Saturday, May 5, 2012

America's Village Idiot

America's village idiot is back in the news.  That's right.  The one, the only, the Levi Johnston.  You probably best remember Levi from such episodes such as the 2008 presidential campaign and his knocking up the Republican Vice-Presidential candidate's daughter, Bristol.  He's a pretty good looking dude, but seems to be as dumb as a turnip.  (I realize that might be insulting to the turnips of the world out there, but I calls 'em as I sees 'em.)  But he does seem to be good at a couple of things.  He seems to be really good at having sex without using contraception AND he seems to be really good at getting chicks that he isn't married to knocked up. 

You can't be overly surprised when I tell you that Levi has managed to get another girl pregnant.  The lucky lady this time is a one 20-year old (and old enough to know better) Sunny Rae Camilla Oglesby.  That's right.  Sunny.  The exact opposite of my disposition.  Sunny.  And how they came to be a couple is truly a romantic tale.  See, Levi saw Sunny's picture on Facebook.  He must have been instantly smitten because he immediately called up his friend and said exactly what you would expect him to say in this situation.  He told his friend, "Get her."  Awww.  Just like in the movies!  According to Inside Edition, the way Levi tells this love story is "I seen her on Facebook—a picture, and I called my friend and said 'Get her.'" And it's not just her good looks that attracted Levi to her.  "Any woman who can hunt bears with me is a keeper. You can't find those every day."  Words of a poet.

At some point after meeting, the two lovebirds went on a camping trip to some cabin in the middle of nowhere.  And wouldn't you know it?!  They forgot birth control! As Levi put it, "We were out at the cabin for like, four days, and forgot the birth control."  Right.  Because there's nothing else that they could have done!  And rather than just go and get some (or not have unprotected sex), they decided that the best thing to do would be to go ahead and have unprotected sex anyway and bring another little Johnston into the world before he's even 22.  Good idea. 

Naturally, with two geniuses like this involved, you know that the name that they choose for the kid is going to be equally intelligent.  That's why they decided to name their children after something near and dear to Levi's heart.  His favorite gun. And apparently, one of his favorite characteristics of nature.  They're naming the child Breeze Beretta.  Now, Breeze is kind of a stripper name.  It's going to be tough for her to resist the draw of the pole with a name like Breeze Beretta.  Then again, it's hard for me to imagine her having a stellar life with Levi at the helm of fatherhood, but that's just me. 

Of course these two aren't married yet.  Again, according to Inside Edition "Johnston still hasn't officially popped the question. Oglesby wants him to propose before Breeze is born."  Yet when asked by the interviewer "Is there any question in your mind that this is the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with?"  Johnston answered, "No."  But yet, no marriage proposal.  So, so interesting.  And, given his history with the Palin girl, so, so not surprising.  What a loser. 

He already doesn't see or pay for the kid that he has.  And now he's bringing another one into the world with a girl who seems just as naive as Bristol did about the entire thing.  It's like watching "Groundhog Day" waiting for this to play out.   I'm going to make my prediction right now.  I predict that it will turn out just like it did before.  They'll be all in love and happy or whatever.  That will last right about until the kid is born.  Then Levi will go back to doing whatever dumbass things he does and Sunny Rae over there will get to raise little Breeze Beretta all by herself.  And for the record, I would love to be proven wrong about this.  I would like nothing more than for those two kids to stay together forever and have a happy and loving family.  But it's Levi Johnston, so I just don't see that happening.  Why can't there be some radio station out there that would offer him something like $10,000 if he got a vasectomy?  That'd be awesome because the end goal here is to have him stop making children.  I can't think of any other way to get that done than with some ridiculous publicity stunt that makes him a few bucks.  Small price to pay if you're asking me.  

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