I'm Back

Vacation is over.  It was pretty cool, though.  Saw a lot of old friends and I got to watch a baby be born.  The birth was pretty cool.  I'm not necessarily going to recommend and/or endorse it, but I'm glad I was there to see it happen.  One thing about babies that I've noticed is that they smell great.  And that's pretty hard to believe considering where they came from.  Seriously, when you first see that little person all covered in muck and goo, you would never believe it if someone told you, "See that?  It's going to smell great!"  But it sure does.  I think that must be part of the master plan.  If it smelled repulsive, you wouldn't want to take care of it and as humans, we all would have died out a long time ago. 

But let's talk about my trip back.  I drove and I spent the night in Winnemucca, Nevada.  Now, if you've never been to Winnemucca, you're not missing much.  It's in the middle of the Nevada desert on I-80.  The general atmosphere is a mix between tumbleweeds, sadness and despair.  And from what I can tell, the entire town hasn't been updated since at least the 1940s.  I ran across this fabulous piece of real estate when I was there.  Behold! 

Can you believe that something like that is FOR SALE?!  I couldn't either!  And while the entire town doesn't look quite like this, it's really not too far off.  It's also fairly representative of the general attitude of almost everyone that I encountered whilst in Winnemucca.  (The exceptions being the lady that ran the motel that I stayed at and the homeowner who offered me a bottled water when I ran by his house in the morning because it was hot and he didn't want me to get dehydrated.  Other than that, morale was low.) 

And here is the highlight of my trip to Winnemucca.  What we have below is a picture of the outside of the Bar M Saloon.  Their brightly lit sign gives you an idea of what they have to offer.  Since it's kind of hard to see, I'll help you out.  It reads: "BILLIARDS  SLOTS  SCRAPBOOKING".  Behold! 

Wow.  Billiards, slot machines AND scrapbooking?  Not to mention that it's a saloon, so you can get your drink on as you shoot pool, gamble and organize all of those memories in a whimsical book!   Then again, I'd probably be drunk and scrapbooking too if I lived in Winnemucca.  The next time that I'm there (and there will be a next time) I am going to make a more concerted effort to look around that town and really see what's what.  I have the feeling that there are plenty more anomalies just waiting to be discovered. 

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It's Late. So Sue Me.

Hey, so have I mentioned that I'm on vacation?  Yeah, I am.  Actually, I've been gone since last Monday.  Yet miraculously, I've been able to keep up with this blog.  Go figure.  Anyway, the point here is that things might be a little late, but they will be here.  Eventually.  Oh, and they might also be trite.  Like this. That's right.  This counts as a post.  Can you believe it?  Hey, after posting every single freaking day for 4-1/2 years, I'd be more surprised that this sort of stuff doesn't happen more often.  Tell you what.  In order to make some sort of an effort to post something of substance, here is a Bloom County comic strip that I find particularly amusing.  What I like about it is that it is as relevant and true today as it was when it was first published, probably back in the mid 1980s or so.  Some things never change and I guess that celebrities and their lame-ass excuses for their behaviors are some of those things.  Behold!

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Just Some Stuff

How about just a post about some random things? Yes? Good. Let's start with when I Googled "put Christ back in Christmas" and ended up with this:

Went to Walmart today and saw these. Now, they might be a lot of things, but barely there is not one of them.

The neighbor down the street has gone full retard this Yuletide season. Thank God that he's actually around the bend, otherwise I think I'd have a hard time falling asleep.

My friend sent me this picture that he snapped when passing by the Occupy Santa Cruz gathering. He said it appeared to be about 20 of your typical Santa Cruz hippie type just hanging out amidst the very strong aroma of marijuana.

Also from Santa Cruz, this poster asking for help in locating a missing key to a BMW. If he would only reword his poster, it would really help me give half a crap.

Am I the only one that sees a smiling woman with wild hair driving on this lamp? I noticed it the other day and now I can't unsee it.

Then there was this at a grocery store the other day. I cannot even imagine the sound that thing made as she dragged it all over the store. You'd think that would have tipped her off that it wasn't for personal use.

And finally, if you have to set a mousetrap, you might want to check it often. That's because mice, apparently, don't give an eff. I mean, in this case, they actually do, but they really don't.

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Sometimes Things Suck

Hi.

My mom is in the hospital. Thus, I don't give a fat rat's ass about whether I post or not. Granted, I most likely will, as she seems to be better (pneumonia when you're 79 is kind of a bitch), but if the posts are late or missing in the next couple of days, you know why. I'm now off to the hospital for another nice long day of sitting.

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Happy Birthday To Me

All right, this is going to have to suffice for today, as I am now :::sniff::: too damn old and will be spending the rest of the day curled up in a ball in a corner somewhere, weeping softly and waiting for sweet, sweet death to take me away.

Who am I kidding? I'm too drunk to write much more than this. Woo-hoo! Happy Birthday to Me!

Actually, I've done a bit of reading about August 2nd. If you go by the annals of history it would appear that August 2nd is just ripe for war and death and destruction. I'm not quite sure if I'm supposed to work on changing that or just go with the flow. Changing it seems like too much work and I'm old and tired. Status quo it is then.

• 1990 - Iraq invades Kuwait
  
• 1985 - Delta Flight 191 crashes in Dallas, killing 137
  
• 1980 - A bomb explodes at a train station in Italy, killing 85 and wounding more than 200
  
• 1973 - A flash fire in the Isle of Man at the Summerland amusement park kills 51
  
• 1968 - On the very day and very year that I was born, the Casiguran Earthquake strikes the Philippines and kills more than 270 and wounds 261. It's as if someone said to me, "Welcome to the world. You're going to die a violent and horrific death."
  
  

It only gets worse before 1968. More war. More troops. More death. It's a wonder half of us were even born at all, if you think about it. Oh, here are some other glorious highlights of this day:

• Albert Einstein writes a letter to FDR in 1939 urging him to develop a nuclear weapon


• The Marijuana Tax Act of 1937 passes, rendering marijuana illegal in the US (This really had no effect on me at all. Especially in college.)
  
• Albert Einstein urges all scientists to refuse military work in 1931



• The first US Census is conducted in 1790
  
• And my personal favorite: In 1934, Adolf Hitler becomes Fuhrer of Germany. Ach!
  
  
  

Nice. No marijuana but plenty of Nazis on this day. Grand. There isn't really anyone all that interesting born on this day (other than myself and that's questionable. The interesting part, that is. I'm relatively sure I entered on the 2nd.) There are a few that...well...someone might know who they are, though. Maybe. With hints.

• Mary-Louise Parker, born in 1964 (You know, the actress chick. She was in...um, well...oh! Weeds. There it is. Yeah, her.)
  
  
• Wes Craven, born in 1939 (The director guy who makes creepy movies like Hellraiser.)
  
  
• Carroll O'Connor, born in 1924 (Yes. Archie Bunker. Great.)



• Lance Ito, born in 1950 (Judge Ito! From the OJ trial! Right on! At least it wasn't that crying Seidlin guy from the Anna Nicole custody hearings.)
  
  
  

That's who was born. Now, who died? (I swear, I better not be on this list.)

• Warren G. Harding in 1923 (29th President of the US)
  
  
• Shari Lewis in 1998 (The puppeteer who always had her hand up Lambchop's ass.)
  
  
  
• Alexander Graham Bell in 1922 (Made us all want to reach out and touch someone. With or without a phone.)
  
  
• Wild Bill Hickok in 1876 (Shot in the back of the head while playing poker. As an avid poker player, that's not overly comforting.)

Well, it's a pretty mello day for those being born or those croaking on this day. Not so mello for the death and destruction aspect of it all. But the rest? Fairly calm and boring.

Oh, and Happy 19th Birthday to my cousin, whose birthday also happens to be today. And Happy Birthday to Renee, because about 10 years ago, I told you that, since we had the same birthday, you'd always know that at least one other person was thinking about you on that day, even if you felt like no one gave a fat rat's ass. (Incidentally, I'll be doing the same thing.)

So let's see if I can go the rest of the day without adding to the list of death and destruction that occurs on this day. If this blog abruptly stops, you know that I was largely unsuccessful. Now...where's my beer?

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The Missing Wednesday Post!

I'll bet that you were wishing that this was only as late as Tuesday's post, eh? Twenty minutes seems a lot better than a couple of days, doesn't it? I thought so. But here's why I didn't post on Wednesday. I was taken on a surprise hike! I don't hike! I was duped into this hike by being told that we should take the tram up to the top of the mountain at Sundance and look at all of the beautiful greenery. Little did I know that I would not be taking the tram DOWN the mountain! Oh, no! We had to hike down the mountain because that is the only way that you can get to the damn falls. And don't get me wrong. The falls were nice. But in all reality? Yeah, it was a waterfall. It's not QUITE a "seen one and you've seen them all" sort of deal, but it kind of is! It's not like there is going to be a whole lot of variation between one waterfall and another waterfall. Sure, the background scenery is going to be different, but if all you wanted was the background scenery, then why in the hell did I have to hike all the way to the freaking waterfall?! I was perfectly OK with observing all of the flora and fauna from the comfort of the chairlift. I didn't need no stinkin' hike! But I got one anyway. Below is the fruit of my labor. I hope you enjoy it more than I did.

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California Extreme 2011

Look, I know that I almost never post anything about myself (because that's not what this is for). And this is pretty much not really an exception to that. See, yesterday and until 2 this morning, I was down at the Hyatt hotel in Santa Clara at something called California Extreme. It's a video game and pinball show where there are hundreds of arcade games and pinball machines all set to free play. That is how I spent my day, my night and my early morning yesterday. Today shall be no exception. It's two days and it's once a year and I must be there. So in lieu of a real post (but this still counts as a post, so my "post every single day" streak is still in tact!), how about some cell phone quality pictures of my nerd fest?

Here we have an Addams Family pinball machine hooked up to some sort of exercise-ish bike. From what I could tell, if you wanted to play, you had to pedal! Yes, it's quirky, but who the heck wants to exercise when they're playing video games. Lethargy is implied!

Here is a very, VERY small section of the floor. Multiply this by about twenty and you'll be close to imagining how many games were there.

Long live GORF.

And the game that (kind of) started it all, PONG:

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I Miss You, Dad

(This post isn't necessarily being written because I think that it's actually going to get read by the subject of said post. I realize that's not likely to be the case. But it's being written anyway because, well, what else am I going to do? )

Hey, Dad.

Today makes six years. How'd that happen?! Sometimes it seems like it went by really fast and other times it seems like it's taken ten times as long. Neither one is better than the other, but even if one was, I'd still miss you.

I don't think I need to bore you with details as to what's been goin' on lately. I'm sure you're well aware. Mom's good. She just got back from vacation. Everyone else is doing pretty good too. Probably like I usually do, I'll have our dinner at some point. Not like it's a fair trade or anything, but I do enjoy that part! I'd still rather have you around than the dinner.

You know, right after everything happened, someone told me that one day I would stop crying, but that nothing would ever be the same again. Man, they were right. It just hasn't been the same without you around. (And most of the time I don't cry.)

Thanks for being my Dad. You did a really good job. I sure do miss you. I wish you could come back. See you later. ~ Me

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Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day!

My mom (and my dad) adopted me when I was around 24-28 days old. I guess mine was a typical story back then. Unwed woman gets knocked up by her boyfriend and flees the scene of the crime in Illinois to come to California and have me in total secrecy so that she can return to her old life like nothing happened. Whatever. These things happen. All I know is that when they called up my mom (who had been on the waiting list to adopt a child for quite some time) and said that they had a kid there and did she want it, she did.

Apparently, there were no questions asked. Next thing my mom knew, she had a kid. And even when I could not have been any more difficult than I was, she stuck it out. And it was all voluntary. I know that being a mother is usually voluntary. (Well, maybe not usually any more. But I can't think about that right now. I'm trying to be positive. Thinking about all of the underaged, knocked-up, hussies out there is just going to depress me.) But when you can't have your own kids and you go out looking for one and you just take the first one that someone throws at you? That's pretty voluntary. That's also pretty insane.

I don't have any kids. It's just not my thing. But it was my mom's thing. She wanted to be a mom. And for the last 40-something years, she has been. And I could not be happier with how things turned out. I would have posted this sooner, but I spent the day doing things for my mom. Currently, she's noshing down on a fabulous dinner. And I couldn't be happier that she's my mom. I love her. And for some reason, she loves me. I don't even care why. I'm just glad that she does.

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Merry Christmas 2010!

I'm sure I could come up with something ludicrous to put here today. But I think I'll pass. It's Christmas. It just wouldn't seem....right. You know, kinda like one of those inflatable, lit up, manger scenes in someone's front yard? You know that the people mean well, but it just doesn't translate into the "feeling of Christmas" all that great.


I don't know if this is going to translate into the "feeling of Christmas" all that great either. So to make sure that nothing gets lost in translation, I'm keepin' it short. (But just in case it does get lost in translation, I really am shootin' for the whole "feeling of Christmas" thing here. Just so you know.)

I'm grateful for this day because it's kinda where it all started or where it all starts. Without the historical events which took place on this day, I wouldn't have a chance to be forgiven for all of the times and all of the things that I screw up. And there's a lot of 'em. Trust me. And it's not just me that has that opportunity. It's everyone. Including all of the morons that I mock incessantly. They too can (surprisingly) be forgiven for all of their evil-doings and their oh-so moronic ways.

The whole Christmas thing just makes me happy. And I try to share that happiness with others when given the opportunity. (And in forms other than this blog. Hey. Why are you laughing?) And this year I had an excellent opportunity to spread my own little version of happiness and I totally took fully advantage of said opportunity (seemingly to the delight of others, which was the point). I also try to enjoy those around me and those in my life and give them just one day where their obvious shortcomings don't annoy me. That's my way of spreadin' the joy. That alone makes others grateful as well. Give it a try is all I'm sayin'.

And you know, I really do have more heartfelt feelings about people in my life than I either care to admit or am capable of expressing without either scaring the other person or becoming inadvertently engaged to four different individuals when I'm done. And at the risk of doing either or both of those things, I'd like to let those of you that I know personally know that I think you're all just great. Some a little greater than others, which means there are a few of you who really need to start pulling your weight a bit more, but I still love ya. Usually. And for those of you whom I don't know personally but who read this blog (and don't leave jackass comments), well, I think you guys are just swell also and I appreciate all of the reading. I know it's not always easy and that's why I really appreciate the effort.

So Merry Christmas. Now go spread some cheer. Or some love. Or both. You've got the whole rest of the year for complaing and mocking all of the other crap. Today? Love, cheer, and thanks. Spread a little of that around, will ya? It's Christmas, for cryin' out loud!

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Happy Birthday To Me....

All right, this is going to have to suffice for today, as I am now :::sniff::: too damn old and will be spending the rest of the day curled up in a ball in a corner somewhere, weeping softly and waiting for sweet, sweet death to take me away.

Who am I kidding? I'm too drunk to write much more than this. Woo-hoo! Happy Birthday to Me!

Actually, I've done a bit of reading about August 2nd. If you go by the annals of history it would appear that August 2nd is just ripe for war and death and destruction. I'm not quite sure if I'm supposed to work on changing that or just go with the flow. Changing it seems like too much work and I'm old and tired. Status quo it is then.

• 1990 - Iraq invades Kuwait
  
• 1985 - Delta Flight 191 crashes in Dallas, killing 137
  
• 1980 - A bomb explodes at a train station in Italy, killing 85 and wounding more than 200
  
• 1973 - A flash fire in the Isle of Man at the Summerland amusement park kills 51
  
• 1968 - On the very day and very year that I was born, the Casiguran Earthquake strikes the Philippines and kills more than 270 and wounds 261. It's as if someone said to me, "Welcome to the world. You're going to die a violent and horrific death."
  
  

It only gets worse before 1968. More war. More troops. More death. It's a wonder half of us were even born at all, if you think about it. Oh, here are some other glorious highlights of this day:

• Albert Einstein writes a letter to FDR in 1939 urging him to develop a nuclear weapon


• The Marijuana Tax Act of 1937 passes, rendering marijuana illegal in the US (This really had no effect on me at all. Especially in college.)
  
• Albert Einstein urges all scientists to refuse military work in 1931



• The first US Census is conducted in 1790
  
• And my personal favorite: In 1934, Adolf Hitler becomes Fuhrer of Germany. Ach!
  
  
  

Nice. No marijuana but plenty of Nazis on this day. Grand. There isn't really anyone all that interesting born on this day (other than myself and that's questionable. The interesting part, that is. I'm relatively sure I entered on the 2nd.) There are a few that...well...someone might know who they are, though. Maybe. With hints.

• Mary-Louise Parker, born in 1964 (You know, the actress chick. She was in...um, well...oh! Weeds. There it is. Yeah, her.)
  
  
• Wes Craven, born in 1939 (The director guy who makes creepy movies like Hellraiser.)
  
  
• Carroll O'Connor, born in 1924 (Yes. Archie Bunker. Great.)



• Lance Ito, born in 1950 (Judge Ito! From the OJ trial! Right on! At least it wasn't that crying Seidlin guy from the Anna Nicole custody hearings.)
  
  
  

That's who was born. Now, who died? (I swear, I better not be on this list.)

• Warren G. Harding in 1923 (29th President of the US)
  
  
• Shari Lewis in 1998 (The puppeteer who always had her hand up Lambchop's ass.)
  
  
  
• Alexander Graham Bell in 1922 (Made us all want to reach out and touch someone. With or without a phone.)
  
  
• Wild Bill Hickok in 1876 (Shot in the back of the head while playing poker. As an avid poker player, that's not overly comforting.)

Well, it's a pretty mello day for those being born or those croaking on this day. Not so mello for the death and destruction aspect of it all. But the rest? Fairly calm and boring.

Oh, and Happy 18th Birthday to my cousin, whose birthday also happens to be today. And Happy Birthday to Renee, because about 10 years ago, I told you that, since we had the same birthday, you'd always know that at least one other person was thinking about you on that day, even if you felt like no one gave a fat rat's ass. (Incidentally, I'll be doing the same thing.)

So let's see if I can go the rest of the day without adding to the list of death and destruction that occurs on this day. If this blog abruptly stops, you know that I was largely unsuccessful. Now...where's my beer?

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Happy Birthday To Me...And To You

I love this song. I have no idea what is up with the pieced together video that someone did, but it doesn't really matter. The song rules. Especially today.

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Happy New Year 2010!

Happy New Year! Or, Happy Friday (if you tend to look at these things like I do and realize that there's not all that much 'new' going on just because two digits in the year have changed)!

Holy canoli, I did it. I posted at least once, every day, for the second year in a row. What is wrong with me? Oh, right, overly opinionated and quite amusing, that's it! I ended 2009 with 415 posts and that works out to right around 1.13 posts per day. That's a lot. I don't care who you are, that's a lot. If you have 415 of something, you have a lot of that thing. And since I'm not one to be a slacker (well, I'm not one to be a slacker so that everyone knows that I'm a slacker. I might be lazy, but I'm crafty!), that is going to have to be the minimum number of posts for me for 2010. And judging from the 2009 debacles that have not yet ironed themselves out, I'm sure that won't seem like such a lofty goal come May or June when I've really got a full head of steam. (And with the recent failed plane blow up and people still wondering if President Barry is a Muslim who was born in Kenya? (He isn't and he wasn't, by the way.) This blog will practically write itself! And on some days, that really wouldn't be such a bad idea.)

Well, this is all starting to sound a little self serving here, so I need to get to the point that I had meant to hit on to begin with. Pretty much, the only reason that I had for posting every single day for a year was simply just to see if I could. That and to get better at....whatever this is. That's just how I work. If I have an ongoing project, I'd prefer that I continue to improve it and get better at whatever it is that I'm doing. And I really wanted to get better at this...whatever this is. And the first year of doing that was work. The second year, while I thought it would be easier, was more work in some ways (I did not see that coming). And while I think that I have gotten better at it, I know that there's no way I could have done it (nor would there have been a reason for it) 415 times if it hadn't been for those of you who read this and have encouraged me along the way to keep it up (lest you actually have to hear me rant about something) via your comments, your readership, your emails or just telling me in person:

La Belle Canadienne, (My link to Canada, America's Hat); Remi, my biggest fan in Germany (I'm huge in Europe!); Irritated Tulsan (Some days, he's more irritated than I am!); Granny Ann, for her consistent readership and frequent comments (I love the comments!); MK, who was kind enough to email me and let me know that one of my posts made her laugh so hard she cried (bringing people to tears in a good way for once! Woo-hoo! A compliment like that really goes a heck of a long way.); CW (who was probably the first to let me know that I might be on to something here); Gerard, my London link to all that is whores; Ruth, my UK link to everything but the whores (which is perfectly fine!); CA (who reads the posts, well...who reads the comments in bulk and loves the pictures!) and finally, AliceAmplified (who has helped shape my critical thinking skills, been an avid, yet blog-mocking, supporter as well as the best friend one could ever imagine. She also writes extremely well, which has left me wanting to learn how to express things as well and as concisely as she can. I can get wordy if I'm not careful.).

You guys all rule. Thank you. Thanks for reading. Thanks for commenting. Thanks for coming back. Just thanks.

May all of you have an incredibly awesome 2010.

~ Mare

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Happy Birthday, Dad.

If my Dad were around, today would have been his birthday. Come to think of it, around or not, it's still his birthday. Regardless, even though I am fully aware that he (likely) does not have a computer or the Internet, I'm still doing it this way.

Happy birthday, Dad.

We'll be having your usual birthday dinner tonight. No sense in missing out on that. I sure do wish you could be here for it. As far as everything else goes, since we chat all the time, I won't go into a ton of detail because you already know everything.

I sure do miss you and I wish you could come back.

Happy birthday, Dad.

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Happy Birthday, My Friend

On occasion, I use this blog as a podium for some personal prenouncements. The ol' PPP. Or P-cubed, if you'd prefer. In case you haven't guessed, this is one of those occasions.

I need to say Happy Birthday to my most excellent friend. Folks, listen up. When I say that this is the kind of person whom you should model your friendships after, I mean it. She's awesome.

I find that it's difficult to meet individuals who are actually real, who are actually genuine. People who don't really have anything to hide and are pretty much OK with laying it all out in front of them are hard for me to come by. That's not to say that I don't encounter people like that, but it's to say that it's rare. At least it's rare for me. Then again, I don't get out much. (Such a pain to raise and lower the drawbridge to cross the moat which encircles my walled off compound which protects me from society.)

But in my friend, I have truly met the most genuine individual I've ever known in my life. It's what makes our friendship easy as hell. It's also probably what makes it hard as hell sometimes (though I tend to make my own contributions on both fronts there as well), but the hard parts are far less frequent that the times that are easy.

Anyway, today is her birthday and I have to tell her Happy Birthday, so here goes:

Hey. You. I hope you enjoy your booty-filled bounty (or is it bounty-filled booty?) and that you'll be able to put it all to good use and that you'll be mixing things up real soon! Thank you so much for being such a good friend. You rule at being you. Happy Birthday. Dude.

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