Idiocy In The Wake Of Victory

Things like the killing of Osama Bin Laden always result in good things and bad things. Good things would be stuff like Jon Stewart said. "...we shot him in the eyes and now he lives in a pineapple under the sea." Bad things would be the drivel that some NFL player named Rashard Mendenhall had to say.

Mendenhall plays for the Steelers. After the death of Weird Beard was announced, Mendenhall did what so many celebritards feel compelled to do these days...he took to Twitter to tweet. And what did he twat, you ask? He twat: "What kind of person celebrates death? It's amazing how people can HATE a man they have never even heard speak. We've only heard one side..." Wait. What now?

I heard him speak plenty of times! Whenever he would release one of those poorly made videotapes in which the subject was "Death to America" and "Death to the infidels". I did hear him speak. I heard him speak of killing Americans. And I don't know that when someone says that they want to kill us that I need to hear "the other side". Besides, isn't HE the other side? When 3,000 people are killed, I don't think I need another side.

But his tweeting didn't stop there! Why would you think that it would! Why would you think that he would stop such ridiculous ramblings right there? Someone who thinks that is likely someone with a lot more to say. And he didn't disappoint. He followed his initial insanity up with: "We'll never know what really happened. I just have a hard time believing a plane could take a skyscraper down demolition style." Oh, God.

So, he's one of those. And by "those" I mean "morons". I know the NFL is trying to be more vigilant with following up with players with concussions. Perhaps they might want to start with this guy. Give him a good and thorough CAT scan. Maybe an MRI just to be on the safe side. Oh, and show him some footage of September 11, 2001. That might help him understand how a plane could take a skyscraper down. Demolition style.

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Are You Ready For Some Ridiculous Arguments?

Are you familiar with a one Sheila Jackson Lee, D-Texas? Good Lord, this woman is ridiculous. She is the one who was going to have some sort of Michael Jackson Day pass through the Senate or something like that. She felt the need to wax poetic (or something like that) about Rush Limbaugh possibly being one of the investors who were going to buy the Rams. Now, first of all I'd like to point out that anyone who wants to buy the Rams in the first place needs to have their head examined, but solely for the reason that they want to buy the Rams. Not for any other reason.

I'll fully admit I'm not sure why the Rams are up for sale, though I am fairly certain I cannot afford to purchase said Rams even if I wanted to invest in an organization which specializes in mediocrity at best. I'm guessing it has something to do with their previous owner, a one Georgia Frontiere, having died in 2008. Don't get me wrong though. Just because I have no interest in buying the Rams doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to own an NFL team. That'd be awesome. You could make them do whatever you wanted. ("Today, you'll all be practicing in high heels...because I said so! Bwaaahh-hahahahaha!!")

But back to Sheila Jackson Lee, D(umbass)-Texas. For some reason, on the floor of the Senate the other day, she felt the need to give her opinion about Rush Limbaugh buying the Rams. Now, if you are blissfully unfamiliar with Rush Limbaugh, I will borrow my commentary from last week's Saturday Night Live sketch involving an excellent impersonation of a one James Carville. The sketch, in essence, pointed out that "Rush" was pretty much a misnomer for someone as large as Rush is, and that the only place that he was in a "rush" to was Quizno's. They also claimed that while President Barry won the Nobel Peace Prize Award, the only award that Rush Limbaugh was going to win would be the Nobel Piece of Pie Award. Translation: He's a large, fat man who is somewhat of a blowhard. (And by "somewhat" I mean he blows harder than any blowhard has ever blown.)

The man is the epitome of right wing. He is so right wing that if he were a bird, he'd only be able to fly in counter-clockwise circles. He seems to be operating under the self-proclaimed assumption that he is always correct because he says that he is. I find the man to be loathsome and insufferable. But that doesn't mean that I think that he shouldn't be allowed to buy an NFL team if he wants to and has the funds to do so. (And hoo-boy, does he ever have the funds!) I seem to be in the minority of those with that opinion.

There is actually somewhat of a discussion amongst those who discuss these things (ie, cable news shows) as to whether or not Rush Limbaugh should be allowed to purchase part of the Saint Louis Rams. Um, "be allowed"? I'm sorry, but what, exactly, other than not having enough money, would put one in a category of not "being allowed" to purchase something that they wanted to purchase? Wait! We're still....hold on....I've gotta check something!

Whew! OK. No need to panic. It's OK! We're still the United States of America! I was beginning to think that there had been some sort of change overnight or something (I do tend to sleep late, so who knows? I could have missed it!). Since there hasn't been the rapid dismantling of the capitalistic society we have spent the past 200+ years constructing, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I can't think of a single reason that Rush Limbaugh should be prohibited from attempting to buy an NFL team. And while I'm out on that limb, I'm going to say to all of the Al Sharpton's of the world, What do you think is going to happen if Rush does buy a team?

Seriously. WHAT could they possibly be afraid of? It can't possibly be his beliefs and his politics,c can it? Because I've got news for all of the softheads that think that is reason alone to disqualify him from contention. Hey, Al Sharpton cronies! Guess what? Just because you know what Rush Limbaugh thinks about things (or, you think you know what he thinks about things), that doesn't mean he's the only one who thinks that way, you jackasses! Do you think he'd be the only NFL owner who harbors his specific viewpoints? I don't think he would. He might be the fattest, but I have nothing to back that up, as I have not done a lineup of current NFL owners from smallest to largest by order of bodily girth.

Sheila Jackson Lee is in the category of softheads who think that Rush should not "be allowed" to buy a team. She gave her reasoning for such opinions on the floor of the Senate. I don't know why other than "because she could", I suppose. There's no "Let Limbaugh Buy The Rams" legislation or anything like that, she just felt like spouting off about what she thinks. The video of said spouting is below and it is highly entertaining. Well, it's highly entertaining if you're like me and you like watching these moronic politicians that think they have this gift of eloquent speech and really they're making no sense whatsoever to the point where you just start laughing at their idiotic arguments.

Her screed about the NFL team purchase attempt by Rush Limbaugh starts around 2:26. Let the thing buffer itself out and then just move the pointer to 2:26 and let the good times roll. I've provided a transcript of her screed along with my own little commentary (naturally). Hopefully I will be able to illustrate for the dim-bulbed out there (hey, but thanks for reading!) how asinine not only the argument is, but how asinine she is. Ahem! Behold!

Let me, finally, move to another topic an offer my thoughts even though I believe in the First Amendment and the freedom of association.(Um, I thought the First Amendment was freedom of speech. Speech does consist of words. Perhaps you're thinking of "word association" and are just confused.) But I stand with the NFL Player's Association. (Is it because you look like a linebacker?) Not to make Rush Limbaugh any kind of national standard or a national hero or the national issue. I'll let my friends on the other side of the aisle determine what he is and what he is not. (On the other side of the aisle? What aisle? Like a movie theater aisle? Are your friends ushers? Why is there always gum on the floor when I go to the movies?) But I know that he is not the kind of owner that the NFL needs. (The NFL doesn't need an owner. It's the Rams who need an owner.) He does not represent the fullness (Have you seen Rush lately? He absolutely represents fullness!) of appreciation of athletes of all diverse backgrounds, no matter what he wants to pretend to say (How do you "pretend to say" something on the radio? Open your mouth like you're going to speak, but nothing comes out?) on his radio station. (Um, he doesn't have A radio station. He is heard on various radio stationS, but he does not have his own.) But he is one who is divisive. (He doesn't look like he can be divisive. He looks like the Rock of Gibraltar.) Just as they are about to select him as a judge for, uh, Miss America contest (Contest? I believe the word you're looking for is "pageant". He's been selected as a judge for the Miss America Pageant.), I can't understand that but that is their choice.(Who even gives a fat rat's ass about the Miss America Pageant in the first place?) Maybe they think he'll bring in millions of listeners (listeners of...beauty pageants?), but can you imagine a poor girl scared already to be able to ask a question (The girls aren't asking the questions, you pinhead. They're answering them!) about the person she admires most and she says somebody that happens to be of a different political affiliation? She is, of course, not a winner. (Just that she was in a beauty pageant to begin with might indicate that she's not a winner. Then again, 49 of those contestants AND Miss Puerto Rico, won't be "winners" either.) But that's their decision. (Yes. We've established that the Miss America Pageant can do whatever the hell they want. Give you any ideas about how the NFL should be run?!) NFL has become one of America's pastimes. (Um, NFL is not a sport. The NFL makes a little more sense. Are you from Canada where the college students "go to university"?) All of us from all walks of life and economic backgrounds look at the NFL. (Perhaps you look at it, perhaps you only glance. I, on the other hand, I watch the NFL.) I know that there are far better owners that could be selected than one package that has this gentleman in it. (You're going to need more than just one package for anything that has Rush Limbaugh in it.) I'd ask the NFL owners to put standards in place. Criteria. Base it on integrity, not just the bottom buck. (Were you crying out for the NFL to have standards and integrity when they allowed Michael Vick, federally convicted and admitted dog torturer and murderer back in the NFL? Were you screaming then? No? Then what say you pipe down now?) Anybody that wants to call a playbuu...uh, a quarterback, in...uhhhh, in...Pennsylvania and call him out, he happens to be African American, as not being competent, as just being somebody that the media has promoted, as not being talented, interestingly enough, that football player is...uh...happens to still be playing and doing a great job. (I'm assuming she is referring to Donovan McNabb, but I'm not sure. I'm almost certain she is NOT referring to Jam-Orca Russell, the overweight QB for the hapless Oakland Raiders. But guess what? As a sports fan and/or spectator, I call players incompetent and overrated all the time and I don't care what color they are! If they suck, they suck! As a sports fan/spectator, no matter who you are, you're allowed to give you opinion on the degree of suckiness of the players. It's what we, as fans who cannot play the game, actually do.) I don't know why in the heck, other than the big dollar, that Rush Limbaugh would be interested in the NFL. (Why, in the heck, are other owners interested in it? Is it so inconceivable to you that the man likes football? Granted, wanting to buy the Rams is perplexing all the way around, as they are a suckfest, but what other reasons are there?) And so, we're not interested in him either. And I would hope, though this is not my choice, this is not a government issue as well as it is an issue of integrity for those of us who believe that this is a great sport that brings all of us together. (Lady, if there is one thing that does divide people, it's sports. That's why there are opposing teams!! If we were all on the same side, there wouldn't be anyone to play against!) I would hesitate to say (I think you mean that you would not hesitate to say. See, if you DID hesitate to say, you would have shut up by now.) that he is not someone who brings people together and I just simply ask those owners to do the right thing. Have a criteria, a standard, a bottom line of integrity. (There are thugs, rapists, murderers, DUI-ers, petty criminals, assaulters, and dog torturers in the NFL. The bottom line is NOT integrity!) It's not all about the dollar. (You're right. It's also about winning!) It's about the value of sports and team work and working together and bringing young people together (Aren't those three things all the same?) and looking at values that are not political, (But you ARE supposed to be looking at things that are political, what is why I cannot figure out why you're wasting time spouting this crap on the Senate floor when it has no basis and no merit!) that are about simply us getting along as a nation and being admired by the world for having a great sporting , uh, community if you will. (Actually, no, I won't. The world doesn't admire the US for our sports! Until we have a national soccer team and we play soccer on Sundays instead of football, we're looked down upon for our sports.) Whether it's baseball or basketball or football, tennis, golf, that's what it's about, NFL owners. (Wait. Tennis and golf are what it's about for the NFL owners?! Wow. Be glad she isn't buying a team!) Have some integrity. I think you need a different owner team. (And I think you need to tell me what the hell a "different owner team" is.) Thank you, I yield back. (Thank you, I pound my head.)

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Hide Your Beagle, Vick's An Eagle!

Vick's an Eagle, hide your beagle!

That's right. Michael Vick, convicted dog torturer and former-now-current NFL player Michael Vick has been signed by the Philadelphia Eagles. Good luck with that, Philly.

Vick was on 60 Minutes on Sunday night and was "interviewed" by James Brown (the sportscaster, not the deceased singer). I'm not sure why they had James Brown doing an "interview" for 60 Minutes. Did they feel like they needed a black guy to do the interview? (You know, with the whole Professor Gates thing still fresh in everyone's mind, they didn't want it to appear as if a white guy was being too hard on a black guy.?) Did they feel like they needed a sports guy to do the interview? (You know, because sports guys interview sports guys. News guys interview news guys. It's how their people roll.) Whatever it was, the interview sucked.

Vick answered the "questions" that were read to him by Brown, but there was little, if any, follow up questions by Brown. And I can't really say that I could tell if Michael Vick was truly sorry for what he had done, nor could I tell if he really meant it when he said that he now realizes that dogfighting is wrong and that what he did is something that now "disgusts" him. Don't get me wrong. I am a dog lover. I think what he did was atrocious and horrific and it takes a certain kind of person (and not in a good way) to be someone who can kill dogs the way that he did. And I don't know that the certain kind of person who can hang a dog or electrocute a dog is the kind of person who can understand how wrong it is and feel a deep sense of remorse less than 2 years later. I just don't know. I don't THINK that's possible, but I don't know.

But Michael Vick is on the image rehabilitation wagon and is going out and speaking to kids about not being mean to animals. But he might want to stick with whatever script he's been given for these events. His ad-libbing is not a good plan of attack.

He was speaking with a group of inner city youth and according to WCBS-TV it went something like this: "I encourage you to love your animals. Whatever animals you have -- whether it's a dog, a cat, a reptile, if it's a horse. I so encourage you to love that animal dearly and with all your heart." Wait. What?

You're speaking to inner city youth? Youth in a neighborhood like the one you grew up in? A HORSE?! How many of these inner city kids do you think have a horse? As if they're all just a-clippity-clopping off to school every day atop their horse. Picture this. The kids look at each other. "My what now?" "My HORSE?!" That's right, inner city school kids. Love your HORSE. Always keep it shod. Get yourself a good farrier! Brush it's mane regularly. Keep it neatly groomed. Yes, love your HORSE. (And that iguana, too!) Don't ad lib, Mike. Not with the horse, at least.

Here's the thing: Michael Vick tortured and killed dogs. For no reason other than just because. Anyone who wants to argue that what he did is no different than what is done to animals that are being raised as a food source. The problem with that argument is that there IS a difference. I'm not saying that all animals that are raised to be food are treated humanely. (I will say, though, that in all two instances which I have spent considerable time on a farm that raises large quantities of creatures for human consumption, the conditions were extremely humane and perfectly fine. Helluva lotta chickens. Holy crap.) But the point is that they're raised for a purpose. Michael Vick killing dogs had NO purpose. I'm pretty sure I could muster up a shred of sympathy even if he had still had no purpose when he killed dogs, but if he at least had killed them "humanely". One bullet to the head, while cruel and disgusting to think about, would have been more "humane" than hanging them or electrocuting them (both of which he did).

And even though I am trying to see all sides of this thing so that I can have a fair opinion, it doesn't take away from that I am a dog lover. I love dogs. I can't imagine myself ever hurting a dog, nor can I imagine how it is possible for someone else to purposely hurt a dog. I just can't. And it makes me extremely mad when I hear of people who do hurt dogs. Seriously, how could anyone hurt something like this:

I find it odd that when someone is making one sort of an argument one way or the other for something, the counter argument in situations like this one is almost always a well-what-about-this-other-thing? I don't know that a comparison is the best way to invalidate someone's stance. In fact, I think that in situations JUST like this one, the incident needs to be looked at in and of itself. We can't always go around judging folks on what we should do with them by comparing them to something that MIGHT have SOME similar aspects to it. Why can't we just decide if Michael Vick should be allowed to play in the NFL again without bringing up where our chicken comes from?

It takes a certain kind of person (and not in a good way) to be able to do what Michael Vick did. I realize that the fact that dogfighting was part of the "culture" that he grew up in was a factor in why he chose to do what he did. I also realize that, "culture" or not, you have a sense of what is right and what is wrong, despite how you were raised. See, I can come to grips with the dogfighting part of it. I cannot come to grips with the torturing of innocent animals part of it.

If you're the certain type of person who can electrocute a dog that you had for the purpose of using in a dogfight, are you able to realize and internalize the wrongness of your ways in just two years? What about if you lost everything you had because of it? What about if you went to prison for two years because of it? I don't know the answer to that. My instinct tells me that if you're the kind of guy who can hang a dog and have no problem at all with doing it, that would seem to me to be an issue that's deeper than something that you could get to in just a couple of years. I doubt that he realizes the full magnitude of how horrific what he did actually was. Sure, he knows it was bad enough for him to go to prison, but other than that, I don't think he gets it.

But here's what I get tired of. I get tired of these folks who do crap like Michael Vick did and then they do their prison time or whatever and then voila! It's done and over and we're supposed to give him another chance. Why? Why is he supposed to get another chance? Actually, let me rephrase that. Why is he supposed to get another chance immediately? I know that he's served his time. I know that he's said he was sorry. I know that he told inner city kids that they should love their horse. I know all of that. But that doesn't show me anything to indicate that he's changed or that he's learned or even that he's remorseful. I suppose that, in theory, I'm all for giving someone a second chance. But what say we give them a little bit of time to show that they have earned a second chance? Remember, he hasn't DONE ANYTHING YET!

Now, the head honcho, top dog if you will, over there at the Humane Society, a one Wayne Pacelle, has agreed to let Michael Vick work with his group as part of his conditional reinstatement into the NFL. Some folks would wonder why Mr. Pacelle would want anything to do with Vick, but I think this is a case of having to look at the bigger picture. Vick could bring (and probably already has) an awareness to the problem of animal cruelty. That sort of PR is hard to come by and I think that you take it how you can get it sometimes. But who knows what he's going to get out of Michael Vick.

From the Philadelphia Daily News (it's The People Paper, apparently), we learn that "The most glaring void at home, however, has been Vick's conspicuous absence in his new role as a Humane Society of the United States representative. His conditional NFL reinstatement requires Vick to spend 2 days a month working with the group to combat dogfighting." See. That I'm talking about. He needs to DO something and it doesn't seem like he's scurrying off to fulfill his requirements. And that behavior doesn't seem all that different from his own description of his behavior playing football before all of this went down. He said, "I was lazy. You know, I was the last guy in the building, first guy out. I know that. You know, I hear everything that people say. And that hurt me when I heard that, but I know it was true." I see. Well, things might not have changed as much as Michael Vick wants us to believe.

And I have yet to read anywhere that Michael Vick has stated that he will be donating a large part of his salary to the Humane Society. He needs to pony up (no pun intended) at least half. I think he's going to be making around $2 million. If he forks over $1 million, I'll have a greater sense that he's telling the truth about how sorry he is and how he now knows how wrong dogfighting is. $1 million sends a pretty strong message. Actually, him doing anything that is NOT conditional of his reinstatement into the NFL would send a pretty strong statement.

Apparently, it's part of his probation that he cannot be around dogs. That is a ridiculous requirement. It's not like he was abusing his pet(s). He was dogfighting. Do you really think he's going to take on some clandestine dogfighting ring right about now? DO you really think he would be anything less than the utmost of kind to ANY animal (even a horse!) that he encounters? If it weren't for that, I'd suggest that he just be dropping in on animal shelters every day. Since he can't do that, might I suggest a fund raiser? An animal adoption campaign? Something. Something that he isn't required to do.

I'm betting none of it ever happens. Oh, I don't think that Michael Vick is going to be a problem. But I also don't think he's going to be sorry. I don't think he's really changed. I don't think that he really wants to change others. I think he just feels awfully sorry for himself and just wants to play football. Whether or not he'll get that chance (even with the Eagles) is another story. He's probably going to want to keep his helmet on when he's on the sidelines, however. I have the feeling it might be raining dog biscuit

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Since All Other Problems Are Solved....

Well, things in the financial industry seem to be running their course nicely, don't you think? The Dow-Jones was down again today, banks are hoarding their share of the $700+ billion that was "loaned" to them by the taxpayers (via a House vote and a bunch of wooden arrows), home prices are still dropping and/or unstable, foreclosures continue at a ridiculous rate (due to all of, you know, the ridiculous lending and ridiculous buying that went on when everyone was spending like a bunch of drunken sailors on crack), and executives of companies that received billions of dollars are off on partridge hunting jaunts over in jolly old England. But not to worry! Just as you would expect that they would be, your US Senators, the folks that were elected, ie chosen by the people to hold that position and serve us well through it, those US Senators of yours and mine are right on top of everything. And according to the folks at the Associated Press, that's why they have asked NFL commissioner Roger Goddell to have "more game day TV broadcasts available to local fans for free." Wait. What?

Correct. The AP reports that the NFL claims "...it provides free broadcasts in the home cities of competing teams." But the 13 Senators that are involved with this asshattery claim that "the NFL is too narrowly interpreting what is a home city." And I am claiming that the US is too broadly interpreting what is the job of a US freaking Senator, for cryin' out loud!

In a letter to Commissioner Goddell, the 13 Senators (who clearly have nothing better to do these days. You know, with all of the imminent financial collapse looming every day. What to do, what to do?) wrote that "The policy leaves behind NFL fans across the country simply because they live outside cities to which the NFL has granted franchises." Then the article goes on to give the example that the NFL does not consider Johnstown as a part of the Pittsburgh Steelers' home market. As if that is supposed to make us all understand why the Senators are wasting their time on this non-issue. (Oh, Johnstown? Really? It's NOT part of that market? My God! I can't believe it! I'm so glad that my publicly elected Senator is taking care of this unspeakable and unfathomable injustice taking place in our country! You'd think we were in Darfur or something!)

"The senators want quick action so fans in every market receive free TV access to games played by their closest team or the team it has been historically aligned to." That sounds like it must have been a veeerrryyy strongly worded letter they sent off there. Scathing, I'm sure. That must have been why the NFL did not immediately make a comment on Wednesday. (Either that or they were too busy laughing.)

You have got to be kidding me. They want quick action for the freaking NFL games?! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE football! Huge fan. 49ers. (It's really not polite to laugh like that. So they've struggled! For the past 10+ years. Hey, we just got a new QB! The Sean Hill era has begun!!) And I have been a fan when I lived in an area that was not a major market, so I know what it's like to miss games. But I'm pretty sure that even if this was something that a Senator (or thirteen) should be getting involved in (which it's not), I'm thinking it could wait until other, oh, say, more pressing matters are resolved. Where does it state that US Senators are obligated or even allowed to give a crap about how the NFL broadcasts its games?!

Yeah, this is pretty much unacceptable. I will guarantee that there are issues that are more relevant to the people which they could be focusing on instead of the NFL. Who are these morons? Glad you asked! Behold! Senators who think their job is to tell the NFL what to do!

• Arlen Specter, R-PA.

• Jack Reed, D-RI

• Pete Domenici, R-NM

• Mike Enzi, R-WY

• John Barrasso, R-WY

• Sheldon Whitehouse, D-RI (The guy's name is Whitehouse? And he's a Senator? That's like an ice cream man named Cone. Or a librarian named Bookman!

• Joe Lieberman, IND-CT

• Dick Durbin, D-IL

• Patrick Leahy, D-VT

• Ken Salazar, D-CO
  

• Bernie Sanders, IND-VT

• Wayne Allard, R-CO
  

• John Thune, R-SD
  

There you have it. Your 13 hardworking Senators hard at work to give every American access to the NFL games on TV. A Senator makes $169,300 a year (with an extremely sweet pension deal). I don't know about you, but I'm expecting a little more from these folks for that amount. This is why things economically suck right now. Because these clowns who are supposed to be NOT focusing on NFL games ARE focusing on NFL games. What's the saying? Fiddle while Rome burns? Play a tuba while Athens crumbles? Something like one of those. If it not, then it's definitely HUA Syndrome (Head Up Arse)

I just noticed that only four of those Senators are actually from a state that HAS an NFL team. Wouldn't you think it would be the states with an NFL team whose games they are missing that would be complaining? I would. But there's only four of them and two of them are from the same state!

What is the current approval rating of our fine, soft-headed, dense-brained Senate group these days? 10%? 11%? It's something ridiculously low like that. The accurate and well-deserved low approval rating and the latest revelation that our Senators are spending their time trying to tweak the TV schedule during football season only serves for me to continue to advocate my strongly worded suggestion that, come Election Day, we start over. Vote for every single challenger to the incumbent seat. You have to admit, it doesn't sound like a bad idea. Toss everyone out! Start over! What's the worst thing that could happen? They get an 8% approval rating? Come on, you know as well as I do that if you performed that way at your job, your boss never would have put up with it and you'd have been canned a long time ago. Your elected officials should be held to the same standards. Hell, they should be held to ANY standard. Out! GET OUT!

I'll be voting for every single challenger on November 4th. Join me, won't you? Afterwards, I'll sit back and play my tuba and wait for a football game to come on a TV channel near me.

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