If there was a new reality show called "Real Asshats of Washington, DC", Tareq and Michaele Salahi would be the stars. As you may or may not choose to be familiar with them, Tareq and Micheale were the two jokers who thought it amusing to weasel their way into the State Dinner at the White House last week. Don't get me wrong, this is a story that is more about lackadaisical job performance at the Secret Service and more about national security than it is whether or not these two did anything wrong by sneaking in. By FAR the story is more about how this could have been allowed to happen rather than the two assclowns who pulled it off.
But if you were ever looking for a walking definition of media whores, these two would fit that bill. Holy crap, they've been photographed with just about every celebrity you can think of. Not to mention the fact that they seemed to have pushed their bodies up against almost every politician out there that you've had to hear about. Here they are at some dinner with crooked Congressman Charlie Rangel. Of course, as seems to be their way, they weren't invited to that dinner either and were booted. Could the security folks at that function give an inservice to the Secret Service please?
Now, even though the Salahis had been shopping their story for a mere $500,000, they continued their tradition of lying about everything and denied that was the case. As if to prove that they would never stoop so low as to demand a half million they appeared on the Today show with the incredibly well built Matt Lauer. Right out of the gate, Matt asked them if they were being paid for this interview and they denied it. I'm sure that it will come out later if they had been paid in some way for the interview, but considering they only did the one show, I'm guessing that they either were actually paid or actually expect to be paid or will be be paid for a future interview. (That's probably how they got around it, actually. They do this one for free, that way they can say that they weren't paid for this interview, then they do the other one and that question isn't asked and they do get paid. Weasely, weasely. But taking another look at shirtless Matt Lauer over there, I'm good with his weaselness. As long as he keeps his shirt off, he can join the Ku Klux Klan for all I care.)
Now, I've included the full video of their interview below, but I just want to hit upon the highlights. First of all, it's come to my attention that Tareq, he's the dude, is three years younger than Michaele! HOW is that possible?! On top of THAT, Wikipedia (take it for what it's worth) lists him as being three years younger than her. Um, really? And on top of THAT, they list him as being only 41!! Wow. Someone did not age well.
Not Good At Lying Tareq Salahi: "Well, what we're going to do...we're definitely going to work with the Secret Service and um, you know, and our, and, uh,uh, and you know, between Michaele and I, um, to really shed light on this, and we're going to be coming up to New York, sitting on your couch. We're going to show you, uh, documentation, um, uh, from emails that, uh, you know, that you'll get a chance to see."
What? I'm sorry, I must have gotten distracted or something because I completely missed the part of your response where you either said "yes" or "no". It WAS a "yes or no" question, after all. What does sitting on Matt Lauer's couch have to do with anything?
Super Hot When He's Shirtless Matt Lauer: "Who invited you?" (Here's where it gets good.)
Still Bad At Lying Tareq Salahi: "Well, you know, Matt, um, one of the things that we're doing is, um, we're working closely with the Secret Service and their, uh, internal investigation..."
Still Equally Bad At Lying Michaele Salahi: "Respect everything they do..."
Continuing to Lie Poorly Tareq Salahi: "We're respecting their timeline and..."
Still Butting In And Lying Michaele Salahi: "And what they need to do." (Nodding assertively (the classic sign of a liar who can't answer the question, "Who da heck invited y'all?")
Trying To Get A Lying Word In Edgewise Tareq Salahi: "...and we're working on that timeline. We want to get through that process. Uh, we've been very candid, uh, with them. We've turned over, uh, documentation to them, um, and, uh, will continue to work with!...uh, the US Secret Service completely, um all the way through this process."
Agreeable And Equally Clueless Tareq Talahi: Very saddened to see that.
Super Hot When He's Shirtless Matt Lauer: "Why devastated?"
Really Believing People Are Buying This Crap Michaele Talahi: "Shocked. Devastated. Um, we knew, um the facts, that with time, you know, our side of the story and everything will be heard and right now it's just, um, been really unbearable to go through."
Super Hot When He's Shirtless Matt Lauer: "Do you feel as if you've been mischaracterized in the media?"
Trying To Appear The Pathetic Victim Tareq Talahi: "No question. Unfortunately we've been mischaracterized through the media. and our homes have been invaded and it's been devastating to Michaele and I..."
Playing Up The Poor Me Facade Michaele Talahi: "Our lives have been destroyed."
Following His Wife's Lead Tareq Talahi: "Our lives have really been destroyed."
Not Trusting Her Husband To Handle This One Michaele Talahi: "Everything we've worked for, Matt. Um, for me....44 years. Just...destroyed."
Um, destroyed? Destroyed how? You're on the Today show with super hot Matt Lauer. Destroyed? Because you were called a "party crasher"? THAT is destructive material right there? I don't think it is. I'll tell you what else I think. I think if you're going to consider your life "devastated" because someone called you a "party crasher", you're going to need to toughen up a little bit. If that "devastates" you, you're so damn soft it's a wonder you can stand upright without collapsing into a ball of mush. Spare me. Devastated. Someone left me a comment here about a month ago and called me a complete idiot. Was I devastated? Hardly. I found it to be hil-arious.
Whoops. I take that back. The video is NOT below because whenever I try to embed the thing with the code that I copy from over there at MSNBC, it gives me a clip to The Rachel Maddow Show. I have nothing against Rachel Maddow, but she's not Matt Lauer interviewing the Salahis. So you can go to the Today show website (provided at that lovely link right there) and watch it that way. Sorry for the inconvenience, but don't blame me or Rachel Maddow. And for God's sake, don't blame Matt Lauer either. We need to keep him happy and shirtless from time to time. It's not his fault!