Weather Related What?

You know NECCO? They make those chalky wafer-like things that they pass off as candy. They also make the chalky heart-shaped-like things they pass off as candy around Valentine's Day. Yeah, them. For some reason, they have decided that the candy hearts, Sweethearts as they are called, will have a weather theme this year. Yes, a weather theme. A theme about the weather.

Some of the phrases to be included on said candy heart are "In A Fog" "Chill Out" "Sun Shine" "Get My Drift" and "Heat Wave" to name a few.

They are also including some nature themed phrases, such as "Nature Lover" and "Wild LIfe".

According to the marketing manager for NECCO, these phrases, "highlight the excitement and unpredictability of the day to day change of weather and people's love lives."

OK, I get that. But why am I concerned that my candy hearts need to make a statement about the weather that is also congruent with a statement about love? Oh, that's right, I'm not. So why are the folks at NECCO concerned with it? Is it because of all of the concern about the environment and they saw this as an opportunity to jump on the green bandwagon? It just doesn't make sense.

It reminds me of a little shop that was across the street from a place that I used to work at. The store sold Greek pastries and rented Spanish videos. I swear. We called it Baklava and LaBamba.

NECCO should call this idea "Weather or Not".

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Hugo and Naomi, Take Two

I said I couldn't wait to hear how the Naomi Campbell interviews Hugo Chavez incident turned out. I lied. I could have waited.

Apparently, Campbell was hired by the British GQ to interview Chavez.The article comes out on Thursday and in it, Campbell write that Chavez is a "rebel angel". She also praises his singing voice and chats with him about the Spice Girls.

Of course! That's what the current international policy of the US is missing! Spice Girl chit-chat!

But wait, there's more! Perhaps too much more. He also offered to pose shirtless. Again, clearly what the currenty US international policy is lacking; more skin!

Apparently Chavez's BFF is Fidel Castro. Also apparent is that there is WAY too much talk about fashion and dress in this interview. Not on Campbell's part. On Hugo's part!! Chavez said Castro's "dress sense" made him the world's most stylish leader. (As if that is actually a necessary qualification of one who strives to be a world leader.) And, yes, he is referring to the same Fidel Castro who looks like a withered and bearded Stuart Little in fatigues. He says, "His uniform is impeccable. His boots are polished, his beard is elegant." Perhaps instead of spending a lot of time with Castro, Chavez should start spending more time on the Castro. As in Blvd. As in San Francisco. He'll find a lot of polished boots over there. They'll have women in them (well, technically they're women), but they'll be polished.

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Larry Craig Is Back

Good Lord, can't Larry Craig just let it go? We all know he's got a thing for men going on. Just move on, Larry. It's over. It's done. We've all moved on. We think you should do. For God's sake, man, don't keep giving us more ammo.

His latest reason for overturning his guilty plea? Foot tapping and hand swiping (ew!) are protected under free speech. Yes, I am aware that nothing was actually being "speech-ed" with those two actions. I'm just relaying info here.

Craig's appeal says that the disorderly conduct law in Minnesota "requires that the conduct at issue have a tendency to alarm or anger 'others."' It says that the only person affected was the undercover officer. You know, the one Craig hit on. The appeal goes on to state that the "bathroom encounter" is not that of a criminal nature because it did not involve multiple "victims"

I'll disagree with that statement. I was affected just at the thought of anyone, male, female, whatever having sex in an airport bathroom! Gross! Could there be a more germ infested vestibule for something like that? Especially if that's what people have been doing in there? I repeat: Gross! So that right there is more than one. Good luck, Larry. Next time you get caught soliciting gay sex in the men's restroom of the Detroit airport and would like to deny it, just don't plead guilty and save us all of this.

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Some Things Are Just Too Easy

Headline today over at AOL News: Naomi Campbell Interviews Hugo Chavez.

I think I speak for everyone when I say, "WTF?"

I'm sorry, I've been blissfully unaware of Naomi Campbell's dive into the interviewing forte. What in the hell could she possibly have asked him? Where'd you get those shoes?

The fact that Chavez would even pacify her by giving the interview is a bit more interesting, although he's kinda nuts, so that can be easily explained.

I can't wait to read how this one turns out.

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Tigers and Idiots

It just keeps getting better. The San Francisco Chronicle reported yesterday that paramedics heard 23-year-old Kulbir Dhaliwal tell his brother, Paul, 19, "Don't tell them what we did." Nice.

The article also cites sources that say that both brothers had been using marijuana and drinking. The younger brother had apparently drank enough to have a BAC greater than .08. Yes, that would be the brother who is 19 and not legally old enough to drink.

So, stoned and drunk and at the zoo, possibly taunting 350 pound Siberian tigers who like to eat meat that people are made out of. It sounds just like it must have been with Joseph and Mary and the Baby Jesus at the very first Christmas.

Can we all just hope that these idiots are not going to be rewarded for their idiocy with a huge pile of money? Please? I don't care if the zoo is liable for making sure that the animals are secure at all times regardless of circumstance. Why does "circumstance" have to include idiots. I am tired of hearing about the zoo's liability. I want to hear about the liability of people who do stupid things and reap natural (and unpleasant) consequences as a result. Where is their liability? Why are the natural and unpleasant consequences suddenly an injustice to those who have reaped them? When do they get held accountable? I'm guessing, with Mark Geragos involved, not for a while.

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That Tiger Got a Raw Deal

The more I read about the tiger that killed one guy and mauled two other guys at the SF Zoo on Christmas, the more I start to think that those guys received a natural consequence for something and that the tiger got a raw deal when it was shot and killed.

The San Jose Mercury News is reporting this morning that the two brothers, Paul and Kulbir Dhaliwal, are refusing to let police look at their cell phones for any text messages or photos that are believed to be on the phones from the day that the tiger went all, well, tiger on them.

I'll try putting myself in their position....without the dumbness. I'm mauled by a tiger. I didn't do anything at all to provoke the tiger into thinking I was it's lunch for the day. Police ask me to see my cell phone. I give them my cell phone.

Does that seem accurate for someone who didn't have something to hide? Does that seem accurate for someone who doesn't have Mark Geragos as their attorney? Does that seem accurate for someone who just wants this whole thing to be done and over with and for everyone to finally get to the bottom of what happened? Sure it does.

And now I ask the same questions of someone who has refused to let police look at their cell phone under the same tiger-mauling scenario. Does that seem to be an accurate response? Refusing to let those investigating look at your cell phone. Of course not. It's ridiculous. There's absolutely zero reason for them to refuse that request. Well, if they didn't have something to hide, there's absolutely zero reason. If they DID have something to hide or if they think that whatever is on those cell phones might result in their monetary reward for damages (that I'm sure they are anticipating) being significantly lessened or eliminated, well, then it would make sense.

But when you're claiming that you didn't do anything wrong, yet you don't allow anyone to fully investigate and you hinder investigations that are going on in order to back up or refute that claim, you've just indicated that you did something. I don't know what it was and I'm not claiming to know and I'm not even going to try to guess. But whatever it is, I'll guarantee it's more than nothing.

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AMC or VH1?

I'm flipping channels tonight and come across "Working Girl" on AMC. A couple things struck me as I watched the last 30 minutes.

First, comparing then and now, Alec Baldwin is huge. He used to be this pasty, pale, wiry guy with no ass and pipe cleaner arms. But he's been looking like Al Gore's long lost brother for a while now.

But when did AMC start using the bottom, oh, fifth of the screen as a non-scrolling marquee for little known film tidbits? Seriously. The bottom fifth of the screen is this ugly gray color and every 15-20 seconds, some new little cinematic nugget shows up. "The ferry that Melanie Griffith rode in the movie was 25 cents each way." "Carly Simon filmed her music video for the movie's theme on a ferry in a hailstorm." "Men like Melanie Griffth more than women do." "Even though Sigourney Weaver was in this, there were no aliens." (I made the last one up, but the rest were in there.)

I find it highly annoying. And pointless. Am I watching AMC or VH1 Pop-Up Video?

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Back To The Tiger

There's now reports that the guys that were attacked by the tiger had slingshots on them and they had an empty bottle of vodka in the car that they took to the zoo. Like I said yesterday, I'm holding off on total judgement until more facts are uncovered. But I'm not holding off on all judgement.

Look, if these guys were taunting the tiger, what did they expect? Granted, if the enclosure that the tiger was in was not tall enough (apparently it was supposed to be like 18 feet but it was really only the height of a street curb.) that is problematic. However, would it have been as problematic if the tiger didn't have a reason to go a-leaping from it's captive abode and start seeking out those who taunted it? Of course not.

If I were an animal held captive in a zoo, I think that, after a while, I'd get a little pissed off. And it would only be a matter of time before I just completely snapped. Now, if someone had a slingshot and was hurling things at me, I'm gonna snap a lot sooner than I would have had that not occurred. And, in those circumstances, it would hardly be unreasonable. It's a TIGER! They look all nice and cuddly, but they're carnviorous animals. They eat meat. They eat meat that they have killed. People are made out of meat! Tigers do not discriminate as to where their meat comes from. And if it comes from something that has been pissing them off, all the better for the tiger.

Should things like this happen? Of course not. Would they happen if people didn't do dumb things? Of course not. So why is it that people do dumb things and suddenly there is this huge uproar that this shouldn't have been allowed to happen? If the enclosure had been the right height, then they could have taunted the animal all day long and it would have jumped and jumped and jumped and never ate them. THAT is supposed to be OK? How about just not taunting a tiger and if you do, well, you're taking your chances as to what could happen next. What's wrong with THAT thinking? Must be something wrong with it, because I seem to be the only one with that thought.

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It's Never Good If Mark Geragos Is There

Dude gets killed by a freaking tiger at the SF Zoo on Christmas Day. His two buddies get mauled. The tiger gets shot dead (eventually). Enter Mark Geragos, lawyer for those who will get a lot of publicity and never for a good reason.

Geragos, you may recall, was the attorney for Scott Peterson (scumbucket husband who killed his wife, Laci), Michael Jackson (scumbucket alleged child molester), Winona Ryder (aw, I like Winona. She gets a pass.), Gary Condit (scumbucket politician who was having an affair with then soon to disappear only to be found dead intern Chandra Levy), and the list goes on.

Whenever I hear this guy's name, I just cringe. He is just a slippery, slippery guy. There's always a very far-fetched reason for everything that his clients are accused of. And I've noticed it's never a very emphatic far-fetched reason. It's always a "On a scale of 1 to 10, the reason is about a 6" sort of attitude toward everything.

Of course, he's representing the two brothers who survived the "attack". (Attack is in quotes because it hasn't been determined yet if the tiger had been taunted by these three. See, now if the tiger was unprovoked, then it's an attack. If the tiger was provoked, then it's just being a tiger. HUGE difference.) And, of course, the two brothers have lawyered up and they have also stopped cooperating with law enforcement. The first one, not a huge shock. The second one....Huh?

They're not talking. They've lawyered up. They've teamed up with Mark Geragos. Something is just not quite right with that whole scenario. I'll hold off on passing any more judgement until more investigating into this ordeal is completed. But I'm telling you right now, if Geragos is there, something is amiss.

Has Geragos actually successfully defended anyone? Oh, wait, he got Susan McDougal of Whitewater fame acquitted. Other than that, his success record at defending famous individuals isn't great. Oh, wait, he also got probation for Victor Willis, the former lead singer of the Village People (he was the cop)as opposed to state prison. Hmmmmm....I'd hire someone else.

Side note: This is quite possibly one of the most interesting trivia nuggets of all time: Who was Victor Willis once married to (and for a long time, like 8 years or something like that)? Give up. Phylicia Rashad. Yes, that is correct. The actress who played Claire Huxtable on The Cosby Show. HER and Victor Willis. Husband and wife. See? Is that not the best trivia nugget you've ever heard? Of course it is.

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Happy New Year

Well, to my surprise, the new year has started off with something reasonable. The good folks over there at Lake Superior State University have come out with their "33rd annual List of Words Banished from the Queen's English for Misuse, Overuse and General Uselessness." And God bless 'em for it, too. You guys rule. Unfortunately, none of the words of the year were on that list and they did restore usability status to "truthiness", but no one's perfect. The list:

~ Perfect Storm I'm not really sure what this refers to, although it is not a hurricane.

~ Webinar Haven't even heard this one too much. Glad it's gone though.

~ Waterboarding This makes torture sound much more fun than it really is.

~ Organic Code word for "sucker" if you're paying the price for something "organic".

~ Word Smith/ Word Smithing Again, unclear as to meaning. Hate it when I hear it.

~ Author/Authored What the hell was wrong with "wrote"?

~ Post 09/11 Everything is "post 09/11" if you think about it. Everything is also post yesterday.

~ Surge If something was surging, in the past, it usually wasn't good. It's used now like it's great.

~ Give back Always in an ambiguous form. Never states "to who", "give what" or "why"

~ (blank) is the new (blank) As in "dumb is the new smart".

~ Black Friday If they can get rid of it's distant cousin "Cyber Monday" next year, I'll be thrilled.

~ Back in the day People using it do not realize it makes them sound really old. And dumb.

~ Random Misused, usually by teenagers, and also used to state the blatantly obvious.

~ Sweet Hate this word. If they can axe 'phat' from the list next year, they'll be on a roll.

~ Decimate Used to refer to utter destruction. Now refers to any degree of loss.

~ Emotional Usually when it's used, it's redundant as we can SEE the emotion being described.

~ Pop Overused by any designer when referring to one color enhancing another.

~ It is what it is Mainly used by those responsible for a debacle to avoid taking responsibility.

~ Under the bus Basically, to blame. Why a bus? Why not a truck or a plane? I don't know.

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