Tuesday, May 22, 2012

That Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means

You know how I'm always saying that the media sucks?  You know, there's a reason that I say that.  It's mainly because the media sucks.  It sucks SO bad.  And today I have a glaring example of their suckitude.  Seriously, this just boggles my mind.  How this is even a thing is beyond me. Maybe you can help me figure it out.
Remember Desmond Hatchett?  He's the dumbass who has fathered 30 children with eleven different women (who are also dumbasses) and he's only 33 years old.  I guess that for some reason, people like it when there is a nickname given to people in the news.  Tanning Mom.  Octomom.  The Barefoot Bandit.  Son of Sam.  People love a nickname.  So I guess that it would be natural for one to be bestowed upon Mr. Hatchett.  Personally, I'm good with 'dumbass'. It's fitting, it's catchy, it's easy to remember.  (And even if  you forget it, you can just think of someone that has had 30 children in 19 years and can't pay for them and remember it that way."Ohhhh!  The dumbass!  That's it!"  See?  Easy to remember.)  But no, apparently the media had to go and give him the stupidest name that they could come up with.

Here's how it starts off over there at the usually reputable Los Angeles Times: "Hatchett, nicknamed Octodad by various media outlets, gained considerable notoriety last week after WREG in Memphis posted a story and video describing his struggles to keep up with child-support payments for his 30 children."  Honestly, my despair is such that at this point, I almost don't know where to go with this.  But I'll try.  (And really LA Times?  You're usually SO much better than this.  Check yourself.  Please.)

Octodad?!?!  The media is calling him Octodad?!?!  Are they not aware that the reason that Octomom was dubbed Octomom is because she had octuplets?  And that having octuplets means that she had eight babies?  And that 'octo' is the prefix for 'eight'? Do you see what I'm driving at here?  Octo...eight...I don't know how else to explain it.  Then again, I feel like that must not be a sufficient explanation if the freaking media is calling him Octodad when he has thirty children!  Octo isn't the prefix for thirty!  Dumbass is the prefix for thirty! 

Octodad. Good Lord. Look, Octomom is a ridiculous name, but at least it's etymology is essentially correct.  We don't just put "octo" in front of a word to indicate that they have a lot of kids. We're not calling the Duggars the OctoDuggars.  (Octogars?  I'm really struggling with what sounds good here.  And the answer is probably 'nothing' because it's all so gosh darned stupid.)  We don't call Kate Gosselin OctoKate.  (Yes, I realize that she actually does have eight children.  But I'm running out of examples of people who have overused their uterus.)  The media needs to stop calling this dumbass Octodad.  I'd be happy to explain to them why that should be.  Send them my way.  Wait.  Can I do that without coming completely unglued on them? Probably not.  What say they just stop and we all call it good?

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