Guilty As Charged

As I'm sure that you know by now, that pig Jerry Sandusky was found guilty on 45 of the 48 counts of child sexual abuse that he was charged with.  That seems about right.  I just have a few final thoughts on this. 

I've been thinking about Sandusky's wife and whether or not she knew what had been going on for all of these years.  Naturally, she claims that she didn't know anything was happening, let alone happening in her own basement for years and years.  While I would like to believe her (as it sickens me to think that she really knew and just let it happen to all of those boys for so long), I'm having a hard time believing that she was the only one around him who was clueless.  Everyone else seemed to know and everyone else seemed to inexplicably keep their mouths shut.  I don't know that she was any different. 

But let's just assume for the sake of assuming that she didn't know.  Can someone explain to me how she could sit there through all of the testimonies of all of those victims and listen to the vile and atrocious acts that her husband committed against them and after hearing all of that, repeatedly, how could she still take the stand and testify in his defense?  How?!  Because even if she didn't know about it before then, she certainly knew about it after all of that.  Why on earth wouldn't she just say, "You clearly did it.  You're a sick, sick pervert and there is no way in hell that I'm getting up there and saying nice things about you."  Why wouldn't she do that?  Why would she instead get up there and sing his praises?  Why would any of the people that testified for the defense still agree to get up there in defense of him?  Shouldn't they all have been barfing in disgust after hearing those heartbreaking testimonies?  There are so many things so wrong on every single side of this case that it is simply unbelievable how people act in the face of sexual abuse.  Absolutely stunning.  And another example of how we're doomed. 

 Last I had heard, Sandusky was on suicide watch.  Perfect.  I'd love to watch him commit suicide.  Show me to my seat.  What's that?  It doesn't mean that?  Huh.  Well, that's unfortunate.  I'd really enjoy it if it was.  Bummer.  I guess that means I just have to wait until sentencing where I continue to hold out hope that this will be the very first sentence of death by stoning handed down in the United States.  In the meantime, I will take small pleasure in knowing that Sandusky is about to realize that showering with inmates is going to be an awful lot different than showering with young, helpless little boys.  A lot different. 

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J-Lo Induced Arson

I guess if you're going to watch a movie with your wife, it's probably a good idea to make sure that the movie doesn't contain an actress which will cause said wife to burn your boat, burn your go-kart, burn your jacuzzi and threaten to put your dogs to sleep. Wait. What now?

Correct. Naturally, this took place in Flori-duh. And as we learn from the NWF Daily News, there's all sorts of strange going on in this one. What we have here is a one 34-year old and old enough to know better Shannon Wriska of Milton, Florida, who had watched a movie with her husband, a one Robert Wriska. While we do not know which movie they watched, we do know that it starred Jennifer Lopez. We later learn that Mrs. Wriska is not a fan of the J-Lo, as evidenced by her wacky behavior after the unknown movie. (In her indefensible defense, if she was somehow forced to sit through the God awful Gigli, I can understand being a tad bit irate. It's time out of your life that you'll never get back.)

According to the police report, "Robert stated his wife was very jealous of the actress and did not like him seeing her in the movie. He said an argument ensued over the ...and Shannon later left the house". Very jealous of the actress? Look, I'm not defending this nutjob, but did Robert have any part in perpetuating the jealousy? Any comments like "I wish you looked like her" or "I'd divorce you and marry her in a second"? Anything like that? It still doesn't justify what happened later, but it would lend just a bit of understanding to the seemingly disturbed woman. (And she left? Really? Over J-Lo on the TV? It's not like J-Lo was in their living room. But she left anyway. Hmm. OK, then.)

Now, would you think that a normal person would still be mad about this the next day? (It IS a movie, after all. And really, it's Jennifer Lopez. She's hot and all, don't get me wrong, but I just don't see what folks see in her past the obvious attractiveness.) The key phrase there would be "normal person", which Mrs. Wriska does not seem to be. That's because the next day, when she saw Robert drinking over at their neighbor's house (Oh, come on! Like you couldn't figure out that alcohol was going to be involved in this! Please! I've taught you better than that, haven't I?), Shannon then walked outside of their trailer (And don't you even try to tell me that you didn't see it coming that they lived in a trailer, either! You knew it! I knew it! We all knew it! There had to be alcohol AND a trailer involved!) and "...started pulling hoses off of the motor of his go-kart and lit it on fire". (All right. I didn't really see the go-kart coming into the picture, but I can't say I'm overly surprised at this point.)

As Robert tried to put out the flames on his beloved kart "...he saw Shannon drive away in her vehicle with his dogs, saying she was going to “put them to sleep"." Oh, yeah. That's real normal there. What is wrong with you, ma'am? Seriously. What kind of crazy, drunken, J-Lo hating, go-kart torching woman does such a thing? Probably the same kind of woman who also tries to torch a boat after the go-kart owner resumes drinking beer with the neighbor.

Seriously? Seriously. After Robert went back over to the neighbor's (probably for some much, much needed alcohol) "...someone came in the house and said that Shannon was lighting Robert’s boat on fire and that she was attempting to light a Jacuzzi on fire by pouring gasoline inside of it". (I'm kind of impressed (or amused) that they live in a trailer in Flori-duh and yet have plenty of toys. Go-karts, boats, Jacuzzis, the works. Why the trailer, folks?) Can we just presume that the jacuzzi was empty when she was pouring gasoline inside of it? In this case? Umm...probably not.

As you would imagine (or at least, hope) Shannon was later arrested. When being interviewed at the jail, "...she stated both she and her husband had been fighting throughout the night of Sept. 1 and into the following day. Shannon said Robert called her several times, verbally “harassing” her." Oh, no. Not verbally "harassing" her! You're going to get yourself a go-kart burnin' if you keep that up! Or will you? She also stated that "...Robert lit the go-kart on fire, and (she) didn’t admit to lighting anything on fire." Of course she didn't. Noooo. That boat and that Jacuzzi just spontaneously combusted. And of course he would light his own go-kart on fire. Sure, that makes sense. Or maybe it doesn't. What makes more sense is never watching a movie with Jennifer Lopez in it if this woman is anywhere around you. Oh, and by the way. She looks just like you think she does. Behold!

Told you so.

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Just A Little Help

So, Gary Coleman has been dead for almost a week now. (They're still planning his funeral. I'm assuming that once they find an appropriately sized shoe box to bury him in, things will start moving along.) I had thought about approaching this topic sooner, but given the slightly out of control way that he seemed to go through his day to day life, I figured that there would actually be something new to talk about if I just gave it a little time so that more details could start seeping out. Good thing I did. They've seeped.

I've always wondered about his marriage to the Amazon woman, Shannon Price. (She seems to be really tall. Then again, standing next to him, she might be only five feet tall. I suppose that my reference in this matter might be a bit skewed.) While she's about twenty years younger than him, give or take a couple of years (and feet, while you're at it), their maturity level seemed to be about even...if they were both 5. Neither one of them seemed to be the brightest bulb on the tree.

According to Ms. Price, the diminutive Mr. Coleman was prone to throwing fits when he didn't get his way. In the past, some of his fits included throwing a printer, throwing a fax machine, beating his head against a wall, and screaming in a high pitched state of rage that sounded an awful lot like what a 2-year old does when things aren't going just quite right. To say that he was short tempered would be accurate in a variety of ways (not to mention it would make for an awesome pun).

And maybe that's why, whenever I saw the two of them interviewed together (most notably on Divorce Court, where it was revealed that their brief, odd little marriage was never consummated, perhaps because Mr. Coleman did not have access to a ladder), I always found her to come across as rather detached. Don't get me wrong. I don't think that one should be buddying up to someone else who is prone to hurling large computer peripherals during fits of dissatisfaction. I'm just saying that she didn't seem like she was all that into him. That's all.

And judging from the 911 call that she made, it's really difficult to tell that she even liked the guy very much. She was rather...what's the word I want? Hmm...upset? Eh. Maybe, but that's not where I'm headed with this. Umm....panicked? Kind of, but not for reasons that one would think. Indifferent and annoyed with the whole thing after he fell down at some point and hit his head and was bleeding everywhere? Yeah! That's it! That's the term I was looking for. She seemed very inconvenienced by the whole ordeal.

The gossipy folks over yonder at TMZ have been kind enough to provide us with the audio of the 911 call that Shannon Price made from their dollhouse home in Santaquin, Utah. (Of course, they're not going to let me embed the audio here, but the wonderful, newsy folks over there at the New York Daily News will let me embed the audio, which you will find at the bottom of this post.) Now, look, I've been to Santaquin. Many a time. There isn't much there. It's fairly empty and in the middle of nowhere. I would imagine that it would take medical personnel a while to respond to an emergency call. Thus, it's going to be pertinent upon the person making the call to be a little bit more helpful than Ms. Price was!

Ms. Price calls 911 (at least she could figure that much out) and when the operator asks what the problem is, her response is, "Um....um....I just found...I had my husband go make me some food downstairs. I heard this big bang. I went downstairs. Blood everywhere. I don't know if he's okay. I'm not down there right now because I have seizures if I get stressed out. I'm gonna seize." What now?

She has seizures if she gets stressed out? Is that something new? Regardless as to the novelty of it all, she wasn't down there with him? She goes down, sees her husband on the floor and bleeding profusely, runs upstairs to get the phone and leaves him down there without much of any intent of returning to his side? How comforting for the man. He was a lucky little dude. Or not.

Now, the 911 operator seems to get that it would be important for her to go down there to be with him. If nothing else, at least to try and stop the bleeding. I mean, if the guy is unconscious, is she really not going to even try to go and help stop the bleeding?! For reals? Ma'am, you are a real piece of work, that's for sure.

She continues talking to the operator by telling her, "His head is bloody. There's blood all over the floor. I don't know what happened. I really don't know what happened. I just heard this bang and I just went down there and he's on the floor. Send someone quick because I don't even know if he's going to be alive. There's a lot of blood on the floor." The 911 operator responds with, "Is there any way that you can go down there at all?" And I'll give that woman props for saying it as calmly and as kindly as she did. I don't know that those would have been my choice of words in this situation. (Mine might have been more like, "Lady, you're going to have to toughen up and get your ass down there and help your freaking husband so that he doesn't die. I don't care if you're a little squeamish. If you have a seizure, don't worry! Medical personnel are on the way!") To which Ms. Price responded, "I don't know. I'll try. I mean...I don't know." In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny, what a maroon.

The conversation doesn't get much better than that, but it does follow a similar theme. See if you notice it in the dialogue that they shared.

911 operator: How old is your husband?...I'm going to stay on the line with you, OK

Shannon "More About Me" Price: Cool. I've just been like...I've been sick and I really don't want to be traumatized right now. (Yeah, that'd be awful. No sense in you being traumatized whilst your husband is suffering from a massive head wound downstairs. You just stay put, little lady.)

911 operator: Is he conscious?

Shannon "I Need Some Binoculars" Price: Um, no…He's was like bubbling at the mouth. I'll see. Gary! (Mind you, she's yelling down the stairs at him because she won't go down there.)

911 operator: Is he breathing?

Shannon "From The Watchtower" Price: Yeah, I can hear him moving around. Gary? Are you OK?

911 operator: Can you tell him to put pressure on the wound?

Shannon "I'm Missing The Point" Price: Well, it's on the back of his head. So I don't know if he can. (Oh, my GOD. The man is severely injured. Of course he can't put pressure on his own head. He might not even know where his head is at this point! Get your Amazon ass down there and help the man! What is wrong with you?!)

911 operator: He has to put pressure on that wound

Shannon "I'll Do This From A Distance" Price, yelling from the top of the stairs: Gary, you've gotta put pressure on your wound. No, Gary. Don't! Roxy!...(Roxy seems to be their dog. Good to know that she's making sure that the animals are all present and accounted for during this time.) He's lethargic. I can't really help him. I just need help quick. (Oh, but you CAN help him, you nitwit! You're just NOT going to! You clearly are capable of having about as much compassion as does a dining room table.) I just can't be here with the blood. I'm sorry. I just can't do it. I can't. I have my dog. Come on! Gary, what is wrong?! (You have to ask what's wrong? He's massively bleeding from his dome. He's alone in the downstairs of his house. He hears your annoying voice coming from somewhere and yelling at him. I think that there's plenty wrong.)

This sad tale continues along the same lines for a little while longer.

Shannon "But I Have Seizures" Price: There's blood going all over and I can't do anything. He's sitting up now. He's sitting up, but his head is all bloody in the back. And I can't drive. Because, you know, like I said, I have seizures and I've been sick and you know, I can't do anything right now, you know. OH, my God. I don't know what happened. I just asked him if he could go make me some food and he was like "OK" and then I don't know. But his head is all bloody and gross, you know.

911 operator (who deserves a medal or a raise or something for not screaming at that woman by now): He's conscious now?

Shannon "I State The Obvious" Price: He's conscious, but he's not, like, with it. And I don't know if he had a seizure. (No. You're the one who has seizures, sweetie. Try and keep up.) I don't know if he just hit his head and fell. Cause he was like, I mean, he wasn't in like convulsions or anything, you know what I mean? (long silence) I mean, I can't get around right now as it is, you know what I mean? (Actually, no. I don't know. But I certainly don't want you explaining it to me NOW.)

Saintly 911 operator: Shannon, can you help him put pressure on the back of his head?

Shannon "Completely Useless" Price: No. I can't. It's like all bloody. And he's like, not with it. I asked him and he's....

911 operator who is getting tired of this crap: He's going to need to put pressure on that. Is there any way that you can give him a towel?

Shannon "No Help At All" Price: Yeah. I can try...(inaudible)...I just don't want him to freaking die, you know? I'm freaking out." (You can hear her taking her time an ambling down the stairs.) Gary, don't move. Don't move! You have to try and put this on your head. (I'm assuming this is where she throws the towel at him and hopes that he's lucid enough to figure out which way is up so he can help save himself.) Put pressure on it! (Good idea. Yell at the man. That should do it.) There is like blood all fricking over....I don't even know why you're standing. (Good. That's it! Keep berating the man as he bleeds in front of you. Perfect. You should be a doctor.) Here!

This is just making me sad. Very sad. I don't know what killed the guy, but surely her pansiness and her unwillingness to help her own husband played some sort of a part in it. How much blood did he lose because she was not willing to put pressure on his wound? I realize she's seizure-ific or whatever, but it's the man's life! Here's the end of the 911 call (it follows the same vein of patheticness as the dialogue which preceded it):

911 operator: Tell him to sit down.

Shannon "I'm Getting Annoyed" Price: You need to sit down! Gary, sit down! Sit down! (Um, that woman said "tell" not "yell".)

(Seems to be yelling from far away)

(Gary says something)

Shannon "My Floor!" Price: Look at the floor! Sit down! Sit down!
911 operator who is praying the paramedics are there: Check and see if they've arrived.

Shannon "I Can't Answer The Door" Price: Tell them to come in. I'm gagging. I've got blood on myself. I can't deal. (I think I might actually have a hatred for this chick.)

This is where the 911 operator tells her to go to the front door and open it because if she's gagging, she wants her to go and open the door and get away from what is making her gag. That's all that Mr. Coleman would have needed to hear. His beloved bride, gagging at his inconvenient gash in his cranial unit which is causing her all sorts of internal discomfort. But I noticed that it seemed like not less than 3 second after the 911 operator tells her this that she is opening the door.

Shannon "This Is All About Me" Price: I just can't stand very long, you know? And I'm like, panic stricken. The call ends about 10 seconds after this last round of her whining about what her problems are. Whatever.

The entire time that she was on the phone with the 911 operator, her voice was constantly as calm as if she was just ordering a pizza. The only time when her voice was not calm was when she was screaming at her injured husband. I find this odd. I find this sad. And I find this incredibly disturbing. She spent more time telling the 911 operator about herself and what was wrong with her and what grossed her out and what might happen to her than she did talking about Gary. I don't usually (directly) call names, but she has definitely earned the title of "bitch".

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A Wife in Defense of a Rapist

If there was an award for the most delusional, out of touch with reality, human being on the planet, I'm pretty sure that Emmanuelle Seigner would be a hands down winner. Um, who?

Yeah, that's what I said when I heard the name, too. Emmanuelle Seigner would be the woman who is married to self-admitted child rapist Roman Polanski. Granted, you have to assume quite a bit of non-reality touchiness if you're going to consider marrying and then actually do marry Roman Polanski. That's a given. But for some reason, her comments about where his legal problems are at recently still astounds me.

According to the folks over there at ABC News, Ms. Seigner spoke with Elle magazine about her husband's recent re-incarceration. (For those of you late to the party here, Roman Polanski pled guilty in 1977 to unlawful intercourse with a minor, having plea bargained down from charges of rape by use of drugs, perversion, sodomy, lewd and lascivious act upon a child under fourteen and furnishing a controlled substance to a minor. These charges resulted from, according to testimony by the 13-year old victim, Polanski giving the victim champagne and a Quaalude and then, despite her repeatedly telling him to stop, performed intercourse (it's called rape), oral sex and sodomy upon her. She was thirteen. He was 44. Again, she was 13 and he was 44. Insert colorful adjective describing what kind of person does such a thing here.) What she told Elle was unbelievable. Then again, I find the fact that someone would actually marry a cretin like Roman Polanski unbelievable, so at least this broad is consistent.

This woman claims that "...she "understands perfectly" that women, particularly mothers, have been shocked by the 32-year-old charges." That sentence, in and of itself, is indication of quite the opposite of what she is saying. I don't know that you have to be a mother to be particularly appalled at the fact that a 44-year old man would rape a 13-year old girl as she begged him not to. No, I think you just have to be human to understand that it's a degree of sick and wrong that can't really be defined.

She continued with "But she added that at the time the crime took place, in the late 1970s, "people did not live and did not react in the same way. It was a time of craziness, the relationship to drugs wasn't the same, the relationship to sexual liberty and permissiveness neither. Today, public opinion has considerably evolved on the subjects." Oh, for the love of God. What?!

I'm pretty sure that the public opinion to a 44-year old man (have I mentioned that he was 44?) raping a 13-year old girl (have I mentioned that she was 13?) was pretty much the same in the 1970s as it is now. The only difference that I can see is that now people are more apt to use the colorful adjectives that come to mind when voicing their opinion on such a person, whereas in the 1970s they might have been more reserved in their choice of vocabulary. Either way, I'm pretty sure that acts of sodomy upon children have been frowned upon (to say the very least) in our society for quite some time...even as far back as the seventies! Good Lord, what is wrong with that woman?!

I have absolutely NO idea what in the world she could be talking about by the "relationship to sexual liberty and permissiveness". That was part of the problem. See, there wasn't permissiveness on the part of the 13-year old girl and that's why he raped her. Oh, he had to get her intoxicated with some champagne and drug her up with a Quaalude first, but there was a rape. Make no mistake about it.

The article states "Seigner said her husband of 25 years faced up to his responsibilities at the time. "My husband never believed he was above the law. The proof is that he pleaded guilty for having illegal sexual relations with an underage girl, that he got a prison sentence and that he served it," she said." Um...no he didn't. He didn't face up to squat. He was sentenced to jail for 90 days to be evaluated. (I could have evaluated him in an hour, but they wanted to take 90 days to figure out what a sick pervert a-hole this guy was.) He was in jail for 42 days and was supposed to show up for formal sentencing 3 days later. But your pussy of a husband was afraid that he wouldn't just get probation and was afraid that the judge was going to recommend a longer jail sentence. That's when he did all of the fleeing to France.

He didn't serve a sentence, you enabling twit! But regardless of that fact, let's just say that we believe you. Let's just say that you, Ms. Seigner, in all of your delusions, let's just assume that you are correct. If that's the case, then what's the problem with him coming back to the United States to straighten this thing out? If he has already served his prison time as you claim, then there should be no problem with him coming back and explaining that to the court, correct? Why is he fighting extradition from Switzerland?

Do you want to know why she was so surprised when they arrested her child-raping husband? She said, "....It seemed absurd to arrest him now, while we've been coming to Switzerland for 25 years and ... legally acquired a chalet three years ago." ::: blink:::: ::: blink ::::

You bought a chalet? You bought...a...chalet?! THAT is why you think it was absurd?! Because you bought a chalet?! Well, for God's sake! Do the courts know about the chalet?! I didn't know about the chalet! Why didn't you say so in the first place?! A chalet?! If I had known that, if I had known that you and your child-raping husband had bought a chalet, do you know what I would have thought? I would have thought that he's the same child rapist that he was before you bought the damned chalet and that he needs to come and finish standing accountable for his crimes. A chalet. God, that's weak.

You know, I suppose that it takes a certain kind of woman to be married to a guy who drugs and rapes a 13-year old when he's 44. You'd have to be the kind of woman who could justify in her own mind actually marrying someone like that. It would seem to me that Emmanuelle Seigner is exactly that woman. She's about as much in denial as someone can possibly be. This isn't about societal attitudes. This isn't about a changing of the times. This is about the rape of a 13-year old. There's not a lot of spin that you can put on something like that which will make people see it your way. There's not a lot of spin that you can put on something like that which will lessen the fact that is was a rape. And the more that you say, the more that you try to spin it, the more people will despise you and (if possible) the more people will despise your lowlife scumball of a husband. Please pipe down, stop talking and go back to your magical chalet which makes all of the wrongs of the world right again.

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Yum, Yum, Yum, Here Comes the Sun

Well, well, well, Japan. You've certainly created an interesting situation over there for yourself now, haven't you? I'd say that you have! You go off and elect yourself a new prime minister and you think everything is just fine and then you think, "Hey....I wonder what that guy's wife is like?" And that's when you find out she's been to Venus on a UFO and eats the sun each morning. Japan, you elected her husband, who chose to marry her, as your new leader. Wait. We did what? What now?

Japan, you have a new prime minister in one Yukio Hatoyama. From what I can tell, he's like the Barack Obama of Japan. Changey McOptimism. Yep, sounds to me like y'all wanted yourself some change and hoo-boy did you ever get some change!

Your new leader is married to a one Miyuki Hatoyama, making her your new first lady. On September 16, she will step into her new role, one that The Guardian describes as being "that of pedlar of new age bunkum." You know, I think Michelle Obama briefly considering being a "pedlar of new age bunkum" but I think she decided to plant that vegetable garden instead. It's easier to explain a zucchini growing in the East Lawn than it is to explain how you ended up on Venus. Allegedly.

Mrs. Hatoyama (I'm assuming that's her official title; do forgive me if it's not) has told of one of her morning rituals when she told the media, "I eat the sun. Like this:" And this is where she reaches her arms up and simulates what I envision to be picking fruit off of a tree, only she is picking pieces of the sun. "Yum, yum, yum. It gives me enormous energy. My husband has recently started doing that too." Somehow, I can't imagine President Barry and Michelle snacking on the sun first thing in the morning or while out walking Bo. But wait. Um, your husband has started this sun snacking of yours? Your husband who is the new prime minister of Japan? You're telling us that he's a sun snacker? Oh, boy. Care to share anything else with us, Mrs. First Lady of the Asylum?

Apparently this woman also writes cookbooks and titles them in such a way that you'll be sure to know what you're getting when you pick up, for example, Hatoyama Miyuki's Hawaiian Spiritual Food. Granted, while you know that you'll be getting a book about Hawaiian spiritual food, you likely won't have any idea what in the hell Hawaiian spiritual food is, but at least you won't be blindsided. Again, according to The Guardian "She makes her own clothes (including a skirt made from hemp coffee bags)." Well, that sounds simply lovely. I'm sure it's a best seller over in Columbia. Also, "...as she demonstrated during the election campaign, can also do a very passable Moonwalk." "Passable" meaning...what...exactly? Will we really think she's on the moon? From what I can tell so far, she won't have to moonwalk in order for us to believe that she's on another planet.

Speaking of her books, her book that is really drawing some attention lately is "Very Strange Things I've Encountered." I'm guessing Chapter One is about herself? That sounds like a really good place to start if you're asking me! But it's in this book that she claims "...she was abducted by aliens as she slept one night 20 years ago, then whisked off to the final frontier." Uh-huh. I'm afraid I'm going to need a few more details before declaring you a complete nutjob. "While my body was asleep, I think my soul rode on a triangular-shaped UFO and went to Venus. It was a very beautiful place, and it was very green." There. That should do it.

It was very green? On Venus? How did she know that she was on Venus? Maybe she was whisked off to Al Gore's house, she doesn't know! Oh, but she thinks that she does know. She was married once before (shocking, I know!) and when she told Husband Number One about her Venusian travels, he told her that she had probably been dreaming. Husband Number One seems rational, so it's no wonder that they're divorced. But her current husband, the prime minister of Japan (whose nickname is "the Alien" due to his "...sometimes otherworldly manner and an unkind reference to his prominent eyes." Does he have prominent eyes, you ask? Let's see. Behold!

OK, then. Fair enough. Where was I? Oh, right! Her trip to Venus and her husband's reaction. When she told the man who is now the prime minister of Japan that she had traveled to Venus via triangular shaped UFO, he was much more accommodating that Husband Number One and simply has the "Oh, that's great" attitude about the whole thing. I guess "Oh, that's great" is the Japanese equivalent of the American "Yes, dear." I wonder if he'd have the same attitude upon hearing of how "...she had met Tom Cruise in a previous life."

Tom....Cruise? Tom from The Couch?

Yes. Tom Cruise. He was Japanese in that life, you know. Actually, I'm being rather sarcastic, as Tom Cruise is no more Japanese in this or any other life than he was Japanese in that Last Samurai movie or whatever that was. And Mrs. Cuckoo Bird First Lady seems to think that if she were to meet Tom Cruise in this current like that he "...would recognise me when I see him and say: 'Long time, no see!' I'm not quite convinced that he's going to say exactly that after hearing about how you think he was a Japanese acquaintance of yours in a previous life. He might say "Security!"

Her husband, the newly elected prime minister of Japan, says that his wife is "like an energy-refuelling base." Hey! Wait a minute! I thought that the sun gave you your energy?! You know! The sun that you snack on every morning whilst muttering "yum, yum, yum" or something to that effect? Yes! THAT sun! He's really going to need to narrow down where his source of energy is. Is it the sun or is it his wife? Any administration really needs consistency to thrive.

I find it a little odd that Mr. Hatoyama is so OK with all of this. Then again, maybe she threatened to cast some sort of outer space, Venusian curse on him if he said anything. Then he'd end up looking like the Great Gazoo or something. I can't help but feeling a little bit jealous and an awful lot disappointed at the same time. This would be a great scandal/controversy/whatever here in the US. Can you imagine? People are freaking out over health care and President Barry talking to the kids about staying in school. What in the heck would happen if they got wind of Michelle eating the sun "yum, yum, yum" every morning for breakfast?! They'd forget all about President Barry being a secret Muslim, that's for sure!

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It's Gonna Happen, Whether You Like It Or Not

So the pretty, pretty mayor of San Francisco, a one Gavin Newsom and his almost equally as pretty, pretty wife, Jennifer Siebel Newsom are expecting a baby! Wee-ha.

Gavin's been making a lot of speeches lately and the general thought is that he's most likely going to run for Governor of California when the current Governator's term is up. So a baby will fit nicely into that whole scenario. Politicians...babies...they go together for some reason, but I'm just not quite sure what that reason is. I know that politicians "traditionally" or "stereotypically" kiss babies when on the campaign trail, but I don't know why. Why would I want to hand my baby over to some guy that I don't know who is running for office and therefore is most likely a liar and a weasel? I don't want a lying weasel kissing my baby! (Then again, I don't want a baby. So if I was seen giving one to a puckered-up politician, chances are really good that I'd be running in the other direction soon after the hand off was complete.)

I can't say whether or not the timing was intentional. I hope it wasn't. I'd hate to think that Gavin was churning out a kid just for the sake of his image. (His image, by the way, is that of a pretty, pretty man who couldn't be more straight and couldn't look more gay. Look at him over there! Could he look any more gay for a straight man? Not likely. But I'm guessing that it's probably a very beneficial appearance for one who wants to be mayor of San Francisco. It's worked for him so far. Though I'm not thrilled with his hair. He's kind of got that Ross from 'Friends' thing going on and it's not a great look for anyone, really. ) But a kid will help his imagine I'd imagine. The husband and father running for office with his wife standing by his side and cradling their adorable child. You could make a Hallmark card out of it if it wouldn't make people retch and vomit.

Gavin's image doesn't need a whole lot of boosting, really. He's done OK, Oh, well, there was that one incident about two years ago. But something like should be pretty easy to bounce back from right? I mean, so you're the mayor of San Francisco and one of your aides, who is also one of your best friends, has a really smokin' hot wife. And, well, you know, you kind of have an affair with that woman for a while and no one says anything. But then she goes into some treatment program for something or other and next thing you know, she's confessing her sins, her husband is resigning and Gavin is appearing as if he's the body part that got him into the mess in the first place. Sure, no problem. (Yeah, right!) Adultery? Not a big deal in the political world. Nooooo. Of course not. (Translation: HUGE deal. Big. HUGE.)

In what little defense I have for Gavin in regard to this matter (and it's really pathetic at best, as I do loathe those who cheat, but it should be said), the woman that he slept with was really hot! I mean, the woman that he's married to now is pretty hot as well AND she's not married, so he did much better choosing his wife than he did choosing his frolicking buddy there. But it'd be a hard offer to pass up (pun probably intended).

But he did OK bouncing back from that one. Hopefully, he'll do fine as a father and as a husband and that he won't cheat on his current smoking hot wife. When I heard about the pregnancy, I couldn't help but wonder how Gavin's going to do with the whole childbirth experience deal. I mean, is he going to be her coach? Offer her encouragement? Be supportive? Now, those are all good things and things that I'd imagine that he probably should do. But why is it that whenever I picture him being in that supportive role, I always hear what he's saying in the clip below. Go figure. (The sound might be crappy, so you might have to turn up your speakers. Hey, I didn't post the video, I just pulled it from YouTube like everyone else does. Not my fault and you've been warned, so we're good.)

Aw, gee Gavin. She's your wife and she's giving birth. Did you have to put it like that?! "The door's wide open now!" Yes, she knows! "It's gonna happen!" I'm sure she's aware by that point! "Whether you like it or not!" OK, that's not very supportive at all! Maybe you should just go wait in the hall, Gavin. Congratulations, but wait in the hall.

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