If You're Not Lying, You Don't Plead The Fifth

The last time we heard from White House State Dinner crashers Michaele and Tareq Salahi (otherwise known as "really bad liars"), they were giving an interview to very hot Matt Lauer and vehemently stating that they had been invited to that dinner and that they had emails and all sorts of compelling evidence that would prove those assertions. Tareq even stated that he was looking forward to sitting on Matt's couch (who wouldn't look forward to that?!) and really telling him everything that he had deemed to be couch-worthy. Well, it's looking like they're going to get their chance to clear things up, as they've been subpoenaed to appear before a Congressional hearing to discuss the matter. Oh, but wait. Matt Lauer isn't going to be there. Maybe that's why they're saying that they're going to plead the fifth. Wait. What now?

That's right. These two dimwits, the same dimwits who couldn't wait to show everyone their emails that purported their invitation to the State dinner, are going to take the fifth. The fifth as in invoking their rights under the Fifth Amendment of the US Constitution. That's the amendment that basically gives every individual immunity from having to testify against themselves in a criminal trial. A criminal trial? Granted, there are plenty of criminals in Congress, but that doesn't make a Congressional hearing a criminal trial does it? No, it does not. So, then...how can...why are....what the what?

Probably the instance that you are most likely to have heard of this sort of thing happening was when Colonel Oliver North took the fifth when he was testifying before Congress about whether or not he destroyed documents during the whole Iran-Contra debacle. Colonel North claimed that he refused to answer on the grounds that his answers would incriminate him for obstruction of justice. Now wait a minute.

If you're telling someone that you're not going to answer their questions because it could incriminate you for something, aren't you basically admitting guilt? I think that you are! It's like if you have your mouth full of cookies and someone asks you if you're eating cookies and you mumble out that you're not going to tell them because if you do, they will think that you're eating cookies...when you are eating cookies! What is wrong with these people?

This is, technically speaking and that being based solely on their previous lies, what they've been waiting for. This is their chance to shine! This is their chance to explain how they were, of course, invited to that dinner. It's their chance to explain and prove, once and for all, that they would not do something so audacious (as Michaele Salahi put it when speaking to the super hot Matt Lauer) as to barge into a White House State Dinner uninvited. The nerve of such a heathen who would attempt such a thing! Yeah, whatever. If they're ever going to write a book about this sort of stuff, instead of The Audacity of Hope, they should call it The Audacity of Dopes. What a couple of maroons.

According to a statement that I found over there on MSNBC.com, on December 7, the Salahis made the following statement: "I am aware of statements made by certain members on the Committee on Homeland Security in which premature conclusions concerning my criminal liability have been made. ... The current circumstances warrant invocation of my Fifth Amendment privilege against self-incrimination."

According to their attorney (who had better be working pro bono on this one, because he's never going to see a cent from these two grifters), a one Stephen Best, some of these conclusions included those made by District of Columbia Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton when she stated her characterization of the Salahis on Nov. 30 as "practiced con artists." Best also cited the chief oversight counsel of Chairman Bennie Thompson as telling "...the Salahis' lawyers that if the couple did not testify at the Dec. 3 hearing, they would be viewed as modern-day versions of "Bonnie and Clyde." I see. Seems like a reasonable thing to say. It also seems like something that, if it were not true, that one would be chomping at the bit whilst they waited to be able to explain and clear everything up. That's not what's happening here. Odd, isn't it? Uh, no. Not really.

Let's take a look at what the Fifth Amendment actually says, shall we? Mind you, I'm not saying that they can't invoke their rights at the Congressional hearing. They can, but I don't understand why when I read the context and the content of the Amendment that they're hiding behind. The Fifth Amendment reads as follows:

"No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation."

They're not being held to answer for a capital or infamous crime. They're not being asked to testify before a Grand Jury. There's no Militia involved. There isn't double jeopardy (or Alex Trebek) involved. This isn't a criminal case. Deprivation of life, liberty or property isn't occurring. Private property has not been taken from them. So how in the heck does this apply to Congressional hearings? "I don't know" is my answer. But somehow (please see the earlier reference to Colonel Oliver North) it's allowed.

By the way, so far, so good in the department of not paying these nimrods to appear on any talk shows. That's gone remarkably better than I had anticipated. So far there's just been the one appearance on The Today Show, but that seems to have been swung through some sort of a contract that the Salahis were already under with Bravo (which is owned by NBC, which airs Today), so they had to talk with them. But other than that, nothing. And thank God for that otherwise, like I had alluded to in a prior post, every day life would have turned into an episode of Jackass with morons from near and far, from hither and yon, trying to pull off a stunt like this.

The only hurdle left to get over for the temporary salvation of humanity is whether or not Michaele Salahi will end up being cast on The Real Housewives of Washington, D.C. If she gets a gig on there, it's over. We're done. Goodbye, sweet America. It will be over if she gets that deal. Do the right thing, Bravo. Don't do it. Don't give every other grifter couple (or solo grifters) in this country any sort of ammunition for their own ego as to why they should start trying to do things that could endanger the life of our President or other elected officials. Granted, there are some elected officials who should fear for their own safety, grifters or not. There are some despicable human beings in lawmaking. But they shouldn't have to fear that two dipshoots are going to be able to make it through security and shake their hands or, in the case of Joe Biden, hump their leg. No one wants an unauthorized, breach of security, leg humpin'. No one.

And in my last slam on the Salahis (during this post, of course. Please! You should know me better than to not expect future slams!), I'd like to point out something. Here are the Salahis. Behold!

And here is super hot Matt Lauer. Behold!

Mr. Lauer is 10 years older than Mr. Salahi and 7 years older than Mrs. Salahi. Not the other way around. Super hot Matt Lauer is older than those two. Wow. Nice job, Matt. As far as the not-aging-well Salahis, perhaps stop trying to weasel your way into State dinners and do something respectable with your lives. Nothing accelerates the aging like being a lying weasel. Clearly.

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Hot When He's Shirtless Matt Lauer's Tell Nothing Interview

If there was a new reality show called "Real Asshats of Washington, DC", Tareq and Michaele Salahi would be the stars. As you may or may not choose to be familiar with them, Tareq and Micheale were the two jokers who thought it amusing to weasel their way into the State Dinner at the White House last week. Don't get me wrong, this is a story that is more about lackadaisical job performance at the Secret Service and more about national security than it is whether or not these two did anything wrong by sneaking in. By FAR the story is more about how this could have been allowed to happen rather than the two assclowns who pulled it off.

But if you were ever looking for a walking definition of media whores, these two would fit that bill. Holy crap, they've been photographed with just about every celebrity you can think of. Not to mention the fact that they seemed to have pushed their bodies up against almost every politician out there that you've had to hear about. Here they are at some dinner with crooked Congressman Charlie Rangel. Of course, as seems to be their way, they weren't invited to that dinner either and were booted. Could the security folks at that function give an inservice to the Secret Service please?

Now, even though the Salahis had been shopping their story for a mere $500,000, they continued their tradition of lying about everything and denied that was the case. As if to prove that they would never stoop so low as to demand a half million they appeared on the Today show with the incredibly well built Matt Lauer. Right out of the gate, Matt asked them if they were being paid for this interview and they denied it. I'm sure that it will come out later if they had been paid in some way for the interview, but considering they only did the one show, I'm guessing that they either were actually paid or actually expect to be paid or will be be paid for a future interview. (That's probably how they got around it, actually. They do this one for free, that way they can say that they weren't paid for this interview, then they do the other one and that question isn't asked and they do get paid. Weasely, weasely. But taking another look at shirtless Matt Lauer over there, I'm good with his weaselness. As long as he keeps his shirt off, he can join the Ku Klux Klan for all I care.)

Now, I've included the full video of their interview below, but I just want to hit upon the highlights. First of all, it's come to my attention that Tareq, he's the dude, is three years younger than Michaele! HOW is that possible?! On top of THAT, Wikipedia (take it for what it's worth) lists him as being three years younger than her. Um, really? And on top of THAT, they list him as being only 41!! Wow. Someone did not age well.

Lauer read them part of a statement from Pentagon official Michelle Jones which stated: "I did not state at any time, or imply that I had tickets for ANY portion of the evening's events. I specifically stated that they did not have tickets and in fact that I did not have the authority to authorize attendance, admittance or access to any part of the evening's activities. Even though I informed them of this, they still decided to come." Hmm. Seems pretty straightforward to me. Seems like Matt should have a pretty easy question based upon that statement.

Super Hot When He's Shirtless Matt Lauer: "Do you disagree with what Michelle Jones says in that statement?"

And now I trust that Mr. Salahi will have a pretty easy answer based upon that question.

Not Good At Lying Tareq Salahi: "Well, what we're going to do...we're definitely going to work with the Secret Service and um, you know, and our, and, uh,uh, and you know, between Michaele and I, um, to really shed light on this, and we're going to be coming up to New York, sitting on your couch. We're going to show you, uh, documentation, um, uh, from emails that, uh, you know, that you'll get a chance to see."

What? I'm sorry, I must have gotten distracted or something because I completely missed the part of your response where you either said "yes" or "no". It WAS a "yes or no" question, after all. What does sitting on Matt Lauer's couch have to do with anything?

I also enjoyed this bit of the interview:

Equally Bad At Lying Michaele Salahi: "We were invited, not crashers, and there isn't anyone who would have the audacity or the poor behavior to do that. No one would do that, and certainly not us." Um, this is America. We thrive on audacity. Have you not met America?

Super Hot When He's Shirtless Matt Lauer: "Who invited you?" (Here's where it gets good.)

Still Bad At Lying Tareq Salahi: "Well, you know, Matt, um, one of the things that we're doing is, um, we're working closely with the Secret Service and their, uh, internal investigation..."

Still Equally Bad At Lying Michaele Salahi: "Respect everything they do..."

Continuing to Lie Poorly Tareq Salahi: "We're respecting their timeline and..."

Still Butting In And Lying Michaele Salahi: "And what they need to do." (Nodding assertively (the classic sign of a liar who can't answer the question, "Who da heck invited y'all?")

Trying To Get A Lying Word In Edgewise Tareq Salahi: "...and we're working on that timeline. We want to get through that process. Uh, we've been very candid, uh, with them. We've turned over, uh, documentation to them, um, and, uh, will continue to work with!...uh, the US Secret Service completely, um all the way through this process."

Um, what? You know, I can remember when I was little and someone would be having a birthday party and they'd send out invitations. (I was forced to socialize back then.) If I was asked by my Mom or my Dad or anyone "Who invited you?" to the party, I'd be able to whip out my little invitation (usually with some cute little doggie or kitty on it, though I doubt the White House has doggies and/or kitties on their State Dinner invites, but I guess you never know, what with the new administration and all) and tell them who invited me. I wouldn't be sitting there and start spinning some yarn about how I'm working closely with the parents of my friends and respecting their timeline and showing them documents (which may or may not contain a doggie or a kitty) and working my way through their process. No, I'd just show them the damn invite and retreat to my room.

Clearly these folks are liars. They busted their way past the Secret Service security and managed to shake hands with President Barry. We (the United States "we") are lucky that these folks weren't the violent kind of crazy (as opposed to the sedate kind of crazy that they actually are) and went after President Barry's jugular with a salad fork or something.

It seems that Matt needed to set the scene for these guys to act all butthurt and stuff so that they'll really look like morons when it comes out how badly they were lying, so he led into that realm with: "You wake up to the headlines that say 'White House party crashers'. What was your reaction when you saw the headlines?"

Clueless Michaele Talahi: Devastated.

Agreeable And Equally Clueless Tareq Talahi: Very saddened to see that.

Super Hot When He's Shirtless Matt Lauer: "Why devastated?"

Really Believing People Are Buying This Crap Michaele Talahi: "Shocked. Devastated. Um, we knew, um the facts, that with time, you know, our side of the story and everything will be heard and right now it's just, um, been really unbearable to go through."

Super Hot When He's Shirtless Matt Lauer: "Do you feel as if you've been mischaracterized in the media?"

Trying To Appear The Pathetic Victim Tareq Talahi: "No question. Unfortunately we've been mischaracterized through the media. and our homes have been invaded and it's been devastating to Michaele and I..."

Playing Up The Poor Me Facade Michaele Talahi: "Our lives have been destroyed."

Following His Wife's Lead Tareq Talahi: "Our lives have really been destroyed."

Not Trusting Her Husband To Handle This One Michaele Talahi: "Everything we've worked for, Matt. Um, for me....44 years. Just...destroyed."

Um, destroyed? Destroyed how? You're on the Today show with super hot Matt Lauer. Destroyed? Because you were called a "party crasher"? THAT is destructive material right there? I don't think it is. I'll tell you what else I think. I think if you're going to consider your life "devastated" because someone called you a "party crasher", you're going to need to toughen up a little bit. If that "devastates" you, you're so damn soft it's a wonder you can stand upright without collapsing into a ball of mush. Spare me. Devastated. Someone left me a comment here about a month ago and called me a complete idiot. Was I devastated? Hardly. I found it to be hil-arious.

These people are Class A morons. There is no way that they had a legitimate invite to that wing ding and they know it. I don't know what they're hoping to accomplish by going on national TV and lying about it. Whatever it was though, I guarantee it will backfire on them. They have just put themselves under the microscope that is the modern day cable media. Whatever they have in their past or in the current lives will be coming out shortly. Then their lives might be destroyed. Now? Not so much. Give it time, though. They'll set the stage to have their lives destroyed soon enough.

The video of the devastated morons with the destroyed lives is below. Enjoy.

Whoops. I take that back. The video is NOT below because whenever I try to embed the thing with the code that I copy from over there at MSNBC, it gives me a clip to The Rachel Maddow Show. I have nothing against Rachel Maddow, but she's not Matt Lauer interviewing the Salahis. So you can go to the Today show website (provided at that lovely link right there) and watch it that way. Sorry for the inconvenience, but don't blame me or Rachel Maddow. And for God's sake, don't blame Matt Lauer either. We need to keep him happy and shirtless from time to time. It's not his fault!

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