"You sure do like to tailgate people... Right, because it's real important you show up to the nothing you have to do on time."
"The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain't spitting it out."
"Oh please, you practically invented lazy. People should have to call you and ask for the rights to lazy before they use it."
"Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that."
"No. Tell 'em we're not doing Christmas dinner at a casino...Don't be an ass about it, but tell them why it's a f*cking stupid idea."
Yeah, they're going to need to do a little editing over there at CBS before that sucker hits the air, but I still think it will be awesome. I will definitely give that sitcom at least one look. They'd better not screw it up. That man is a gold mine. Does he have health insurance? Get him some, Justin. Now.