Thursday, July 30, 2009

No Horsing Around, This Guy is Unstable

Here's a fairly good example of how a story can go from bad to worse to "Oh my God" rather quickly.

The Bad: A man in Longs, South Carolina was arrested on Monday night.

The Worse: For having sex with a horse.

Oh my God: Again.

From the front page of the What The Hell Manual and also from the The New York Daily News, we learn of a one 50-year old (and definitely old enough to know better that that!) Rodell Vereen who was arrested Monday night when police were called by the owner of the unwilling equine participant (otherwise known as "the horse") who had stakes out her stables in the hopes of catching said horse humper engaging in the absolutely perverse act of inter-species relations.

I suppose I shouldn't characterize it as inter-species relations and should instead give the proper name for what Rodell was charged with. That would be one count of buggery. (Can I go back to inter-species relations, please?) What now?

What the hell is buggery? Basically, buggery is the cousin of your pal sodomy over there. It's not defined very well in the statute, but it does say that it is an act that is "a carnal copulation against nature; a man or a woman with a brute beast, a man with a man, or a man unnaturally with a woman." So a woman with a woman would be OK? Excellent. I particularly enjoy the term "brute beast" as that could also define a few men I've dated. (I really have to find a way to inject the term "carnal copulation" into more conversations. It's a bit showy, but I like it.) I'm not sure why they call it "buggery" in the current day and age, but it used to be punishable by death, so I'm willing to overlook what it's called and just be thankful that it is unlawful to copulate carnally against nature and the like. Very thankful.

So, back to the buggery! It seems that a one Barbara Kenley, the owner of the Lazy B Stables, had caught Rodell "...having sex with a horse on Thanksgiving Day of 2007." Now, that doesn't sound like anything to be thankful for, especially if you're the horse! He did end up pleading guilty in July, 2008 to said buggery and was sentenced to three years probation and ordered to get some mental health counseling. (Some good mental health counseling.) And told not to go near Lazy B Stables. Must be the time of year for him or something like that because here it is July again and Rodell's bugging around in the stables again. Maybe it's the heat.

Whatever it is, it's disgusting. Recently, Barbara Kenley had noticed that one of her horses, Sugar, had been developing infections. Again. On top of that, she noticed that some of the items in the barn, like her folding chair, had been moved. And unfortunately, Barbara knew what that meant and installed a bunch of surveillance cameras to videotape her stables when she wasn't around. And again, unfortunately she ended up seeing Rodell acting like a perverted Mr. Ed with her Sugar. More unfortunate than that was that she took the videotape to the police and they told her they couldn't arrest anyone because they couldn't identify anyone in the video. Well, anyone other than the horse. Oh, I imagine it was clear that someone else was in the video with the horse, but they just couldn't see who that individual was.

But Barbara knew who it was and she was going to do something about it. According to the Sun News, on Monday night "...she went to check on the horses and saw an unknown vehicle parked near her property." Upon further investigation she found Rodell "...behind a barn where the horses are kept and pointed a shotgun at him." (Probably not what he had in mind when he was thinking about a little foreplay.) She then called the cops from her cell and pointed the shotgun at him until the cops arrived and arrested him. Again.

When she confronted him and asked him what he was doing in her barn, he came up with the worst possible answer ever (well, the worst possible answer next to having sex with the animals) and told her that "...he was looking for a bathroom." Dude. You seem to be pretty familiar with horses. (Yeah, familiar in the Biblical sense....if Eve was a horse.) Was that woman really supposed to believe that you thought there was a bathroom in the stable? Even if she was, she didn't. Her response? "I told him he was full of crap." Then she said that "He apologized and said he didn't mean to hurt me.'' Um, OK?

Hey, horse humper! It's not the woman who you were hurting. Oh, sure, there's the psychological and emotional aspect of it, but when we're talking about the sexual violation of something that is not human, psychological and emotional take a back seat (or saddle) to the "brute beast", as the buggery statute would call it.

Now I'm not going to justify anything he did, though I am glad that he was on probation at the time of the filly fornicating and is currently in jail. But to do something like this is one thing, but to do it again after you've been caught? And at the scene of the crime again?? How does something like that get explained? Well, over there in the Atlanta Journal Constitution a forensic psychiatrist in Atlanta, a one Tracey Marks, says that “Just as people consider marijuana to be a gateway to other things, the Internet has been a gateway for bestiality to becoming more ordinary."

Um, the only thing that marijuana has been a "gateway" to is Twinkies. But I see what she's saying about the Internet. The Internet brings people together and not always in a good way. If you ever felt like you were the only one in the entire world that enjoys a nice romantic evening with a bale of hay, perhaps a carrot or two, and the equine fantasy of your choosing, you'll never feel alone again if you can access the Internet. (And not so you can go out and buy yourself a damn horse to avert said hypothetical loneliness either. Pervert.) You'll find people all over the country, hell, you'll find them all over the world! People who are just like you! Sick and wrong. It's a gateway to the congregation of the sick and the wrong. As long as they do it on a faraway deserted island, more power to 'em. Just keep them the hell away from me. AND the horses.

Man. Talk about unstable.

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