Do you know what a Scion is? In general, it's a fairly ugly-ass car. I've never been a fan. And I'm guessing that I might not be the only one who isn't a fan of this particular vehicle. I say that because they seem to have some new ads out and...holy crap! I honestly don't know how these were cleared for the public airwaves. Maybe they'll just be on late at night. I don't know. But I'm going to go ahead and say that this is probably at least a little bit NSFW. I don't know how to describe it other than I guess the Scion people are really taking the "sex sells" concept to a completely different level to sell their ugly-ass cars. Is this what we're resorting to now? How did this start? Was it Carl's Jr. and their half naked chicks slurping down messy cheeseburgers as half of the contents drips all over them? Did they sell like a gazillion of those burgers and now Scion wants to up the ante with their ads? I don't know what happened for us to get here, but I think we might want to back off just a little bit. Just a bit. You tell me. Behold!
The Super Bowl was yesterday. I had a good time. I went to a friend's house and watched it amongst about 10 people. Good times. Good food. And little did we know that if we had only looked on Craigslist (and were partial to weirdos) that we could have had our food and drinks paid for (up to $1500 worth!) by some very odd and (seemingly) very lonely soul out there.
Seriously. Here is an ad that was posted on Craigslist on January 31, 2012. At least the guy was thinking ahead. I'll give him that. Don't get me wrong. He's likely a weirdo pervert who I wouldn't want within 50 miles of my home, let alone in my living room. But I like it when people don't wait until the last minute for things. I'll provide you with the text of this guy's very strange proposition, but just so you know I'm not making this up, behold!
And now, the text...
If you're planning on having a Super Bowl party this Sunday, I'm looking for a group of open minded people to let me watch them watch the game.
I'd prefer a party of mostly straight, young couples, but a lot of singles would be fine too, especially if there are guys there who get really into the game and paint their faces.
In return for letting me watch you, I will be more than happy to front the bill for all of your food and drinks, up to $1500. All I ask in return is to have a good view of the entire party and a private area to excuse myself to from time to time.
I'm pretty laid back and definitely won't bother you at all. In fact, if there's a way for me to sit out of view and still see everyone, that would be great. The last people who had me over for their Oscar party barely even knew I was there because I sat in a reading nook behind all the action. I could see and hear them but they couldn't really see or hear me. That kind of set-up would be ideal, if you have it. If not, we can improvise. Worse comes to worse I might just hang out in the bathroom for a little bit right before halftime and at the end of the game.
If interested, please email me before Saturday, and if possible include a picture of your party space and pictures of as many people who are attending the party as you can get your hands on.
OK, then. There are so many disturbing things about this that it's really hard to know where to start. I feel like I need a shower after reading that. This guy takes the whole "I wanna watch" thing to a completely different level. The whole part about him needing a "private area" is completely revolting. I might have "private areas" in my home, but they're not for that and they're certainly not for him and that! Good Lord, sir. Do people really paint their faces when they're watching the game at home? That seems...unnecessary. (Then again, I'm not sure that it's all that "necessary" when you're actually in attendance at the game either. I've never really understood the face painters. Or the chest painters. I don't get them either. But if you're painting your face to watch a game in your own living room, you might want to check yourself. Not like that!)
I can only shudder to think of what this guy looks like and what kind of a guy that he is. We already know that he's kind of guy that's willing to fork out up to $1500 for his kink. I don't know what that means exactly, but I don't think that it's good. I've heard of some strange requests before, but this is definitely one of the strangest. Now, if I could just sit back and hope that things don't get any weirder in this lifetime, I'd be happy. I'm dying to know if anyone took him up on his offer. Should I email him and ask? Hmmm. Do I really want to know? I kind of do. Actually, if someone did take him up on his offer, I'd really like to talk to them. I have several questions for people who are willing to let a complete stranger use their households private areas in exchange for a couple of bags of Funyuns and some dip.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off is one of my all time favorite movies. I could probably quote the whole thing all the way through. And I don't know that it's really a movie that one could make a sequel to. I mean, I could see it if they did a sequel maybe, say, 25 years after the fact. I could see a sequel that featured an adult Ferris taking the day off of work or something like that. It would be tricky to get just right, but I think it could be done. That is why the clip below intrigues me to no end. It's only ten seconds, but it sets the stage for something Ferris Bueller related. I guess it could be some sort of product endorsement (Volkswagen has done ads that feature "Coming Soon" as a tease before), but I'm not hoping for that because I don't give a fat rat's ass what Matthew Broderick endorses. No, I'm hoping for just a little bit more of Ferris Bueller. Just a little. And definitely a little bit more than only the ten freaking seconds in the clip! Clickhere if the clip below doesn't play. Behold!
Apparently, some people are all up in arms (however that happens) about the smoking at the end of the Herman Cain ad that was published on the Internets. And I'll admit that I thought it was a little odd when I first saw it. But I hardly think that it's anything to get all worked up about. Others, however, did not feel the same way.
According to an article over yonder at the Huffington Post, a one Bob Schieffer was none too pleased with the weird smoking man at the end of Herm Cain's Internet missive. He inquired about it during his interview with Cain in a manner that was as if Cain had killed a live chicken in the ad. His tone was absolutely that of someone who was completely offended. The dude wasn't snorting a rail of coke. He just took a drag off of a cigarette, for cryin' out loud. Calm down, folks.Bob Schieffer, who sounds and looks like a little elf, actually said to Cain, "It sends the message that it's cool to smoke." How does it do that? Did you see the guy doing the actual smoking? It's not much to aspire to via smoking, I'll tell you that.
Let's go over Schieffers chastising of the smoking in Cain's ad. "Was it meant to be funny? Because let me tell you, it was not funny to me. I am a cancer survivor. I had cancer that was smoking related. I don't think that it serves the country well, and this is an editorial opinion here, to be showing someone smoking a cigarette. And you're the front runner now. And it seems to me that as front runner, you have a responsibility not to take that kind of a tone. I would suggest that as the front runner that you would want to raise the level of the campaign."
But here's where Bob Schieffer's age might be getting the best of him. He asks Cain if he's going to take the ad down, to which Cain replies, "It's on the Internet." Schieffer clearly doesn't get what that means because he follows up with, "Why don't you take it off the Internet?" Cain tells him, "It's impossible to do now." He's right about that. If you ever want something to last for eternity, put it on the Internet. That stuff is never going anywhere. That Schieffer would even ask that question makes me wonder about how much he knows about the Internet. He must be a 'series of tubes' guy.
Schieffer asked, "Have you ever thought of just saying to young people, 'Don't smoke. 400,000 people in America die every year from smoking related diseases'?" (How would that even work? "Hi. I'm Herman Cain. I'm running for President and smoking is bad for you. Please vote!)It's not an anti-smoking PSA, Bob! It's a...well...OK, I'm not sure exactly what it is. But it isn't about smoking! Get over it. Maybe he was just trying to be edgy. Personally, I think that he was just doing something to get more people talking about him and to get more name recognition for himself. It worked. He was on Face the Nation with Bob Schieffer chastising him. Mission accomplished.
Look, I despise smoking. I find it absolutely disgusting. It will kill you and it could possibly kill those around you. It also makes you stink and makes me not want to be around you. (It also makes me not want to do anything else with you. Just sayin'.) There is nothing about smoking that is good or ok in moderation. We all know that. It's just all bad. That being said, it's freaking legal. It's as legal as can be. Yet there is nothing more ostracizing in parts of this country than smoking. I'd really like it if there could be some sort of consistency in this area. If it's going to be legal, then let's act like it's legal. But I digress.
And not that it matters what his campaign manager (or whatever that guy's role is) does or doesn't do, but I will hand it to them for at least acknowledging that people smoke. You know, President Barry smokes. Last I heard he had done pretty well with quitting, but you might not know that because they did such a good job covering up the fact that he smokes in the first place. Does Bob Schieffer ever get on President Barry's case for his smoking? Does Bob Schieffer ever tell President Barry what to say to the masses about smoking? I don't think that he does. But for some reason, he wants Herman Cain to run some sort of anti-smoking campaign. It's odd. (Well, not really. The media has been President Barry's bitch since before he was elected. It's a wonder that anything is reported accurately, given their complete adoration for the man.)
Cain told Schieffer "This wasn't intended to send any subliminal signal what so ever." Yeah, I don't know so much about that. It could send one subliminal signal. And that would be that he's just blowing smoke up everyone's ass. Or in their face. (I don't know how you browse the Internet, but from what I gather, either one of those could be correct.) I don't know if he's serious about being President or not, but he is serious about getting his name out there and amassing some recognition. You can't say that he hasn't accomplished that. He certainly has. And if he does end up being the nominee or the President, I have the feeling that we're going to be seeing a whole lot more smoke in a whole lot more commercials in the future.
You know who Herman Cain is, right? He's that Republican dude that everyone seems to like and who is doing quite well in the polls. He's not exactly running a conventional campaign, nor is he putting out conventional ads. Look at this thing he's running. It's different. (If you're pressed for time, just go to 0:41 and watch from there. That's really the part that got my attention.)
See that? What's with the smoking at the end? Is that guy trying to look like a badass? I thought this country was anti-smoking. Has that changed? Are we pro-smoking now? 'Cause I was kind of liking it without all of the smoke. And I don't know about that sideways smile that he gives there at the very end. It's a little creepy. It kind of has a little bit of "You'll never find the bodies" look to it. He might want to work on that.
All rightee now. Perhaps Jon Huntsman had the right idea when he went about making an innocuous campaign video. (At least, I think it was a campaign video. There are still a few days left and in the latest one that I saw, that little dude was still riding his motocross bike through the desert, so I'm not totally positive.) At least he didn't make a video like the one I'm about to show you. Holy crappings. And let me just tell you that while there are a lot of things out there that people are shouting are racist, almost none of them actually are. But this video? I think it might be just a little racist. And by "a little", I mean I think it totally is.
The video is made by something called Turn Right USA. According to their website, their mission is "...to expose and lampoon the typical politico’s microscopic brain through cutting-edge viral videos with guts and humor!" OK. I'm good with that. I like humor! I like cutting-edge! But that doesn't mean that we see those two things in the same way. In fact, I'm pretty sure that we see them in a totally different manner altogether. Turn Right USA decided to make an attack ad against a one Janice Hahn. She appears to be a Los Angeles Councilwoman. The ad alleges that she hired "...hard core gang members with taxpayer money to be gang intervention specialists." The ad also alleges that "She even helped them get out of jail so they could rape and kill again." That seems kind of unlikely, but I'm still listening. After those allegations, the ad takes a turn to a place that you just shouldn't go. It shows a scantily clad woman who seems to resemble Ms. Hahn walk up to a stripper pole. That's when the rapping black guys emerge.
That's right. Rapping black guys. They're supposed to be the thugs that allegedly worked with Ms. Hahn. And they rap a catchy a little tune. It goes like this: "Give me your cash, bitch, so we can shoot up the street. Give me your cash, bitch, so we can buy some more heat." And these rapper thug guys with their guns are imposed over the fake Ms. Hahn on the stripper pole who is shaking her buttocks rapidly as the gentlemen place dollar bills in her panties. It's a class act. Watch: (And if it doesn't show,click here.)
Impressive, eh? Am I saying that they shouldn't be allowed to air that piece of s***? Of course not. I'm a big proponent of free speech. But there are some things that are just in poor taste and I think that is one of them. Were all of the thugs that she allegedly let out of prison black men? Or is that just how the ad wants to portray the black men? I don't get it. It's weird. Granted, I would like to know a little bit more about this program that she allegedly instituted by working with gang members and allegedly getting them out of jail. It seems to be something that, if she was involved in it, people should probably know about. But do they need to find out about it by portraying her as an agile cheeked stripper with thug customers. (I really wish that when people portray strippers that are getting a lot of money that they show them with more than a few ones strategically tucked into their outfits. You people can't throw a five spot in there?) It's in poor taste. I'm pretty sure it's at least a little racist. And if she hasn't actually ever been a stripper, I'm pretty sure that it's a little sexist as well. I'm actually at a loss as to what to say about this. It's just wrong, is what it is. Hopefully Turn Right USA will navigate itself into a dead end and this will be the last of this crap that we have to deal with from them.
Sorry for yesterday's post being super uber late. I haven't felt all that great in the last couple of days. (I don't like to say that I'm sick or getting sick because I don't like to be sick. I figure if I just avoid that terminology, everything will be fine. Try it yourself! Though you should probably be warned that it doesn't really work. Like, at all.)
So, I'm going to keep in line with the theme of Super Bowl commercials. (What? One day does not a theme make? You try feeling like I do and then saying that. Trust me. One day does a theme make!) Bud Light always seems to win when it comes to most amusing Super Bowl ads. And again, I'm not just referring to the ones that make it on the air. I have another favorite that came no where close to being aired and it is hilarious as well. It kind of has a similar theme to the Swear Jar commercial. (See?! Bud Light thought that one of something could make for a theme! I don't see why I can't.) If it worked for them, it's going to work for me. (I hope to be back in tiptop form shortly. I've been doing this every day for three years. I can't stop now! It might be some sort of Internet record!) Behold!
It's less than a week until the Super Bowl. And that means less than a week to some awesome commercials. Granted, they're not as good as they used to be. But there's usually at least one or two that will really stand out for years to come. And those that do stand out? Well, we can usually thank Bud Light for those. In fact, some of the best Super Bowl commercials (in my never to be humble opinion) are the ones that never aired. But, thanks to the accessibility of the Innerwebs and the YouTube, now they are available every day, all the time! How great is that? Pretty great, that is correct. And allow me to demonstrate just how pretty great it is with probably what is my all time favorite, never aired on TV, Bud Light ad. They call it, humbly enough, The Swear Jar. Enjoy it, you effers.
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