope that he was trying to make a comparison by using something that is just as loopy sounding as the whole war on Christmas. Do I think he did a good job with it? God, no. He comes across as a homophobic ass. Do I think it's a terrible commercial that is probably going to do more harm than good? Absolutely. So why am I hoping that he just went about sending his message in the wrong manner? Just because. Because if how he came across is actually how he is, and the fact that he was once thought to be the Republican front runner for their Presidential nomination, well, that can't be good for anything. The video is below. If it doesn't play, try clicking here.

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Give Me Your Cash

All rightee now. Perhaps Jon Huntsman had the right idea when he went about making an innocuous campaign video. (At least, I think it was a campaign video. There are still a few days left and in the latest one that I saw, that little dude was still riding his motocross bike through the desert, so I'm not totally positive.) At least he didn't make a video like the one I'm about to show you. Holy crappings. And let me just tell you that while there are a lot of things out there that people are shouting are racist, almost none of them actually are. But this video? I think it might be just a little racist. And by "a little", I mean I think it totally is.

The video is made by something called Turn Right USA. According to their website, their mission is "...to expose and lampoon the typical politico’s microscopic brain through cutting-edge viral videos with guts and humor!" OK. I'm good with that. I like humor! I like cutting-edge! But that doesn't mean that we see those two things in the same way. In fact, I'm pretty sure that we see them in a totally different manner altogether.

Turn Right USA decided to make an attack ad against a one Janice Hahn. She appears to be a Los Angeles Councilwoman. The ad alleges that she hired "...hard core gang members with taxpayer money to be gang intervention specialists." The ad also alleges that "She even helped them get out of jail so they could rape and kill again." That seems kind of unlikely, but I'm still listening. After those allegations, the ad takes a turn to a place that you just shouldn't go. It shows a scantily clad woman who seems to resemble Ms. Hahn walk up to a stripper pole. That's when the rapping black guys emerge.

That's right. Rapping black guys. They're supposed to be the thugs that allegedly worked with Ms. Hahn. And they rap a catchy a little tune. It goes like this: "Give me your cash, bitch, so we can shoot up the street. Give me your cash, bitch, so we can buy some more heat." And these rapper thug guys with their guns are imposed over the fake Ms. Hahn on the stripper pole who is shaking her buttocks rapidly as the gentlemen place dollar bills in her panties. It's a class act. Watch: (And if it doesn't show, click here.)



Impressive, eh? Am I saying that they shouldn't be allowed to air that piece of s***? Of course not. I'm a big proponent of free speech. But there are some things that are just in poor taste and I think that is one of them. Were all of the thugs that she allegedly let out of prison black men? Or is that just how the ad wants to portray the black men? I don't get it. It's weird. Granted, I would like to know a little bit more about this program that she allegedly instituted by working with gang members and allegedly getting them out of jail. It seems to be something that, if she was involved in it, people should probably know about. But do they need to find out about it by portraying her as an agile cheeked stripper with thug customers. (I really wish that when people portray strippers that are getting a lot of money that they show them with more than a few ones strategically tucked into their outfits. You people can't throw a five spot in there?) It's in poor taste. I'm pretty sure it's at least a little racist. And if she hasn't actually ever been a stripper, I'm pretty sure that it's a little sexist as well. I'm actually at a loss as to what to say about this. It's just wrong, is what it is. Hopefully Turn Right USA will navigate itself into a dead end and this will be the last of this crap that we have to deal with from them.

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What Was That?

I realize that the next Presidential election isn't for about seventeen months, but that doesn't mean that people aren't already starting to declare that they're going to run against President Barry. That also doesn't mean that people aren't already starting to talk about people as if they are full-blown, nominated candidates. It's not even CLOSE to nomination time! And really, I'm still kind of recovering from the 2008 election. Seriously, when did that start getting coverage? 2006? Yeah, I knew I was exhausted for a reason.

I don't think that you need a fancy ad to announce that you're going to seek the nomination from your party. Just announce it, already. But wait. If you're going to just announce it already, have it make some freaking sense, would you? Take the ad from a one Jon Huntsman. If this thing makes any freaking sense to you, I'm ready to hear all about it because I am stumped. Seriously, watch this: (And if it doesn't load, click here and watch that.)

6 Days from Jon Huntsman Jr. on Vimeo.

See what I mean? What the hell was that?! "In 6 days." I got that part. "Did not become famous with his band 'Wizard'." Wait. What now? His band Wizard? He's 51 years old and he's still touting his high school band? That NO ONE has ever heard about or knows about? And what's with the motocross racer? Was he in the band, too? Why does the motocross racer who may or may not have been in a band 35 years ago have anything to do with announcing that you want to make a run for a nomination to run for President? I don't know what I just watched. I hope that Mr. Huntsman hones his communication skills "In 6 days". And he might want to ditch the motocross guy. And for the love of God, don't talk about your high school band when you're 51. (Also, if you're IN high school, don't name your band "Wizard". Wizards are cool, but naming your band after them is not.)

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JTP is Back

I always knew that Joe the Plumber (aka Samuel J.Wurzelbacher) didn't have a whole lot of candle power going on upstairs. That doesn't mean he's a bad guy or anything, it just means that he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. Some folks that operate on a lower wattage than a lot of us are fully aware of their shortcomings. Some. Not all. Unfortunately, not all. No, some are just as unaware as to their dimness as they are unaware of a lot of other things. Joe the Plumber seems to be in the latter category.

I thought this guy had finally figured out that he was no longer needed for any sort of political anything and would have gone quietly away. And he did go away for a while, though he could have gone a bit more quieter. (Did he really need to slap his name on a book that we're all supposed to pretend to believe that he actually wrote?) But he's back and it doesn't sound like he's learned much from his 15 minutes of fame.

According to a one Scott Detrow, who is a reporter for PA Public Radio, Joe the Plumber was on hand to lend his support to Representative Sam Rohrer’s Mobilize for Liberty event. According to JTP, he's been approached by over 200 politicians looking for his "endorsement". (I have that in quotes because I'm not real sure what an endorsement from JTP would actually consist of.) So far, he's only seen it fit to back five of them. He makes it sound as if he has some sort of complicated vetting process, but it sounds to me like he sits down with folks to listen to them for a bit and then he decides whether or not he agrees with what they're spouting. I'm not saying that's a bad idea. It sounds fairly reasonable. All I'm saying is that it's not a complicated and drawn out process or anything.

I find it amazing that anyone would want to have this guy stump for them. I mean, after all, who is this guy anyway? He's not really anyone other than the guy that John McCain grabbed onto and had as sort of a backup spokesperson for his campaign. (You remember John McCain? Him and that quirky lady from Alaska gave President Barry a pretty good run for the presidency.) If it hadn't been for McCain elevating JTP to a position of anything more than just a guy who asked a question of Barack Obama during an election stop, there would be no reason for JTP to be doing anything today other than unclogging toilets and laying pipe. (If that is, in fact, what he did before. I really have no idea, nor do I care. I was just going with stereotypical plumber duties there.) Oh, but don't expect him to be loyal or grateful to McCain or anything. No, he's done with that.

According to Mr. Detrow, Joe the Plumber "...said he doesn’t support Sarah Palin anymore...Because she’s backing John McCain’s re-election effort." He also said that “John McCain is no public servant" and he called him "a career politician". All rightee then. Let's see where that came from, shall we?

Apparently, Mr. Detrow had the same reaction that I did and he "...pointed out he’d just be plain old Sam Wurzelbacher of Ohio...without McCain." Yes! That's exactly who he would be. But that doesn't matter to JTP as he responded with “I don’t owe him s—. He really screwed my life up, is how I look at it.”

Umm...screwed your life up? That's how you look at it? How, exactly, did he screw your life up? Because if it hadn't been for John McCain then you wouldn't be supporting those five politicians that you chose to support? Is that it? No, that can't be it because that would be asinine. Was it that your life was so screwed up that all you can do now is support those five politicians? No, that can't be it because that, too, would be asinine. Maybe it was having to put his name on that book. Maybe that's the life screwing that he's referring to. (Oh, sure, I realize that seems asinine as well, but I'm running out of speculative theories here, so you're really going to have to work with me on some of this!)

Joe the Plumber believe that “McCain was trying to use me. I happened to be the face of middle Americans. It was a ploy.” Why, yes! Yes it was a ploy! Congratulations! That might be the first thing that you've gotten right all the live long day! What the heck did you think McCain was doing with you?! Using you! Yes! And what do you think these five politicians that you've chosen to support are doing with you? Using you! Yes! Wait...does he get that last part?

I don't think he does. When Mr. Detrow asked him why he's still milking the whole JTP image thing he replied that "...it’s his duty to take advantage of the platform he’s been given. He wants to talk up the issues he cares about, and encourage the grassroots tea party movement." Wait. What now?

So, it's OK for him to take advantage of him, but it's not OK for anyone else to take advantage of him? It doesn't matter how he got to where he's at, even though what he's stumping for is right along the same platform that McCain was campaigning on. That has nothing to do with it, am I understanding this correctly? I'm pretty sure that I am, but it's just so ridiculous that I'm beginning to question it myself.

It's completely unclear to me why JTP has this impression of John McCain, but he's not exactly acting like a guy whose life has been "screwed up". He seems to be a rather unappreciative and clueless guy who is pretty lucky to be in the position that he's in regardless as to how he got there. I'm not saying that he's lucky because he was some sort of hidden genius that the world would have never been aware of otherwise. I'm saying that he's lucky because who wouldn't want to be handed a platform (and a bunch of money) to go out there and say what they believe and have people seemingly want to listen to you? That's a pretty good gig if you can get it.

Fortunately, these Joe the Plumber appearances are usually short lived. We shouldn't have to hear from him or about him until at least May, maybe June if we're lucky.

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JTP.com

There were several things I was looking forward to when the election was over. The most obvious one was that the election would be over. Can we all come to some sort of an agreement that the next time we need to elect a President, that we not start over two years beforehand? I mean, that's a bit much, don't you think? (Of course you do! You were here. You managed to make it through the most insufferable of the insufferable. How can you not want a shorter campaign window? Sorry, Hillary.) But some of the things that I was really looking forward to have NOT happened and, quite frankly, I'm rather disappointed. I thought we had a deal. I don't know with who, but I'm pretty sure I remember some sort of a deal. (Oh, wait. That was change. Someone said that they distinctly remember being promised 'change'.) Why am I still being subjected to Joe the Plumber and Sarah 'Bible Spice' Palin?!

I have seen more of Sarah Palin since the election was decided than I have the entire time that she was campaigning. Why is it that people feel the need to speak out now about things that came up during their campaign? Wouldn't speaking out during their campaign have been a bit more timely, not to mention sensible?

She was on CNN with Greta van Susteren (who is always in soft focus. Why is that? The other people are in hard focus, but Greta gets a bit of the fuzzy treatment. A little too much on the face tightening there, perhaps? Who knows? But it's weird.). She talked about Clothes-Gate and how she did not personally go out and purchase $150,000 worth of clothing after she was chosen to be Grandpa Spice's running mate. And I believe her. Why didn't she say so during the campaign? It got way out of hand. Could she not have squashed that then so that it could be over now? I don't get it.

Now, for some odd reason, there's talk of her running for President in 2012? There is? Why? She lost, right? OK, just checking. She's hot and all (though I've seen some who are hotter. Heck, I know people who are hotter.) and I know I'm not supposed to say that, but if I say that she's hot and then follow it up with "but that doesn't mean she's qualified or able to lead", does that help? I thought so.

And I keep reading and seeing on TV that she spoke at the Republican Governor's Association meeting in Miami this week. It's being made out to be this huge deal. Do you know how many Republican governors made it to this wingding? Thirteen. Thirteen! That's it?! Oh, but it gets better. She gave her first press conference while she was there as well! It must have been rough on her. She was probably all winded after speaking to the whole baker's dozen of governors there. But she gave her first press conference and there were (wait for it) over one hundred reporters there! Thirteen governors, one former Miss Wasilla, and one hundred reporters. Good Lord, media folks. Get over yourselves and go find some real news to cover.

But then there is the most overrated, non-issue monger of the campaign, Joe the Plumber. Why am I still hearing about him? The man asks Barry one question and the next thing you know he's a groupie on the John McCain tour bus! Then he hired a publicity firm and there's been talk of him running for Congress! What the hell, people?! Oh, but wait, there's more! What is the mandatory action that all new found and unwanted celebrities or public figures must accomplish within 6-8 months of their unwarranted fame? Before you answer that, you should know that there are two correct answers and both of them count because both of them are happening. Anyone? Anyone? You! In the back! If you said 'land a book deal' and 'launch a website', you win! I mean, we lose! I mean, wait. Do we care? I don't think we do. Let's find out.

Yes, JTP (Joe the Plumber) has a book deal. Again, the man asked one question. Is this going to be a picture book? Are we sure it's a book and not a flyer or a pamphlet?

JTP's website is called Secure our Dream. It probably should have been named 'Secure the Cash Before People Forget Who I Am'. The home page has 'A Message From Joe' which I would be surprised if JTP actually wrote himself. I just can't see him using a word such as "hearkens". But then again, maybe he did write it himself. Part of his 'message' starts out with "For those of you just visiting this website..." As opposed to what exactly? Those of us moving in?

Oh, good Lord. I began mocking this before I had finished reading everything. Do you want to know 'About the Mission"? Well, I did! So I clicked. I was greeted with this: The other day, I was contacted by 72-year old man who pleaded with me to share his story with the media and politicians. He and his wife lost all of their savings in the stock market recently. They worked all their lives for this country and now they have nothing. Why? Because of corruption in Washington. That man asked me, “What do I do now Joe?" Wait. What?

First of all, if this alleged 72-year old is asking Joe the Freaking Plumber about what he should do now, then that is probably one indication of how he lost all of his money in the stock market in the first place. (Not the brightest bulb on the tree, if you know what I'm saying.) But corruption in Washington is why the stock market tanked? It is? There has always been corruption in Washington. There has been a lot more lately, but that's not the point. How is the corruption in Washington tied to the stock market? What about that whole housing market thing? You know, where the banks made all of the loans that they knew that they were never going to be paid back for and then people stopped buying houses and paying for them and the whole market went in the crapper? Was that not a big deal? Oh, not as big as the 'corruption in Washington', of course, but kind of big?

I guess not because as I continued reading "About the Mission" I read "So, here’s my promise to Robert and the other Joes and Janes out there who have been failed by their politicians. I have formed this organization to bring together individuals who want to help others, while at the same time ensuring our government keeps answering our tough questions." Wait. What? The politicians failed this guy...how? Oh, right! The corruption. Got it. I'm a little slow. Perhaps there's more for me to read and learn about! Oh, good! There is!

"With your help, we can stop the government and banks from taking peoples' homes away. We can stop our elected officials from selling our children into debt with our enemies. We can help each other far better and faster than the government has ever been able to." Make it stop. Make it stop now, please. This is the first I've heard about the government and the banks just arbitrarily taking away peoples' homes for, apparently, no reason whatsoever! It's not like they fell behind on their payments because they bought a house they couldn't afford or anything like that. It's not like all of those sub-prime mortgages were given out to people who don't understand the concept of a 30-year mortgage and how adjustable interest rates work. No, none of those things happened. It was the corruption in Washington.

I have no idea what the part about the "elected officials selling our children" means. There are child sellers in Washington?! I had NO idea! Sounds bad. But by far my favorite part is at the bottom of "About the Mission". "If you are an individual, business or organization that is interested in joining or donating to our soon to be established non-profit organization SecureOurDream.org, please click Joe's Friends to email us and we will contact you soon." Well, they covered just about everyone who they wanted to know were eligible. What's wrong with 'If you are interested'? Are they trying to make it clear that they exclude animals? But seriously, "soon to be established" just kills me. If you want to give us money for something that we haven't got all together yet and can't tell you what we'll be doing with your money, please, call now! Operators are standing by! WTF, JTP? WTF?

The "Joe the Forum", "Joe the Media" and "Joe the Blogger" links are all under construction and we are told 'thank you for your patience'. Uh-huh. The one section that does have content is the "Shop Joe" link where you can pre-order his pamphlet flyer book AND get a year's membership to his website along with a one year subscription to the "Joe the Blogger" newsletter (Newsletter? Why is it "Joe the Blogger" and not "Joe the Newsletter Writer"?) AND free shipping on all "Shop Joe" merchandise! All for the low, low price of only $14.95! (Paperback book slated for release December 1, 2008. Mark your calendars now!) And that $14.95 is quite the bargain because as a member of the JTP Super Special Club, you will be charged an annual membership fee of $19.95! Yeah, but is he going to fix my leaky pipes or what for that price?

The site claims to have already had "tens of thousands" of individuals who have "...expressed your desire to join this movement." Really? WHOIS data shows that the domain name was registered on Oct. 23, 2008. Today is Nov. 14. So, 22 days? "Tens of thousands?" According to the folks over there at Alexa, the average percentage of global Internet users who spent time that they will never get back on the Secure Our Dream website was 0.000148%. The average number of daily global Internet users that I could track down was about 250,000,000. Don't get up, I'll do the math. That amounts to around 37,000. And while that is "tens of thousands", there's a reason they went with "tens of thousands" instead of just saying 37,000. They should have gone with "a lot". I wouldn't have checked up on "a lot". But I'm still glad I did because it helped alleviate any fears that I might have had about this guy actually getting elected to Congress.

The election is OVER! John McCain understands that! I haven't heard a peep out of the guy (not including when he was on Leno earlier in the week. And he was funny, so I'll cut him some slack on that one.). How come these other two won't go away? It's over. Go home. Shoo!

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Campaign-a-Palooza

I have to get this out of my system before the freaking election which is, thank God, less than 48 hours away! If I didn't know better, I'd swear that we'd been listening to Barry and Grandpa John McCain since immediately after Sarah Jessica Parker lost to George W. Bush back in 2004. (Wait. Not her! Geez. I meant John Kerry. A horse is a horse, of course, of course.)

There are so, so, SO many witty and wacky individuals who have used their many talents to craft various campaign signs for the candidates. Campaign signs that the candidates would only use if a) they had a loaded gun pointed at their head, or b) they wanted to lose really, really badly. But neither of those things seem to be applicable (though I still don't know what the heck happened over there in McCain's camp over the past three weeks. It was as if someone let HIM run the campaign himself. And that really doesn't sound like a very strategy, especially given how things are going for him these days.). And that's what the Internet was made for! It's a tool that allows those folks to show off their childish, immature and hysterically funny talents with the rest of the world and all without leaving the comfort of their own home or Starbucks.

Thus, I give to you a conglomeration of campaign sign satire, created by folks who will likely never, ever hold a public office. Behold! Fairly amusing campaign signs when it is less than 48 hours before we get to effing vote!! (I'm sure you will be shocked, just shocked, to learn that it was harder to find stuff that poked fun at Barry than it was to find things that poked fun at John McCain and Sarah Palin. Joe Biden is practically nowhere to be found. Why, oh, why couldn't the others have followed his lead?)

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I can even manage to squeeze in a few Joe the Plumber themes for you (because who can't get enough of that?!). Behold!




And this just wouldn't seem complete without a few Tina Fey as Sarah Palin references on here. Yeah, I know they're not campaign signs, but she's hilarious, so she gets a free pass on that one. (Besides, it gives me reason to go to a web page of a friend of mine and "steal" her Tina Fey as Sarah Palin pics to use here. Now, she doesn't know I've "stolen" them yet (so I'm not going to link to her page just right now), but she'll know as soon as she reads this. But if I did link to her page, you'd know I wasn't checking it out just for her Tina Fey pics, as she has a pic of herself on there that shows just how absolutely stunning she is. (You know what's even better? Who she is on the inside is twice as stunning as who she is on the outside.) Behold! Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live!

Let's just effing vote already!

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