Friday, December 4, 2009

It's Not An Egg

It's been a while since we've had God or Jesus show up on a grilled cheese sandwich or in the back of someone's pickup truck. Not literally, of course. I'm referring to those folks that pour their Cheerios into their bowl in the morning and they go to take that first bite and look down to see those toasty O's looking like the Son of God. Next thing you know, the local TV stations are involved and people are getting ready to bid on the damn thing on eBay. So since there hasn't been a Jesus-in-an-object sighting lately, it's only fitting that there would be one around holiday time. After all, it's Jesus's birthday that's coming up. Perhaps he'd like to stop by and drop some hints for what he's like, you know?

Actually, this time it wasn't Jesus that showed up either. No, this time, some cuckoo birds from Texas claim that one of their chickens (yes, their chickens!) laid an egg (yes, an egg!) that had a cross on it (yes, a cross!). Now, listen, it might be a cross. That's hard to deny. But I'm not so certain about the whole "egg" part. Behold!

See what I mean? That IS a cross, but I don't know if that IS an egg. Here's the story according to CBS-2 in Chicago: It seems that in the town of Burleson, Texas (that's about 13 miles south of Fort Worth, in case you give a crap) a one Tracy and a one Pam Norrell have a small farm with some chickens. Every day, they do what people that own chickens do. That's right. The people go out and steal the chickens unborn children right out from under their arse so that they can make themselves some grub. Doesn't sound so tasty and delicious when I put it that way, now does it?

But one day, the Norrell's claim that one of their chickens laid an egg with a cross on it. According to those CBS-2 folks, "...this egg isn't smooth and a very noticeable cross is indented on the top." And according to those Norrell folks, this egg "...was laid 'straight from heaven' and is a message of encouragement that comes at the right time." What now?

You'd think that the folks that actually owned the chickens would know that the egg didn't come "straight from heaven" but rather, straight from the chicken's butt. They're not amateurs; why would they think that? And what sort of encouragement is it to have a deformed looking egg like that? I'm not so sure that it's very encouraging at all! Hey, your chickens are are going start laying funky looking eggs! Feel encouraged? No? Think about it some more and get back to me. Maybe then?

Pam Norrell claims that "This time of the year, we get so taken up with the presents and money and we forget about the reason. I think He (God) was just telling us he is the reason for the season." Eggs? Eggs are the reason for the season? I don't think so. Now if that chicken was laying fully wrapped presents? Well, that would be something! THAT would be the reason for the season! Gift giving! And what a gift that would be? (Think that chicken has a Playstation3 up there? That's what I'm hoping for this year!)

I'm not buying this one. First of all, that's not looking like any egg I've ever seen before. It barely looks like an egg at all. Secondly, that cross is just a little too well defined. I don't know a lot about the formation of an eggshell inside of a chicken, but I think I know enough to know that this is highly unlikely. Now, I realize that you might be thinking that the news people who went over there and did a little filming of this story for the news might have been able to tell if it was a real egg or not. I don't think that they would have because they keep referring to the cross on the egg as being 'indented'. The cross does not appear to be 'indented', it appears to be raised or embossed or not indented. Thus, I don't know if they'd know their arse from a hole in the ground, so I'm certainly not leaving this egg identifying business up to them either.

The lady seems very nice. Not very sensible and not the dangerous kind of crazy, but crazy none the less. She calls herself a farmer, yet she appears to have slightly purple hair. I've known farmers. I've never known any purple haired farmers, though. That doesn't mean they don't exist, I'm just saying. But nice or not, purple hair or not, egg or not, it wasn't sent from God. It was sent from that chicken IF it's an egg AT ALL (which I doubt that it is). But hey, if it comforts her to think that God is sending her messages from inside of a chicken's butt, good for her. Everyone needs comfort. And if she can find some sucker on eBay to pay a few grand for a fake God-send egg with a cross not indented on it, more power to her. The video of the news story is below. You can take a gander at that and decide what you think (but if you think it's an egg, I'm telling you, it's not).

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