Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Confirmed Bimbo Number Eight!

I said I'd let you know when I knew! And I know! Well, I know what others are telling me. Others in this case would be The Huffington Post. And they are saying that one of the previously unconfirmed women that Tiger Woods was sleeping with has been identified. And said identification has now upped the total that we're looking at to eleven. (Come on, Tiger! Four more and my guess is dead on! Come on, whores! Come out, come out, wherever you are!)

See, yesterdays roll call of hussies had the number pegged at 10 (but with sadly only 9 spots on my Brady Bunch-esque pictorial scorecard). Today's bimbette is in addition to the throngs mentioned yesterday. So we're still waiting for another pancake house waitress, a Brit and an elderly woman to step forward. But while we're waiting, we can feast our eyes and our waning disbelief on this woman, a one Joslyn James. Behold!

Holy canoli, that's a lot of women. Hey, Tiger. What is it with you and women with the first and last initials of J. Jaimee Grubbs, Jamie Jungers and now Joslyn James. Though of the three double sets of J's, I'm going to have to go with James winning the raunchy contest (if one were being held, of course). She's top ho, that's for sure.

I found a profile/biography/resume for Ms. James over at the LH Talent Casting website. I'm guessing, just judging from the pictures of Ms. James, that the LH stands for "Lotsa Hoes". By the way, that site is SO NSFWAA (Not Safe For Work AT ALL), you might want to make sure that there are no small children nearby when you're checking it out. I know you're going to. Don't lie.

I, personally, have a hard time getting past the heading that says "Seymore Butts Light House Talent Casting". It's certainly not false advertising. You're definitely going to Seymore Butts on that site than you would over here, that's for sure. The woman has a very large set of breasticles implanted. I'm not sure what they implanted, but from the looks of it, I'm guessing cantaloupes. Good Lord, ma'am. Most folks carry business cards.

The resume at the casting agency lists the sort of work that Ms. James is available for. Let's just say that it includes everything except for bestiality. Anything else she seems to be game for. And while I'll agree that most of the time it's a good idea to cast a wide net and expand your horizons in the employment industry, what say if you're a whore, you narrow down that net just a bit, OK sweetheart? OK, then.

Tiger's whores are getting trashier and trashier as this tale drags itself out longer and longer. Again, we're still just limited to this continent. Once the stories start hitting the British papers and his bimbos over there begin to get wind of the amount of money the other whores were paid to tell their story, they're going to start talking in those fabulously accented voices of theirs rather quickly. I guarantee it. If at least one Brit is linked to Tiger, I will guarantee that at the very least, two more will come out of the woodwork and show off their fake breasts.

I've started playing a little game with all of this. I call it "How Many Whores By Morning?" I chose morning rather than at the end of the day because I figured that the women would be rising on the whore-izon. By the time I get up every morning, how many more whores will have come forward and say that they fornicated like crazed mammals with the aforementioned adulterer, Tiger Woods? Because you realize that's what's happened. Almost every day, a new woman surfaces. It's almost unbelievable. And that leads me into my question.

HOW on earth were THIS MANY women able to have kept quiet or been kept quiet for so long? Seriously. They didn't figure that they could have sold their story before now? I don't understand that at all. Was he paying them off to be quiet? Did they all think that they were the only one and when they found out that they were so NOT the only one that they acted out as the scorned ho and told all to the highest bidder? WHY hasn't this happened before the circle of whores became so large and widespread (sort of like all of their legs)? I'm open to theories. Please post them because I'm out of guesses.

Stay tuned for the next round of whores to come out of the woodwork. I'll also take guesses on how long it will be before Tiger finds himself sitting on Oprah's couch, begging for forgiveness and trying to explain his animalistic desire to uncontrollably mate with anything that moves.

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Leona said...

you know, there's lots of anonymous' posting junk lately.

Anyways, I think you hit it on the head. They all thought they were special and he was "staying for the kids" but really loved her. Especially the one that was with him for 30 months, etc.

Once they found out he was a horn-dog they wanted to get as much as they could out of it. Publicity, money, whatever blows there hair back.

Mare said...

I just cannot believe that with the caliber of women (no offense to those sort of women who were not sleeping with Tiger Woods...if there are any) that it was able to go on for SO long. 30 months? And not a peep to the media until THIS? Forget being a pro golfer; maybe he should work for the CIA!

Thanks for reading!

~ Mare

Gerard said...

Real whores keep their mouth shut.
True story.

A real whore never divulges the identity of any of her clients,that's PAGE ONE in the whore handbook!

It's one of their qualities,one of the many reasons married guys use them,for a whore to f**k and tell,would be to forever put off any potential future clients who have partners.

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