I Have A Question

I have a question.  Several, actually, but I'm going to try to whittle it down a bit.  I've been logging a little bit of time with some of the various hoarding shows on cable TV.  I don't remember if it was regular Hoarders or Extreme Hoarders or All-American Hoarders or what, but it was one of those.  For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, well, I envy you.  But it's basically what it sounds like.  It's a show about people who hoard things.  Not obsessively collecting things.  No, hoarding.  Hoarding is like collecting, only it's with  completely useless crap.  And sometimes, the word 'crap' is used literally.  I'll wait while you ponder that.  Got it?  Let's move on. 

So the person is usually essentially trapped in their house because of all of their hoarding.  It starts with the show spending the first bit of time kind of getting to know the person and examining their situation.  Then comes the part that I really don't understand.  The voice over says something about how they're going to bring in a consultant to help the hoarder with their problem.   

A consultant?!  What the hell is there to consult about?!  "Your place is a mess.  What say you clean it up?"  There!  I just consulted with every single person that has been featured on every single show.  A consultant?!  "Hey, Jim.  I've noticed that you're kind of up to your neck in feces and newspapers over here.  Um, what say we tidy up a little bit and throw this crap out?"  Was that so  hard?!  A consultant?!  Are you kidding me?! 

I guess that they have to call it something.  Everyone needs a title or something like that?  I just find the idea of an actual consultant to be highly amusing.  OK, I think I'm done here.

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Hello, Older Self

I should have done this.  I should have made a video when I was younger so that I could watch it when I was older and then have a virtual conversation with myself.  Then again, maybe not.  Do I really want to be remembered (in first person, none the less) of some of the atrocious things that I thought and/or did?  Probably not.  But this guy ended up having a very amusing and fairly entertaining conversation with his younger self. Behold!

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A Fall Is Still A Fall

Here's today's ""Holy s***" moment for you.  Here is a guy who goes by the name of Aisikaier.  He's a tightrope walker in China. For some reason, he felt the need to walk a tightrope that was 650-feet high.  Not only that, he felt the need to do it backwards AND blindfolded.  Yeah, OK, so that didn't really go very well.  Yep.  He fell.  Now, if you read the account of it over at Colorado's Channel 9 News, you might not get the idea that this was a big deal because they said that since he was kind of close to the end of the 2,300-foot walk that "...the drop wasn't as large as it could have been."  I don't know about you, but any sort of a fall is going to feel pretty large when you're a blindfolded tightrope walker.  Here's a video of his not-very-large-by-some-standards fall. 

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Marriage: Impossible

Have you heard that Katie Holmes is divorcing Tom Cruise?  Yep, it's true.  See, it's news like this that causes me to lose all faith in sham marriages.  I mean, they always seemed so happy whenever they were out in public.  Alone.  ALL the time! I'm sure that L. Ron Hubbard is rolling in his outer space grave as I type this.  Was it because she saw Rock of Ages?  Or because she found out that he had been in A Few Good Men?

The important thing to remember here is that there is a little person involved and Tom has feelings too.   And it has to be stressful on Tom.  Maybe John Travolta can recommend a good masseur.  Who am I kidding?  Travolta would massage Tom himself if given the chance.  And hey, does this mean that Suri has to go back to the props department??


Look, we all know that marriage is a Risky Business.  Maybe if they got together over a Cocktail and talked about stuff that they could work things out.  But probably not.  I have the feeling that Katie went into this marriage with her Eyes Wide Shut. She had to have known that there would be some Days of Thunder ahead of them, but she did it anyway even though it might have seemed like it would be Mission: Impossible. Maybe it was the Color of Money that caused them to split up. Tom Cruise might be a Legend who has All The Right Moves, but in the end, Katie just wants him to be Far and Away. 

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Woof.

You know, vacation or not, you have to admit that it's been kinda slow in the news department lately.  President Barry seems to be lying low for the most part and Challenger Romney doesn't seem to be exactly speaking out on a lot of things.  No one has eaten anyone else's face off lately.  Sure, we've got a celebrity divorce with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes splitting, be it from her not liking Scientology or because her contract was up, but that isn't going to get really good until they actually start going to court and stuff like that.  Nope, there just isn't a whole lot going on.  And while I'm not really complaining, it does make it a little tricky trying to come up with something new every day.  So here's a picture of a dog that looks like Clint Eastwood.  Happy? How could you not be?  Look at him!  LOOK!

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It's Late. So Sue Me.

Hey, so have I mentioned that I'm on vacation?  Yeah, I am.  Actually, I've been gone since last Monday.  Yet miraculously, I've been able to keep up with this blog.  Go figure.  Anyway, the point here is that things might be a little late, but they will be here.  Eventually.  Oh, and they might also be trite.  Like this. That's right.  This counts as a post.  Can you believe it?  Hey, after posting every single freaking day for 4-1/2 years, I'd be more surprised that this sort of stuff doesn't happen more often.  Tell you what.  In order to make some sort of an effort to post something of substance, here is a Bloom County comic strip that I find particularly amusing.  What I like about it is that it is as relevant and true today as it was when it was first published, probably back in the mid 1980s or so.  Some things never change and I guess that celebrities and their lame-ass excuses for their behaviors are some of those things.  Behold!

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Happy Birthday

So, yesterday was kind of cool.  My friend had her first baby yesterday.  She's 42. The baby is new.  I ended  up being in the delivery room with her when she had a C-section.  And just let me tell you, I saw a whole lotta stuff I'd never seen before.  Holy cats, it was wild!  The kid is super cute, though.  That's what matters. 

 

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50 Shades Of Elderly

Remember the three old ladies that hilariously reviewed Kim Kardashian's sex tape with some D-list rapper? Well, they're back again in the same hilarious fashion as they review the inexplicable literary hit, 50 Shades of Grey.  I'm not going to give away the farm here, but my favorite part is when (and this isn't for the kids, folks) the one lady asks what a "buttplug" is.  I don't know of any other object whose name is more synonymous with the use and purpose of the object.  OK, maybe something like an airplane or a trash can.  It's right there in the name.  It does what it says that it does.  I can understand not understanding it, but it's not that hard to figure out what it is, is it?  Anyway, here's their review.  And I've gotta say, they make some pretty good points.

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Yeah, We Know

Hey, guess what?  Anderson Cooper came out as gay.  In other news, the sun?  Still hot.  Water?  Still wet.  Back to you. 

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Buh-bye, Rush!

Well, if you were hoping that the individual mandate would declared unconstitutional in the health care bill that the Supreme Court just issued their ruling on, I'm sure that you're disappointed that the Supremes left it in. But fear not!  There could be some really awesome things that come out of this!  We might be finally rid of Rush Limbaugh because of this!

According to the Huffington Post,  back in 2010, Rush Limbaugh had said that if this particular health care reform bill passed that he would leave the country and go to Costa Rica.  Well, it passed!  Start packing your bags, Rush!  Oh, and sorry Costa Rica.  You were a great place to vacation, but if that windbag is going to be there, there won't be a whole lot of room for many vacationers.  But good luck with that!  The audio of him making this proclamation is below.  Behold! 

 

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