Focus!

All of these women who are so up in arms about rotund blowhard Rush Limbaugh calling some chick a slut really need to calm down and set some priorities. Do you really want to give the guy any more attention that he already has on a daily basis with his incredibly large radio show audience? (Who are you people who can listen to this guy? It's just like, his opinion, man. Why would you want to sit and listen to someone pontificate about the days events in only a way as to skew it toward the point of view that he favors? I just want facts and then a discussion about the facts. Oh, throw in a little humor and we're good.) Can't they focus on real matters?

Take Ross Mirkarimi for example. Mr. Mirkarimi is the sheriff of San Francisco. See, he had been charged with multiple things like child endangerment and domestic violence after a New Year's Day kerfluffle with his wife that left her with bruised arms. Yeah, that's not cool for any dude to do, but when you're sheriff I really think that you should avoid breaking the law. Call me crazy! It's just one of those things with me.

But get this: Yesterday or the day before he pled guilty to one charge of false imprisonment and the rest of the more serious charges (including the ones that were felonies) were dropped. Shocking that the sitting sheriff would get some sort of a sweet deal, ain't it? Yeah, not quite so much. So they've got a sheriff that's been convicted of false imprisonment of his wife. And do you think he's stepping down? Uh-uh. He's just going to go about business as usual. And it's questionable (and leaning toward unlikely) if there's a legal reason for him to be booted out by the mayor or someone else. So he's going to be the sheriff! Where are all of the women protesting this S?

No where. There is a ton of public outrage because of something Rush Limbaugh simply said on his radio show. This is a guy who is violent toward women! Actual violence! Contrary to what people must believe based upon their reaction to the slut incident, we're gonna survive being called names. It's not gonna kill us. (We're not all the dainty little flowers that people like President Barry think that we are to the point that he needs to call one of us up to "see if she's OK". Please.) But being beaten up by a guy? That could kill someone! And where are the protests? Where is the outrage? Where are the women flipping out because a sheriff has been convicted of false imprisonment (of his wife) and is still planning on being sheriff?! NO where. There just aren't any.

We are a sad little country. I guess people are just so distracted by any shiny object that comes along (and when you're as big and shiny as Rush Limbaugh, I realize that it's hard to look away) that they must get blinded and unable to see it when a real issue actually does come along! The sheriff had a physical altercation with his wife that included some sort of imprisoning falsely! And he's still sheriff! Where's the outrage?! Where are the protests?! Why are you letting yourselves be distracted by Rush Limbaugh and his meaningless comments about some law school student? No one wants to take away your birth control! It's not going to happen! Just calm down and focus! What is wrong with you people?! God, we're doomed.

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The South Will Not Rise Again

We have a problem. Actually, we have two problems. They are, in no particular order, Mississippi and Alabama. Let the jokes about people in the South begin! Oh, what? You don't like that? Too "stereotypical" for you? Let me take this opportunity to point out (once again) that all stereotypes come from somewhere and the South isn't doing much to make sure that doesn't happen. And really, it's embarrassing. The rest of the country weeps for you, Mississippi and Alabama. Jesus...

According to the Huffington Post, there is a group called Public Policy Polling (PPP for short. Catchy, no?). They have released information based upon a poll that they did of "likely GOP primary voters". They surveyed 600 such folks in Alabama and 656 such folks in Mississippi. (Now, in all fairness, I don't know if that is an adequate enough survey sample to make these results statistically valid. I do know that it's a fair number of people polled. If it had been only one hundred or two hundred, I wouldn't even bother with the results. But at least six hundred seems to be a fair number.) Among the questions these rubes folks were asked was "Do you think Barack Obama is a Christian or a Muslim, or are you not sure?" The results are not encouraging.

In Alabama, 45% of the people who could figure out how to press the buttons on their phone said that President Barry was a Muslim. 45%! And another 41% were "not sure". So, over there in Alabama, 86% of the folks surveyed either think he's a Muslim or just don't know! And eighty-six percent is getting really close to the number where you can say things like "Dang near everyone thinks this." Eighty-six percent. Now, I will also point out that when asked "Do you believe in evolution?", sixty percent answered that they did not believe in evolution. (And after reading some of these poll results, I'm actually questioning how far along the evolutionary process has actually gotten in Alabama.) 13% were "not sure" of evolution. So more people either believe President Barry is or could be a Muslim than they do believe in evolution. I think I'm going to cry.

Things aren't much better over yonder in Mississippi, either. When they were asked if President Barry was a Muslim, 52% of those mouth breathers said that they believed he was. And 36% said that they were "not sure". That's eighty-eight percent for those of you keeping track. Eighty-eight percent either think he's a secret Muslim or don't know if he is or not. Eighty-eight. As you can imagine, evolution isn't faring too well in that part of the country either. Sixty-six percent of Mississippians (Mississippites?) don't believe in evolution. Two-thirds. Didn't happen. Eleven percent were "not sure". Seventy-seven percent don't believe in or are not sure of evolution, but eighty-eight percent are leaning toward a secret Muslim in the White House. Oh, how I wish that I could prove a direct correlation between the two schools of thought. (Don't get me wrong. I think we both know the correlation is there. I was just saying that I wished we could prove it.)

This is not good. This is not good at all. And I'm not actually sure which one appalls me more, the secret Muslim part or the evolution part. It doesn't seem to be something that correlates with race, as 54% of the softheads in Mississippi and 67% of the ones in Alabama think that interracial marriage is OK. (Barely over half, Mississippi? You should be ashamed of yourself. What are you afraid of? It's 2012!) I guess the only correlation is the deep south. Well, that and that most of the people that answered these questions said that they were somewhat to very conservative. That's really giving conservative folk a bad name! I'm going to say this again and I know it won't be the last time that I need to say it. President Barry is not a secret Muslim. He's a socialist. I repeat, a socialist. Now if only the southern states can pull their heads out of their collective arses long enough to hear and understand that message, then things can start getting back to normal around here. (And by the way, evolution happened. It did. If you need proof, it's called science. Now knock it off and start answering poll questions that are based in fact correctly.)

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I'm From The Government And I'm Here To Help You

OK, I find the very, very end of this video super-duper cheesy. But the message that the rest of it conveys is worth that little bit of cheese. If you know people who just don't get what kind of debt this country is taking on, have them watch this video. It's less than a minute. And it's fairly simplistic, so even your friends that tend to have the permanent gaze of livestock should be able to understand it. If it doesn't play, click here. Meanwhile, behold!

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Separated At Birth: Mattel Edition

Nicki Minaj totally looks like Mrs. Potato Head. That is all.

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Stop Something 2012

By now, I'm sure that you've had someone try and make you watch the Kony 2012 video. I guess that I'm all for awareness, but I don't like things like this because I worry that it gives people the feeling of false accomplishment. Oh, I watched a video! My knowledge of this subject is going to change the world because I'll tell everyone how bad it is and when everybody knows then things will be different. Yeah, no. You know what happens when you watch a video? Any video? You get to see whatever that video was about. That's it. Maybe you learn something. Maybe not. The point is that the world is going to be exactly the same after you've watched as it was before you'd watched.

But I digress. My point here is that while I think the whole Kony campaign awareness thing (I really don't know what to call it) is commendable in a way (that people just can't think of anything else to do other than post that link or that picture on their Facebook page), can't we all come together and try to rid the planet of another abomination that is taking over? It might not be as bad as the Joseph Kony guy kidnapping children to use as sex slaves and soldiers, but it's right up there. Behold!

See? The horror! This must end before any more children are subjected to this evil torture! Act now! Put it on your Facebook wall! Do whatever you must to spread the word! Because really, do you think your simply spreading the word about the Kony thing is going to help? In words that would be similar to those of the great Jay-Z, "If you posting 'bout Kony, I feel bad for you son. He took 99 kids and your status saved none."

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Times Are Tough

I have a cold or something. All I know is that I can't stop sneezing and that I'm exhausted. Therefore, my duties today will consist of just trying to make you angry. And it won't be hard and won't require a lot of effort on my part. That's because I'm going with a clip of a one Amanda Clayton. Amanda resides in Michigan. She played the lottery last fall and she won! How fortunate! Congratulations, Amanda! Oh, but wait. Your happiness for her (what little shred there was, if any) is about to flutter away when I tell you that she is still getting AND using food stamps. She won a million freaking dollars! Oh, but get this: She justifies her still using food stamps because (wait for it) she isn't working right now. Oh, no! Poor thing! Did I mention that she used some of her windfall to buy at least one house? Yeah, she has two houses (and she makes that point known), so you know...times are tough! More on this tomorrow, but for now, what say you get yourself good and agitated by watching this. If it doesn't load, please click here.

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That Was Quick

Remember how yesterday I told you about how a bunch of paparazzi mistook the delightful 66-year old Deborah Harry for the allegedly 25-year old Lindsay Lohan? Well, in a startling development, Lindsay was seen today sporting red hair once again. Behold!

I guess having a 66-year old woman mistaken for you is enough to mix up the ol' physical appearance just a bit, eh? It's awesome, just awesome, that she did this so soon. Man, if only she had done things differently in regard to her legal troubles with as much efficiency as changing her hair color. Things might have gone a little bit easier for ol' LiLo. Who am I kidding? She's a train wreck no matter what color her hair is.

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Miss Lohan! Oh. Sorry.

As far as Lindsay Lohan related news, today was just the best day ever. The New York Post had the story of the day (if there was such a thing) regarding Ms. Lohan. Do you know who Deborah Harry is? She was (is?) the singer for the group, Blondie. Yeah, she's 66. Still pretty hot, but regardless, sixty-six. Anyway, she was coming out of some hotel the other day and was swarmed by photographers. This is Deborah Harry, behold!

She looks pretty good there. But wait. Why so many photographers around Deborah Harry? A lot of it (and by that, I mean all of it) had to do with the photographers not thinking that she was Deborah Harry. Yeah, they thought that she was Lindsay Lohan. Awesome. Behold!

Yeah, I'm not so sure what it's saying if a 66-year old woman is being mistaken for a 25-year old chick. It could say that the 66-year old looks particularly good. (And don't get me wrong. She does.) But let's all be honest. Lindsay Lohan isn't looking great. She looks like she's at least 45. (I kind of imagine that if the photographer could explain this from his perspective he'd say how bad he felt. "I couldn't apologize enough. She certainly didn't appear as old as Lindsay when I got closer.") The hair color and what I have to assume to be collagen injections in her cheeks aren't doing her any favors. Unless the goal is to look so much like a 66-year old that said 66-year old gets mistaken for you. And really, I know this isn't much, but things like this really do make my day.

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Hey, Hey, He Was A Monkee

Davy Jones of The Monkees died last week. I know, I know. First Whitney Houston and then Davy Jones. The world of music has gone silent. I don't know how the world made it through. But we did. And then things started getting weird. And by 'weird', I mean that suddenly people started acting like Davy Jones and/or The Monkees were some wildly popular act that has been entertaining the masses non-stop for decades. It wasn't like that. Was it?


According to The Daily Mail, "The 66-year-old singer passed away from a heart attack last weekand while his bandmates are upset, they have agreed to stay away from him burial as Davy's family want a 'low-key- send-off ." Uhhh...OK? Wouldn't it already be low key? I mean, this is Davy Jones. And not the one with the locker, either! (Now THAT might be something!) Sure, we all swooned when he was on the Brady Bunch and we were all thrilled for Marcia that he actually performed at her prom. But we're done now. Really. I'm sorry the great man has passed, but that's about it.


The article goes on to say that "...drummer Micky Dolenz told Billboard: "My understanding is they want to avoid a media circus and the family wants to keep it very, very low-key and very, very private." OK, wait. What is going on here?! Media circus?! Over Davy Jones?! Am I missing something?! I'm just not seeing major media outlets clamoring to cover this. Again, my condolences, but this is just silly.


But wait! There's more! "And you can imagine as soon as one of two or any of us were to show up, it would very quickly be degraded into something that I don't think his immediate family would want to deal with that." OK, now I know this is a joke! Will someone please tell Micky Dolenz what year it is, please? This show went off the air in 1970. That's forty-one years ago! Yes, I realize that they had some hits. Yes, I realize that they sold over 65 million albums. (And while I realize that, I'm still a little stunned by it. Last Train to Clarksville was great, but 65 million albums?) But I don't think that it's going to turn into the crowd that was outside the Michael Jackson funeral or anything. It was Davy Jones! Why is everyone acting like royalty has died?!


Maybe it's just Micky Dolenz who is delusional. Get this: "We've had a sort of unspoken, I bguess, agreement over the years that if it's just two of us getting together we never called it The Monkees." Well, why would you? If there's only two of you? And there used to be four? That's hardly the same. But here's the part that made me laugh: "I can see us getting together to do a memorial concert, of course, but right now I can't imagine anything else happening without the Manchester Cowboy." Wait. What?


The Manchester Cowboy? Who called him that? Anyone? This feels the same way that it did when I read that Owen Wilson's nickname is allegedly The Butterscotch Stallion. No, it isn't. It can't be. That's a horrible nickname. I don't even know what it means! And I don't know what the Manchester Cowboy is supposed to mean either. (I guess he had horses. Is that relevant to this revelation? I don't know. But I do know that I've never heard that even once in the past forty years.)


Look, let's just call a spade a spade. We all loved Davy Jones (I guess) when he was in The Monkees. We liked it when he was on the Brady Bunch. And now he's dead. He wasn't a superstar anymore. He was just a guy. I don't think it would hurt for the Manchester Cowboy's (did I get that right?) ex-bandmates to show up for his funeral. The paparazzi would be minimal, if any at all could take time away from following Snooki around. Godspeed, Davy Jones.

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Hello, Slut?

I've been thinking about this whole Rush Limbaugh calling some chick who wants the government to pay for birth control a "slut". I don't know why I've been thinking about it. I just have. (Don't you judge me! What was the last thing you thought about?! Ah-HA! Now get your hand out of your pocket. God sees everything.) I just want to go over a couple of things about it.

Now, this Sandra Fluke woman is a 31-year old students at Georgetown Law School. So many news outlets are referring to her as a "college student". OK, technically that's true. A law school is a college. But come on! When you hear "college student", don't you think of someone in their early twenties? Typically? Of course you do. So she's hardly some chick who was just barely a teenager a couple of years ago. She's a grown ass woman. It's not like she's an 18-year old freshman or anything like that. On top of that, she appears to be some sort of feminist activist. I'm pretty sure that with a hobby like that one is going to be fairly thick skinned. I can't imagine how you'd do something like that if you're going to let what people say about you bother you all that much.


Regardless, Limbaugh calls her a slut and a prostitute because he equates having the government pay for birth control with someone being paid to have sex. Now, don't get me wrong. The government should not be providing birth control to people. If you want birth control, I suggest you buy it yourself. Condoms are fairly inexpensive. Then again, any form of birth control is inexpensive when you compare it to the cost of raising a child. Regardless, hit up Planned Parenthood if that's what you need. Don't be asking me and every other taxpayer to subsidize it. There are like a million other things I'd rather my tax money go for.

I'm totally off track. My point here is that President Barry actually called this chick on Friday to "see if she was OK". Good Lord, what a publicity stunt that was. Not to mention what a great idea! Who was the aide who ran breathlessly into the Oval Office? "Mr. President! Mr. President! I have an idea! You know that woman that Rush called a whore?! Slut. Whatever. How about you call that girl to check on her?! It'll make the 5 o'clock news right before the weekend! Here's her number! Thank you, Mr. President! I'll get out of your hair as soon as I catch my breath! But don't let me be in your way. Call now! See if she's OK!"


What a bunch of crap. Does he really think that a grown ass woman is just going to be falling apart because some rotund blowhard called her a 'slut'? Please. Hey, wait a minute. Didn't MSNBC's Ed Schultz call Laura Ingraham a slut? Let's see, what he said exactly was "Like this right-wing slut, what's her name, Laura Ingraham? Yeah, she's a talk slut." Yep, that's what he said all right. Did President Barry call Laura Ingraham and see if she was OK? No? How does that work? Oh, don't tell me it's because Sandra Fluke was "standing up" for a liberal cause and Laura Ingraham is a conservative foe of President Barry's? Wow. So politically motivated. Not to mention pathetic. Who cares?


Is President Barry going to start calling everyone who gets called a name by someone in public? Is this how soft we've really become? Man, if he called her because someone called her a slut, I should let him take a look at some of the email that I get in regard to this blog. He'd move in with me.

And on a side note, SleepTrain has pulled all of their advertising from Limbaugh's show. SleepTrain sells mattresses. (And darn good ones, too! They're a bit pricey, but you can't beat their quality! And same day delivery if you buy it before 2pm? Show me another business where they're going to do that for you! Wow. I'm either quite the shill for SleepTrain or I just have a really comfortable mattress.) Why do I feel like there is some sort of an opportunity here? I'm not sure exactly what it is or what it would entail, but somehow with the topic of birth control and sex and sluts, I'm pretty sure there's at the very least some sort of reprehensible commercial that could be derived from all of this nonsense. Ooooh! Saturday Night Live, do your thing! I'm begging you!

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