Monday, July 13, 2009

How Now California Cow?


Oh, where to begin? I suppose a California fiscal doom scenario update is probably in order seeing as how I've already mentioned that, while the state amasses more debt by having to issue IOUs (which pay the amount owed PLUS 3.25% interest when they're finally redeemed), the legislature has been busy bickering about what constitutes "real honey", what IS 100% pomegranate juice and how should the blueberries of the state be regulated.

(I swear, if ONE single person currently in the legislature manages to win their re-election we might have to seriously consider going back to the voting rules of yore. You know, the ones where you had to be a land owner in order to vote. The theory behind it being that you're invested and will therefore be informed on the issues to make the proper voting choice. Lately, people are not invested. People are morons. And since I've heard that we can't shoot them, nor is the deserted island (upon which to exile them to) available, a way to keep them out of the voting booth definitely needs to be looked at. And if that happens, hey, don't rule out all of the shooting! I'm just sayin'.)

So what's the problem now? Simple (an answer that both answers the question AND describes those working on the problem). More of the same. Only this time they've branched out. Instead of not working on the budget and focusing on fruits and condiments, now they're looking at cow tails. The tail of a cow. The cow's own tail. What now? Yep. Behold!
No! No! No! I said COWS TAIL. Not COW TALES! Again! From the top! Behold!


That's better. OK, so I got wind of this one when I read an article over yonder at JoinArnold.com that quoted the Governator as saying,"“In the midst of the biggest budget crisis we are having a debate about cow tails. So ask the legislators to stop debating about cow tails and let's do the budget.” Good Lord, what?

Here's the scoop: Apparently, there is something called "tail docking" which involves cutting off up to 2/3rds of a cow's tail. According to the text of SB 135, it's author, a one Dean Florez, writes that "tail docking is arcane...and that there is no benefit to tail docking normal healthy tails in dairy cattle based upon peer-reviewed scientific studies and governmental sponsored research." OK. That seemed reasonable. Right up until I read the analysis of the bill, that is.

In the analysis, a survey done earlier this year reported that ..."89.3% of the dairies are not docking tails and 86.2% of the cows are in dairy operations where tail docking is not practiced. The advisor concluded that the results from this survey suggest tail docking is an uncommon practice in California." Are they kidding? Of course they're not.

Let me get this straight, Mr. Florez. You can't talk about the budget right now because you're too busy trying to get some bill passed that only applied to 13.8% of the dairy cows in the state? I say "dairy cows" because in the beef industry they don't dock tails AT ALL unless the tail is injured! (How does a cow injure its tail exactly? They're not a very raucous animal, it seems odd that they'd sustain an injury of any sort. Dusty hooves, maybe. Other than that, hard to imagine.) So the total number of cows in the California that would be affected by this bill would hover somewhere around the neighborhood of less than 10%. I don't know that we need laws that are geared toward: A) Less than 10% of anything, and B) Laws about the the tails of cows!!

How much more do you plan on regulating this state, oh-sagelike Representative there? Seriously. You can't do ANYTHING in this state without it falling under some sort of guideline and regulation and/or requiring a permit and/or a fee! NOTHING! And it's always under the futile threat of up to $1,000 fine and/or six months in jail. Right. That happens ALL the time. (Tail dockers busted! On the next episode of COPS - The Bovine Beat!)

Regardless as to the over-regulation that has made your wannabe utopia more regimented than a German prison camp, don't you have other more pressing issues to deal with first? Let's say you're at home and your house is on fire. You rush for a phone to call 911, but before you do that (and as your house is STILL burning) you decide to call 1-800-DENTIST because that upper tooth on the left has really been sensitive lately and you've really been wanting to get that taken care of. Does THAT MOMENT seem like the best time for that?! NO! I understand your tooth hurts, but what say you wait until you're out of the burning building first, all rightee?

Are these people morons? Have they all sustained some sort of cranial injury which causes them to think and react like mildly retarded four year olds with just a touch of ADHD? Oh, and if the name Dean Florez sounds familiar to you, well, thanks for reading! But it's because Rep. Florez was the one who felt like The Governator was overreacting when he told the Representatives to stop bickering over the age old question, "What is honey?" and get back to work on the damned budget. Rep. Florez is the one who said, "He should really, really take a course on fundamental government on how the legislature works. The fact that he doesn't understand these things worries me." The fact that he is more concerned about honey and cows REALLY worries me. (And makes me question how he spends his free time.)

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