Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Don't Say THAT!

Today's post is going to be about how to not be a bad criminal.  Actually, it's going to be more about things not to do as a criminal.  And the crime isn't what I'm focusing on.  Assume if you will that the crime is essential to the daily function of the incredibly dense individual in question.  I'm merely focusing on how to improve their sorry, sorry game. 

What we have here is a one Ashley Bellamy.  Ms. Bellamy is 22 and probably old enough to know better.  (And if you're thinking that this had to have taken place in Florida, you'll be as surprised as I was to learn that it was in Philadelphia!  Way to go, Philly!  Usurping Florida and it's signature idiocy and weirdness.)  She was involved in an ordeal that required the cops to show up.  From what I understand from the Huffington Post, they were involved in a drug deal and they pulled a gun on their customer who, in turn, went inside the convenience store that they met outside of and called the cops to tell them there was someone with a gun in the parking lot.

The cops show up and ask the two dimwits to get out of the car.  The cops, being trained in the art of keen observation,  notice that Ms. Bellamy is "walking funny".  When the female cop asked her why she was "walking funny", Ms. Bellamy told her "I've got crack in her vagina."  ("But I repeat myself."  Sorry.  I couldn't help it.  I was kind of hoping to take the high road with this story or, at the very least, the medium road.  But I failed miserably.  Dang it.)  That's right.  Crack.  Up...there.  36 vials to be exact.  Holy crap. 

But here's the problem that I have with this:  If you're taking all of the trouble to shove thirty six  vials of crack up your wazoo and then the cops ask you why you're walking funny, tell 'em you...sprained your ankle a yeast infection...or...maybe tell the cop "I think you walk funny!...or...I don't know what else.  But something!  Because if you're just going to come right out and say "I have crack in my vagina" then there's no point in putting it up there in the first place!  Why'd you bother?!  What's the point?!  If you're just going to reply, "I have a tremendous amount of crack cocaine stashed in my vagina and that is likely the cause of my irregular gait that you noticed", then why shove it up there in the first place?!  You gotta think!!

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