Thursday, July 9, 2009

We'll Be Broke, But We'll Have Blueberries


Here in the great state of Californiacate, we're going head first over a financial cliff. In case you haven't heard (which would mean that you're fortunate enough not to live here and therefore are likely not getting taxed to death in order to pay for programs which are helping build this Utopian society that will eventually doom us all), the state is out of money. Gone. The most populous state in the United States has no money. How can that be?! Easy. One word explains it all: Morons.

Consistently, year after year, those folks have been spending money like drunken sailors on leave (no offense to any drunken sailors out there. Thanks for your service to our country!). And it's not like they haven't been warned by the few folks that are actually paying attention. It doesn't seem to matter and they keep spending more money than the state has. The real problem comes into play when it's time to balance the budget for the fiscal year. California voters passed a Proposition a while back that requires a two-thirds majority vote in order for a budget to be passed. It's hard to come to a consensus when everyone has their own head up their collective arse.

This month, California paid some of its monetary obligations with IOUs! Watch and learn. Learn how to bankrupt an economy in a state that would rank as the world's eighth largest economy if it were a country! Coming soon! Can I try that IOU thing if I ever owe the state money? I'm sure I can. If the state can do it, the people should be able to also, right? What? NO?!?! Are you sure? Never mind. Where was I?

With a budgetary mess that massive, one would assume that the California State Legislature is doing nothing but going over items in the budget and trying to balance it in a way that will allow a two-thirds majority to vote yes on it and that will also compel The Governator to sign the damn thing, right? Of course! Other stuff can wait! Especially if it has ANYTHING to do with spending MORE money. All of that stuff takes a backseat to budget issues right now, right? Eh. Not so fast.

Our fine Representatives seem to have become distracted by shiny objects in the room or something because they have been spending their sessions discussing things that I am having difficulty in finding ANY importance in what so ever. Blueberries. And honey. Oh, wait! And pomegranate standards. You can't have standardless pomegranates! Have you gone mad?! Wait. What now? Blueberries? WTF? Are you freaking kidding me?!?!

NO! They're not! They're actually discussion something called Assembly Bill 606. (Please note that the California Represenatives put the "ASS" in "Assembly".) ASSembly Bill 606, according to CBS13 "...creates a commission to serve the marketing interests of the blueberry industry." Oh. My. God.

I don't know how or why the "marketing interests" of the "blueberry industry" are not up to par, but blueberries have been around a LONG ASS time without a "commission" to "serve the marketing interests". Thus, can't the blueberry wait until the state can pay the damn power bill?

Maybe the blueberries can wait, but can the honey? Yes! The honey! Assembly Bill 1216 (introduced by Assembly Mensa Member Noreen Evans) "...defines "honey" to mean the natural food product resulting from the harvest of nectar by honey bees." Do we need a BILL which, according to Schoolhouse Rock, will become a LAW in order to cement as fact that "honey" comes from "bees"? Um, the collective populous of the state is greater than four years old, ma'am. Why are you telling me this? NOW when the budget is a complete fuster-cluck?

The analysis of the "honey bill" deems it "not URGENT". And here's my favorite part of the analysis of this useless and pointless bill: "There are no significant costs associated with this legislation because the California Department of Food and Agriculture (CDFA) is not enforcing the current definition of honey in state law." WHAT?! We don't have a Honey Police?! What kind of a world is this? No wonder the state is going broke!

I lied. This is my favorite part of the analysis: "If they were to enforce laws surrounding honey they would likely need several hundred thousand dollars to create an enforcement program." Aaaannnnndddd....SCENE! :::: whimper :::: Um, note to Assembly Mensa Member Noreen Evans: WE DON'T HAVE ANY MORE MONEY!!

Allow me to provide some insight as to why these jackasses who are supposed to be running the state are instead discussing things such as SB 190, a bill which, according to Capitol Weekly "...adopts regulations establishing definitions and standards for 100-percent pomegranate juice." You need a BILL? AGAIN? What sort of "definition" are you folks lacking or desirous of? Let me give this a whack. How about "100% pomegranate juice must be ALL pomegranate and nothing else. The end." That was easy.

What's the problem? The problem is our elected Representatives are corrupt. See, with the pomegranate thing, it's very enlightening to learn that "The largest producer and distributor of pomegranate juice in the country is POM Wonderful, which is owned by California billionaire Stewart Resnick, a significant figure in California politics and the owner of Paramount Farms, the Franklin Mint and Teleflora. Resnick is a major donor to legislators of both major parties and to political campaigns, including more than $197,000 in 2007-08."

That's quite a diverse portfolio ol' Resnick has there, isn't it? Pomegranates, coins with Elvis on them and floral delivery! Diverse. Those are also some deep pockets that he has there. Almost two hundred grand in political "contributions" (Translation: bribes). I wonder if that has ANYTHING at all to do with this proposed legislation which, by the way, has sailed through the upper house with only ONE Senator, Sen. Mimi Walters, an Orange County Republican, in her right mind and voting against it. This after the
analysis of the bill reported that "Bill does not appear to be needed. The FDA and the Sherman Act provide procedures for labeling a product and the FDA also has procedures in place for a product that wishes to make a health claim. "

Doesn't appear to be needed. Vote yes anyway! Why?! I don't know! Because they're idiots?? What is wrong with these people?! You know that blueberry commission that they're practically orgasmic over the thought of creating? Yes, that one! Listen, California has 55 advisory boards, councils and commissions. FIFTY FIVE! You cannot tell me that freaking blueberries cannot fit into one of those already established commissions. You can't! There are FIFTY FIVE! Commissions! In a state that's part of a union that calls itself the land of the FREE!! FIFTY FIVE commissions (some for fruits, some for other things) doesn't sound very free to me!

I'm not the only one freaking out about this. Well, I'm not ALWAYS the only one. The Governator wasn't all that thrilled either that the Senate was talking about fruits and honey instead of chutes of money. And I knew we had completely come off the rails when The Governator's spokesman, a one Aaron McLear said, "The governor is not against condiments. The governor's not against fruits of any kind, but he believes we ought to be focused on solving our budget crisis first and foremost. Look, we're pro-condiment, we're pro-fruit, but the focus needs to be on the budget crisis."

::: blink ::: ::: blink :::

The governor is not against condiments. Did he ACTUALLY say that? He did. Dear God, we're doomed. Don't believe me? The reaction from the Senate Majority Leader Dean Florez (D-Fresno) was to call the Governator's anti-condiment rhetoric "childish" and state that, "The governor's turned from an action hero into just another politician. He should really, really take a course on fundamental government on how the legislature works. The fact that he doesn't understand these things worries me."

People in this man's district, please pay attention. If you elect this dumbass again, you are contributing to the fall of Western civilization. This man is "worried" that the Governator doesn't understand why fruit takes precedence over an unbalanced budget that is costing the state millions of dollars every day in interest to be paid on those IOUs that are being issued. And enough people over there in Fresno thought that man was the one to represent the people and they elected him to office! Nice job!

I want a bill that makes it mandatory to take an IQ test before you go in to vote. If you pass that, then you have to pass a short civics quiz. Pass that and you can vote. Fail either one and it's back to your parent's basement. Doomed. Doomed I tell you.

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

California has become so dysfunctional - sad, no wonder people are leaving it in droves. Hmm, maybe liberal policies don't really work after all - does Alaska, does Montana, does Texas have these issues? Hmm, maybe fiscal conservatism isn't so bad after all....all those "idiots" in places like Texas and Alaska must be on to something...