Saturday, December 29, 2007

My Favorite People of 2007

Three days left in the year, so I think I'll go with two more favorite people. How can I not enjoy the Larry Craig saga? Senator Craig, as you may remember, was arrested for allegedly soliciting sex in an airport bathroom. He allegedly slid his foot underneath the stall and touched the foot of the guy in the adjacent stall, who happened to be an undercover officer looking for just such activity. Craig told no one about his arrest AND pled guilty (didn't tell anyone about THAT either). When it all came out (no pun intended), Senator Craig's excuses/rationale were hil-arious.

How did his foot touch the foot of the guy in the stall next to him on accident? According to Craig, "I have a very wide stance." A wide stance? He would have to have the stance of an Olympic gymnast to get his leg from one stall alllll the way into the other stall, SO far, in fact, that he would actually be touching the other patron.

Senator Craig also allegedly motioned with his hand underneath the stall divider. According to the officer, that is another sign that someone is trolling for gay sex in the very romantic atmosphere of a men's public airport restroom. (For the record, may I just say, "Eewwwwww!") The ol' under the divider hand wave. When explaining THAT, Senator Craig said that he noticed a piece of paper (presumably toilet paper) on the floor of the stall and he reached down to pick it up. Again, "Eeeewwwww!!" So now he's performing public service by picking up stray pieces of paper in the men's room at an airport in Detroit?!

I don't know about you, but public restrooms are not exactly what come to mind when I am trying to picture the epitome of cleanliness. If I have to use a public restroom (and my bladder is going to have to be ready to burst wide open within 10 seconds for me to use one. If that isn't the case, I'm holding it.) I don't want ANY part of me touching ANYTHING in there. It's like I'm Superman and the stall is kryptonite. I will go to great lengths to hover above anything and everything. But not Larry Craig. Nope. He just willingly bends down and picks toilet paper up off the floor of the stall. What a guy. Spare me.

Hey, Senator Craig. Next time you want to pretend like you weren't doing something that you obviously were doing, try being more convincing. Instead of hiding the whole incident until it's broken wide open by the press, try using that Senatorial "stance" (instead of your wide one) and raise hell at THAT TIME. If you expect anyone to believe that you pled guilty to the charge simply because you wanted it to go away because you were embarrassed, but that you were not actually guilty, how in the world can anyone expect you to perform the duties of a US Senator when you clearly have extremely poor judgment when it comes to decision making?

Choose one, Senator. Were you stupid or horny? And while you're at it, why don't you decide whether you're gay or straight.

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