Sunday, December 13, 2009

Corporate Sponsor Fallout For Cheating Golfers


So...Tiger Woods. Yeah, the days of his annual multi-million dollar endorsement deals are over. Over. Done. Dead. The end. But I was doing some thinking (gimme a break, it's not like it was deep thinking or anything; it's Tiger Woods, for cryin' out loud) and I was kind of wondering if maybe some of Tiger's endorsements could have been saved in spite of the fact that he's a cheating slimeball. I'm guessing probably not. But then again, you have to wonder if they didn't have the slogans that they have, if they would have been able to stick with Tiger Woods. Being a cheating infidelious individual is one thing, but having people be subliminally reminded of it through your own inadvertent choice of a marketing slogan is probably another. I'm just saying.

Take AT&T. Their slogan is "Your world. Delivered." Now I don't think that they've cut Tiger loose just yet, so his fate with them is still up in the air. But since it has come out in the past couple of days via the Daily News that he used an "escort service" (Translation: front for prostitution) and that "...Woods would drop $30,000 to $40,000 a weekend for his liaisons and that he met up with the women in cities where he was playing tournaments." Huh. Sounds like "his world" included hookers. Sounds like those hookers were "delivered". Yeah, um, "Your world. Delivered." is not such a good idea in light of those circumstances. It's just not.
I don't think it will take much explaining on my part for you to understand why Gatorade has backed away from Tiger. Their slogan is "Is it in you?" Um....are you asking the girls that he slept with? Clearly, that's a yes. And clearly, that's not someone that you can have representing you if that's your tag line.


Speaking of tags, there's the Swiss watch maker, Tag Heuer (pronounce that however you'd like, as I have yet to hear two people agree on how you say it). Tag Heuer's slogan is "What are you made of?" I believe I already covered this in a previous post, but I'm going to stick with the response I gave them and reiterate that I believe the answer is "Chlamydia."

Remember, that Tiger has now been linked to pricey hookers. In the above linked article in the Daily News, a one Michelle Braun, the high priced Hollywood madam who orchestrated all of these sexual shenanigans said, "She's a stunning girl...(in reference to a one alleged escort/hooker Loredana Jolie)...He went out with her four or five times. She took part in group sex. They met up in 2006 or early 2007. I'd say he paid $15,000 for her." Revelations such as that make it difficult for a company like Gillette with a slogan "The best a man can get" to continue to do business with Tiger.


Another one of Gillette's slogans with a Tiger endorsed product, the Gillette Fusion, was "Be your best today." If he had just listened to those razor folks, he wouldn't be in this mess. In order to keep him on board, they'd have to change that slogan to "Don't cheat on your wife one day."

Let's not forget the ridiculously obvious example of this with the Nike people. Since, um, a long time ago (I'm too tired to reference it properly right now), Nike has gone with the slogan "Just do it". It seems Mr. Woods took that slogan just a little bit too literally. Just do it. Just do her. Just do them. What say you "Just stop it"? OK?

Electronic Arts has a Tiger Woods video game that seems to be quite popular. Hard to say what they're going to do. Their sports game division, EA Sports, uses the slogan "Get in the game." If "the game" is the one where you pretend that you're faithful to your wife but you're really not and instead you're running around with every two-bit trollop that you can find, then they might stick with him for brand recognition and such. Other than that, it's too soon to tell what they'll do.
Apparently, Tiger was also endorsed by a company called Accenture. Their slogan has the same sort of a problem that the AT&T slogan had. (Well, the same sort of "problem" that you get when you unknowingly hire a pitchman that can't keep his unit in his pants for more than a minute when he's away from his wife. Those sort of problems.) Their slogan is "High performance. Delivered."

So there we have seven sponsors with unfortunate slogans when it comes to unfaithful scumbag husbands as a spokesman. There's nothing wrong with the slogans in and of themselves. It's just the pairing with the cheating weasel that makes it laughable. Things could have been worse though. They certainly could have been more widespread. For example, Tiger would have lost all of the following endorsements if he was really endorsing them:

AT&T (about ten years ago): Reach out and touch someone. (He did just that! Over. And over. And over.)


Burger King: Have it your way. (He did that, too! He was married AND he had his multitude of bimbos on the side!)


KFC: Finger lickin' good. (Speaks for itself, doesn't it?)


Bounty: The quicker picker upper. (He's only been married for barely five years. He picked up several other women quite quickly, from what I can tell.)

Yellow Pages: Let your fingers do the walking. (In his case, they would have done the walking and the texting. And say...those fingers down there do look like legs. All the more reason that sort of a pairing would have ended in disaster.)

Clairol: Does she or doesn't she? (Granted, I find it highly unlikely that Tiger Woods would ever endorse or be represented by Clairol, but maybe this is one for any of his several mistresses)

Timex: It takes a licking and keeps on ticking! (You know, there probably isn't a watch slogan out there that wouldn't have sounded bad under these circumstances.)

Esso (back in 1964): Put a tiger in your tank. (Um, so far, at least twelve women already have!)


But if there's one company out there that has a slogan that would work well with Tiger and his current ongoing fiasco of a life and sham of a marriage, it would have to be Morton Salt and their slogan "When it rains, it pours!"

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