Friday, July 10, 2009

Taking It Lying Down

About the only thing(s) that I dislike about the Internet is/are that it is a very effective tool for a) spreading the word of idiots, b) spreading the word of idiots but making it sound to other idiots that it's not idiotic, and c) getting idiots everywhere to unite in idiocy.
Sweeping the globe. Get it?
Case in point would be this example gleaned from
The Daily Mail, which describes an activity that is "...perhaps the most bizarre internet phenomenon yet to sweep the globe." Now, I don't know about that. I mean, "most bizarre"? Come on. That's a pretty tall order to fill. There are a lot of "bizarre" things out there. Far more than we ever needed to know about, but now DO thanks to the Internet. But the phenomenon of which they speak? (Wait for it.)
"The Lying Down Game". Behold!

The sad part is that it's exactly what it sounds like. The "goal" or "object" (otherwise known as "part that makes you look like an idiot") is to find some place that is as public as possible (what does that mean? As "public as possible"? What are the different degrees of "public"? If you're out, you're out! Hence the term "public". But what do I know? I'm not an idiot.) and then, you guessed it, lie down.

So that people don't go all rogue on the whole "lying down" concept, there ARE guidelines! For cryin' out loud, you don't think that they were just going to start some sort of worldwide Internet phenomenon without some sort of instructionary guidelines, did you?! Of course not! (Because no rules? Well, that would just be stupid.) If you plan to do this, "Players are told they must have their palms flat against their sides with the tips of their toes touching the ground." Now, it doesn't seem to say anything about facing up or facing down, but the pics that I've seen of this (many of which I have reproduced here, with neither permission, nor malice, from The Daily Mail), the moronsparticipants are lying face down. My guess on that is they have an inkling as to how stupid this is and are trying to avoid being identified by their friends, family, future employers and the like. (I didn't include "current employers" on that list because, well, you know...I thought that "future employers" was probably a stretch, but I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt on occasion.)

The Daily Mail thinks that two doormen from Newcastle, a one Scott Wood and a one Wayne Pyle, may be to blame for this one. They set up a Facebook page after a trip to Majorca with some buddies. The one Scott Wood, age an incredible 34, explained, "I thought lying on the floor would be a funnier way to pose for my holiday snaps." This guy must be a riot at get togethers.

Of course, now that idiots worldwide have gotten wind of this, Mr. Wood felt the need to wax poetic and imply that the whole thing was about something that is most certainly is NOT about when he said "'There's so much misery around these days, with the recession and everything - this is an excuse to have a joke and do something silly." With the recession and everything. And everything? Couldn't think of another catch-word to go with "recession" that would explain why people are doing this? Yes, the only way to escape our "misery" is to go face down in the middle of the street, head to toe, with a bunch of other folks. Seems to me that, should traffic suddenly appear on, of all places, the STREET, that your "misery" is about to get a whole lot worse. (They're like one giant speed bump.)

A one 23-year old Danielle Mitchell, also hailing from Newcastle, said she and her friends "...are always looking for weird places to lie down." (I can only imagine. But please don't make me.) She endorses this activity by stating, "I think everyone should have a go at the Lying Down Game - it's very liberating." Um, what exactly are you being liberated FROM there, Cupcake?

As to further the definition of "public", the article says that "It seems no location is out of bounds, with people lying down roofs, in the middle of the road, in front of tanks, across bars in pubs and on table football games." Oh, well, come on! Show of hands, who has NOT been face down in a bar at some point?! Anyone?? I didn't think so! You can call it whatever you want, but that's known around here as "Tuesdays".

Look, how about a compromise? Instead of encouraging new idiotic behaviors, ie, "The Lying Down Game", how about we just reinforce societal behaviors that we don't really care for but that probably aren't going to change anyway? My suggestion? I'm calling it "Thumbs for Bums". The object is to find a bum somewhere, any bum and anywhere, and have a picture of yourself next to said bum giving the ol' thumbs up sign! Bonus points if you can get the bum to give the thumbs up as well.

How many bums can you find? Find 'em all and win the knowledge of where NOT to go in your city or town! It could also be called "Bum Spotting" or "Bum Caching". We'll have markers on a Google map! And a wiki! Wiki-Bum! Bums by climate region! Bums celebrating various holidays! Bums and their pets! And all with you right next to them giving them the ol' thumbs up! Nice job! Way to go! (I'm actually becoming quite enamored with this idea as I ramble along here. Look for pics of me and the bums in the near future! I'm right by San Francisco where there is a bum abundance. I could easily amass enough pics to compile a coffee table book. "Thumbs for Bums - A Pictoral Anthology of the West Coast Panhandler.")

Look, I suppose that at this point, it's all totally harmless. Sure! Go ahead! Lie down wherever you freaking want to! Enjoy. But just wait. Someone is going to feel the urge to "lie down" for the "Lying Down Game" and instead of "lie down" it will turn into "die down". If you think someone isn't going to do this in the lion cage at the zoo or between two annoyingly close apartment buildings, you're in for a surprise when someone does and it goes horribly awry.

OK, I'll admit that for 'horribly awry' this doesn't look all that bad!

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Anonymous said...

actually, there are guidelines, you have to be face down... get over yourself, it's just something to do... Sounds like you're jealous that you didn't think it up and make it popular... you'd just rather sit and whinge about it.

Christian said...

Its a shame that the person who wrote this didnt find the the correct facts before they wrote this. Incorrectly claiming that two lads came up with this from Newcastle is very infuriating as me Christian Langdon and my associate Gary Clarkon were the first to invent the Group back when Facebook first started, our group is also the group with 30,000 members plus and the holders of the Copyright for the 'Lying down Game'. So please please pleaseget the facts right before talking crap.