Monday, November 30, 2009


Doomed! That's what we are. Doomed! We are now at the mercy of TV network and cable executives to do the right thing in order to prevent every day life from turning into a potential reality show stunt. That isn't the sort of scenario I was prepared for. Invasion by those from a foreign land? Sure. The bullying pulpit of religious extremists? Absolutely. But how can one prepare to hope that someone who it notoriously known for doing the opposite of the right thing to do the right thing at a time when it's needed most? No one can prepare for that.

Here's the story: By now, you have inevitably heard of a one Michaele Salahi and a one Tareq Salahi. (You can pronounce those any way you'd like, I'm not going to stop you.) They are the couple who inexplicably were able to attend President Barry's State Dinner without an invite or without being on the guest list. That's right. They crashed the White House dinner party. Normally, I am in favor of various stunts which expose the incompetency of various organizations. But in a stunt that had the potential to make the phrase "President Nancy Pelosi" a reality, I'm not so impressed.

See, these two jokers didn't just crash the party. They shook hands with President Barry. They were right next to that other guy, what's his name? Right. Vice President Biden. They were right there with President Barry and Joey Veep. (I'm still working on a catchy nickname for Joe Biden. So far I've ruled out Veepy Joe, but bear with me. It could take a while.) Now, I don't know much about anthrax or any of those other biological weapons, but if they were using their sneaky powers for evil instead of asshattery, couldn't they have very easily anthraxed ol' President Barry and that Joe guy right there on the spot? I think they could have! And then where would we be? That's right! President Nancy Pelosi. God help us all. (You want to be scared even more than that? You know who is FOURTH in line for the Presidency? That's right. Robert Byrd! The barely conscious, semi-aware, 182-year old Robert Byrd! Good Lord...)

How these two ass clowns were able to make in into the party is inexplicable. It is completely without splick. Oh, and how did the world find out about it? Do you think that the Secret Service realized their own mistake on their own? No, of course not. The world found out about it because these two ass clowns posted the photos on freaking Facebook, for cryin' out loud! See, this Michaele Salahi, yeah, she is auditioning for the Bravo reality show The Real Housewives of DC. Shocking, I know. I guess that having "White House Gate Crasher" on your resume is a plus in that situation? I can't imagine.

Of course, initially the Secret Service denied that it was a problem and according to a one Ed Donovan, a spokesman for the Secret Service, "It's important to note that they went through all the security screenings - the magnetometer screening - just like all the other guests did...And, Obama and others under Secret Service protection had their usual security details with them at the dinner." Um, what now? Clearly they did not go through all of the security screenings, otherwise the one that showed that they weren't on the list would have prevented this! And it's good to know that President Barry and others had their security detail with them during this security breach and still had no idea what was going on. HOW does that help the situation to tell us that?! It doesn't seem to!

Since then, the Secret Service has retracted their audacity and admitted that they blew it. According to the huffy folks over there at The Huffington Post, "Director Mark Sullivan told the AP that his agency failed to verify whether the couple was invited to the party and expressed his deep concern and embarrassment. He went on to say that measures have been taken to ensure this will not happen again." There are also being criminal charges considered against the pair.

Now, I can't say that I support them being charged criminally. After all, they were allowed in. That's hardly trespassing. If you go to someone's house and they open the door and you say, "Can I come in?" and they say, "You betcha" (I'm apparently envisioning Sarah Palin's house in this example) are you trespassing? I don't think you are. The Secret Service might be annoyed with these folks, but they hardly have grounds for a case. And that's and opinion coming from someone who is not a lawyer, doesn't play one on TV and didn't even stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. I have watched a lot of Law and Order, however.

I am SO dying to know what they said to get in. I am also SO afraid it's going to be something like, "Yuh-HUH! We are SO invited to this, dude!"

But back to the doom. What do you think these assclowns are doing now? That's right, they're preparing to make the rounds on the talk show circuit. Oh, but they're not satisfied with just having their faces on TV for ten minutes. No, they want to be paid an amount of money that is rumored to be mid six figures. These guys want $500,000 at least to appear on talk shows. Are you kidding me?

Do you see the dilemma? These network execs are going to want this interview. People are going to be pissed off if they pay them that much for it. But I guarantee you, someone will. Some sleazy network out there is going to do it. And when they do, be prepared for the onslaught of gate crashers at every public event that every public official is attending. Real life will be turned into an episode of Jackass.

I can understand wanting the interview, but seriously, what do you think that you're going to learn from an interview that the public doesn't already know? I can't imagine anything. If currently they are considering criminal charges, I highly doubt that the lawyers that these folks have hired (and don't kid yourself; they have plenty of lawyers on this one) are going to allow them to speak about anything that anyone wants to know. If they haven't already explained what it was that they said to get into the Presidential wing-ding, I don't know that they're going to be talking about it on some national TV show. I can see them sitting there and talking about things that we already know, but I cannot fathom how they could have any new information to share with us that their lawyers would allow.

Any network that pays these sleazebags a dime for what they did is simply encouraging breaching national security for monetary profit. And seriously, do you really think that your little interview with these two is going to propel your ratings into the next stratosphere? I can't imagine that it would. I can't imagine that paying $500,000+ for an interview would net you a profit that would make it worth it. It's just economically impossible.

Anyone who says that this was just a "harmless prank" is a moron. It's only a "harmless prank" because nothing happened, you moron. The potential for disaster was HUGE. I mean HUGE. Must I say it again? President Nancy Pelosi. God help us....

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