The Missing Wednesday Post!

I'll bet that you were wishing that this was only as late as Tuesday's post, eh? Twenty minutes seems a lot better than a couple of days, doesn't it? I thought so. But here's why I didn't post on Wednesday. I was taken on a surprise hike! I don't hike! I was duped into this hike by being told that we should take the tram up to the top of the mountain at Sundance and look at all of the beautiful greenery. Little did I know that I would not be taking the tram DOWN the mountain! Oh, no! We had to hike down the mountain because that is the only way that you can get to the damn falls. And don't get me wrong. The falls were nice. But in all reality? Yeah, it was a waterfall. It's not QUITE a "seen one and you've seen them all" sort of deal, but it kind of is! It's not like there is going to be a whole lot of variation between one waterfall and another waterfall. Sure, the background scenery is going to be different, but if all you wanted was the background scenery, then why in the hell did I have to hike all the way to the freaking waterfall?! I was perfectly OK with observing all of the flora and fauna from the comfort of the chairlift. I didn't need no stinkin' hike! But I got one anyway. Below is the fruit of my labor. I hope you enjoy it more than I did.

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The Day After Christmas Craziness

Wow. The day after Christmas and suddenly things are just running amok everywhere. Since I'm still fortified by my holiday egg nog (which, if you cannot read a newspaper through the glass of nog, it's not strong enough), I'll just briefly touch on a few of these rather than throwing a full blown tirade over each one. (For now. There's always tomorrow.)

First up, we have some jackass on Northwest Flight 253 who allegedly (translation: he did it) tried to blow up the plane by attempting to ignite explosives which he had brought onto the plane. Flight 253 was destined for Detroit, having originated in Nigeria, and had 278 passengers and 11 crew members aboard. While this could have been absolutely disastrous had the man succeeded, what struck me as even more amazing was that there were 278 people in Nigeria that wanted to go to Detroit! How does that work, exactly?

According to the account by the huffy folks over at the Huffington Post, the plan was thwarted when "...travelers who smelled smoke and heard what sounded like firecrackers rushed to subdue him." Afterwards "...the suspect was taken to the front of the plane with his pants cut off and his legs burned." (That is known around here as "Friday night".)

Really, all of the circumstances of the whole ordeal are pretty murky, so it's hard to say if this guy was working for ol' Weird Beard over there in Sand Land (Translation: Osama bin Laden in Pakistan) or if he was just a plain ol' lone nutjob. But in the wake of this, you can expect "heightened security" at airports. Just what exactly that means, no one really knows. I'm going to have to guess because they really don't do anything. How were they going to prevent this? They like to tell us (in a ineffective reassuring fashion) that all passengers pass through metal detectors. Yeah, that's not going to help much with the bomb-y folks carry chemicals, now is it? Nope. Not going to help a bit.

And if there isn't better security in these foreign lands, that's not going to help much either. According to the article cited above, in Nigeria "Uniformed federal police officers often focus their time on keeping hagglers and taxi drivers out." Hagglers? Like street vendors? Like hot dog cart dudes? THOSE are the folks that the federal police officers in Nigeria are concerned about?! Tell you what folks? What say you let me fend off the guy trying to get me to buy a poncho or a shawl and you have the federal police officers try and keep nutjobs with bombs off of the planes, all right? All right.

Speaking of nutjobs, some woman managed to jump on or at (it's really not overly clear to me) the Pope just before he was getting ready to do his Christmas Day shout out to his peeps. According to those across the pond at The Daily Mail "Susanna Maiolo, 25, a Swiss-Italian national with psychiatric problems" jumped over a rail as the Pope walked down the aisle. The thing that amazes me is that she tried the same thing last year. (By the way, I really appreciate the Daily Mail folks characterizing her as one with "psychiatric problems". I find that refreshing. Here in the States, that would have read "with an alleged history of possible mental health issues". That's because our media coddles. The media also sucks. Sucks and coddles. Hmm. That's really not a bad name for a band, you know. Whoops. Sorry. I digress. Anyway....)

The Pope wasn't hurt but French Cardinal Roger Etchegaray fell down and broke either his femur or his hip. I've read accounts of both (because the media sucks, that is correct).

Since this woman pulled the same stunt last year, she was known to folks at the Vatican. People really stand up and take note when you jump out at the Pope. And a senior source at the Vatican (aren't they all seniors over there? From what I can tell, the average age is about 92.) said 'The fact this woman is known and was still able to get through security is very, very serious." Has anyone checked to see if she's had recent contact with the Salahis? Just wondering.

The article also mentioned that "All the people who were inside St Peter's had invitations and so would have had to be checked and give their names." Again, Salahis? Anyone? Anyone? But then I saw the photos of the crowd at St. Peter's. You know. That crowd with "invitations"? Behold!

Yeah, right. How do you send out invitations to that many people? How do you verify and/or check that many people and their invitations? I don't think that you can. I'm guessing that you don't. Oh, it's a good line to spew out in cases like this, but I just don't think it's possible. (No offense to the Pope, the Vatican, and/or God.) Then again, I also saw the photo below and have concluded that perhaps in the future, maybe the Vatican doesn't want to employ the court jester as a guard. Behold!

But the statement that indicated that this sort of thing is likely to happen again was when that senior Vatican source said, "This woman was able to get through these checks as well as the airport style metal detectors." Um, sir? Pope co-worker man? Yeah, see, when you're attacking someone, you don't need any metal. I can be metal free and jump on anyone who walks by me. A metal detector isn't going to change that. I appreciate the effort, but that was really weak.

And finally, we learn from the Washington Post that while President Barry and the family went to Hawaii for the holidays, Bo the dog did not accompany them on their vacation. The reason being is that, "Hawaii is rabies-free. Hawaii's quarantine law is designed to protect residents and pets from potentially serious health problems associated with the introduction and spread of rabies." Now, while I understand all of that, they sure do take it rather seriously. (I know that there are rabid animals on the mainland, but are they problematic? Sure, we'd like there to not be rabid animals, but is it such a big deal that is why Hawaii has these seemingly overly stringent rules on animals coming over for a little fun in the sun?)

Basically, if your animal is under 10 months old, there's no way that the animal can be brought to the islands and released to you (as animals usually are) without being quarantined for 120 days. That's right. Animals coming into Hawaii, if they haven't met a boatload of requirements, must be quarantined for 120 days. Wow. Now, while I can understand why the islanders would want to keep the islands "rabies free" how many people are really taking their potentially rabid dog to Hawaii with them? I'm guessing not many. I'm guessing not many at all. And 120 days seems rather excessive. Then again, those folks live in Hawaii. I can't imagine that they're in much of a rush to do anything really.

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How They Spent Their Summer & How I Spent Mine

As a person, I like President Barry. I don't think I can make a qualified assessment as to whether or not I like him as a President so far, since he's only been in office for nine months. Had he given birth at the end of these nine months, well then, that would be sayin' something! But he hasn't, so I'm holding off judgment on that aspect of the guy. But as a guy, he seems like a pleasant man. I think that's why he can say a lot of stuff that, if you stop to think about it (and many people are too busy either fuming or swooning that they don't) sounds really silly. I'll point to one example from President Barry's stop by David Letterman's The Late Show the other night.

President Barry was talking about what his kids did over the summer vacation. He said something to the effect of, "We decided there weren't going to be any fancy camps during the summer. They basically just goofed off during the summer . . . " And that seemed to go over perfectly fine. Dave didn't question him about it. I haven't seen it brought up anywhere else. Apparently, I have to do everything around here. ::: sigh ::: So be it. Here we go....Are you kidding me??

Fancy camps? Is that always an option? Is that how he thinks he's connecting to the commoners? By mentioning that his daughters won't be going to any fancy summer camps? The fanciest my summer camps got when I was a kid was a tent in the back yard. Sure, my Dad would come out in the morning and fire up the barbeque and cook us pancakes on a griddle, but that was about as fancy as our camp got. Besides, did anyone really expect that his daughters would be going to camp at all? Somehow, summer camp seems a little bit, I don't know, a little bit beneath the President, you know what I mean? Again, I'm not knocking summer camps, but you see what I'm saying, right? Good.

So he's trying to get us to buy that his daughters just "goofed off during the summer"? Again, I'll make a comparison to myself which seems more than appropriate since I'm not black, I don't have a sister and my father was never President. When I "goofed off during the summer" it was what it sounded like. Goofing off. Watch TV. Sleep in. Read a bunch of books. Go swimming. Play at friend's houses. Lots of sleepovers and staying up late. Dozens if not hundreds of Popsicles were consumed between June and September at my house. That's goofing off. So now let's look at how Sasha and Malia spent their summer "goofing off".

Here they are with their parents "goofing off" as they deplane Air Force One in Massachusetts on their way to Martha's Vineyard. Ah, the days of getting off of my parents chartered private plane that the government always supplied us as we arrived for our private vacation on a secluded island. Oh, wait. That never happened to me.

Here they are doing their best Carmen Sandiego impersonations as they tour the Kremlin in Russia. They're touring the Kremlin. The best I could have hoped for over one of my childhood summers would have been a tour in my uncle's Gremlin.

Here they are at Martha's Vineyard. I didn't have vineyards to vacation in when I was growing up. There were apricot and prune orchards around here. My brother and I did have a babysitter named Martha when we were younger. So I guess the best I could have done would have been Martha's Prune Orchard. It sounds delightful, but it's just not the same, you know?

Here they are checking out the Eiffel Tower in Paris. I think my family drove past the Sears Tower once on one of those God-awful cross country car trips. You know the ones. The ones where they put you in the car when you're still asleep at 4 in the morning and then by the time you wake up, you're three or four hours from home. You have no idea how to get back home if you should manage to escape! You're stuck ! (I'm convinced that is the real reason behind any family who ever leaves for family vacation at 4am. There's no other rational explanation for it other than to disorient the children.)

Here they are having fish and chips at the Audley Pub in London. Me? Well, I've read books by Jack London on my summer vacations. I've also had fish and chips, but only the kind batter dipped and cooked up by my aunt or my grandmother. No going to London for me!

In Rome, they went to the Colosseum...

and in France they went to the Pantheon

Maybe once or twice a summer, my brother and I would get to see an A's game at the Oakland Coliseum, but that's about as close as we came to the Obama girls going to the Colosseum.


They went to Ghana.

The closest my summer vacation's would ever come to even sliding in the word "Ghana" would be if I asked, "Where's Dad? Did he leave? Is he Ghana-ready?" (The answer to which was almost always, "No, he's still waiting, so git!")

They saw concerts by Beyonce and the Jonas Brothers.

I had a boombox.

So don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I don't think that the summer vacation that the Obama girls had was out of line or anything. I think it's great. I'm sure they learned a lot and had a blast in the meantime. ("Boy, Dad. I sure am glad you got to be President. This is great!") All I'm saying is you can hardly call it "goofing around", can you, President Barry? I didn't think so.

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The Minutiae That Is Obama

Good God. Barry isn't even President yet and I'm already SO over hearing about the minutiae of his everyday life. Not only that, could someone please explain to my why the press is acting like Hawaii is some sort of foreign country or far away land that those of us here in the contiguous 48 states have never been to nor heard of? It's bad enough the media thinks that the public in general has an IQ equal to that of a box of hair, but when they start dumbing down the already dumbed down? That's when I start to get a little cranky.

Currently, Barry and the fam are vacationing on Oahu. In case you're new here (and by "here" I mean "this planet"), Oahu is one of the Hawaiian islands. Hawaii (again, in case you're new) is one of the 50 United States of America. Yes! Even though it is all that way across the Pacific Ocean, it really IS one of the United States! Isn't that fas-cinating? The media would seem to think that it is.

Here is one of the photos that seem to be typical of the coverage of Barry in Hawaii. And here is one of the idiotic captions that also seem to be typical. It reads: "US President-elect Barack Obama, in black shirt, waves to a crowd of onlookers after playing golf at Mid Pacific Country Club in Kailua, Hawaii on December 24, 2008." Well, who in the hell else would Barack be in that photo? Any of the folks I've circled there? Probably not. I'm surprised they didn't caption the photo below with: "US President-elect Barack Obama, in White Sox cap, is seen on Wednesday. That's right. Wednesday."

In addition to stating the obvious in photo captions, the media seems to be bent on letting us know way too many details about what Barry is wearing. Well, they don't go as far as 'boxers or briefs', but I can see what the man is wearing. I don't need to read what the man is wearing. But the media seems to think I do need to read about it. " Obama was wearing a casual cream-colored shirt tucked into olive shorts, and sandals." Oh, well, thank God it was tucked in! For cryin' out loud. Frankly, looking at him, reading about him, it doesn't matter which one it is because I don't care what he's wearing. As long as everything that's supposed to be covered up is, I'm good with that. He could give the State of the Union Address wearing a towel and flip-flops for all I care. But if he did, all of the newscasts would be reporting that "President Barack Obama wore a Martha Stewart, olive green, extra fluffy bath sheet around his waist and navy blue flip-flops by Ocean Pacific to address the nation last night. The water he used to take his shower was composed of two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen. Back to you.")

One thing I have learned from the 24/7 Barry coverage is that when this man is finally sworn in as President, they have got to find that man a caddy. Look at this! Carrying six clubs in one hand? Does the man not have a golf bag? Where are the Secret Service guys? Shouldn't they be doing something about that? (I know their job is to protect him, but what if he trips and falls? He could impale himself and five bystanders with all of those clubs there. The Secret Service should be protecting him from himself!

Whilst in Hawaii, there was a power outage that effected the whole island of Oahu. Nearly all 293,000 residents were without power for about 11 hours, from 7 pm Friday to about 6 am on Saturday. Now, we've all lived through power outages, have we not? You'd think that a power outage was breaking news the way it was covered! "Transition officials would not say if generators had been installed, but an aide said no generators were used and the Obamas spent the evening in the dark." Huh. Funny. That's usually how most of my nights are spent....in the dark! When I sleep, it's dark as well! Quick! Stop the presses! It's dark when the Obamas sleep!

But really, the 'shave ice' coverage has got to go. First of all, look, I know it's Hawaii and I know it's hot there. (It's also rather humid.) But these people need to cut back on their "shave ice" consumption a bit. Every other photo I see is of Barry et al eating "shave ice". And maybe this wouldn't bug me so much if every media outlet felt the need to explain what a "shave ice" is with every damn photo of it. In case you've missed it, shave ice is "a local treat made from finely shaved ice and fruit syrup." Yeah, otherwise known over here on the mainland as a freaking Sno-Cone! (Say, instead of telling me what "shave ice" is, how about someone tell me what happened to the "d" at the end of "shaved"! Where did it go and why? When did "shaved ice" become "shave ice"? I did not get that memo.)

Seriously. Here's Barry with some shaved ice from the Koko Marina Shopping Center:

Here's Barry placing his shave ice order at Kokonuts Shave Ice and Snacks.

Here's Barry eating shave ice in August, 2008:

Here, you can see the shave ice actually being spooned into Barry's mouth!

Here's Barry with some green shave ice:

Do you see what I mean? It's ridiculous. (And it's also called a Sno-Cone!!)

This is only going to get worse if someone doesn't put the brakes on it now. When he's actually the President (instead of just doing a really good job of pretending he's the President) we're going to have to hear about every second of every day of every member of his family for the next four, possibly eight, years! From the time that he gets up in the morning (after spending the night sleeping in the dark) to what he has for breakfast, to what he feeds the dog. Oh! The dog! I forgot about the damn dog! There's going to be a dog in the White House and the media just loves a furry domesticated creature. Any kind of domesticated creature, just as long as it's furry as just as long as they can take pictures of the creature being cute with the other creatures; the children.

Maybe instead of all of the useless reporting, perhaps the media could use some of their investigative skills and find out what happened to that "d". Now that would be news I could use!

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